Who is Looking After Your Children?

"Statistics show that the effects of sexual abuse can prove to be traumatic to a child and lead to serious mental problems during adolescence and adulthood. It’s important to mention that most kids who were abused grow up to become abusers and dysfunctional themselves in some way, shape, or form. Please protect our children. They are our future."

Above quote is the second blogger I subscribe to who has mentioned a child abuse video circulating, (who even made that video?) and while I do not want to think about it, I know child sexual abuse by minders of whatever age is real. Blogger Neetah is a doctor, and has worked with dysfunctional families who have experienced child abuse, sexual or emotional, and has the following pointers to help adults to be more vigilant and supportive of the children in their care. You can read the full post on her blog;

1)      Handsome, rich men molest children. Beautiful, talented women molest children. Ordinary people you laugh with every day molest children. Family members molest children. Church members molest children. Parents or siblings molest children. Hired helps and neighbors molest children.  Married people molest children. You simply cannot tell a child sexual predator by looking. (But do pay attention to your instincts, which see deeper than a person’s surface appearance). Most child molesters are known and liked by others and they cultivate certain relationships in order to gain access to children. Whether or not a person twangs your intuition, observe the person closely and don’t let him/her have your child alone until you’re satisfied they are completely safe. Talk to others about them. Find out all you can.

2)      A child molester may hug and cuddle your child in healthy ways right in front of you and your child doesn’t resist or fuss. This doesn’t mean nothing’s happening. Molesters themselves say that they deliberately do this so that your child, the victim, thinks you approve of the way the molester touches them. A child assumes his parents know what’s going on, so when the molester hugs him in front of you and you’re fine with that, the child thinks you’re OK with what happens in private too.

Touch of Spice by Nicole Bassey

Who says Nigerians don't read or cannot write about sex? With my two romance novels dominating the most-read books chart on the Worldreader Book App, they wanted more. Therefore, Naijastories.com is co-ordinating a writing contest for Worldreader to acquire steamy love stories written for an African audience. The story below is one of the 35 submissions received and you can enjoy more of the Touch of Spice series and Vote your favorite on the NS Polls Page.

Touch of Spice by Nicole Bassey - Rating - 18+

Keseima added a touch of spice to the pot of goat meat pepper-soup. She tasted it and smiled to herself, her mother-in-law would love it. She brought it off the fire and put a small pot of rice on, the smoke brought tears to her eyes but she bore it bravely. It could have been worse as her late husband Udeme used to say…. Udeme, the name brought bittersweet memories to mind. She remembered their first kiss, their coded jokes and their second honeymoon. He was so strong, so kind, and so thoughtful. She had thought it would last forever until that fateful Saturday three years ago. He was driving down from Port-Harcourt to see her at Uyo where she was doing a post graduate program in nursing. A group of nomadic cattlemen lost control of their herd, they ran across the road and a petrol tanker rammed into them. Udeme was two cars behind but all that remained of him was charred broken bones.

They tried to hide the news from her but it was only a matter of time. She wept uncontrollably for months and sometimes felt she was losing her mind. Three years later she still missed him but she knew he was gone for good. Her mother-in-law said it was time she considered settling down again as she was not getting younger. She knew that but it was not that easy.

At thirty-two she looked several years younger. She was 5foot 8inches tall with a full 40D sized bust, a narrow 26 inch waist and a generous backside. Her beniseed brown skin was smooth and shiny. Her face was oval shaped framing large luminous eyes that made grown men turn babies. She was a beautiful woman. Her friends made jokes about her being made on a Friday night; hence the extra care and exceptional good looks.

Debate Tuesday - Are Women Really Woe To Men?

I don't know that the Debate Tuedsay will become regular again but it's been a while we had one of them, so this is a throwback. Ladies, now don't be distracted by Will Smith as you read the text beside him. Yes, I saw I am Legend, and yes, it is true what the synopsis on the poster below says, but come on!

Some men will blame women for all and everything, including the fact that they cannot spell their names. It must be a woman's fault somehow. What say ye? Male perspectives will be much appreciated.

Seattle Rain Spoils My View of a Solar Eclipse

Last weekend was another reason to rail against the poor weather in this side of the country. While most of the other places on the West Coast were enjoying views of the solar eclipse that happened on Sunday, the rain and clouds over Seattle ruled that out for us. I've been looking forward to the eclipse for a while now, and was very hopeful since we had excellent weather most of last week.

AP Photo/Houston Chronicle, Johnny Hanson

That bright run ended on Saturday and the whole of Sunday was all bleh. And to think we actually drove several miles to see if we could catch it in another part of the county. It got dark for a while but the clouds were just too thick. Well, thank God for pictures and video. Did anyone else manage to catch this?

So, When Are You Two Going To Get Married?

No, no, I'm not asking you that. I was only imagining that's the question Mark Zuckerberg and his wife, then girlfriend, had to answer a lot of the time. They dated for over nine years, and for a lot of people in America, that is a loongg time, longer than some marriages. In Nigeria, where overly long dating/courtship/engagements are not really encouraged, I can imagine the question would be even more common to long term but unmarried couples.

When two people are exclusive with each other for a long time, and are open to others about their relationship, those around them begin to mark time for them. People assume the lady is wasting her time and chances with other men, plus her biological clock is ticking. Others think the man is using her, and will dump her when he finds who/what he really wants.

Many believe they are sleeping together, and for those who think that way, this devalues the worth of the woman in the man's eyes, after all, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. I certainly do not subscribe to this way of seeing things. Then again, is there some sense behind societies' disapproval of long dating/courtship/engagement periods?

According to those who have studied these things, two years is the optimal time to date and get to know each other. These researchers say this gives enough time for those in a relationship to really get a fix on each other's personalities and stuff like how people react under stress. However, I don't think time is the only factor, and may not even be a determinant, at all. A couple can date for 3 months and within that period, one loses his job, or develops a health problem, something traumatic that they're able to overcome together. This will certainly bond them closer.

Facebook Founder, Mark Zuckerberg Updates Status to Married

There are several relationship statuses on Facebook. There's single, there's it's complicated, there's in a relationship, and there's married. Mark Zuckerberg, changed his own status from In a relationship to Married just this evening and it's got everyone buzzing. There are almost half a million likes to the update which came with the picture below.

But isn't that why it is called Facebook? It is the social networking site to allows us to indulge our ego, voyeurism, or paranoia as the case may be. You have to update every detail of your life with a picture, and now there's a timeline to make sure everything is in chronological order. Talk about nerds and techies, but hey, we fall in love and get married too, and the latest is Mark Zuckerberg :)

Hidden Ville - An Upcoming Comic Series

About a couple of months ago, one of my favorite bloggers, Mike's Frequency, contacted me to discuss his recent project. A friend of his who is an artist, Korede Awofuwa, had started a cartoon blog and Mike wanted me to check it out. I liked what I saw and Mike said I should expect a cartoon version of my FB profile. Below is the outcome of that discussion.

Since then, Mike and Korede have gone ahead to set up a full scale comic seies. Korede is the author of ‘Be the Difference’, he studied Electrical and Electronics Engineering at Covenant University where his love for the paintbrush grew amidst waves of complex circuits and theorems.

Korede has recently launched his company Koryarts Ventures, an artistic company that renders art services such as graphic designs, album cover artworks, drawings, paintings, handmade cards and photography works. He is launching the first product of Koryarts, a comic series titled ‘HIDDEN VILLE’ with the help of a team of creative individuals.

Oko Mi by Ju Spice - Romance Meets Music

Oko Mi is Yoruba for ‘My Husband’ and is Ju Spice's first single. The song is dedicated to all husbands and men that will be man enough to tie the knot. As well as the heart-felt lyrics, I love the traditional elements in the song and which also infuses into the video - simple and sweet. Enjoy and have a lovely weekend.

"Ju Spice is a Contemporary Soul singer whose earthy music has a blend of High Life, Juju, Hip-Hop and R&B. Married and blessed with a kid and with another on the way, she is a Gospel minister and presently the Music Director of Church Reloaded, Warri." Bellanaija.com

The First Year of Marriage - Two Becomes One?

I read a thread on Nairaland sharing on the first year of marriage and it surprised me how even though most people's marriages are different, in some cases, you see yourself in the midst of many. It was also interesting that a lot of unmarried peeps reading commented that it was a very useful topic for them because they didn't really know much about marriage or what to expect. Who really does?

This got me thinking, and one day I'll share a full post on my own first year. Suffice to say that I equally asked myself at least once, are you sure? The answer by the time the night was done always came back positive. 

Anyway, I was mostly nodding as I read, lots of familiarizing sex, some wow, some not so great. Some clashes of personality as iron tried to sharpen iron, some intensely beautiful moments that even words cannot describe, the long, lazy days, the days you miss your family so much, you cry. Then add to that being in a new place, trying to make new friends, find your feet, re-organize your goals and accept changes, physically, mentally and emotionally, it is a trying period for me, I tell you.

However, I'll not trade those memories for any thing. There's just this thing about marriage that either brings out the best or the worst in you, and when you go into it with the right mindset and the right person, it matures you like nothing else. Some of the responses on the NL thread included the following;

Love in Bloom is Sweet Romance

For the past few days, it's been all sunshine and flowers over here. The rain is staying away and the sun is bathing everything in sweet warmth that is just hits the spot, not too hot yet. It gives me this light feeling inside and on our plenty walks I want to stop and smell the flowers or pluck some to put in my hair.

Love is definitely in bloom in this corner of my world and it is just the perfect time for this giveaway. Featuring Lighthearted/Contemporary Young Adult and Sweet/Clean Adult Romance, the hop hosted by I Am A Reader, Not A Writer and Portrait of a Book.

I really enjoyed reading the following book after winning it in a giveaway and want to share the love. I will be giving away a copy of Found in Translation by Roger Bruner and his daughter Kristi Rae Bruner.