Dear Myne, I have being dating this man for more than 5yrs now and he has not proposed. I was about to enter university when we met, he already had his business then, about 7 years older than me. After I wrote JAMB, I moved to the another country, but my boyfriend visited often and would always come to see me where I was, like 8 times in a year. When I finished my degree, I thot of going back home because I love him and we have dated for so long. I thot maybe he would ask me to marry him.
I stayed for 1 year and he didn't ask me, worse, I couldn't get a job! To pressure him to make a move, and also to get some money since I was broke, I lied to him dat I was pregnant. I'm sorry I did that but I needed the money for something important as I was planning to return to the UK. Instead of proposing like I really hoped, he gave me money to have abortion. I was disappointed and told him, but I took the money and returned to my base. I was thinking that was the end of us.
After a month here, he called and then came to see me. I love this guy, he's been there for me all this while and it doesn't hurt that he is very rich. I am ready to get married, but it's like he's not. If pregnancy won't get him, and after dating for over 5 years, I don't know how else to get him to ask me to marry him. Or should I tell him to let me go? Please help me!
This was my response;
But why would you want to force a man to marry you when he doesn't seem to be on the same page with you. If you love him, tell him plainly and ask to define the relationship. If you guys cannot agree, please break it off with him and move on with your life, you will find another person who likes you and who you can love too. Please while money makes life easier, it should not be your first consideration.
Please share your own thoughts.
I agree with u Myne. She should sit him down&talk to know what's up so she can move on with her life.
ReplyDeleteSome women have power o. 5years? What really have you guys been talking about and doing all that period? And you seem scared to come upfront and ask him what it is. I agree with Myne. Instead of wishing and hoping, find out what's up, where it's leading to.
ReplyDeletepls just move on, if he gave you money for abortion then he sees no future with you. are you even sure he isnt already married? shine eye wella wella
ReplyDeletemy thoughts exactly
DeleteYup.... I agree with doll....
Deletekai are you a learner?
ReplyDeleteHe is a married man
ReplyDeleteI thought of this too. It's very possible. You should find out if he is and Save yourself the stress.
DeleteYou have only really said that "you love him". But does he love you? "He's been there for you and wealthy", that's not really love. So asides this two, what other things about him is there for you to say that's why you love him. You told him you were disappointed, then what did he say?
ReplyDeleteMy dear, try and use your head and not your feelings at all. It can be hard mostly when you say "it's over", but he keeps coming back, not to be a better person, but just coming back to imprison you to be his.
You really have to be smart and use your head. Don't let him use you to warm his bed and feel like a man. If he likes it, let him put a ring on it or let you go. He should choose. Be assertive. God be with you.
Ha!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely on the same page with Myne....
i agree with you myne
ReplyDeletenice blog
She needs to define the relationship with him. She needs to ask him what he wants and she should stop assuming. Assumptions get nowhere. How can a man who claims he loves her, tells her to abort the child. Even if he is not ready to get married, he should be happy that they would have a child (love child) together.
ReplyDeleteTo be candid, she should work out of that relationship. They are not on same page. Thanks
www.orabellaa.blogspot.com
oh dear, wake up and red the handwriting on the wall. He does not want to marry you. For a guy to give you money for abortion, it means that he is either married or he intends playing with you for as long as it lasts.
ReplyDeletePlease don't fall for the money as it can be so distracting and the next thing, you will be considered too old for marriage.
Myne, it is difficult to find this blog on the internet via mobile phone but easier on laptop/ PC since you changed the web address. Google it or your name on your phone. Any easier way? Sorry for posting this here.
ReplyDeleteI have been having the same problems too, even using the search on this site is not working yet. In time everything would be sorted out. For now, go to www.romancemeetslife.com?m=1 and bookmark it, or depending on your phone, save to home. Hope that helps. Thanks for reading.
Deletewow. the guy has other plans. i really think you should ask him and know exactly where you stand. The abortion part isn't encouraging. He could use that against you later in the future.
ReplyDeleteThis guy is most likely married, if he is not then he has no plans for the lady in his future.
ReplyDeleteBlessings.....
ReplyDeleteYou know what is strikingly sad is that she (women) thinks it is up to him (men) to determine where the relationship will go and how it will proceed/if it would proceed. That is the first act of self-erasure and self-destruction.
Frankly, she needs to decide what she wants out of life, how she sees her life and with whom and if they are not on the same page then she has some decisions to make and it is not up to him. Clearly he is not ready and is quite comfortable with the way things are and she based on reading is clearly not. She has to know and understand her worth as a woman and the value in what she has to offer and not allow his reluctance/resistance to equate her value/worth. Trapping a man with a child is equivalent to trapping oneself and an innocent being into a dysfunctional reality of self-negation and neglect as that child will be a symbol of the noose around his neck birthing resentment and rejection.
His reluctance/resistance has nothing to do with her and everything to do with him however it is impactful to her because she is in a relationship with him, hence the importance of knowing ones worth. He has plans for himself and she is not much of a consideration because he is seeking to make his existence such as it is comfortable and easy with little complication and not be saddled with what he feels is a burden to himself, lifestyle and finances; namely her, her insistence on marriage and children.
This sistah needs to wake up and smell the reality she has been living for the past 5 years because he is not that into her, she needs to rise up and choose herself, take a page from his book and learn to value herself the way he obviously values himself. Look at how he has chosen; he has selected a woman that would allow him to do as he please with little to no impact to him, his direction and plans to the detriment of her, her self-esteem, self-worth and dignity. It is so because she allows it, she is afraid of making that choice, of letting go, of being alone for a brief time in order to bring to her the man she rightly deserves. She needs to embrace the fact that this man may not be THE man for her and there is one who will put her first and see her worth and rise to the occasion..
This sistah needs to rise up and be, have the courage to live! And stop selling herself short and washing her dignity down the drain to cleave to a man that does not see her. She needs to leave that man alone. If he comes to the realization that she is the one and she is still available then perhaps she can choose to walk that road again with specific conditions in place until then she needs to move on, live life, respect and love herself enough to want more for herself and not be used as the IN THE MEAN TIME woman until the one he truly want comes along and he leaves her standing in the dust of what use to be.
This was my first thought too;"he's just not that into her". Thankfully you have stated everything far more eloquently than I ever could. I truly hope she take your wise words to heart.
DeleteI can hug you right now for this comment. So on point! You really should start a 'Dear Rhapsody' column :-)
Delete@ Rhapsody - GBAM!!!
ReplyDeleteI'd say she needs to have a frank discussion with him.
ReplyDelete"Honey, we've been together for 5 years now, and you know that I love you. Where do you see our relationship going? Do you have a plan for us?"
So long a letter @ Rhapsody...way to go.I absolutely concur wt everything uve said tho.I hope she listens
ReplyDeletewell done myne, your opinion is cool. she should open up to the guy because time waits for no lady. the earlier she knows the direction of the relationship the better
ReplyDelete