Hi Myne, would like to get your advice as well as others. I have a question regarding a situation i am facing. I am in my Thirties and I met and got into a ‘relationship’ with good, Christian man that I met at church about three years ago. I really liked him and was looking forward to him making us official. For three years, he never did. We spent most of our time, meeting up, getting to know each other as friends and even getting physical at a point, but I was never asked out.
I was frustrated by this and by the fact that I sacrificed my Christian values (to remain chaste) with him. As a result, we had many fights and arguments, I even kept asking him the "Where are we going with this?" question. I loved him nonetheless and sought to understand and be patient with him. I was shocked to find out recently that he is getting married later this year.
Still hurt, i did a little digging on his fiancee and was surprised to see she was recently convicted for fraud in the United States and was imprisoned for the crime. Thing is, he may or may not know about this and even though I feel like i have moved on, i still feel obligated to let him know what he is getting into. I certainly do not plan on telling him myself.
In all of this, I surely feel rejected and discarded. I spent a lot of time, energy (and prayers!) trying to make this relationship work and feel like I failed in bagging the man of my dreams. What do i do, for myself and for him?
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This post came in on this Dear Myne - My Guy Cannot Speak Good English
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteYou know, when a man doesn't ask a lady out officially after let's say six months of getting to know her, he's most-definitely hiding something and doesn't want to be in a relationship with the lady. We call that- being friendzoned!
However, now that he has made you understand the sort of person he is who has tried to eat his cake and have it (chaste part) I think you should let him be.
If his wife-to-be is a fraudster, that's his business and not yours. Just move on with your life because you don't owe him anything. If you tell him, it'll seem as though you spend your time snooping in on his life and he'll think you still have a thing for him.
As far as I am concerned, he missed out on a good thing by leaving you after a long friendship of three years and going ahead to marry another. Let him reap where he has sown.
www.adaezewrites.com
Poster mind your business, he will find out for himself.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, there's no point crying over spilt milk, but i'd like to highlight a few points in case you find yourself in a similar position in future. You described him as “a good, Christian man you met in church” and you mentioned you got physical and that you sacrificed your Christian values (to remain chaste) with him. A “good”, “Christian” man WILL NOT compromise your Christian values in such a way, that is NOT God’s best for you. Finding him in church doesn’t make him good or/and Christian. His Relationship with God and his values do.
ReplyDeleteNow regarding your question, wisdom is profitable to direct. First of all, forgive him and forgive yourself. Secondly, ask God to heal your heart and help you to pray for him from a place of godly love, and then pray that God will reveal the truth of his fiancé to him (that’s if he doesn’t already know). Under no circumstance should you tell him, either directly or indirectly. If you do, there is a high probability that you will be looked at as bitter and vindictive.
Most importantly be very honest about your motives and feelings when you talk to God (He already knows, but it’s important for your healing). I might be wrong, but I get the feeling that somewhere deep down, you still harbor hopes that things between you and this guy will work out if he finds out about his fiancé. But is this really the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone who for 3 years deceived you and freely took what you have saved for marriage? How did you find out he was getting married? Did he tell you himself or did you find out from someone else? Please do not let anyone deceive you, God loves you dearly and jealously! The man of God’s dreams for you (not of your dreams) will be a million times better than that, and will treat you a million times better than that! I am a living testimony of this. Wait for Gods best. Don’t be like Sarah and try to “help” God/ or the situation- the result is Ishmael. Wait for Isaac. I will keep you in my prayers. It is well with you.
www.ezer-meet.blogspot.com.ng/
It is rather hard to give a good advice in this difficult situation. In my opinion, each of us chooses his own fate. You should blame yourself for the wrong decision.
ReplyDelete