My last relationship did not end very well. He left the country without telling me and decided to stay there. He basically broke up with me on the phone. This was over a year ago, and thank God its over though cos I always doubted his honesty. I met someone else after that and we are recently engaged but I need you to please help me ask your readers for their opinion on the issue with his mom.
He's God fearing, loves me very much but.
1. He talks to his mom at least 30 mins every day.
2.He insists that we live just 15mins from his parents house.
3. He wants us to attend their Church but I have kept my foot down to say no way.
A part of me feels like she'd intrude and poke her nose in our marriage a lot. Do I bring it up with him? I don't want to have to fight for his attention. Help please. Thanks.
PS - She's nice but quite controlling. Already dictating what kind of dress I'm allowed to wear and insisting on her wedding vendors. Its my wedding and she's already taking over. Im scared that if I don't mention it to my fiance now it will continue in marriage.
I believe you already know the answer to your question
ReplyDeleteRUN
ReplyDelete#datisall!
DeleteYou need to lay the law in regards to his mum interfering in your relationship now because if you don't an complain later he will tell you that you never complained before why now. And if she starts interfering in your relationship find a way to idiomatically and respectfully tell her off and stand your ground good thing you put your fot down in regards to the church matter let it be that way. The moment you start compromising with her and alloowing her to interfere then there will be three of you in that marriage. She needs to know and see that you are capable of dealing with her so she wouldn't even dare try any nonsense but then this will only work if you are marrying for love and not desperate. Because if you are desperate to get married everything else will go out the window in the name of pleasing mumsy so she won't convince her son not to marry you. You can out your foot down, disagree with someone and still do it respectfully and diplomatically find your style.
ReplyDeleteChei see autocorrect oh! Its "diplomatically not idiomatically, foot not fot pexcuse the typos guys typing on my phone
DeleteNow,babe,do'nt set urself up for failure.fighting for his attention?smh.lets see,what happens now is an indication of what will obtain in the future.so,does his calling his mum seem like obssession to u?does d mum take advantage of this and thus manipulate her son?inshort,has she or is she presently poking her nose in ur relationship?
ReplyDeleteI've got 3 brother's and my eldest calls our mum like every hour,but she knows her place and never forces her opinions on him,or any of us.
One advice though,do'nt force ur partner to change,u'll be blamed for many things as it is...sorry for rambling on.
She calls him Like 5 times a day. I'm not exaggerating. Sometimes it even more. Even when he's going to see her a few hours later. She even complains that i don't call her everyday ( My Job involves a lot of travelling so i can be in 5 different locations in just one week). Even my Mom jokingly mentioned to her that she's learnt to give me advise and allow me make my decision cause of my personality to avoid friction. My own Mother told her that and she took offence. Is that a red alert?
DeleteIt's really a red alert. You have to tell her son and make sure he understands your personality too so he can act as a buffer with his mother. And if you know you can't deal with it, better to bail out now before the marriage gon gon.
Deleteok, thanks
DeleteHow long have you been dating this guy? Don't be so quick to start worrying because na we women sometimes give ourselves headache over nothing. What if this woman is nice and would be of help to you? Watch her first before you bring it up.
ReplyDeleteShe's very nice. Won't lie about that but I have noticed that she controls her daughter who is married. She's all up in their business. Mommy said this, Mommy said that. Even her son-in-law acts scared of her
DeleteDamn!Sounds like my aunt.The interfering woman has wrecked her daughter's marriage(even though daughter was like 40 when she married and had a 10 year old outside wedlock).Even insults the daughter that she's too old to bear a child and that her periods mean nothing.She has been trying really hard to break up her son's and other daughter's marriages but the daughter has a solid marriage and the son just lets mummy dearest control him like she does her first daughter.How mean is that?
DeleteHi Poster,
ReplyDeleteI speak with my mother everyday for a minimum of 30minutes and so does my brother who is married. The reason we have such a close knit relationship with her is: 1) Her love language is quality time (You may read Gary Chapman's The 5 love languages for indepth understanding if you \re not familiar with the love languages) and 2) We've been through so much together as a family and she made a lot of life sacrifices for us to become who we are today .
....On a rainy day several month ago, I was driving slowly along a road with murky waters to avoid splashing water on pedestrians. A few minutes later, to my greatest annoyance, someone drove past me in a flash and splashed dirty water on a woman and her 2 children who were still in their school uniform at 8pm. I don't know their story, but it brought flash back memories of my childhood and all we went through growing up and I thought to myself, Fast forward to the next 25 years, one "stranger" (Which in this case is you) comes along, her son proposes and wedding plans commence and that stranger somewhere along the line passes a comment complaining that he talks to her everyday? Haba...
The long and short of my epistle is that you should look for ways through wisdom and understanding to handle the issue of living 15 mins away from her (You didn;t mention her dad at all) and all other issues that may arise . Don't fight with her or him about it. Communicate on the reasons behind his choices - Let him explain and you share your fears with him lovingly and I'm sure you will learn to work as a team.
All the best dear
Well I think you should observe him a little more. Also observe his mum's attitude before you jump to conclusions. Things may not actually be the way it seems. I'm close to my mum, married and live just five minutes drive from her. I made that decision myself, my mum had nothing to do with it.
ReplyDeleteHowever, she does not in any way interfere in my relationship with my wife AT ALL. As a matter of fact, they are best of friends, such that most people that don't know us always think that I am the in-law, while my wife is the biological daughter.
So please, check them out well before you jump to conclusions.
@ Mrs O, so a wife is now a stranger? It's people like you who make life difficult for a married woman. I'm married to a first son, whose father nearly abandoned his mother because she didn't have a son on time. The bond they share is so strong. I noticed it at first brought it up with my then fiancée but was told she won't interfere. Fast forward wedding period she was angry I didn't follow her advice on what style of gown and hair. Three months after wedding she insisted on coming to spend holiday with us. My advice would be that the writer ask herself if she can cope with her MIL because she won't change. If she,can't now is the right time to bail out.
ReplyDeleteLol Anon, you need to clean the tears from your eyes and read Mrs O's full comment again and not in part. Doesn't look like she said a wife was a stranger.
Delete