Dear Myne, am in my mid twenties, i have just a year more to graduate from school, i work and have a bf who doesn't like 9-5 jobs. he says he prefers street money which is not constant but can come big. not long ago i met a new guy thru a cousin. the guy is serving presently in a bank. he loves me and wants to settle down with me.
but the issue here is, he's presently planning to travel out for his MBA and he wants to engage me before he goes. while he goes for a year schooling, he's hoping to help process my visa and take me later.
but here is the dilemma, is it worth the wait with another man on my hand, that is my current boyfriend, and what if he doesn't return as planned or something happens and he marries another girl. me on the other hand is saying/feeling - what if he goes and i meet another amazing guy?
i just don't want to make a mistake when it comes to husband issue and i really need to settle down asap cos am still a virgin and there's so much pressure from this silly married men. i don't want to budge now if i can get a man of my own which is what i promised my self, "giving my V to my hubby and him alone"
candid advise pls. pardon my typo error am @ work. thanks myne and commentators....
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This request came in under the Wanting to Wait post
The real dilema is that you don't know what you want,don't take it the wrong way.When it comes to 'settling down',you have to be very careful and you ought to be certain at some point.If you're not certain which of these ones you want to settle down with,then you're not ready to settle down at all.This is my take!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you!
DeleteI am on the same page with 9ja-Great...like seriously, I dont know what your problem really is my dear.Take a chill pill and pray to God for directions.
DeleteThe man who says he likes street money is not ready to cater for a family, so I suggest you leave him out of your choosing. The new guy sounds good but you seem to be in a hurry, take life easy ok?
ReplyDeleteA-9ja Great is very much on point, take it slow!
ReplyDeleteI feel like you are not sure of what you want. Marriage issue is not small matter oh! you can't be treating it like a card game.. you should go think of what you want and know it... and pray about it.. the thing is if God directs you, you will have peace in your heart about your relationship.. it will settle well in ur tummy.. soo pray about it and ask for directions......
ReplyDeleteFirst things first.........where is love, compatibility and your future in all these? Getting married is not a means to an end nor is it like getting a college degree. It's a lifetime commitment that needs to be well thought out and planned. you need to know what you want that is the only way you can find what you need. You should be making a commitment for the right reasons.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel you are ready for marriage for the following reasons:
ReplyDelete1) From the little you said, your opinion of marriage is a milestone, something everybody MUST get involved in which is wrong.
2) You have perceived marriage as one of those any means to an end task, in other words, you want to get marriage regardless how it comes. Your focus is not the character of the men and the qualities that would make them a good father to your children, BUT the one most likely to say "I do". Which is also wrong.
3) From what you've said, I would assume you were the one that brought up the issue of marriage first in the relationship which is wrong. For instance, a man would most likely visit a boutique if he had the intention of purchasing an item. My point is, if you really have packaged yourself as a 'wife material', and not just with the words that come out from your mouth, only serious men on that issue will approach you.
4) You never considered what you have to offer. Ask yourself, why will/won't this guy come back to marry me? Which one of the two men is most likely to need me in his life because I compliment him.
I will stop there. The summary of what I said, you are not ready for marriage, maybe a wedding but not marriage.
Wow! I can't believe I typed that, at least my Psychology degree no waste.
Wow, you hit the nail right on the head!
DeleteAdebrsk you are so right. I agree with you
DeleteGbam! I would like to paraphrase though "....Your focus is not the character of the men and the qualities that would make them a good father to your children, BUT on the material gains....street money vs 9-5 or the professional with the future international degree..."
DeleteWomen need to start building careers and stop looking solely up to guys as their meal tickets.
ON POINT.. no DOUBT.. and oooo i was just gonna roll eyes at first..
DeleteYou're worrying over an anticipated problem, live a day at a time.
ReplyDeleteAn engagement is not a marriage, if he engages u and doesn't return then pack ur bag but right now u need to decide if u even love this guy and if u see urself with him in future...forget abt who may ask u out down the road
You got a little more growing up to do, you not ready to get married and in all of this, you dint mention how you feel about either guy just about how the guys make their money. Ummmmmmm... marriage is supposed to be forever o... you supposed to be spending the rest of you life with that one person o... at least you must feel something for the person o...
ReplyDeletepray to God!! Hes da only solution!! bcos we call all give yu advice frm our own point of view but wah is yur destiny sayin?? so God can help yu
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you're still a virgin, in your mid twenties shows that you're a principled girl indeed - and not many men nowadays likes to hang around for such morally upright young woman - even the so-called Christian men, sadly. Thus far, the good LORD has held you together; for the right time and the right man. Please don't take that grace for granted at all. Have you heard this before: "the horse is prepared against the day of battle, but victory belongs to the LORD"- ---------------- Trust in Him the more, especially now (I know it is easier said). Planning, thinking, being concerned, are all good, but worrying is indeed a sin - as one is telling GOD that He is not big enough to handle a particular issue in our lives. Again, I say wait on the LORD and trust Him for the right man - your heart's desire!
ReplyDeleteTake a pen.write down wat u want in a man...and take that list to God in prayers.
ReplyDelete2.U said the 2nd guy wld send 4 u,but u see es its nt as easy as it sounds..wat if e can't?
3.U didn't mention who u love more or who loves u d most amongst d 2 guys.
So therefore I conclude dat u are not in love.the 2nd guy is nt gone yet and u are worrying that e might not return 4 u.plus e still has a while to go since es just doing his NYSC.
Next time don't just date anybody.how can u be dating sumone who relies on street money??I commend u for keeping ur virginity.and my advice is to shine ur eyes oo no go make mistake oo.ma mom got married a virgin and now she's al alone,even though my dad is still very much alive.
Exercise patient and pray to God to send d right man along.
MY DEAR I WILL ADVICE YOU TALK 2 GOD $ FOLLOW UR HEART..IF U NEED 2 HEAR MORE 4RM ME CONTACT ME ON adedoyinnikky@gmail.com
ReplyDelete