Dear Myne - His Hot and Cold Attitude Confuses Me

I love your posts Myne. There's this guy, i met him sometime ago but my problem is, he isn't consistent. We have gone out once and after that, the chats and calls stopped for a long time. Whenever i go to his work place cos he works in a bank near my office, i ignore him and get down to business with the tellers but immediately i leave, he calls me and gets all sober on the phone as though i'm not interested in him. I feel he's the ladies man as every lady who walks into his banking hall wants his number and i also feel he doesn't know what he wants either cos whenever he remembers to contact me, he tells me that i feel i'm too good for him.

One day, i decided to call him, my thoughts were; i had not been fair enough to him and i really need to drop my uptight attitude. When we spoke, he said i'm aggressive and i fight against my emotions. He said i'm head over heels in-love with him or perhaps in a deep crush but maybe too shy to express my feelings....( of course i'm not, i just think he's a very presentable guy who could be what i want in a husband in the near future)

Whenever i go to the bank where he works, i'm usually in the company of a friend and he complained that i tell her everything about him. He also made mention of the fact that i'm so close to some Nigerian celebrities due to the nature of my work thus, i have no time for a 'broke guy' like himself.

Please Help Amaka Munonye Get Her Children Back-1

Before you start reading, let me warn that this is a long story, and if you do not read to the end, you may not fully get it. Amaka Munonye is a Nigerian resident in BC, Canada and in the process of getting a divorce from her Ghanaian husband. At this stage, all you read are from her side of the story. Their case is in court and she is afraid that if she keeps silent, she may lose custody of her children. She has shared the following story on her blog and I've been asked to help publicize it. If you know anyway to help, please do, or leave a comment in a respectful manner. Beyond that, I believe this is a story many women stand to learn a lot from. Thanks.

*Names have been initialed to protect third party privacy.

Dear everyone,

I am writing you this letter because I need to be heard. I have been the prisoner of a horrible man for almost fifteen years now. I have been trying to get away from him practically since I met him, and even more so in the past four years. He has taken over my life, and now taken my children away, and I am at a loss for what to do. I do not want to be forced into making any rash decision that would impact my kids forever, and I certainly do not want to end up in jail, as my children need me to raise them; but I really am desperate, and I am at my absolute wits end. I do not know what else to do. I have decided to make a public appeal. Maybe someone will hear me and come to my help, because I really need help. The Canadian justice system has failed me many times, and even now, continues to fail me. I am hoping and praying that someone out there will come and rescue my children and me.

My name is Amaka and I work in Medical Laboratory Science. I am a BCIT Alumnus. I am also the mother of two fantastic children, a nine year old boy and a seven year old girl.

Women who Motivate #4 - Funmi Iyanda

Olufunmilola Aduke Iyanda (born 27 July 1971), better known as Funmi Iyanda, is an award-winning broadcaster, journalist, columnist and blogger. She produced and hosted Nigeria’s most popular and authoritative talk show New Dawn with Funmi, which aired on the national network for over eight years.

Funmi is the CEO of Ignite Media, a content-driven media organization operating out of Lagos. In 2011, she was honoured as a Young Global Leader (YGL) by the World Economic Forum and was recently named one of Forbes 20 Youngest Power Women in Africa.

Flower Girl - A Review by Joy Isi Bewaji

Rushing to the cinema to catch Flight or Life of Pi or Silver-lining Notebook, Flower Girl happened to me. I had caught a glimpse of the activities of the movie on blogs and websites, but with the on-going burst of colour in the entertainment/fashion industry with many a red-carpet gigs, many new artistes/new singles this-and-that, it all becomes a blur in my head. So yes, I was standing at the cinema counter and I was told that Flower Girl was the only movie showing at the time. I was bored, the sun was hot, whatever it turned out to be, I was sure it’ll be better than driving in bad traffic under the sun.

Love is a desperate thing- at least that’s what I get from Michelle Bello’s Flower Girl. A sunburst Damilola Adegbite is in love with her boyfriend, Chris Attoh- a rather frosty guy with no bone of excitement in him. She on the other hand, is a ball of enthusiasm waiting to explode! A florist who spends all her time day-dreaming of her wedding day, with the help of an eccentric friend, they both wallow in the thought of when and how she (Damilola) will finally be proposed to.

The question burns her tongue, so she asks her boyfriend. Frankly, he’d rather be mowing the grass at CMS than be bothered about settling down, but he is not the kind of guy to burst a lady’s dream with harsh truths, so he explains to her that money is a key factor. Then rumours of a promotion hit her eardrums later on. Aha! Promotion suggests more money, and more money means she can finally get her boyfriend to propose! The florist cannot wait! After all these years supplying beautiful fresh flowers for weddings, hers is about to come true.

My Top 11 Relationship Posts of 2012

Today I'm sharing my top 11 relationship posts of 2012. Some of them are my personal favorites, from how to know when you're in love, love languages, how to express love to your wife, ho to get your African husband kissing and more. For my readers from long time, enjoy the stroll down memory lane. For newer reader, thanks for joining us, and stick around.

1. L is for Love - Wait a minute though, what is love? How will you describe love? Is it a feeling or an action? Is it to love or to be in love? Can one do without love? A cool love or a fast love? Which is the better love? Find the answers here.

2. How to Show Nigerian Love - Our love is not of short-lived flowers and long meaningless walks in the park. As a person dedicated to your hustle, I have undertaken to provide wisdom that will protect you from falling into such heresies. This was written by Elnathan John.

3. How to get my husband to love kissing - Please how can i get my husband to love kissing and engage in it. I love kissing and its one thing that turns me on for love making. I practically compels him to kiss me every time and we only manage to lip-lock for about 30 secs or less. This was a Dear Myne post and we got loads of informative responses.

4. 9 Ways to Know When you're in Love - There are some people you meet and you just know they’re a fantasy or fancy which will fade even the next day. And there are those that tug at your heart and you begin to wonder, could they be THE ONE? The truth is that if we’re not sure about this, whether deciding to allow a friendship develop into something more or taking the decision to get married, we could be making the mistake of a lifetime. These are some of the pointers I came up with to recognize that special person.

Househunting in Lagos – 11 lessons I’ve learnt

1.  Not to count my chickens before they are hatched. I learnt this the hard way when I was getting to an agent’s office two weeks ago to pay for a two bedroom apartment, only to find someone else had beaten me to it. I was this close to calling all my friends over for the washing and was already trying to figure out how much Star to get (not Heineken, not in my house). And then, in a split second, I was houseless again.

2. Looking for a house in Lagos is a full time job. I found out one needs to treat it as such, or find someone else to do so. If you cannot drop everything and leave your baby whom you are still breastfeeding, your business that comes to a standstill without you present or your scary boss the moment the agent calls you to say he’s heard of a vacancy, do not bother to look for a place at all. Demand is high and the best places are off the market in he blink of an eye. See lesson number 1.

3. To treat the title of ‘real estate agent’ lightly. Everyone can be an agent. The moment somebody hears of a 3 bedroom around the corner, he has become an agent. There is no license involved nor are there any professional ethics required. Al it takes is having the contacts to said landlord and then guarding it with your life. Never give your client phone numbers or the exact address of a place that is for rent. He might dupe you and go directly to the source. This is a market of middle men in a networking society: a man’s contacts are his capital.

4. To decipher agent’s lingo. ‘Some work needed’ means the place has been destroyed by the last lodger and looks like a war zone. ‘Cosy’ means claustrophobically small. ‘Under construction, ready in a fortnight (always a fortnight)’ signifies that the foundation has just been put in place and it would take an army of Chinese workmen to finish it in that time frame. Prepare to wait at least a month before you can move in. ‘To be finished to your own taste’: the land lord has left you with a cement floor without tiling, a kitchen without cabinets and a bathroom without sink. ‘Airy’ – ruin without roof. ‘Serene’ means expensive. Very expensive, as in Lekki or Banana Island. The kind of overrated locations agents want to ship oyinbos like myself to.

How to Make Curried Chicken Gravy Sauce

Most of the time, I cook tomato based or vegetable sauces to go with rice, pasta, potatoes or whatever carb we're having for dinner. It wasn't until we went to a friend's recently for a meal that I remembered gravy sauces. So after many years of not making it, this was the recipe I came up with.

Ingredients
3 cups of long-grain rice
1 pack of Chicken drumsticks
2 tablespoons of flour
1 teaspoon of powdered curry
2 Teaspoon of dry pepper
4 Knorr Chicken cubes
Salt and Spices to Taste

Women who Motivate #3 - Chimamanda Adichie

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie was born in Nigeria in 1977. She is the author of the novels Purple Hibiscus (2003) and Half of a Yellow Sun (2006), and of the short story collection The Thing around Your Neck (2009). She has received numerous awards and distinctions, including the Orange Broadband Prize for Fiction (2007) and a MacArthur Foundation Fellowship (2008).

Ireti Doyle Speaks on Motherhood and Parenting

Ireti Doyle is an actress, a television producer and presenter, as well as a wife and mother. While reading her interview on the BN Weekend Celebrity, I was reminded of the post on Eya's blog where a woman wanted help in parenting her teenage daughter. A lot of very helpful comments came in, basically saying the same things, know your daughter and become a friend as well as a mother.

Ireti Doyle got pregnant as teenager, and had some problems with her mother not understanding her and vice versa. Now she is the mother of a 26years old lady and 4 other children. I found her interview very honest and indepth on how women can combine a career and motherhood - with help and acceptance of what you're trading - as well as on cultivating a relationship with your children, and being a parent at the same time.

How do you combine your duties as a mother with the demands of your job effectively?
It’s not easy, every working woman knows that. Sometimes you have to sacrifice and sacrifice comes both ways. Sometimes you have to pass things up, sometimes your family has to come to terms with the fact that they won’t see you for a bit. But the first ingredient for a balanced life is grace. And secondly, I am fortunate to have a fantastic team where each member knows what they are supposed to do and thankfully, they do it well.

Tell me about this team
They are not too many. I have my housekeeper who also doubles as a baby sitter when I need one. I have my Personal Assistant, she’s been with me for years. And I have one or two other people that I can call on short notice. Motherhood is basically being on hand to attend to your child’s needs and I can’t be in two places at the same time but I try and build my career around my family. Fortunately acting is not as rigid as an office job could be. Once in a while you might miss important moments but you just have to balance it out and fortunately I’ve been able to do that well.

10 Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

Blind love is not the way to choose a spouse. Here are practical tools for keeping your eyes wide open.
With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights - by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married.
The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married... for the worst!"
So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.
Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character?
Here are four character traits to definitely check for:
Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort?
Do I want to be more like this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?
Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity?
Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do?
Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable?
Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?