Please how can i get my husband to love kissing and engage in it. I love kissing and its one thing that turns me on for love making. I practically compels him to kiss me every time and we only manage to lip-lock for about 30 secs or less. We've talked about it several times through the years( been married for 11+ yrs) and no improvement. No amount of touching lubricates me like kissing.
Once in a while he succumbs, and it brings me on and we have a very good love making. Can i really do anything about it or is it absolutely an african thing of our men not liking kissing? Am talking about kissing in the privacy of our room. Thanks
>>>This request came in on the Is it our culture to kiss post, and Hannah gave such a fantastic response that I just had to publish here too. Please read on and share your own tips and suggestions too.
It's not an African man thing, especially in this generation, like Myne said. I think it's now more of an individual thing. Personally, although I love kissing, I'm not a great fan of PDA, but since my husband is, I've learnt to kiss in public and block out everyone else. I think he's toned it down a bit, too, so it's more of a win-win thing. However, I did witness my parents kiss on a couple of occasions, especially after periods of absence like a trip or something, and it was a chaste peck on the lips, no lip-locking.
Fastforward a few years after my mom's death, and I was witnessing my dad remarrying a much younger woman. It wasn't written into the programme, but she reminded the officiating minister about the "You may kiss the bride" part. Honestly, the kiss was the motor-rotor type- even I wanted to sink through the floor in embarrassment! And my dad is a clergyman, so you can imagine the. That kiss put even laymen to shame. I think she would have gone on, but if I remember rightly, he was the one who pushed her away gently. Whew! Well, I guess that was when I knew that he had it in him...and I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, heh-heh. :)
If you've talked to your husband again and again, I don't know what else you can do...except to keep emphasizing it. I also think you should initiate kissing outside the bedroom. If he's made to see how important it is to you, there's hope! I believe he's a reasonable man and he'll come around.
This response is so on point. Initiating the kissing outside the bedroom and outside the context of sex. Let it be one of your habits, a peck here, a peck there, and he'll become more used to it. Also, she should ask her husband HOW he wants to be kissed, maybe he prefers it soft, with little nips and sucks, rather than aggressive or vice versa.
What do you think?
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It might be more than a kissing issue.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to find out from him, what it is that prevents him from engaging in intimate kissing. (Ask nicely, at a good time, when both of you are relaxed, and there is time to share details about eachother)
After 11 years, i think you should let it go and focus on what other things you both like and enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI disagree! This is about a man pleasuring his wife. If the tables were turned the marriage would be in trouble by now. Heck, he would even be considering a side affair by now, if not already engaged in one. It's about time we (humans) come to understand that sexual pleasure is not one-sided and a woman has sexual pleasures too. If kissing is what gets her going and her man's desire is to please her, he will do the kissing. (I don't even know why I'm writing this and laughing so loud.)
DeleteSeriously, I feel bad for this woman who is being sexually short-changed by her husband. She doesn't need us telling her to suck it up because things haven't changed in 11 years.
sexually short changed???? Because he doesn't kiss???? I laugh as well ..
DeleteYes, sexually short changed. The woman said this is one thing that turns her on for lovemaking so basically, she's not that much turned on unless he kisses her. If you don't call that being short-changed, oh well...everyone and what rocks their boat. Keep laughing...
DeleteI agree with Anna oh, people get pleasure from different things, hers happens to be kissing. the idea is for both parties to attain pleasure. its unfair for the man to get what he wants while she doesnt- for 11 years!! haba!!
DeleteIf it's inside your bedroom, then you need to work out a way to favour both of you. Take it a step at a time.
ReplyDeleteLike Myne and Hannah said, dont make kissing all about sex. Kiss him sometimes on the cheek, head, peck on the lips, display you affection by kissing, and hopefully it will translate to the bedroom too.
ReplyDeleteI would ask him what the real reason behind why he doesn't like to kiss. There has to be something. Find out exactly what it is and work through it.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I learnt a bit from the response from the lady in Myne's post. I guess it's just not something he's used to but 11 years though? hmm...
ReplyDeleteHehehe.....He might just not like kissing. I can't say I'm a huge fan of kissing. Infact, the husband would hv to get me to like it. My experience with kissing wasn't all that,kinda slobbery,so..... Oh...and I never had sex before.
ReplyDeleteI love kissing, I think it's more intimate and is my favorite foreplay activity. I hope the lady is able to get her husband to understand. The tips given are the same I would suggest.
ReplyDeleteI've also been married for 10 yrs. And I'm having the exact same problem. I've discussed it with my hubby so many times but there's no change. We hug in public a lot, but don't kiss. But he never leaves the house without giving me a kiss on the check or lips, most times I ask for it. During sex however, never. In the last 2 yrs I've given up. I think about it smtimes and I feel cheated smtimes bcuz it ends up sex is just 10 mins in and out and bcuz I don't want to start a fight by mentioning it, I've sort of given up. He once told me however, and in his defense (because he is a good husband) that it makes him ejaculate too quickly. There r many issues I have with sex, he undresses me too quickly, every thing is just quick and over before I know and I keep hoping the next time will b better. I've kind of like just quit. So, u can see why d title attracted me. I really would like to know what to do. The suggestions don't look like they will help me much.
ReplyDeleteChai, there is God o.
Delete