Dear myne...I'm a regular follower of your blog and i really learn a lot from it....i sincerely hope you publish my story because i need answers to the questions in my head..
I'm in my early 20's on the verge of completing my degree...i've shyed away from relationships because i felt i was not ready for them. Not until i met my boyfriend who literally swept me off my feet and our few months of dating has been wonderful. By nature, i'm a very quiet and reserved person though,cannot be classified as boring cuz i'm very full of life with a great smile...
Recently, my boyfriend started withdrawing with different excuses of being busy and all...to cut the long story short, he recently opened up and from all he said; the only things i can pick out are the facts that i was too gentle,i did not always argue, i just accept things for the sake of peace, i did not give my point of view,etc...
Now, what's really disturbing me is "Is it a crime that i am by nature a calm and reserved person that doesn't fight or argue???" This is just me and my nature.. Should it be a reason for a break up???
Thanks...
hey gal, u r a great person. Its only that he doesn't see your potential. In simple words he doesn't deserve you. Trust me one day you will meet someone who loves you as well as respects your quiet and gentle nature. And, you will realize breaking with this idiot was far from better.
ReplyDeleteMy darling girl your boyfriend no longer loves you, that's if he ever did, and wants out of the relationship for reasons best known to him. When men do this they give you all sorts of mundane excuses. Let him go, hard as it may seem. The features you have listed are things that any good sane man would be glad to have. He doesn't deserve a good woman like you. For now, focus on working on parts of you that you feel need work. Do this for yourself and not for anyone.
ReplyDeleteDear, he's not for you. Your own person will love you as you are. This man wants drama, leave him when he finds drama, he is the one to regret.
ReplyDeleteI am astonished. He wants a cruella type of lady? My fellow lady, may the good Lord direct your footsteps to meet the one who would love and cherish you for who you are. In the same vein, if I were you, I'd re-evaluate myself to see if I am the way he describes me. Not saying you're not assertive, not at all. But while you find the answers I'd surround myself with folks who elevate my spirit and make me feel wanted. If I were you that is. Good luck, my fellow lady!
ReplyDeleteI'll say something different from the others. What I get from what you wrote is that you are a pretender. You eat things that vex for the "sake of peace" which is a fakeness. Your boyfriend wants someone who is real! No one can be quiet and reserved all the time! You are a green snake in a green grass and he is afraid that one day you will quietly poison him after you cannot contain all your anger and bitterness from letting him have his own way all the time. You're not a zombie or a robot, and if someone has brainwashed you that men want quiet respectful wives, you have been deceived because this is no more the stone age. Am sure you want an educated man? It doesn't mean you should become a shrew, just put your own education to use, read widely, have your own opinion and assert yourself when necessary. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWhy so much venom at the guy? He is neither an idiot nor a fool. They are simply not compatible. There's another man out there that likes the kind of person that you are. I am myself quite like your boyfriend and I can't stand being with a person that I cannot have a lively interaction with. Imagine a husband that says yes to everything. Should our kids go to this school or that one? Answer: anyone, it doesn't really matter. You said you do not give your point of view. Girl, being gentle doesn't mean being stupid. God forbid the man dies, how will a gentle, no opinion person take care of the children? Abeg I don't plan the man. You need to have a voice and it doesn't have to be loud.
ReplyDelete*don't blame the man
DeleteThanks to the last two comments, nothing further to add.
ReplyDeleteI like the last few comments....The truth is, the guy is not for you and it is most likely that he has met someone else and wants to dispose you, so he is trying to bring up excuses. However, one simple truth about men (real men) is that they want a 'real' and 'tough' girl- by this I mean guys want babes who can 'handle' them...I think it just has to do with the way men are wired.
ReplyDeleteLady, all other comments are good but you have a fault.....YOU DON'T STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. From what i see, you accept everything he does, whether good or bad without speaking your mind, it means you are not in a position to advice or correct him, you just accept for peace to reign. You are predictable and have become a routine, he already knows what you will do before you do it. Note, am not saying quarreling is good but YOU SHOULD HAVE AN OPINION. You are lucky he did not start to take you for granted, that would be worst. Your next relationship, be the woman who can advice her man, the one who can tell him what he refuses to see about things, the one that challenges him to aim higher, the one that pushes him to greatness with your advises/opinions.
ReplyDeleteyou are very correct.
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