Dear Myne, it's about my husband, no he's not unfaithful but I fear he prefers other women to me.I don't hate my body, but I do have self image concerns that do affect our marriage bed and make it hard for me to really loosen up and let go, my husband has some issues that really hurt me. I bothers me that he loves TV shows with sex and nudity. I have addressed them to him, but he denies them and refuses to change.
It is hard for me to accept that he finds my baby-worn body and scarred face attractive and sexy when he has no problem watching the naked women in Game of Thrones and other such mainstream videos. He says he does find me attractive, but couple that with his rarely initiating sex in bed and even more rarely taking the time and effort to bring me to climax and I feel downright horrible.
I do most of the initiating. I do most of the work. I've never refused him, but I've been refused plenty. I have gone to elders in the church and nothing changes because mainstream movies aren't offically porn and thus it's not a sin issue, but a heart issue I have to wait on God to deal with.
In the meantime, I'm sick of over a decade of dealing with this and while I still will not refuse my husband, I really don't want to put the effort into our sex life anymore. I feel so horrible now, I have a hard time looking into my husband's eyes.
He thinks he's Mr. Wonderful and in some ways he is. Some times, when he puts forth the effort, he is an astounding husband in and out of the bedroom, but for the most part he's selfish. If he's content, complacent and comfy, why should he lift a finger otherwise?
I'm weary. I'm worn out in so many ways. I can't even remember the last time I smiled and felt joy. And all I'm really asking for is for him to ditch looking at naked women and spend more time with me in bed! (A little effort around the house would be nice, too.) I'd like to hear him tell ME I'm beautiful instead of talking about how beautiful other women are. I'd like him to actually look at ME naked more (yes, I do show him my naked body and would love to shower more with him, but there are times he just rolls over and looks away) instead of actresses.
I'd like him to make a covenant with his eyes and allow me to be his ONLY sexual partner in EVERY aspect, and I am willing and wanting to do that and be that and I've fought for that for over 10 years! But, since he's in denial and says all the right things to those who've counseled him and talked to him, I'm stuck. Stuck and sad and lost until he figures it out. Too weary and worn to even try anymore.
I Feel this sista..try and have a deep discussion with him and hopefully God will get him to understand..
ReplyDeleteHello Poster. Whilst I feel your pain because I am going through a very similar situation, I feel that you are trying to control what your husband sees and you want him to find you the ONLY sexy or irresistible woman in the world. From your post, it's obvious that he is not cheating, neither are you dealing with issues of porn (which you are lucky in cos that's my own issue ). I think that you need to relax a know that a man will always find other women attractive. He is only human. The fact that he is married will not cause him not to see and appreciate fine women and as long as it remains just appreciation and does not lead to actual affairs with real people or you having to deal with the after effects of poor then just let him be. You cannot control what he sees or what he watches (game of thrones is a fantastic programme by the way and has. Lot less sex and nudity than Spartacus for example). The other point that I feel I must address by your post is that I get the feeling that you are not self confident because even when he compliments you, you do or believe it. My dear, you are not in competition with those women on the telly. A man will always prefer a real life woman in his bed every night to an unattainable actress he sees on the telly. Finally, I also deduce that your husband has a low sex drive or low libido. This is not anything that you should take personally (as in think that he does not want you) but is something that you should help him with. Low libido is a secret that many men live with and can be caused by a number of factors like whether he is taking medication for high blood pressure or heart issues. One of the side effects of these drugs is low libido. Also low libido can be caused by stress, or performance anxiety especially when he feels that he cannot satisfy you. The best thing to do is to talk to him encouragingly and both of you go see a doctor, preferably a sexual health specialist who will be able to help with this. Above all don't give up! Make your marriage the way you want it. Please talk to him and God will give you the grace to follow this through.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this, it will help me too.
DeleteI feel your pain my sister, but please choose to be happy and enjoy your life and marriage. Look for and do things that will validate you as a person. Love yourself and take to the advice of the previous poster.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a touching story you explained it so wonderfully to us. Maybe if you tried to speak him about it in the same way you've written this it might tug at his heartstrings. May God comfort you, give you peace and restore your marriage.
ReplyDeleteMy view is that you need to be more confident of yourself. Make yourself happy all the time and think less of your husband's attention
ReplyDeletei feel ur pain but i'll say u sould use those things that interest him to get to him.....mayb when his watching one of those porn scean u can join him and make sure he sees u can really give him the true satisfaction he deserves. I pray things get better for u as i must say ur a grate woman and a true wife a man deserves.
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