I had a crush on a friend of mine and i told him today and we cuddled but didn't kiss or have sex. Now i feel so shy and embarrassed with myself. Some background, I used to be in a relationship before i left Nigeria and it was my first relationship and i loved him with my innocence. On getting to Ukraine i decided to be celibate and thanks be to God i have been able to achieve that.
Unfortunately I don't know what to do now with my friend. After we have crossed the line, where do we go from here. Let me add that he stays in d same hostel with me and also his birthday is on Saturday and i already bought him a gift and and i already planed to give it to him at 12midnight on the eve.
What should i do? Should i totally avoid him? Should i call him and apologize or should i just pretend like nothing happened? I would really love you to put d question on your blog. I'm looking forward to hearing what other people would say.
There's no reason to apologize to him. You spoke your mind and I think that's better than keeping quiet about how you feel. I also don't think you should avoid him either. I think you should act like nothing happened and see how he reacts. If he's interested, cool. If not, don't be weird to him.
ReplyDeleteI have a question. Why do you feel you have to apologize to him?
ReplyDeleteWas thinking the same thing oh! There's nothing to apologize for. I don't believe in sitting and waiting or acting like it didn't happen. If you're feeling awkward, tell him u're feeling awkward about what happened and straighten things from there.
DeleteApologize? Nah!! Like Onakachi said, bahave as though nothing happened (true, right)? Don't avoid him though.
ReplyDeleteYou have to get ready o, there's no going back after crossing that line. Whether you get into a relationship or not, the friendship cannot be the same again, and may be lost forever.
ReplyDeleteAre u feeling bad bcos so far he has not taken up the challenge? Give it some time. Remember he is your crush and a crush can go either way. He may be feeling the same or he may not. Whatever it is, take it in good faith. The most important thing is uve spoken you mind. Don't pretend about it, don't act like it never happened cos it did and don't bring it up again till he raises the issue. Give him his present maybe not at midnight but still let him av it and don't run away from him.
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ReplyDeleteYour confession and cuddling will not stop there because you've lit a fire that will definitely grow...though you only cuddled, its only a matter of time before you start kissing...then eventually other things will follow.
By this, we can only assume that you've crossed the line...because the desire will keep building till it climaxes into something else.
This is not to say you shouldn't start a relationship if you want to, but be sure you've ended any previous one you have in Nigeria (since long distance relationship hardly survives). Then also give your crush time to eventually speak his own mind...you need to know what he feels about you too.
Long distance relationships hardly survive. #Gbam and for the whole comment sef #Gbam
DeleteJust curious, what does: "i loved him with my innocence" mean?
ReplyDeleteIMHO, nothing has been done that crosses the line. Who drew the line? Also someone needs to make the first move. If he doesn't like you, the romantic r/ship goes nowhere. If the romantic r/ship goes nowhere, you know you at least tried. If it leads to the loss of your friend - take heart and know that you have another.
However if it does go somewhere, I am sure you will be happy you crossed the "line".
Hand him his present and act normal. Let life take its course. Enjoy!
think it means she gave up her virginity to him.
DeleteWhat do you want? Why are you shy? What lines have you crossed? Who drew the lines?
ReplyDeleteYou need to reflect so you can have a better perception of the situation.
A crush can be fleeting, so if I were you, I will be very careful. Does he have a crush on you too? Would he take advantage of your emotions? What about your relationship in Nigeria?
Be careful so you don't do anything you won't be proud of.
You're friends so you both have some form of closeness, simply talk about it, I don't see any reason why you should act like it didn't happen or avoid him.
ReplyDeleteWorse case, he doesn't feel the same way, then you decide if you can still be friends irrespective.
You even called it a crush, so it might be nothing but just that, a fleeting emotion that would fade away.
I think what's most important is that you both just talk about it and decide if to write it off as a one off or if to consider becoming more than just friends. But like Uju said, there's also the possibility of loosing that friendship, it all depends on both of you though.
I' a bit curious though, why do you feel shy and embarrassed? is it cos he didn't respond like you hoped he would?
Best comment so far. You nailed it!
DeleteOhh, I missed the part of the relationship in Nigeria, like Afronuts said, if you're still in that relationship, you do have to sort that aspect first
ReplyDeleteI can understand why you would be embarassed but instead of avoinding him, just pretend nothing happened. As the man, if he wants to braoch the subject, let him. If not, then just continue to be friends
ReplyDeleteI guess the Nigerian relationship is over?
ReplyDeleteIf so............body no be firewood and cold dey abroad o ! (you are not made of stone and the weather is very cold abroad)
So, I advice that she stops being so hard on herself and takes the guy to one side and asks a simple question 'I really dont want us to be uncomfortable around each other....How do you feel about what happened?'
However, I have to be honest and say Nigerian men generally prefer to do the chasing when it comes to bagging a serious girlfriend. But I also believe in the saying 'Who dares wins'
Best of luck.
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i Dont think dats crossing any line...
ReplyDeleteyou cant keep pretending about ur feelings. so whateva happens after now is really your call. but dont beat yourself up bcos of ur actions...i think yu did right..but dont loose ur celibacy bcos of it...
www.justjobsng.com
I hope you will try to stick to your celibacy plan and not lose it to the first boy to make cuddles with you. Be sure even that the guy is a real friend that cares about your welfare before you do anything else. Some guys are just wolves in sheep clothing, and that crush will now make you blind. Babe, shine your eye, Ukraine is not Nigeria
ReplyDeleteyou can say that again.... i second the sheep clothing part.. be naive but dont be stupid.
DeleteLol @ cold dey abroad o by N.I.L
ReplyDeleteBack to the post jare, how long has she being in this friendship with this guy sef that she's walking on egg shells around him? The apology thing is uncalled for, only if she's aware of another Mrs. in his life and intentionally went for the cuddle. This guilt thing isn't cute...well you can apologize to Jesus. Confirm repentance ain't guilt trip tho.
You guys have said it all. She should decide if this friendship is worth saving. If you're friends like you said, be open with him...don't pressure him into a relationship. Trust me, he'll run! Be yourself, don't do any convincing. Let your feminine juices flow, lol. Like others said, a spark has been ignited and it'll want to be fed firewood. Do you wanna be a firewood for friends with benefit?
Speaking from personal experience, if you love this guy and want something serious with him, DO NOT take anything further with him sexually. Trading sex/romance/cuddling for intimacy hardly works, so please take the long route...don't plunge into instant gratification of the flesh.
Most guys won't tell you either, but they love getting laid easily with no strings attached. It's all about the laws of attraction, baby. We ladies feel attraction differently from guys, and if a guy is not emotionally attracted to you there's no connection...tololo pls try again later.
Okay, in conclusion, ask him if he wants to talk about it. If he says no blah blah blah. Pack your tent...this ain't the right park. Lol
Don't beat yourself up, just continue being friends unless he wants to talk about it.
ReplyDeleteIts definitely nowhere close to the end of the world, if anything you've done yourself an ironic favour. Now you can have better closure for your emotions - if he shows you affection then you know he felts the same, if not, then you can move on in your feeling.
ReplyDeleteBe grown ups and talk about things, no apologises are needed unless you've done more that describe, but a cuddle isn't crossing the line :)
It is really so good that you spoke out your feelings. All I would tell you right now is to take things easy; the uprush of excitement will be there, but don't give in to it. Remember, it is still a crush, which is just a basis for starting a relationship. And know that the crush might later not turn out well, just take it easy and allow him express himself too. Weigh his feelings for you with the one you have for him and you would know how things will go from there.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, lady.
My dear, all that matters is if you two love each other somuch, then there is no need for apology. I wish all d best in your new advanture!
ReplyDeleteNo line has been crossed. He's your friend so you should either seriously or 'jokingly' ask him for his thoughts on your 'confession'.
ReplyDeleteAlso, stay strong on your celibacy plans. I know what seeing boys and girls holding hands and kissing in public can do.
Stay safe
My dear, all that matters is if you two love each other somuch, then there is no need for apology. I wish all d best in your new advanture!
ReplyDeleteMy dear, all that matters is if you two love each other somuch, then there is no need for apology. I wish all d best in your new advanture!
ReplyDeleteMy dear, all that matters is if you two love each other somuch, then there is no need for apology. I wish all d best in your new advanture!
ReplyDeleteNo need 4 apology my dear, all that matter is if you two love yourselfs that much as you said. Wish u all d bst in your love advanture
ReplyDelete