Confused Girl… Are You Ready For Marriage?

This is a response to Confused Girl's mail to Myne.

Are you ready for marriage?

Okay, brace yourself… NOPE! You not ready!!! Oh by the way, there is nothing wrong with that, marriage is an enormous step to take in life, so make sure you don’t feel bad at all!  And it appears it is a combined case of the normal pre-marriage hesitations, as well as you having two additional complications, your bisexuality AND his plans to move back to Nigeria so soon.

Some sweet but tough love.

Okay now you know when people typically say: He is my perfect companion, or She is my soul mate  or we were made for each other…Not true at all. Are you old enough to know the Whispers classic song: And the beat goes on? As the Chorus goes: “…just like fishes in the ocean, they'll  always be someone new…”

So if the relationship ends, eventually, you BOTH will and should certainly be able to move on to equally happy, rewarding and fulfilling relationships with somebody else. Why? Well I do not believe in the concept of a perfect match, meaning only ONE person out there that was meant for you. I do however believe in the perfect TYPE of person or group of people out there that would be the most ideal for you. Hence if you miss one person who appears to be the ideal match, there is most certainly another out there within your ideal group that will meet and possibly even beat what you feel is only available to you in your current fiancé. I have personally experienced this. And I am willing to bet there are others out there who did not marry that “ideal” one person, but today are in a great marriage with somebody else.

Confused Girl… On Being Attracted to Women

This is a response to Confused Girl's mail to Myne.

My dear lady, I read your dilemma with interest and find that rather than simply send you a one paragraph response, you require a well thought out and unbiased response to your dilemma. What I like to do is look at your situations from a variety of perspectives and then you get to decide what to do and how to move forward to deal with your situation.

And of course you actually have TWO unrelated problems rolled into one. I hope you realize that. Lets deal with one at a time. 

On your bisexuality

Let us start from the religious aspect. You are likely to get a number of responses from many Nigerians condemning your actions and behavior. This is not wrong, but is due to the fact that a large segment of Nigerians in and out of Nigeria remain strongly religious. As you have said this not an issue in your relationship, (but it could be, more on that possibility later). I suggest don’t take those critics too seriously, not that they are not to be heard, or might offer bad advice, but I believe to each his / her own. If you don’t hold / share those Christian perspectives and beliefs then you need not worry about them, or be held to them. And no, there is no demon or devil chasing you either! :) No one should not foster their beliefs on you, unless you are willing to freely embrace them.

Secondly, any true Christian will have only one line of advice for you. Go and find some solution or deliverance to your “problem” of bisexuality.  You can then of course freely and happily get married to your fiancé. However, if your fiancé is one who will intend to become more religious after marriage, (this tends to happen to many couples as they go on to have kids and realize they want their kids to have some religious structure in their lives). You might also want to consider that factor as you decide what to do next.