Often, we focus on the upper age limits of getting married but what about the lower limits? Some months ago, it was reported that 19 years old Miley Cyrus had become engaged to Liam Hemsworth, her off-and-on boyfriend of three years. Some of the chatter over the engagement was over her age. Her fiance is not that much older, he's 22. A lot of commentators felt they were just too young, and Miley being a teenager was the key to their argument.
Since the engagement, Miley has seemed to bear out those who felt she was too immature to even think of marriage. Some of them insist that the fact she has cut her hair twice, spontaneously, without reason and in wacky styles is a measure of her age. She is also prone to rants on twitter including sharing about the problems she's having in the relationship. The latter has led to rumors Miley and Liam are about to break up.
At first, I was on the side of the couple. They had been dating 3 years, the guy looked quite calm and mature, and maybe Miley had got over her tempestous years trying to shed the Hannah Montana cloak. Now I am beginning to wonder.
Bukky Apampa blogged recently on being too young to get married,
The story was that two 19 year olds who had been dating since they were 17 decided to get married, they’re both Christians and believe they should not have sex before marriage, they have both managed to keep themselves this way in their 2 years of dating and now they are struggling to continue to do so, hence they want to get married as Paul admonished in the bible. To be clear, their sole reason to want to get married is not just to have sex, they have dated for a while and decided they want to spend the rest of their lives together.
They informed their parents and as expected, the parents kicked off saying no way, they are yet to finish school, get a job, get their own place e.t.c. Majority of the people agreed with the parents...
Most of the comments on that post agreed with the parents too that the couple were too young to get married. Some people however said they would agree with the 19 year olds to get married if they could support themselves financially. In Miley and Liam Hemsworth's case, of course they are both independently wealthy, maybe even more than their parents. So it would be dangerous to base it only on being able to provide.
I really do not think it's about age, no matter the example Miley Cyrus sets :). In a follow up post on bukky's blog, where she talked about the negative view of marriage as so burdensome and draining, pointing out that marriage can be enjoyable and happy if prepared for, I agreed with her noting that;
I will support anyone of 19 to get married but I will certainly talk to them to know what their vision of the marriage is and ask them to get pre-marital counselling. It is not about age but about maturity and ability to live and work/walk together with another person.
So what's your take? Is 16 too young to get married? What about 19 and 21? Maybe people should just wait till they are 25? Should the age be different for men and women?
19 is way too young to get married in my opinion even 21 is still young basing this on my own experience agewise that is; i reason and react to situations very differently now than i did at 19 i am more mature, think before i speak and more willing to compromise now than when i was younger. I do not think 19 year olds have matured enough emotionally and psychologically to deal with the challenges that come with marriage heck some 30 year olds still can't cope with these challenges.
ReplyDeletepersonally, i won't advice anyone to be in a serious relationship at 19 not to talk of getting married at 19. one of my biggest regrest (if i did regrets) would have been committing to a serious relationship from 17yrs to 22 years (all through uni and some extras). If i had married my ex, i would have been miserable now, i have no doubt about it. A teenager IMO is not a good judge of character, heck you may not have figured out the dirction your life is headed, talkless of settling down with one man, probably the only man yu have dated.
ReplyDeleteThat said, its still the person's life and if above 18, is an adult that can make decisions legally. It did work out for some people, like Omotola J E
If I were to generalize, I would say that it depends on the kind of vows taken and ceremony conducted, this would determine broken promises, tolerance levels and a breakdown in the relationship. If people can date for 15 years why can't they be married for that long?
ReplyDeleteSome people can handle marriage at a young age but if I speak personally, I had no business married before age 30 and now I am in my mid thirties I certainly hold strongly on my decision.
Hmmm... hmm.. now bookmarking this page. I have nothing to add that hasn't been added but I'd love to see what everyone says about the issue
ReplyDeleteGenerally, I'd say that they are both too young to get married. They need to grow up, mature, enjoy their lives, make mistakes, and then, learn from said mistakes. But there are some people who are just old people in young people's bodies. They're more mature than their age.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I don't know much about Liam, but I don't think Miley is mature or ready to handle marriage and all its implications.
I feel 25 years and above is right. marrying too early might fill one with resentment for the partner- blaming him/her for cutting short the enjoyment of being single.
ReplyDeleteHmmm I agree with doll as per resentment setting in later. I feel 19 is way too young. What's the right age? Lol, I really don't know... 26? for the girl.
ReplyDeleteI think teenagers are too young to get into a lifelong commitment. I consider maturity and financial independence a major determinant in deciding when to get married
ReplyDeleteFor women, the minimum age is 24 and for men who mature more slowly, they should wait til they're over 27, my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThere is no age limit except what is legal. I have some of my classmates from secondary school who married before we graduated. I schooled in the east and it was very common for young girls of 16 - 18 get married in those days. Some have teenage children now and still with their husbands. Some of them even went to Uni with us or went later and are working now also.
ReplyDeleteThey are too young to get married. There is more to marriage than love and sex. They have to be emotional mature.
ReplyDeleteI'm just not comfy with a teenager getting married no matter how mature she may seem
ReplyDeletecosign...
Delete19 is way too young to get married. even people who are older sometimes have to put lots of things into consideration before getting married.like real8 said-its just not about love and sex, its a whole lot of other things that needs to be put into perspective before marriage.
ReplyDeletewell, 19 is too young. I got married at 22, I have 3 kids and to be honest I blame my husband for so many things. No 1, I did not reach my full potential. For crying out loud I had 8As in secondary school!!!! in uni I was just ordinary and struggling. I love my kids and I love my husband, if I could turn back time, I would wait at least 4 years before marrying my hubby. To be honest my parents, grandparents, uncles and aunties asked me to wait but I refused and married with my big head. This is my story, others may have a different experience.
ReplyDeleteYou said a lot right there. Do you regret it?
Deletewww.tobechidaniel.blogspot.com
I do not regret marrying my husband, at all. My 3 boys are just pure joy. Its the timing that I regret. I look at my life and know that I could have done better especially academically. My first child came as a surprise but I don't regret that. I only wish I was wise and waited instead of going ahead and planning to start a family years later.
DeleteI really can't say if 19 is too young seeing as my mum got married at about 20 and she's been married to my dad for about 43/44 years now with no divorce in sight, no beatings, no major issues that they coudln't sort out between themselves.
ReplyDeleteI do however have a problem when the benchmark of 25 is used. Who and what determines this bench mark? I finished university at 19, nysc at 20, masters at 21, i've been working since, i'm 23 now and engaged and would be married on or before my 24th birthday. I don't believe i'm too young to get married, I have the support of my family and parents so basically what works for A might not work for B. Find out what works for you and do you.
LOL my friend beside me said I should add that her mum got married at 16 and is still happily married to her dad. She was in 100 level in uni and my friend's dad was the lecturer in class. Everyone kicked against the wedding, they eloped, got married and have never been happier. Her mum is in her fifties now.
I have an aunt who got married at 29 and is divorced now. Her marriage didn't last 4 years. Abegi leave age matter.
Like I said, there shouldn't be a benchmark, because what works for A might not work for B.
i guess it is about being RESPONSIBLE
ReplyDeletebeen able to handle and issues that crop
up with maturity.
Having the God-factor
In issue of Marriage/relationship,maturity come first before age, my 1 cent.
ReplyDeleteI cracked up thoroughly at this post. Why? Because I would have been a HORRIBLE wife at 19!!!! At 31 I feel a mixture of ready and not ready, how much more when I was 19 and agreed to date my first boyfriend because he was cute. No thoughts as to what we had in common. I would say whatever age you are done with college and have began to work.
ReplyDeleteAfter all said,19 is a very young age to get married.
ReplyDeleteI was married for convenience at 24. Its just not the same. I felt like I did not know who I was yet and there I was not happy. Nice guy but nice is not enough for me. I wanted more as I was loosing myself and hard no self confidence.
ReplyDelete