"... [Benin men] are not siting [sic] and judging you unlike an Igbo man that will want to be poke-nosing in everything you do. You make your money and the Edo man is not interested in your personal affairs. If I keep waiting for an Igbo man I will just end up eternally single." - Tonto Dike.
To be honest, I admire Tonto for doing her own thing which sometimes is not what the majority may care for. I haven't watched a lot of her movies, but she does quite a good job in a few of them. Now, some may expect me to say she unfairly tarred a whole group with the same brush, but can I be real? LOL...
Yes, yes I know it's a stereotype, and I know there's no one Igbo man, what with all the villages and dialects, not to talk of background and upbringing. But, stereotypes usually have an element of truth and can be used in general. I remember back to my single days when I talked with and dated some Igbo men.
In dating, I find that you start with the familiar and may end anywhere. I was born in Enugu, my parents are Delta Igbo, and I went to school in Anambra so the first guys I knew were mostly Igbo. Even after I moved to Abuja for NYSC and then work, my circle was still mostly Igbo. OK, it still doesn't mean I know all Igbo men. But it left me with a personal view of them, and almost affected how I saw all men.
It was one baggage I had to work on while dating Atala. I had to be careful not to read the wrong meanings into some of his actions. This is because I had been used to most of the Igbo men I knew being off-handedly patronising and quite myopic in their view of women, and what I could do or not do. At a stage I almost decided I would never get married.
Don't get me wrong, some of these guys were awesome, accomplished, hardworking, smart, etc, and even very accepting at first. But with time, it became clear that they had very strong opinions on women, especially wives, their wives. I think this comes from the Igbo culture of Ori aku - a wife comes in to chop her husband's money. It works if the woman is willing and expects to do that. I'm saying this with no offense meant to the wives of Igbo men either, not all of us can be the same. Variety is indeed the spice of life. If the woman is more personally adventurous, like Tonto Dike, it might be a problem.
I almost hesitate to say it, and I know some might say I'm pointing fingers because I married a non-Igbo person. And they might be right because we have several ambitious women like Dora Akunyili, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, and Oby Ezekwili, who are all married, I believe, to Igbo men. But I wonder, are they not in the minority? Do they not fit a certain, staid, profile?
I want the Igbo men and their champions who read this blog to challenge me. Like I said, wanting what you want is not a bad thing in itself. But let's call a spade by the name. Are Igbo men not controlling? Do they not prefer traditional - read: ready to settle down - women as wives?
Honestly I think all tribes are controlling or may it's because I'm fiercely independent so, because Yoruba men too are oh! And I'm Yoruba so i kow
ReplyDeleteI also know some Yoruba men, and even Non-Africans that are controlling, but a lot more Igbo men.
DeleteMyne,i also share same view as you.The igbo men are quite myopic in their view of women and this can be seen in the way they treat their women.This cannot,however,be unlinked to their tradition like you pointed out.Some traditions have negative effects on the way we perceive things sometimes.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, we're all products of our culture and the practice of coddling women by the Igbo is not bad in itself to be honest.
DeleteIsn't it logical to reason that because you spent most of your formative years around Igbo people, you were bound to see more controlling Igbo men than say Hausa or Yoruba? If you grew up in Lagos or other Yoruba states chances are you would have seen more controlling Yoruba men.
DeleteI am Igbo grew up in Yoruba land and saw more controlling Yoruba husbands who only allowed their wives to have small shops and nothing more. Do I think this is true of all Yoruba men, no.The Igbo men I grew up around all had wives who had occupations or worked some form of 9-5, my father and four other neighbors included.
So I think your reasoning is unintentionally biased because you grew up in Igbo land and then after moving off to a different geographic area stayed with a strategic Igbo group.
90% of Igbo men are controlling they want. there food served with water .And want it clears when done even if you just come back from work.talking from esperience married to an Igbo. man for like 20 years.am writing a book about them soon
DeletePlease don't try to sugar coat it abeg.
ReplyDeleteI have had my shares of igbo man and the issues are usually the same. Many of them like their women to always be in the background talk less of taking the spotlight from them. They do take care of their women but better be ready to play by their rules-your wish is my command. Keep quiet even when they insult you in front of their peers. Never out stage them. I am not saying all of them are that way, but I have had my experiences coupled with others I have witnessed. There is this complex when it comes to their women being strong, standing up for what she believes in, bla bla bla. I can see why a woman like Tonto would have that view. There are a few who do not fit this stereotype am sure but most of them are definitely like that.
LOL...so it's not just me then. :)
DeleteWho said all Igbo men are controlling? That is not true. I am Igbo and I am not a control freak!
DeleteSo it is now an igbo thing, not an African thing? Then what would you say about the Hausas? Or would you prefer the promiscuity of Yoruba and Bini women? The pride of an igvo man is his wife. He would prefer to go in rags and have his wife have the best clothes and all. I think those who are myopic are those who have attributed it to igbo men. Tonto Dike is a spoilt brat. It is only natural for her to want a man that she can control or get away with anything she does.
ReplyDeleteOK, I guess I am myopic not to realize that all men are controlling, including Igbo men.
DeleteA spoilt brat? Thats an understatement she is Ikwerre find out more about the women. thats all i can say.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I have met the open minded ones and the narrow. The latter who are the majority typically take an exception to my opinionated self and tell me to cool down if i want to get married. I've never heard that from my non-igbo male friends. never!
ReplyDeleteHmmm..I heard that a few times, and mostly from Igbo friends too.
DeleteAs an Igbo man, I think I am loss about the meaning of being too nosey (concerning one’s wife). There is a reason why one woman is a Wife & the other a Whore after all, they are both women. Igbos are mostly Christians and their ideal of a wife falls within that precinct. I know what my people’s take about a sheep without shepherd and it applies to women/our wives. A woman’s so called matrimonial FREEDOM is attached to how TRUSTworthy she has proven to be & most women have not proven themselves in this regard. No man wants to live with a practicing whore. Our women are not meant to be just wives but role models for our daughters. There is a recent global rating about Nigerian women being the most unfaithful in the world. Whether we agree or not the poverty that pervades the atmosphere in Nigeria provides a conducive environment for unfaithfulness especially amongst the extra-materialistic ones.
ReplyDeleteFor Myne, I beg to disagree with you on your take about outstanding/successive Igbo women being a minority. I make bold to say that our women are among the top 2 if not the most daring and accomplished in the country and are not as restricted as u suggest. Successful Igbo women are in majority & not a minority compared to their counterparts. Southern Nigerian women (including igbos) enjoy a lot of freedom their northern counterparts don’t even know exists(ask some of their Hausa folks).
As for Toto Tonto Dike, I believe she has done a thorough self-examination & knows where she belongs. No MAN wants to live with a PERFECT stranger.
Thanks for joining the conversation, Chuks. I wonder why you think women as a whole, even those you do not personally know have not started from a place of Trust? in your opinion, are there no middle ground, no grey areas between wife and whore?
DeleteThank you, Chuks. I am perfectly in agreement with your views. In any event, the actress in question always goes out of way to court controversy in order to gain cheap publicity and this is just one of her stunts.
DeleteTuface (an Idoma) has a reason for choosing Annie Macauley over Tonto Dike. While one is a wife material the other is a bed material.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is like a ship manned by several men but one captain. If you want FREEDOM you drive a car and not cruise in a ship. When you travel in a ship you have to be confident about the ability of your men to deliver at their duty post assigned by nature complemented by the scriptures —this doesn’t make them inferior to the captain.
Marriage already has enough burdens without the complication of a Tonto Dike personality.
Tonto Dike is not the only girl/woman in Nollywood. There is a reason she is TONTO DIKE. She should deal with it and give up on her flimsy excuse.
Uhm just one question chuka.........hoW do you know "toto tonto dike" is a. Bed material and not a marriage material? (Just curious)lol
DeleteI didn't know Tuface was ever linked to Tonto. But this article is not about her but my own experience with Igbo men.
DeleteIs Tu-Face husband material, if I may ask??? Isn't Annie Macaulay short-changing herself?
DeleteNo doubt Igbo culture promotes the dominance of men and at the family level ensures that women are subservient to the men. Even in these modern times between brothers & sisters (not even just between husband & wife). These days you find that females (married or single)in many cases help parents shoulder most responsibilities (financial/material, emotional, psychological) and even proactively sacrifice more & take care of aged, sick parents in old age, while the sons are busy with selfish personal pursuits. But when these same parents pass on, if property or other material assets are involved, these same uncaring sons suddenly remember they're men and in some cases either through hints or brute-force (take your pick!!) elbow their sisters out of the way and take over (with their wives & children). It's a dog-eat-dog world and a vicious circle.
Talking about Tonto Dike's preference of an Edo man...Hmm, I'm not sure they're any better. Isn't a woman's role even more subservient in Benin or Edo culture (just asking).
As for the one referring to Bini women as promiscuous, how would you know? Is your brother married to one? I am a married Bini woman, proudly so and definitely not promiscuous. Mind your language! You need to open your myopic mind and stop generalising!!
ReplyDeleteOoooo Please! It's an African thing. African men like to be in control period. I admit that this AFRICAN trait is a tad bit more predominant in the igbos both men and women.
ReplyDeleteThis is why, igbos are the most likely to want to start their own business as opposed to working for someone else, they're the first ones to want to leave their own area be it hometown, state or country to another and it's natural that they would extend this desire for domination into their family lives. It's also extremely sad, however, I still hold that it's an African thing. Or more specifically, it's an AFRICAN trait portrayed by AFRICANS who have never lived outside of AFRICA! African men in foreign countries, in the U.S at least, know better than to attempt such...
You're right about the personality in Igbo people being more than just in controlling or wanting to restrain their wives. It spreads in good ways to other parts of their life.
Deletehahaha, see as myne wan start fight. You have answered your question yourself, yes it is a generalisation but as an igbo woman I think I see where you're coming from. As much as i would agree to a certain degree that core igbo men like to assert their masculinity , I would also like to say that there are yoruba, delta, bini, edo, hausa...etc men, that are also same.
ReplyDeleteMy husband's friend (yoruba) was telling he how shocked he was at me for leaving my kid at home with the hubby to go for a meeting and was like, "ha, my wife cannot try that o", so honestly myne, its just a personality thing at the end of the day, maybe there's more of that personality among the ibos than other tribes :)
I don't know how to fight sha, lol...but sometimes, you tie the wrapper small. :)
DeleteMyne, why evils? See now it has turned to tribe against tribe.
ReplyDeleteIn this day and age, tribe has little to do with personality, its your upbringing and exposure that matters. Do not get me wrong, different tribes have different tendencies and behaviours that has been passed down from generation to generation. But that too is changing. Let me explain.
I am from Niger-Delta where it is ok for men to drink local gin from morning to night and expect a full dinner from wives who have been slaving all day on the farm. My paternal grandmother saw my dad and his siblings through school, single handedly. My paternal grandfather never contributed one kobo to any of his children's education. But my father so hated this, that he taught my brothers to care and love for women around them by easing their burdens. I am an only girl with 3 brothers and they do not allow me take a taxi if possible and that can be seen as controlling in a relationship.
Growing up my dad used to cook, wash our clothes, scrub toilets and bath tubs including the bottom of the pots on a very regular basis. We kids saw that as normal. Now that one of my brothers is married he does the same in his home.
I am not blowing any trumpet but, it is what you grow up seeing as the norm in your home that your carry on into life. If you grew up seeing men commanding and controlling their women in the name of love, you will also begin to love that way unless and until there is a paradigm shift and you consciously learn that your method of loving is not normal but an aberration.
Therefore, anyone regardless of tribe or race can be controlling. Lets not make this a tribal issue. Its an individual matter.
I think you summed it up pretty well.
Deletetotally agree with you when you say "what you grow up seeing as the norm in your home you will carry on to life" i see it with my brothers as well and my friends husband.
DeleteThis is a wonderful summation. It is not a tribe thing but a product of home training and environment. Even God designated the man as the head and I don't see anything wrong with a man taking up the leadership role assigned to him while the Bible cautioned men to love their wives and wives to be submissive to their husbands. This entails responsibilities for each gender to shoulder and the abdication of these natural roles leads to much confusion. If anyone is not ready to marry, let herb forget it, after all, it,s not by force.
DeleteI will try not to find trouble again, and I actually agree with you about how we form our personalities.
Deletei think Benin men are more controlling than igbo men.
ReplyDeleteMy point is i think it is a Nigerian thing to be honest.
To extend it even further, it is a man thing. But does that excuse the behaviour?
DeleteChallenge you? Laughing! They can 'tear' you to pieces on this allegation.
ReplyDeleteWell, Benin men are most unlikely to be 'stable' as fathers and husbands. They have a lovely believe in chopping life as they go... They date all types of women and are never faithful. Well, which man is faithful in Nigeria? Benin men are highly romantic. It may be hard to regret bedding them. Women easily fall for them as per 'Isobo wayo'.
The Igbo man is too hard working and may neglect his bedroom duties. Sorry but not very romantic but ready to spend money. I knew an Igbo woman who cheated because of her husband's hard work. Was it really her fault? She suffered in silence for too long. When the man found out he was very unhappy for years. Too much work 'killed' his libido.
What I respect in Igbo men is that they would never give a woman a large majority of their money. They normally give women out of the interest rate that they make. They are not ready to lose and don't trust women. The side effect is that the good Nigerian women will pass them by and they may end up marrying the bad women anyway.
That's like something I've also heard before. I totally respect the hardworking Igbo brothers you know?
DeleteI don't think anybody should judge Tonto Dike because her mother died when she was very young. We don't know what she went through.
ReplyDeleteIt was wrong for her to smoke since she is allegedly asthmatic but it is not anybody's business although it is like slow suicide.
Your background determines how and why you think in a certain way and once you are an adult, old habits die hard.
hmmmm...I never dated an Igbo man so I'm in no position to give an opinion about them, but I think these things depend not necessarily on tribe, but on the individual - their upbringing/education/exposure, etc.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I think it's a Naija thing... Not an Ibo thing, not even an African thing. Nigerian men tend to be more domineering than their counterparts from other African countries. It goes without saying that this does not apply to every single Nigerian man- there are expcetions. STILL, Nigerian men ehn... Na wa. I am Yoruba and I know Tonto's accusations could easily work for our men as well. It's definitely not an Ibo thing.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I think this raises an interesting point. We as women might complain that our men are this and that but at the end of the day, we make them that way. Either as wives/girlfriends tolerating their controlling and sometimes demeaning behaviour or even as mothers who fail to raise them to respect women. The men don't fall from heaven. If they are control freaks, they were raised and conditioned to be that way. We did this to ourselves.
True talk and food for thought for us women. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteI beg to differ. Stereotypes have no element of truth. "Igbo" men are not violent, "Yoruba" women are not promiscuous, "Muslims" are not terrorists, "African-americans" are not violent, "Bini" people are not fetish, a black man "in a hoodie" is not suspicious. Doesn't it strike you as odd that 90% of stereotypes are negative? We are products of our environment, before the white man came to Africa, we lived according to our different cultures and traditions, and they were deemed acceptable and normal.
ReplyDeleteWestern civilization has changed our views, we are now more exposed, embracing western culture, the world is a global village with mixed cultures. An "igbo" man who grows up in Anambra is different from an 'igbo' man who grows up in California. They may have the same last names, but they have completely different views. Most of the traditions of the past have no place in modern society, it will take time but they'll gradually be phased out. Trust me, in the next 50 years, the average Nigerian will not know their native tongue.
Is the average Nigerian a scam artist? Ask a Nigerian and an American and you'll get 2 different answers. 2 sides of a coin, reminds me of Chimamanda Adichie's article on the "Dangers of a single story". My worry is that though traditions are dying out, negative stereotypes get passed down to generations, till we mistake the stereotypes for tradition.
I'm Igbo and I love opinionated and intelligent women. Sorry for the epistle. "Rantings of a modern Igbo man", Chapter 1. Lol
LOL...I loved reading your rant, and especially knowing you are an Igbo man. OK, tell me when you get married, or about your opinionated wife. :)
DeleteYou couldn't have said it any better.Stereotypes have no truth in them, in fact it's another form of generalizing. All Igbo men are not controlling, does not have to be a business man. There's no such thing as a "typical" igbo man, that doesn't exist. It might be a passed down trait from generations but that should never define a certain group of people. I believe nowadays stereotypes are becoming, if not defining tradition.
Deleteℓ☺ℓ! See fight!!
ReplyDeleteI've dated an Igbo man, and he was not the least bit domineering. He actually encouraged me to be independent. However, he was brought up in the South-South, and has parents whose marriage is almost exemplary.
All the same, I feel the points Myne raised above are generally found in African men; the difference is their upbringing.
@ Topsy, what does Tonto's smoking have to do with the issue at hand? And smoking is not wrong just cos one is asthmatic, it's wrong cos it can give both you and those constantly around you, lung cancer.
DrLily!
Thank you Doc for that fresh perspective. Upbringing and background can be quite important too, apart from tradition and culture.
DeleteI hate stereotypes. I think most of these flaws you say Igbo men have are to be found in other Nigerian men. I find Nigerian men behave based on their personality and family background .... not really based on tribe. There are lots of yoruba men that are as well controlling. You found your partner in a yoruba man .... some couldn't find in any Nigerian tribe, nor any African tribe ... they could only deal with a non-african man.
ReplyDeletethat is true indeed. Thanks for chipping in :)
DeleteWell, you know my view...
ReplyDeleteNigerian men are protective of their wives. I have dated Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa men and all of them have the same notion. I am a yoruba lady from the Middle belt and I think among the Nigerian men, Igbo guys are still caring and loving. So, it is based on different opinions and beliefs and perceptions of where we are brought up and the view on Nigerian men. I can't judge all men accordingly, because they are all different.. yes, different attitudes! Likewise I am engaged to a yoruba but i still feel that no two men are the same!
ReplyDeleteMiss Dike said she never said those things lol.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, guess i'm in the minority that every nigerian man who's ever told me to either "stay in my place" or that "my attitude/mouth will ensure i never get married" were Yoruba. My igbo friends/loves have always been the ones supporting me being independent, educated, ambitious, etc.
As far as it being an "Igbo thing" to be controlling, allow me to say its just an "African thing"...hell, probably just a "man thing"...
Myne, you hit the nail right on the head. A typical Igbo man will ask you, "But if I can give you everything you need, why should you bother anymore?" For some women, it's the best thing ever, like a dream kinda husband, but for some, it just cannot work.
ReplyDeleteIm not sure what to think of it..my dealings/interactions with igbo have not been pleasant...but they haven't been bad so as I form negative opinions about them.
ReplyDeleteI laughed at the Ori Aku because it's kinda true... but if that is the case..does it mean...
since you chop my money, I control your life?!
Hmmm?!?
Hahaha....you said it, not me :)
Deletei wont say all igbo men are controlling but lets face it, there's always an atom of truth in every stereotype.
ReplyDeleteControlling as opposed to what exactly? A woman who is not answerable to her husband? Who carries on as if she is still single? Marriage/relationship comes with responsibilities. A proud igbo man puts his family first in all things. He is the GOd appointed leader. Period.
ReplyDeleteyou are right my broda. i don't know what this pple really want ooooo!
DeleteSee as 'some' of my Igbo men just dey show themselves...
ReplyDeleteI am married to an Igbo man and it took a bit of time to adjust to it. Having previously been a fiercely independent American woman, it took a great deal of adjustment on both of our parts. What seemed like control in the beginning I have come to realize is his way of protecting and caring for me. He is a gifted entrepeneur and an excellent provider for myself and his children. Ha, I had to just laugh when I read that last line, but I won't edit it because its true -- most wives would say our children, but being married to an Igbo man I know they are his. My husband treats me with great respect and kindness. However, he does not place a high priority on my personal needs for affection or attention -- he is doing whatever is necessary to provide for the future of our family often with great sacrifice, and he expects me to do the same. He is a strict discipliarian with the children, but it touches him deeply when they are hurt or sick or sad ... to see them cry breaks his heart, that is when his tenderness comes out. He isn't harsh or abusive or controlling -- he just expects things done in a certain way. My question is this -- of all that he does and sacrifices for me and his children, is it not a small price to pay to do these things as he wishes?? He's not the type to send flowers every day or leave love notes on the counter for me or write sonnets about his feelings -- but I wouldn't trade him for another in the world, he has made a wonderful life for myself and his children. I remember early in the marriage when I was frustrated with his behavior and ready to give up -- an older cousin sat me down and told me in their language there is no word for love. He said they have words for duty, obligation, family, loyalty but none for love. He told me that Emeka won't love me with words and gestures -- he loves me by coming home each night, by working hard to give me a safe and comfortable lifestyle, by providing for and educating his children. He also told me something that changed my whole outlook -- he told me that just because someone doesnt love me the way I want them to doesn't mean they don't love me as much as they're able to. I took that to heart and saw my husband and his actions differently after that and have been very happily married ever since.
ReplyDeleteWow this makes so much since now. I am dating an Igbo man. And he doesn't seem to put much effort into affection like he did when he was first pursuing me. HE is all about work and school and accomplishing things. Our love life now comes second to that. He shows me he loves me in an UnAmerican kind of way...He will ask how was my day, how I am feeling, but doesn't rush or hurry to see me. Especially if he has things to do....This is hard at times because I want affection and lots of it.
ReplyDeleteMyne Whitman thank you for this topic. I am a woman from Botswana seeing an Igbo man. He is born and raised in the US. I told him you cant be bossy and selfish. I even thought he didnt love me but now with all the responses here, I have a clear view about my Igbo man. I have been complaining daily and funny enough he said I should not complain if I want us to get married. Im scared only for his selfishness, control I can handle though its too much!
ReplyDeleteI´m dating a nigerian guy, but I don´t know if he is igbo, yoruba. The thing is he is extremely romanticc,sweettt,likes to cook, clean, etc. but he gets angry for small things. He has the last word for everything.. including my hair color n style, the nail´s color,clothes, friends, etc..he controllss everything..commonnnnn. He is very religiouss and smart
ReplyDeletebut the last thing he did what showed me a pic of the wedding dress he wants me to wear..I´m confussed cuz is a mix of romance and control at the same time but he respects me and pampered me too much.. SHOULD I RUNAWAY OR STAY??
My girlfriends warned me against dating Nigerian men, especially because he is Igbo. And boy were they right. I was told they are stingy - he has never bought me flowers or taken the time to really court me (except the first date). But what sticks out is how controlling he is. He gives very little but expects me to give everything and submit to him. But I recently noticed that he has never once used the basic courtesy words - thank you, please, thank you, welcome. He is also huge on outward appearances - he wears beautiful clothes, nice house and nice cars. I just wish he would treat me just as nice. Now that I think about it, a woman is an accessory, just like a belt or shoes rather than a partner! I am used to being courted, treated nicely, sweet words, dinner. This man has no clue what romance it. He says he wants a wife, but I think what he truly wants is a servant/slave....I wish that was a joke!
ReplyDeleteoooh my GOD,this blog says it all,My igbo man explain each day how he wants me to be, how to behave, wat to wear such a freak.He forgets his bedroom duty bt expect me to be submissive,he is cute though thats why am still hanging on air wondering if i should put my feet down or run away
ReplyDeleteI think you should pray about it & ask God 2 lead you. Only you & God know if you can handle him because they can be demanding, controlling, & opinionated, but that doesn't make them bad men because men from all over the world want to know were you are going, what are you doing, & who you are doing it with.
ReplyDeleteMyne, you are talking about marriage and family. These are serious things. Among the Igbo, God is said to have given women the role of creation after his exit from the earth- taking care of the family. If Edo men indulge Tonto, it shows why their women have the highest number of prostitutes in Nigeria and in Europe. It shows why their husbands and fathers sell their property for them to go to Italy. Igbo men will be Igbo, not Edo, no apologies. And as I have heard from women, they are the best husbands, with women from other ethnic groups falling over themselves to marry them. Whatever fault they have is for the best of the family. Igbo women, in spite of all the insinuations and insults being paraded in a misinterpretation of the title, ori aku here, rate among top achievers in the world. The richest woman in Africa, in the 19th century, was the Omu of Aboh. She had a husband. The Aba women war which led to policy somersault of the colonial Britain was led by married Igbo women. Other Nigerian women like Funmilayo Kuti learnt from them. Married women played significant role during the anti colonial struggle, including Margaret Ekpo. In the 1957 per-independence Nigeria, Mrs. Margaret Ekpo, Mrs. Janet Mokelu and Ms. Young were in the Eastern House of Assembly. In the 2nd republic, there were also Mrs. Eze and Mrs. Nnaji (both of NPP) as legislators in the South-east, not to talk of Sen Chris Anyanwu, Dr. (Mrs.) Kema Chikwe, Akunyili, Okonjo iweala, Joy Ogwu, Chinyere Kalu, Stella Oduah, Ms Idika, Joe Odumakin. Not forgetting the pioneer female writers-Flora Nwapa, Buchi Emecheta. Read their novels and how the deride men. They are many other countless igbo women, married to igbo or not but high achievers. Igbo culture has two councils-one for the males, and another for the women. The women's are more enduring, and more controlling than the men's. the men's may be the face of the community but the heart is woman. Ben Enwonwu's Anyanwu has been described from the Igbo mythology of the female controlling the heart of the Sun. The first female governor of Nigeria is Igbo. Igbo women are found all over the world, and are said to be domineering and achievers. Onyeka Onwenu, Xty Essien Igbo (married to igbo).In sports, academia, civil service, in fact the only female bosses of Nigerian immigration services have been Igbo. Even in islamic culture Igbo women make a space for themselves- Maryam Babangida, Maryam ali. The list is long. But the question is: if they were just mere appendages, would they have been great achievers? The point is that the Igbo man like me sees the wife as his partner. She has a role to play as partner to make a family that will compete among the best in the world. She may not be like her husband as she has her council and family as stabilizing factors. Their ole in sustaining the the family. Their important role in the Biafran war through the Afia attack is still legendary. The dared bobs and bullets and still traded for the upkeep of the family. They were with their husbands all through the war and fought, through the family, to win the war for their fatherland. they dominate the markets in Nigeria and and beyond. It is not right, Myne, to denigrate these people, one of the finest and best creations of God on earth-The igbo woman. None is as beautiful as her, none as creative and yet wife materials. I have encounters other women and they are said to be the best wives. None is as supportive too. I can wax on and on cause I am proud of them.
ReplyDelete