I´m dating a nigerian guy, but I don´t know if he is Igbo or Yoruba. The thing is, he is extremely romantic, sweet, likes to cook, clean, etc. but he gets angry for small things. He has to have the last word for everything.. including my hair color and style, the nail´s color, clothes, friends, etc..he controls everything..common! He is very religious and smart but the last thing he did was he showed me a pic of the wedding dress he wants me to wear..I´m confused cuz he is a mix of romance and control at the same time, but he respects me and pampers me too much.. SHOULD I RUN AWAY OR STAY??
What matters in marriage and relationship is understanding. If you know this is how he is, then you can work with him. No one is perfect.
ReplyDeleteIf you can live with a control freak then stay but if you can't its better to leave now. its hard cos hes all romantic and nice and you don't think you can find anyone like him again but the bottom line is how much longer can you take it?
ReplyDeleteI personally wouldn't because I can't deal with a control freak but then again it all comes down to each individual person. "To each his own"
ReplyDeletePlease don't be of that false mentality that when y'all get married you can change him cos you CAN'T!
I've learnt that who we are before marriage intensifies with marriage, so what he is now, expect more after the vows. Like Luciano said, if you cant live with it, why commit to forever? The decision is yours though, decide with the facts in mind.
ReplyDeletei don't see any problem here or in ur relationship, are u not happy with him, the man is always in control, i mean he is the head pls go ahead & enjoy ur respect & pamper as for the anger that is his shortcoming, if he is managing urs knowing fully well that u re not perfect then manage his also, for me from what u describe him to be, he is the boo.so relax ur nerves & enjoy him.
ReplyDeletei want u to know that it is love that is making him to control u in that way and why u re still seeing the whole thing the way u re seeing it is because u have not calm down and ur mind is not settled yet, pls all u need to do is just to be submissive and relax. he is inlove and when real men are inlove the are always incontrol and incharge, he is even better than those ones that will pretend and marry 2moro u will start seeing a different person entirely for me he is okay, stop those little things that makes him angry and also work on urself too.the next person will definitely not be the best,what u have is better than what u re dreaming of, for me pls stay where u re he is okay.
ReplyDeleteNo one is perfect, we all have to deal with each other's shortcomings. That said, I think the final decision is yours. Can you live with his attitude the rest of your life? No one's yard stick can accurately measure your relationship for you.
ReplyDeleteControl Only gets worse with time.If you can deal with a controlling partner Stay but if u can't............RUN!!! you cant change him after marriage...it only gets worse.
ReplyDeleteHmm. Please oh, the fact that you don't even know where he is from shows you α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ really desperate to hang on. I feel you α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ not telling us the entire story. For you to ask questions means something α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ not right. Av learnt from experience that nobody can tell you who to marry. Folks can only advice but the last call is your's to make.
ReplyDeleteGbam! I totally agree with you.
DeleteHe's obviously a control freak and the good thing is you know that already.Now the questions you should ask yourself is; Can i live with these for the rest of my life? Do i want a life without independent choices? It is ok for him to have the final say on some issues,but not all.He should trust you enough to make your own choices.
ReplyDeletethese are the kind of men who can kill run babygirl runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn for your life
ReplyDeleteYou are clearly not happy about this. It is time t move on.
ReplyDeleteYou're not comfortable enough to ask him if he is Igbo, Yoruba (or from one of the other 350+ ethnic groups within Nigeria)?
ReplyDeleteNo wonder he can have the last word on your nail color.
How come you don't know him enough to know if he's igbo or yoruba? Is it that you haven't asked or he has refused to tell you? It's important enough to be the first thing you mentioned. Red flag.
ReplyDeleteYou don't now where he is from and you want to marry him? From what you wrote, you haven't even met his family and you are planning wedding in your head? You claim he 'respects me so much', but apparently he doesn't respect you enough choose your own my hair color and style, nail colour, clothes, friends, etc..But he respects you so much right? I laugh in Spanish. My dear, better wake up from your dream. The fact that you are here asking for advice means that it bothers you too much.
ReplyDeletefrom eperience and a lot of my reading men who are control freaks then to resort to beating after the wedding. and the control intesifies to. I think you should really be careful n take your time making your decisions. You are an individual, meaning making your own decisions, is what comes with being an individual. Not knowing where he is from..hmm that is not good..serious red flag.
ReplyDeletewww.secretlilies.blogspot.com
Love does not stop u from being u, instead love gives u the abilityy to be a beautiful butterfly. Love does not command or demand, it endears. Love has no fear.. RUNNNNNNNNNNNN... Learn to love and discover ur self.
ReplyDeleteThat you are having doubts means you feel al is not right. There are some decisions you need to make on your own. Put love aside and be objective. Plus I find the whole tribe thing a bit funny. Umm... Have u asked what tribe he is? It doesn't have to be an issue but since you brought it up...
ReplyDeleteThat he pampers you too much is even just an extension of his control freak nature. Don‘t be deceived. People like him, every stage in their life is attained after setting a major goal and doing ANYTHING to achieve it. He‘s probably at a stage in his life where his goal is to get himself a wife and he would do anything to achieve that, including the ‘too much‘ pampering and along the line control your life, because that‘s in his nature!!!. He has to always be in charge.
ReplyDeleteThere are people who can cope with control freaks and who actually marry them. It‘s obvious you can‘t cope. If you can‘t cope now, I bet you it won‘t get any better in the future, because he‘ll become more and more like that in marriage and you may be frustrated.
So my advice, RUN AWAY; if not one of you may end up killing the other in future... Besides if you have to ask, I think you already know the answer.
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI was in a similar relationship until about a month ago. It was awful! He kept telling me what to do and how to do everything. His way. Sometimes he agreed with me that there was nothing wrong with my way just that I didn't obey him and do whatever his way. He began to alienate my friends, always accusing me of reporting him to them, that is why they looked at him funny and didn't like him. He is a control freak and always almost seemed at breaking point, about to snap. He was always getting angry.
I kept getting scared cos I knew I couldn't cope in marriage, I felt he will get violent but he always said that he had never hit a woman. Everyone but me could see he was a control freak, my brother, my friends, everyone but me. It wasn't until it all ended that they began to talk and tell me.
He is one of the textbook nice guys, attentive, loving, kind, a gentleman. It wasn't until a year after dating that his other side became magnified and obvious. I never EVER did anything right by him. I was always threatened with breakup.
Long and short is run for your life. I wish I had shared my own story anonymously like you to get objective opinions from people I don't know. But you'r lucky, you asked and you're being told. The truth is even if you believe you can cope with it he will begin to find fault in you especially when he realizes he cannot control the whole of your life.
Run gbam
ReplyDeleteHe definitely has a sinister motive if he keeps his identity(ethnic group) from u.Freaks like dis wld grow to cut u off from family and friends and you will be totally dependent on him which is very baaaaaaddddd
ReplyDeleteIf that is the main issue pls don't quit.go ahead,implore an alternative platform of makink him accepting your view instead of arguement.that is his short comings as no man is 100% Perfect. I want to assuer u that if u deciede to call it quit what is the probibality that the next one will be as good than this brother in question.He does all for the luv n care he has 4u.
ReplyDeletethat's the thing about love. you definitely cannot get everything you want from a person. your decision to stay or leave depends on what you want in a relationship or marriage see http://realdeeplove.com/2013/06/reasons-for-staying-in-an-abusive-relationship/
ReplyDeleteDon't you marry him ok cos u wl not be able to change him.for a man to determine for u d colour of ur hair,nails etc wl wake up one day n ask u to go on low cut. My dear d earlier u quite d rship d better for u. Well d decision is urs to take toodles.
ReplyDelete