Who believes in a perfect marriage? Not me. Who believes in love forever? I know I want to. Sometime ago I went on twitter and in my mentions, someone had tweeted, : "I love what Myne Whitman and her Atala share. Fun, christian, romantic marriage." Of course, it created a warm place in my heart when I read it. Still...still... I can't let my head swell.
When celebrities you like, and who have been together 14 years split, it makes you think and keeps your feet on the ground. Johnny Depp is a favorite and since I knew him, he's been with Vanessa Paradis. They have two children, and have lived all over the world. What could have happened? I'm not even going to guess. I hear they did try to remain together but it just wasn't working.
Recently too, Pastor Chris Okotie announced he was splitting with his wife of four years, with the following words, “Stephanie and I are no longer married. We have separated. You can see she’s not in church today. It’s due to irreconcilable differences and you should please respect our wishes at this time because there is no going back.” This would be his second divorce.
Who remembers this post I made on what makes a woman a good wife?
It went viral almost instantly and continues to be one of the most popular and searched posts on my blog. And the search terms show that lot of women do indeed want to know how to be the perfect or good wife to their husbands. And that is as it should be, we all want to be happy and enjoy a great marriage. We all want to have and to hold, to love and cherish, and all the good stuff. But marriage is rarely a walk in the park, and never a fairytale.
Don't get me wrong, Atala and I are happy. What we are not, is perfect.
We're just ordinary people, and we make mistakes just like all human beings do. Our marriage is not perfect. Like my wifehood, it is a work in progress. Don't be too carried away by the pictures of our vacation trips, and how we try to get out and about to keep active. I couldn't possibly take a picture of us having a disagreement now, can I? :)
Seriously though, we do not quarrel much. One reason I think is that we're very well suited in our temperaments, none of us is very volatile. And while we can be passionate when having celebral debates, we work to be solicitous of the other's feelings when it is a personal disagreement. That is a benefit of marrying someone you care for and love deeply.
It makes it easier to keep sight of them when annoyances, big or small, explode in front of you. As they will.
What I keep at the back of my mind is how petty some of these irritations are. Like the other day, I wasn't hungry and Atala had to make his dinner. There were a couple of soups left out, a single and a double pack. It pinched the compulsive in me when I went into the kitchen later and realized he heated up the double pack instead of the single, and then had leftovers. I took a deep breath, counted to three and helped him clear up, LOL...
What I know also helps us is that we intentionally make time to spend together. And we do enjoy each other's company. Luckily we share the same interests and can do a lot of the activities together, like writing, movies, walking, travelling, coding, reading, etc.
On those days when one of us is in sour mood independent of the other, we either try to coax each other by chatting and laughing, or we simply give them room to sort out their mindspace. This is because sometimes, your partner's state of mind is not about you or the marriage. This is why I shake my head at those who get married thinking it will automatically guarantee them happiness.
If you think it's that easy, forget about it. Marriage, maybe even more than most other relationships, requires a lot of work. And I think it is imperative to have a solid base of compatibilty and love to start you off right and sustain you in the dry periods. I listed some steps to a successful relationship in a previous post, and these are the same I also work with.
- Always be honest, be open, and be truthful
- Try your best to be reliable and show appreciation
- Trust each other
- Communicate, and communicate some more
- It is imperative to respect each other
Who else has other tips on how to make marriage look good AND feel good too? And how can couples keep away from splitsville?
Yeah I agree. If many of us treated marriage the way we treated our best friendships and sibling relationships, we would have many of the common problems thrown out the window.
ReplyDeleteTrue word!
DeleteThere are so many lessons to be learnt up there, very well said myne.for me communication is very important I just like to talk about anything and everything. God continually bless your marriage.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
www.dayorwrites.blogspot.com
Thank you Dayor, talking things through is more important than we realize.
DeleteI think that it's also important for people to manage their expectations. Many people go into marriage with unreasonable expectations and set themselves up for disappointment.
ReplyDeleteThat is true too, Uche, but one has to be careful not to lower it to the point they become unhappy with their choice later.
Deletenice post. I just think if two people decide to work their marriage it will definitely work. God bless your home and help us all.
ReplyDeletewww.secretlilies.blogspot.com
Thanks Kamson, it definitely helps when both people are fully committed to the relationship
DeleteI've never understood why imperfect people expect a perfect marriage. I can't decide if it's Hollywood or culture (or both) influencing this. But I do think love can be forever. That was a really nice tweet. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteThank you Kittie, I think Hollywood does affect culture.
DeleteI cant remember where i saw this but the person wrote "marriage is for two advanced forgivers"
ReplyDeleteThat person was right :)
DeleteOh, I love the sound of that.
Deletetaking notes for the future
ReplyDeleteHi MPB, been a while. How you dey?
Delete*taking notes* I do like the maturity i sense with you and Atala. That mutual respect shines through and it' is beautiful. Like someone already mentioned, communication is key and another thing i realized is learning to pick your fights.
ReplyDeleteThanks Toin, we are trying :). It's definitely important to overlook the small stuff.
DeleteMy husband and I have been married for almost 6 years, It's still a learning process because I learn something new about him everyday. Great Communication, Lots of Laughs and Great Sex......yeah!. Thanks for sharing.http://jaynewhyte.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing too, Jayne, I totally agree. And all the best with your marriage :)
DeleteThat example you just gave about soup portions would have caused World war 3 in Ginger's Kitchen.
ReplyDeleteWe make so much ado about the 'big issues' but sometimes its the everyday likkle likkle things that wear relationships down. so much to learn!
Ahhh...then there would be many world wars, which is not bad if you guys know the right places to bury the hatchet :)
ReplyDeleteI am not married yet but I believe something, if there is a determination to always resolve every issue, no matter how great or small, marriages would last. Love's supposed to conquer all if its true! That's why God is essential in every marriage. I just fail to understand Pastor Chris Okotie's, sincerely.
ReplyDelete- LDP