Hello Myne, How's it going? I'm actually in a dilemma. My boyfriend asked me to marry him but i'm not in the country at the moment. He wants me to come meet his people and do an introduction after which i can go back to school and the traditional marriage rites can be done in my absence.I'm in my early twenties. I should be ecstatic, right? The love of my life wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I am but there is a clause. My boyfriend isn't financially buoyant.
I don't want much. Not even a big wedding but when my boyfriend has to scrap money for my ticket, you know how it is. Once we get married, i would be his responsibility. I don't see how he would be able to pay my tuition which is a lot, feed and take care of me and himself in Nigeria. He doesn't see it that way and has called me money conscious, saying that i don't want to struggle with him.
I'm actually from a poor family but i'm studying outside the country by his grace so i know for sure that my parents won't be able to contribute much. He would have to. He hasn't got any plan that i know of or savings. All he knows is that he wants to get married and now. My question is am i really money conscious for thinking all that? Is it out of place for me to be concerned and worried about my future?
All i want to know is, how we would manage but he doesn't see it that way. I know marriage done in the right and Godly way brings blessings but should i be content with that knowledge? He plans to get me pregnant after the introduction. like the long distance relationship isn't hard enough. lol. Like it isn't tough as it is for us, he wants to bring a child into this. He's got potential and he works at the moment but doesn't earn much.
What do you think i should do? I would appreciate if you publish this so i can get different views.
I responded to her email with some questions - Why is your BF in such a hurry to hitch up? And...Do you really love him, irrespective of finances?
My guess is he doesn't want to lose you. You can try to convince him that you'll wait for him and yourself to be more financially stable before marriage.
And if you truly love him, then let him know and maybe you guys consider only an engagement/intro and no other ceremonies at this stage.
I will post this on the site and see what others think. You can send in the answers to my questions if you want too. Her reply is below.
Thank you so much. I really do love him. Money and all. I'm a virgin and haven't even had the slightest contact with a guy since I left. He knows this. The thing is he traveled to see his folks and this came in full force. His wanting to get married now. He's in his early 30's and the only son of his parents. He's ibo so you should know what that means. I've been refreshing your page all day. Lol. Thanks so much. I appreciate that you get where I'm coming from with my fears. I'm on standby for your reader's comments. Thanks a lot. God bless...
I feel waiting a little longer would not destroy things, marriage is hard enough low finances will put a strain on the relationship. i say convince him to wait a little so that you can enjoy the union. Blessings
ReplyDeleteI've tried. Looks like his mind is made up. I was aware of his folks putting pressure on him to settle down but i didn't know how bad it was. Depending on the type of replies i get, i might forward this link to him. I'm not sure if that's a good idea but i'm grasping at straws at the moment.
DeleteI would tell him to wait longer. Q: How long have you been in school? or better still When will you finish?!
ReplyDeleteIf you do decide to get married now. I would think about starting birth control (after discussing it with him) to avoid surprise babies when you need to concentrate on establishing yourself.
Marriage is difficult for working couples and i wonder how the 2 of you would cope without finances.
ReplyDeleteAlso, what kind of marriage would it be when the two of you have no permamnent residence. If he had to scrap the money for ticket, then that means he is propably short on finances.
That said:
-if he truly loves you, he would wait at least till one of you gets a good job that would support the wedding.(remember the world is changing so fast - women carry responsibilities for the wedding not just the man)
- If you truly love him then, then one or two ceremonies is not a bad idea, maybe a low key family wine carrying and engagement. then hold off on the rest, after all once the wince carrying is done, you are married according to tradition.
Finally - not to sound cynical and be a kill joy - i keep getting the feeling that he sees you as his ticket out of the country. You need to find out if this is his plan.
Remember that in many countries, getting a green card and/or citizenship is not an easy feat.
Your first sentence is what's been keeping me up at night. He loves me but i don't know if he loves me enough to wait. Guess i'll find out soon. He doesn't see me as a ticket out as all i'm on a student visa and intend to return home as soon as i'm done with school. He's not a layabout o. LOL. He works but doesn't get paid much. He's hardworking and has got prospects too. i wonder if that should be enough for me. Thanks for your comment.
DeleteHis parents are pressuring him to marry then tell him your parents are pressuring you NOT to marry just yet [okay, don't lie. lol] but i really don't get what the rush is.
ReplyDeleteYou're in school and not only does he want to get married quickly he wants to get you pregnant immediately...i'm sorry but that's selfish!!! It sounds like he is doing all that cos his parents WANT a grandchild [since he is over 30]. IF he loves you, he should put your NEEDS first and NOT his parents needs....and your needs right now is to finish school.
I say do the engagement/introduction to show him you want to be with him and what not but IF he can't wait to get married and get you pregnant then that tell you all you need to know...you don't want to short change yourself and end up resenting him for it.
My sis, I'm going to add my two kobo by asking you to think/pray hard before you go ahead with marriage at this point.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a good thing and I'm happy to hear your man is hardworking. Still, getting pregnant on a student visa, while far away from your supports(husband/family)with access to limited funds, sounds like a recipe for heartache.
True, money does not guarantee happiness in a marriage but it helps so that you are able to meet your responsibilities and enjoy yourselves. The euphoria and giddiness of love has a way of disappearing fast when your days are spent in a cycle of just living to make ends meet. Resentment builds up quickly too. And if you don't know, raising a child is not cheap.
It may be helpful to wait until you've finished school and back in Nigeria. It's easier to chase your goals as a team and having a second income won't hurt your plans. Ultimately, the decision whether to go ahead or not is yours.
I hope you make a decision that brings your peace of mind in the long-term. All the best.
"True, money does not guarantee happiness in a marriage but it helps so that you are able to meet your responsibilities and enjoy yourselves. The euphoria and giddiness of love has a way of disappearing fast when your days are spent in a cycle of just living to make ends meet. Resentment builds up quickly too..." Word
ReplyDeleteDo you want to the bitter truth? He should love you enough to wait considering the entire situation of both of you. sweety marriage is hard work and huge responsibity it required planning with addition of little one.
ReplyDeleteI say follow your heart do the right thing finish your studies, maybe He should consider engagement to put his mind at rest that you`re his wife to be , because his either feeling insecure due to the fact he love you(fear of loosing you) or he`s selfish.
Good luck with whatever you decide, hopefully positive one.
If he doesn't love you enough to wait,he doesnt love you enough.
ReplyDeleteMarriage should be gone into for the right reasons and not even just because he can afford it and his parents are in a hurry.
Marriage is hard enough when there's money and no pressure from parents.
Bringing a child into the world isn't cheap either,maybe you should take him to a shop to see how much diapers/formular and clothes are
most importantly,does this imply if you have only girls,his parents will pressure him into marrying anoda wife cos ibo people like boys?i dont like d vibe of d hurry generally..don't hurry in and then hurry out my dear..pray as well,pray hard&ask your mum as well....u certainly need all the reminders you can get that marriage isn't a do/die affair:-)
All the best...*hugs*
It is one of two things. This guy is either scared of losing you or afraid that you will be more successful and financially buoyant than him when you finish school. which is why he is trying to make sure he derails you with marriage, otherwise why would he want to get you pregnant before you finish school? especially when he knows that he wont be able to keep up with your school fees. If you dont want to hate yourself and your life please i beg you finish school first before you get married. if he cant wait then he should bugger off, that is a clear sign he doesnt have your interest at heart and is only thinking about himself.
ReplyDeleteHe is trying to bully you into doing what he wants by telling you that you are money conscious, you are not you are only being logical and thinking about the faith of the innocent child that will be the one to suffer. Also sorry to say this have you considered that he might want to marry you quickly so he could move to the country you're in on a spouse visa?
First off...never ever take such an important decision as marriage under pressure.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel pressured, then it's the clear signal to back up and wait.
Something as beautiful as marriage between two people who deeply love each other is worth waiting for. It's worth preparing adequately for as well. So go ahead and show him you are committed to him. Get engaged and then take the time to plan for the next phase of your lives together. All the best!!
Never hurry into marriage, never.. i know its true i have been married for 7 years and i have seen/heard stuff..this same situation you are in happened to somebody in my family, the exact same thing except she was schooling in Lagos..it got so bad that she had to break ties with her uncle who was sponsoring her education over this guy.. did they get married? yes, were they happy? for a while, then the resentment cycle started, the wife eventually finished her degree with much struggle the had two kids and after years of resenting her husband for putting her through the stress they had in the early years.... she eventually hit it big, the man tripled that resentment and started beating her, even i was shocked because her husband is such a gentle soul. they have been separated for four years now, she left cause the violence was too much he would beat her and she would end up in the hospital..with hindsight she agrees they should have waited to put some basic things in place, if nothing else to test the love, because true love waits..i am sure the guy himself would not have believed he could ever hit his wife, but stuff happen in marriage o..this comment i saw earlier is so apt .. (True, money does not guarantee happiness in a marriage but it helps so that you are able to meet your responsibilities and enjoy yourselves. The euphoria and giddiness of love has a way of disappearing fast when your days are spent in a cycle of just living to make ends meet. Resentment builds up quickly too...) so so true
ReplyDeletePlease wait, it never hurts to wait, you can do an intro to assure him but nothing more for now at least finish your degree..there have been cases where the man was incapacitated after marriage and imagine for a moment that the wife does not have a degree/Job..Please pray very hard, you will find the strength to resist the pressure and WAIT!
Marriage is simple yet complex, it feeds on money, love, understanding, happiness, and most importantly trust. There is nothing bad in getting married right away, but. ..what happens after marriage is something few people think about. you have to make him understand the cost after marriage. I know you've been trying but I won't advise you to give up on trying or easily compromise because you love him. I am a guy too, but he needs to know that it is not as if you don't wish to 'struggle' with him, but you don't have to suffer. In marriage, it is heart plus head, not heart alone.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I had to delete your comment so that we can concentrate on this issue here. Also, it wasn't clear what you were asking. Please send me an email when you are less busy with all the clear details of your own dilemma and we will discuss it another day. {myne@ mynewhitman. com}
Deletehi, you are not been money conscious, u are just been prudent,i would like you to think about where you see yourself in about six months after the wedding pregnant, schooling and on a tight budget and am sure you probably will find it difficult managing, the ideal step to take is reassuring him of your commitment to the relationship and probably do an introduction to put his mind at rest. Also its not all about what he wants, its also about what you want too, think about what is best for you so you don't end up making the wrong decision.
ReplyDeleteMy dear you are not money concious for wanting to wait but rather you want to secure your future which is good if you may ask me, your boyfriend is in a hurry to settle with you for a number of reasons, you are the best girl in town any man will want to settle with in terms of morals. secondly he is afraid when you finish your school and get a good job you might not find him appealing/attractive again because your taste will have change. thirdly, every sane man always want to be the woman's first love. Having said all that you will thank God you actually waited in a long run. Marriage as sweet as it looks doen't actually taste sweet, having married for close to sixteen years, it takes stronger love, perseverance, endurance, patience and forgiveness to make marriage works, i'm not scaring you but it takes more than love for marriage to work though love conquers all but money is very very important in any marriage, you'll need a lot of money to be confortable in a marriage. Not meaning to bring down men here but the truth is men will run four forty if you stress them too much in your marriage and you'll be the one depressed 'cos he'll go out catching fun if the home front is too hot for him.
ReplyDeletePlease finish your schooling, get a good job and get small change in your bank account before settling down for marriage, thats my two cent, take care.
nobody opposing her point of view? does it mean a poor man cant get married these days?o ga o
ReplyDeleteNo one is saying she should not marry him cos he is poor, what they are saying is marry him for the right reasons at the right time.
DeleteI feel she should NOT get married. Oga here definitely is not thinking long term and that is NOT the kind of husband she or anyone sef needs. She should chill. Love is not enough to keep a marriage together or to raise kids for that matter. Money is IMPORTANT. A lot of marriages break up or develop serious problems over financial problems. She will love again biko. She's young. She has options and time.
ReplyDeleteMy dear there is no rush in life. I think you guys can do the inroduction/engagement and get married later when you are done with school. Also, you should pray about it.
ReplyDeleteI do not know what the fuss is all about. Really. Marriage is not one scary thing that someone should get all worked up about.I know, I am married and enjoying it like mad.
ReplyDeleteThe thing I have come to understand about Nigerian women is that they allow the search for comfort to spoil the joy they should have in a proposal from someone they obviously love. Anybody that tells you that money is IMPORTANT in marriage is basically asking you to settle for those that can take care of your needs or wait until the person you love can. That is bullshit and crap. You do not need to live in a three bedroom flat to have a happy marriage, you do not need to own a car to have a happy marriage, you do not need for you man to have a middle class income to have a happy marriage. The only thing you need to have a happy marriage is love and understanding.
Since you told your story, I guess I can tell you mine. Myne knows me at least and she can vouch for certain things. I am presently having a supper happy marriage and have a 6 months old daughter. I am presently between jobs and my wife just finished her youth service. We do not have a car and only moved into a two bedroom flat last year, before then it was face-me-I-face-you and the like.
My trado wedding last year was as low key as they get. I think I had less than 10 people from my family there. We didn't have much money and I am not one to go borrowing for an ego trip ever, so we went low keyed and did it for us. I've never believed in white weddings so that was never in contention anyway. It was a swell occasion for us and I recall my wife telling me after that she liked it that way and was liking being married. She is still liking it today.
What I am trying to tell you is this, the best person that can advise you is you, it is the advice you give yourself that lasts longer. The question is this, do you love this guy enough to want to spend the rest of your life with him?. From you statement, you are not one of our many "playgirls" so I won't ask "ma inyachakwago uwa" (in English, are you done rocking life and is thus ready to settle down?.
You guys can make it work, at least I doubt if anything would change that much, you are too far away for that. And being Igbo, I am sure it is the ngechi stuff that his is talking about first.
Bottom line, if you love this guy, buru gaba, if not tell him so. 30 something years is not a baby so I understand the guy's haste. Also, don't forget that he might feel that he might lose you, with the distance and all anf thus needs marriage as security.
I feel your guy. I know where he is coming from. Love him for him and marry him for that love. If he is a guy with prospects, like myself, the future is never going to be drab for you. Don let a good man go because of Nollyhood fears. Besides, guys you hustled with find it very difficult to mess you up unlike the ready made guys girl go after these days.
her situation is different from yours. he has potential but he also needs plans. you can't go out on a limb regarding marriage.
DeleteThank you for speaking for us men. Some women just worry with no need.
DeleteMazi, as u very well know, no two marriages are the same. Pple differ and hence d sort of marriages they have. Ur situation might have worked perfectly for u cos of who ur wife is and what she considers priority. 4 her, it might be "lets get marriage first; God will take care of us." Some pple hve dat firm belief & somehow it always works out for them. However, if any of the couple doesn't quite believe dis and is most reluctant to thrust her future to mere hope (i can't use faith here, as d person obviously doesn't have it), then s/he shouldn't be pressured into it? Chikena! If the writer had written a different letter, say she wants to marry dis man now-now-now-now but her parents/friends are saying no, i'd feel a lot differently as i do about her situation. I'd tell her to weigh her future carefully and be prepared for everything difficulty d lack of money will throw her into. & if she convinces me dat she's done so and is well able and ready to weather d storm with her man, i'll tell her (although reluctantly) to carry go.
DeleteBut, what we hve here is a woman dat is not ready for the burden her man is intent on placing on her head. Not only is it unfair dat he's trying to bully (sorry, i used d word but it seems apt here. I mean, why accuse her of being materialistic just cos she's not failing over herself at ur suggestion. *hiss) her into it. What does he think will happen wen she needs money 4 her next school fees and he can't provide it? Or wen she needs to pay for childcare (which costs an arm and feet in America. I mean, i don't know abt yankee but in UK, we are looking at nearly 800-900 pounds per month for daycare) and bobo says he doesn't have???? The next thing, he'd start pressuring her to defer her education? Work a bit? Abeg abeg. This marriage wouldn't be starting on d right foundation, so i say she shouldn't do it. & like Jemima said, d writer have far more chance of not hving babies when she's not married than married. What is she going to do? Ban the man from making love to her? Take pills and be rowing with her husband everyday????? & while all these is going on, what d heck will be happening to her education??? I know some men think a woman's education is merely jara and nothing she shld give things up for, but as u well know i say daz bullshit!
This is just spot on, its logical reasoning.. one cant argue against logic!
DeleteI have qualms with him wanting a child now though. I think, if you decide to marry him, it's an issue you guys can sort out.
ReplyDeleteYou guys should please be realistic, when you decide to get married, children is part of the package ..yes the couple can agree to wait,but in this case her fiance has made his intention known, he wants her to get pregnant..so what are we talking about here, there is obviously no agreement, so how can they work together..
DeleteMost successful marriages were not founded on bouyancy. Some couples had to labour and strive together to achieve the level of successes they are enjoying today. But the fact is that each person is different and has a different story to tell.
ReplyDeleteThis bf may be seriously in love and is incapable of waiting probably for fear of losing her and because of family pressure. If gf feels exactly the same way, let them seal the relationship by doing the preliminary marriage rites, considering the financial situation prevailing for them. Having children should be left out of the question at the moment as being a student and living in a distant land would create more difficulties for the girl. It is no use putting oneself in an avoidable difficult corner.
In all girlfriend, follow your heart. People may advise but at the end of the day, the decision is all yours to take.
I think she is being realistic and thinking of their futures, (especially with him wanting to get her pregnant as soon as possible after marriage), she needs to finish her education and that way they can have a strong basis for their marriage, she seems quite sensible and probably is also aware that most marital breakdowns are caused by financial stress and pressure, why is he in such a hurry to get a ring on her finger? why not just a long term engagement or commitment ceremony until they are both in a good position to embark upon married life?
ReplyDeleteDear Myne Whitman, i read your article and i wished the lady had read some of my earlier post on the LOVEPAGE about distance relationships. Its a scary one especially when one or both parties are not matured and experienced. However the deed is done and here is my counsel.
ReplyDeletea. i think they both love each other but the man is getting scared of loosing her, i mean, who wont after scraping all of his savings to send her abroad. Yes the pressure from the family isnt helping matters but the poor guy is probably feeling like a big fool right now, not 100% sure of what the girl is up to over there. Not to mention the complex issue that could be arising because of the gradual status difference. I'd say the lady should not be afraid, the guy is just being a man.
b. I think the lady is still very young and a bit immature as she hasnt come to that cross road of what she wants for herself in life. She wants a career and a good life and i think she has lost faith in her man to give her all this. Possibly i seriously believes she has another suitor, really pressuring her abroad and possibly a wealthy type. At this point she wants to leave the relationship but she is afraid of the years she has spent together with him. I'd say its moving beyond love to pity.
My final verdict,
I think both parties need to give each other some space. The gaps between them is getting ever so wider in terms of space, career, money, emotions and now trust. I feel they both need to think about what they want and come to understanding of whether what they share between themselves now is actually what was their in the beginning. Its a sad story but i have never recommended a distant relationship. Never!
hi Ayo, thanks for your comment. My boyfriend didn't send me abroad and has contributed little or nothing to be welfare since i traveled though i understand the situation of things and i'm not worried about that. I don't have any suitor, nobody i'm considering at the moment and not even a back up guy to fall back on if for one reason or the other we don't work. I'm 101 percent faithful to him in every aspect and would never for any reason cheat on him. I DON'T want to leave the relationship and i'm totally in love with him. I've never thought of his financial status until now that he's been insisting on getting married.
DeleteI just wanted to put it out in case any other person was thinking along the same lines.
Thanks for all your comments and if anybody gets where my boyfriend is coming from, please drop a line. looks like i'm winning.. lol. that was a joke. Thanks again. Hoping i get more replies. Cheers
You mean you are yet to form an opinion based on all these comments? Haba madam! Is it that you are yet to hear what you want?
DeleteLOL. i know, right? I guess i'm hoping i get more opinions from people(maybe guys?)that see things from his angle cos i don't. I've tried but i'm yet to come up with anything concrete.
Deletena wa oh! person wey get head no get cap, person wey get cap no get head lol...
ReplyDeleteI do not think you should rush into it, and d last thing I would do is bring kids into it at this point (if I were you) .. he can lock you down with a ring and maybe do a little engagement.. u should be able to compromise if your truly love him... if you are having doubts about spending the rest of your life with him... then, you should be asking a different question..
goodluck
This is a good article... I would say to the girl involved that you are blessed to find a man who is settled in his heart to want to go into marriage. Not many men are confident or settled enough in their hearts these days to go into a commitment especially matrimony. You say you are in your early twenties and he is in his early thirties (if I am correct). You are going to school and he is working. And, you are in a long distance relationship which makes it a double challenge. You need to know yourself as a woman and be at peace with yourself before you can go into marriage and having children. At the same time, you say he is earning a little of money which will make you more responsible. It is all about how you two work together as a team and make sure you know what your plans are together. You say he has potential thats good, it is about motivating each other to get where you both can be happy financially. At the same you said you wanted to wait and he doesnt seem to be happy with the idea. You have to really revisit the relationship and figure out exactly you both can agree on to meet halfway. Ah engagement could be ideal for a start. Then take it one step at a time. You are very young and have so much time ahead of you... Cherish each other and the moment with each other. get to know him more and follow the flow. I wish you love and happiness whatever choices you make... be at peace. we can only inspire and you can decide.
ReplyDeleteI will not go with the trend here that says you should wait. I think you should get married now, early twenties is not too young, and you say your guy has a job. Just agree with your parents that they will support you even if partly until you graduate. And yes, no babies o!
ReplyDeleteshe said she's from a poor family. which parents? she ceases to be their responsibility the moment she gets married. parents of the bride can only assist if they want. personally, i wouldn't want to ask for my parent assistance after i get married. rich or poor
ReplyDeleteI agree, why put more burden on her parents when they are not buoyant,also i dont know why everyone is telling her to get married but not have children. Its a good advise but its not realistic because
Delete1) the girl is a virgin and she would probably not know the first thing abpout preventing a pregnancy
2) Her fiance wants her to get pregnant immediately after marriage and i can tell you for free that its almost impossible to do any sort of family planning without cooperation from your husband, even if you put in a coil he can pressurise you to remove it and i don't think coil is even advisable for a person who has never had children, so we are talking things like counting your safe days and condoms which require the husband's co operation or it will not suceed.
3) Even with family planning when you start having regular sex, you can still get pregnant because its not fail proof..so my own take is for her to finish her education and get a job so a least with the small they are both earning they can manage, to me its a logical decision not an emotional one, but logical or emotional, ultimately the decision is still hers..i wish her every happiness
Nobody likes to talk about this but it is happening in many young marriages including my own. God help us.
DeleteI love Jemima's comment. Love it! Spot on!!!!
DeleteD bottomline here is, babe doesn't want to marry. He shouldn't pressurize her into it. She needs personal & 100% commitment on her part to weather all the storms marriage comes with it.
You have said it all.. when it comes to marriage, one needs to be in it without the shadow of a doubt, with 200 % commitment because when storm comes ( and they will) you had better be sure..
DeleteMy dear. In your heart you have already made up your mind but you want to take a poll on how many people are on your side.
ReplyDeleteAll I will say to you is that life is a work of faith. When I married, my Babe was a lecturer I had a very good job in Lagos. I thought hard, about relocating to meet him in the "hinterland". I was against it. At that time he had admission for his PHD in America and I kept saying when he gets his sponsorship in his hand we'll do introduction. But he wanted to marry me "now, now". I went to town sampling peoples opinions. Long story short, I married the guy with big dreams, quit my high flying job and today na the America we still de, PhD done, he is achieving his dreams and me mine.
Decide what you want for yourself. Only you know the picture 100%. I can see you are almost defending him sef. When you decide, faith and hardwork will carry you to the place of monetary contentment.
Ehen, allow me to draw your ears, whatever you decide, do not, I repeat do not carry belle oh. Do not carry belle until you finish school at least. Don't do it, otherwise na sufferhead you wan enter.
Godspeed.
You must understand that marriage is a life time thing. before you make a decision as regards marriage, you must look at things in 3D form. You must keep aside your emotions and be realistic because you can't help but leave with the consequences of your decisions. You may know your bible or quaran and not know your (wo)man. and you don't want to make a permanent decision based on a temporary circumstance. If he really wants to get married to you, there is such a thing called patience. He should wait and not rush you into making a decision as important as this. so,being concerned about finances only goes to show you are a wise lady. Don't feel bad about him saying you don't want to join him to struggle. After all,you met him struggling. That should ring a bell. So my dear,just make sure not to make a permanent decision based on a temporary circumstance. I pray God helps you in making the best decision.
ReplyDeleteI am a little late here but there is just one question - do you love each other enough. I think real love and appreciation of each other can lead to mutual understanding and respect of each others goals and aspirations. I am not comfortable with a guy who thinks 'I am of age and need to marry, have a child to prove myself'. Nor should you think, 'if I miss this chance at marriage, what next'.
ReplyDeleteI had a bf who was trying that pressure thing.."I am not getting younger". At a point I had to retort..'what were you doing all these years?' Was it my fault?' Suffice to say, it didn't work.
Like many above have said..marriage is for a lifetime. If you truly love each other you will come to a compromise that doesnt send you running to Myne to sample opinions...cause your heart will be at peace. May God lead you right.
Wait
ReplyDeleteThe children are not going to eat oxygen
Sorry hun, I got tired reading your post. EDUCATION IS POWER!! in this day and age, this new generation, my generation , we want to live a nice life unlike our parents that married early and built their wealth while training us.. hmm babe why the rush, you said you were in your early twenties WHY THE RUSH?? I like what tisha asked you ' WILL YOUR KIDS EAT OXYGEN?" I will advice you focus on your career and books and tell your oga to do the same..what are his plans ? you marry, then what ? will he tell to come back home and look at his face ? ..This life is a process and there is time for re everything.. you are young now, study, start your career, travel with friends, live that young spinster life then get married! what if you even find someone that is career driven like you and plans to make his life and his future kids very comfortable on the way ? do you want to marry this one in a hurry and be thinking in a year's time "did I miss out on anything in life ?" marriage changes things from "you" to "us". FOCUS ON YOU NOW!
ReplyDeletecheers
She said he is working. She dint tell is his earnings. What if he earns averagely and our sister was looking for Dangote's son? Comfort is relative, maybe she is the only one that thinks he is poor. Guess she will be done with school by now, who paid through her education abroad? How many husbands can afford the cost of foreign education? That he cant pay does not mean he is poor or not marriable. He doesnt want to loose him and that is because he loves her. The lady has started seeing him as inferior and I guess the relationship is about to collapse. I guess it would have by now. If they are still together they should marry if they love each other and they can afford to live together... and start raising children when they can afford to care for them.
ReplyDelete