I don't think so.
I am sure you have heard this saying at one time or the other that opposites attract. Well, I am tired of hearing it. The refrain gets most on my nerves in poorly scripted or acted romantic comedies. Now, I like watching rom-coms generally, and I don’t mind that one of the clichéd themes of the genre is love between two different personalities. When done right, like in When Sally Meets Harry, The Proposal, and Return to me, the theme really tugs on the heart strings. But when the not so good ones like The Ugly Truth and Leap Year push the agenda in my face, then it gets tiring. I saw The Accidental Husband on DVD last week, which went beyond the not so good to so not good.
The comedy bit got a few laughs from me but the romance aspect got me annoyed, it was so not convincing. Uma Thurman is a controlling radio talk show host and Jeffrey Dean Morgan is a free-spirited fireman and they meet after a “supposed” computer glitch gets them married. In the process of getting an annulment, sparks begin to fly. Like I do with most rom-coms, I give an estimate of how long I think the couple will stay together. I didn’t wait to finish watching this one, it was so bad that half-way through, I gave them only 2 weeks before they split. The movie producers seemed to realize that some of the audience may not be convinced of their flaky romance, so they tacked on an epilogue where the two major protagonists, now married, are still lovey-dovey. The lady is heavily pregnant and talks about how they do not sweat the small stuff. I’m still not convinced.
This brings me to the title of this article and begs the question; do opposites really attract? I’ll have to be honest here and say yes they do. This is the only reason it is even acceptable as a theme in romantic comedies and romance novels. There is research, from the psychological to the biological to the social, to bear out the theory. Women are attracted by the smell of men with a different gene pool than theirs. High-strung people want a partner who will act as a calming influence on their tempers and even the bad boy wants a nice girl to take home to mama. Analogies are given with the north and south poles of a magnet and the reason more people are heterosexual. Yeah, opposites do attract, but for how long?
Yes, opposites may attract during times of high sexual tension, like in dating, courtship and the early months of a marriage. However, opposites will certainly clash when it comes to differing personality traits, attitudes and values, especially in the long term.
To the writers and directors of romantic comedies, please allow the heroine to marry the conventional guy she has been dating happily for the five years. Forget the slacker she just met yesterday, with whom the only thing she has in common is a one night stand.
Note to self. Maybe this is an idea for my next book.
Note to you. What do you think?
YOU CAN READ THE FULL ARTICLE ON AFRICAN GODDESS.
Well i think it depends on how different they are. That is, the level of their "oppositeness"...
ReplyDeleteI guess the higher it is, the shorter they'll last
I 4got to shout FIRST!!!
ReplyDeletearghhh I wanted to be first. And that movie was just generally a shit movie. I hated it, but opposites sometimes could work, it really just depends on the scenario!
ReplyDeleteaw I hate the accidental husband. Such a bad movie. Also, was the main guy Indian? Still haven't worked that out.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if opposite oeople attract. It seems like taking the law of magnetics too far. :)
"Forget the slacker she just met yesterday, with whom the only thing she has in common is a one night stand." That line made me burst into a fit of laughter.
ReplyDeleteInstead of adding to what you've already said finely, I'll just say this is an excellently written review to prevent me from ever watching "Accidental Husband." lol.
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ReplyDeleteWell said Myne...am a big fan of rom-com...but some are too fairy tale like...have not watched accidental husband yet..
ReplyDeletelaughs @ Zel...
Interesting post! :)
ReplyDeleteI TOTES agrree with you. I mean, based on what I've been taught on my course, I'd say yea opposites sometimes attract but only initially.
There are so many complex theories about this but the consensus seems to be that a degree of difference is needed. As the relationship progesses, however, people seem to need a degree of similarity and connections to hit it off.
So I think this should DEFS be worked into a project idea ;)
About those movies you mentioned, I agree with your observations. I end up liking those 'not-so-happy-endings' as they sound more real.
ReplyDeleteHehehe, could be a great idea for your next book.
Cheers!
I love the level of analysis. Really really indepth. I like your conclusion and I really agree with it.
ReplyDeleteOpposites can attract, it just depends on the emphasis placed on those aspects of their lives that are different. I dont want to date a clone of my self, I could just be by myself and still get the same outcome!
ReplyDeleteNice piece, Opposites might attract at first but it is their similarities that will keep them going and together in the long run
ReplyDeletehear hear!!!!!!!! nicely said, i have a hard tim with rom-coms because many times they are so unrealistic and i think what about the long run.........all these fun and games...nice but not long lasting........everybody i know thought Ugly Truth was 'the truth'....me i was like huh???
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ReplyDeletelol i read somewhere that in movies, the destruction of a stable relationship which had been going well so far (of course not perfect) by the new dashing/daredevil/yummy dude who ends up with the leading lady is always applauded/expected.........why not breakup her long term relationship or even marriage afterall this new guy must be TRUE LOVE! what matters is that she is inlove in the end!..........inexcusable? is love cause for infidelity?
ReplyDeletei think they do work and can last as long as both parties respect each other, understand their differences and are fully committed to each other. Any relationship will work if these things including Love and God are a part of it.
ReplyDeleteI think it must be looked at on a case to case basis. Sometimes, having too many opposites can put a strain on the relationship. However, sometimes just a few similarities make the opposites look so minute, but it really depends. Eg. if the people have two completely diff world views, dat might pose a problem. However, if the couple seem to have a lot in common yet there is one thing that they do not have in common, and that thing is major, it could really cause a strain, unless the parties are willing to look beyond that. It really depends. But yea, in general, to just say that opposites attract doesnt really make sense.
ReplyDeleteWhat I have really wondered is what theory dem dating sites use? Do they use- opposites attract...or - Likes correlate? lol
Myne, you have beef sha...LOL
ReplyDeleteYou couldn't have said it any better, "Forget the slacker she just met yesterday, with whom the only thing she has in common is a one night stand."
In no distant time will the relationship turn into your every other regular rel, with its sour taste
...this makes It's Complicated (Meryl Streep & Alec Baldwin) one my favourites...you've seen it, yes? Lets hear what you think?
Opposites do attract, however, how the couple handle their differences determines the longevity of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy and lots of work and active listening and understanding goes into it.
Usually from these relationships, you learn way from eachother and challenge eachother in such a way that a relationship with someone who was EXACTLY like you, wouldn't.
Those are my 2 cents :-)
Myne,you have spoken my mind. only in physics and dating. but when it comes to marriage,your ideals have got to be same...
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, opposite does attract...and its all adrenaline pumping and fun
ReplyDeleteBut the cliche I think works for the long term in relationships is:
''Like calleth to like''
I think that differences create an initial attraction – one person has traits that the other doesn't or vice versa and for some people, this is exciting; in other words, attractive. In the right circumstances, these two people may even get together. They believe they are in love. During the honeymoon phase of the relationship, they may be able to work around their differences – read, they don’t sweat the small stuff - but what about the long term? Let’s look at some examples; one’s a vegetarian, the other loves beef, one’s introverted and the other an extrovert, one loves football and the other hates all things sports; or an extreme one where one is a frugal control freak and the other an impulsive spend thrift. Just imagine two such people in a marriage with maybe one or two children. I can’t see it, lol.
ReplyDeleteSome will argue that being opposites can work when differences are given less importance and both people are open-minded, and have the ability to compromise and communicate. But how many of us have this ability and how many will go the long haul? Only very few people are saints or martyrs, so it is not surprising that most times, value differences create conflict for real opposites and eventually lead to an unsatisfactory romantic relationship or even breakup.
ReplyDeleteThe fact is that if the couple don’t want or need the same things, and have different values and beliefs, their relationship may be bound for failure. Consider someone who takes pleasure in breaking the law with a partner who has a core of honesty and integrity. The difference is clear.
ReplyDeleteThis is so weird! Just had the same conversation recently. I think that in the things that count, values, faith, family etc- opposites should flee! U need a measure of accord to live at peace with someone. In other less crucial things, like taste and maybe even temperament, opposites may serve as a spice to an already well grounded dish.
ReplyDelete@Chinnyugoji - word!
ReplyDeleteCompatibility on issues of faith, values, family..otherwise, Commitment,not compatibility is what makes a mariage work!
and i do agree, butterflies in your stomach/ excitement is no reason to cheat cos that relatinship too, will defintely fall int a routine
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ReplyDelete"Yes, opposites may attract during times of high sexual tension, like in dating, courtship and the early months of a marriage. However, opposites will certainly clash when it comes to differing personality traits, attitudes and values, especially in the long term."
ReplyDeleteGreat line. It is a summary of my deepest thoughts about marriage. When we are no longer quite "in love" with each other, after a few years, but we still "love each other" the very different traits that made mad about each other (and created sexual tension) may put us at each other's throats and make us seek out divorce lawyers.
Personally, I think there must be 1 or 2 things which are different about your partner to make you intrigued about them, but maybe 8 to 10 things/philosophies should be similar to yours so that you can tolerate and accommodate and LIKE each other when the sexual tensions relaxes.
Great post again. I lurrrrrrrrved it!
Opposites do attract but I also think there are some fundamental things both parties need to have similar/equal views on for a long term relationship like marriage.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I believe in r'ship researches, anything can work when it comes to r'ships. There's always trend, opposites rarely attract bt at the same time...it can go the other way.
ReplyDeleteIt has to with the 2people in context.
Certainly has to do with the two people involved and the way in which they are opposites.
ReplyDeleteAre they opposites in clashing values or opposites in the way that they compliment each other in their strenghts and weaknesses - as in what she lacks, he has and what he lacks, she makes up for. If it is more the strengths and weaknesses scenario, then being opposites is good. However, they must still have some principles/values in common for the relationship to work.
It's also important for couples with opposite qualities to be aware of and accepting of it. That way, they can make the best of what they have together.
I agree that there are no hard and fast rules about relationships. This is more my thoughts on the movie and the topic in general.
ReplyDeleteNice one by you Myne! seen the movie a long time ago and twas just there. But as for opposites attracting I say Yes!...for magnets.But No! for humans.Thats is if you're not substituting 'opposite' for 'uniqueness'.
ReplyDeleteMy my my! Aren't you fast becoming an romance expert Myne? Maybe you should set up a counselling/consultancy for relationships...lol!
ReplyDeleteI have come to discover that one main ingredient for the survival of a relationship (long term) is the unity of purpose. Having seen several opposites together, what is most obvious about them is either an absolutely unaligned purpose or the lack thereof. It is no surprise that they pull apart quickly.
ReplyDeleteI too, like you, think attraction is not impossible, staying together (for long) is what I think is common.
I think it'd be good as a project for your next book... story?
- LDP
well the thing is this.. i have seen it time and time again.. people marry whom they are very mentally compatible with. na hin make one of my wicked cousins marry man wey dey like her as well but they all use that Jesus is Lord to cover it up. Jesus is indeed Lord but unu? Akuko!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with everything you have said there Myne, opposites do attract but that is exactly what it is "ATTRACTION". Staying together is a whole new ball game. It takes a lot of commitment and "Jesus is Lord" like nice anon said to pull it off.
ReplyDeleteJesus is Lord indeed. LOL...
ReplyDelete@Afronuts, what do you think my books are about? You have a heart to mend? :):)
True talk!
ReplyDeleteI have never been a fan of the 'opposites attract' thing
How are you doing?
I'm fine thanks dear and you?
ReplyDelete