Debate Tuesday - Who makes these rules anyway?

What rules am I talking about you ask? Dating Rules of course. I was reading one of my favorite blog magazines, The Ladies Room, and they had asked some ladies how they fared on sticking to these rules. The question came to me immediately. Who makes these rules anyway? I am glad the ladies from the ladies room gave varied and interesting answers and did not always stick to how it was 'supposed' to be done.

The vexing thing is that these rules range from one end of the spectrum to the other so that if one is not careful, they end up running your life for you. There are guides on when and where to meet for the first date, what to talk about, what NOT to talk about, who should call the other first after the date, HOW - call, email, text - When to have the first kiss, When, IF, how, and where to have sex, When talk about each other, HOW to discuss any exes, when to meet friends or family, WHO pays for the first date, and so on and so on till infinity! OMG...I'm glad I bypassed all these rules and I'm very happy with how my relationship is turning out.

Dolapo Babalola - My God even in the last minute

I got this book last week in the mail and I have finished reading it, it is that good. This is a Christian inspirational book and it one that will definitely encourage anyone who reads it. Dolapo presents a God who does not abandon us, a God who is always there even in the darkest time of night, and a God that will make our joy full in the morning. My God, even in the last minute is told from the prism of Dolapo's experience on the path of obtaining a US permanent residency. She dispenses encouraging bible verses and some information on the process of H1B documentation and eventual green card. It was also a fun read, tells an engaging story and is well written. Highly recommended. Read Dolapo's interview below.

1. Tell us about yourself?

I would like to introduce myself as Dolapo Babalola (Maiden name: Adeoshun) a debut author of a Christian Inspirational Book titled "My God: Even in the Last Minute" (MyGelm) released September 2010. I am also a family physician; and I practice clinical and academic medicine at Morehouse in the Department of Family Medicine, Atlanta. I am the oldest of four children, born in the mid-1970s to Dr. and Mrs. Adeoshun, who are both based in Nigeria. I obtained my medical degree from the University of Guyana, South America. After that, I completed an Internship at the University College Teaching Hospital in Ibadan, Nigeria. I migrated to the United States in the pursuit of higher learning. I subsequently graduated from Morehouse Family Medicine Residency Program and subsequently stayed on as a faculty member.

Picture Weekend - Love is in the air

Yeah, there's love in paradise except for these two gorillas at the top - you can see that they infected me with their dour demeanor in this first picture. But especially for the humans at the bottom - I think you'll recognize them. So apart from the first, all these pictures show there's love in the air and that's how I feel this lately. Have you told someone lately that you love them? I love you. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

BTW, did you know that my birthday is in ten days? Countdown soon.

Steps to a successful relationship - full article

I have noticed that a lot of time when a man disregards his home, or a woman nags the man, it is because they are harboring a grudge from an earlier incident and not necessarily because of the little things that will be their first answer if you ask them. A man might say, she doesn’t know how to cook, the woman will retort, he drops his stuff every which way, but when you probe deeper, there is usually something else. These are steps to better relationship.

Tuesday Talk - To be a Changemaker or not

Where, precisely, do you go in order to get permission to make a dent in the universe?

The accepted state is to be a cog. The preferred career is to follow the well-worn path, to read the instructions, to do what we're told. It's safer that way. Less responsibility. More people to blame.

When someone comes along and says, "not me, I'm going down a different path," we flinch. We're not organized to encourage and celebrate the unproven striver. It's safer to tear them down (with their best interests at heart, of course). Better, we think, to let them down easy, to encourage them to take a safer path, to be realistic, to hear it from us rather than the marketplace.

In the post titled "Do you need a permit?" acclaimed blogger Seth Godin asked why most of us are more comfortable doing follow-follow or words to that effect. More worrying is the other side. Where people feel comfortable destroying a persons ideas or rubbishing their actions just because they think it's for the person's good. This person just wants to be the change they would like to see in this world and others, not just too scared to step out of their comfort zone, are also scared of change.

To be honest, it takes a lot of guts to stand in the face of such attitude not to talk of continue on that unbeaten path you've chosen for yourself. In some Nigerian circles, it is called the Pull-Him-Down Syndrome or PHD usually going hand in hand with Herd Mentality. So what Seth Godin is saying is not new but I think it is worth repeating. People who want to blaze a trail need to be encouraged because sometimes, it is impossible to be a changemaker unless you have a few good people around you. People who will cheer you on and not try to hold you back. People who will jump in and offer help and support.

So question to you. Have you been a changemaker before, seen someone try? How much support did you receive, and what opposition. Are you still on course with that vision?

Out of Curiosity - Nwabundo Onyeabo (Guest Author)

Tell us about yourself, a brief autobiography.
My name is Nwabundo Nneka Onyeabo aka Oluwapamilerinayo. I hold a BSc in Public Relations and an MBA in Marketing & Finance from Morgan State University. Some of my poems have appeared in the Sable Quill Magazine and a number of websites.

When and why did you begin writing?
I've been writing since I could hold a pen; perhaps around five years old. I started writing at first just because it was an awesome avenue to express myself and relieve my active mind from all its imaginations - it was not intentional like "today i want to express myself therefore i will write" it was more "ooh here's a paper and a pen! scribble time!" I would write stories, and draw all over my notebooks and with time I realized that there's so much power in the ability to express yourself with written words...

What inspires you to write?
I like to say - everything. I can start a poem or story because of something someone said, something I read, something that resonates with the things I am passionate about. Some of those things are love, nigeria, education, chocolate, family, friendships and food.

What was your publishing journey like, from thinking of the book idea to holding it in your hands.
It was very interesting. I decided to publish a collection of poems three years ago as a 21st birthday / graduation present to myself... i didn't quite get to it that year. My manuscript was accepted by an American publishing company in Summer 2008, but i decided to self publish in 2010 to get a feel of the publishing processes in Nigeria. I'm blessed with the favor and open doors i experienced and also extremely grateful for the bottlenecks because these experiences teach you valuable lessons... lets just say i can now give very good publishing advice :)

Why poems? Do you plan to write prose too?
Poetry is almost like second nature... I write prose also but poems flow through me when i'm inspired. I literally have to find somewhere to put it down, its like being pressed to pee. Once those words are written, typed, or recorded immediately my mind produced them; i can commence tweaking... Prose comes with a hard pressed mind boggling issue with the same urgency but a reduced flow.

Do you have a major theme that runs through Out of Curiosity?
- There are a couple of themes that run through. There's love, issues of life, soujourns (that is places and journeys), and lessons i have learned.

What books have most influenced your life?
- Hmmmmm.... All Enid Blyton books i ever read (Famous Five, and etc), Alex Haley's "Roots", Ben Okri's "Famished Road", Chinua Achebe's "Things Fall Apart", Longer at Ease" and "Arrow of God", Ted Dekker's "Three", and "Obsessed", Frank Peretti's "This Present Darkness"... there's quite a lot o

If you had to choose, which writer would you consider a mentor?
- Prose: Dr. Chinua Achebe; Plays: Barr. Wole Oguntokun; Poetry: Prof. Wole Soyinka, Victor Okigbo

What books are you reading now?
C.S Lewis "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader"

Are there any new authors that have grasped your interest?
- Right now its Chris Abani, Biyi Bandele, Chika Unigwe, Chimamanda Adichie and Sefi Atta

Is there anything you find particularly challenging in your writing?
- Writing to convey in the most surreptitious yet descriptive way what i'm feeling. I only experience this with poems though.

Who is your favorite author and what is it that really strikes you about their work?
- I would have to say Frank Peretti. His writing is totally awesome! Its deep yet understandable and very very spiritual, uplifting and educative. I love love love his work! I'm a huge fan of Ted Dekker as well.... I also love all things by Flora Nwapa, Elechi Amadi and Ngugi Wa thiongo.

What do you think of the Nigerian publishing industry?
- Its thriving! I'm really glad how much we're coming up; from the days of Flora Nwapa's Tana Press till now, I must say we're not doing too badly - we must keep it up!

What comments do you have about the reading culture in the country?
- Ah, it definitely needs to improve. I cannot stress enough how important reading is to human survival. If you think about it critically, its at the root of receiving information. If we don't read, we CANNOT know and that's a fact. I don't think Nigerian youth and children espeacially are reading enough, this needs to change.

Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?
- Firstly, Happy Independence Day Nigeria! Stay Reading! Love your neighbour as yourself and if you haven't bought "Out of Curiosity" hmmmm, lets just say you're NOT my reader! **folds arms and turns nose up in the air** so go buy "Out of Curiosity" :)

Do you have an online presence, Facebook, Blog, Twitter or a website?
- I am on facebook as Nwabundo Onyeabo, there's also a twitter page for my book ~ outofcuriozity

Where can we buy the book, both in stores and online?
- "Out of Curiosity" is available at the Hub Media Stores, Palms Lekki in Lagos Nigeria; it is also available on amazon.com ~
http://www.amazon.com/Out-Curiosity-Collection-Poems/dp/9789083459/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1285085673&sr=8-15

Picture Weekend - Vancouver on my mind

Will I ever forget vancouver? We had such a great time there last month that I don't think so. It's a lovely city, not too big and not too small, perfect for a small-town girl like me. In a way, it actually reminded me a Seattle, both on the West Coast, similar weather and they love their coffee too. Except Vancouver had a marvelous vista of mountains surrounding it almost on all sides, and is more diverse too. The native Indian population is more visible and there are also loads of Asians, I hear Richmond is almost 75% Chinese.

There was also a vibrant social life, with a thriving fashion high street that reminded me of the UK. I don't think we have that in Seattle. We visited several landmarks in Vancouver including Chinatown, Stanley Park, MetroTown, Granville Island, and the Top of Vancouver revolving restaurant. The last felt a lot like the restaurant at the top of the Space Needle in Seattle where we went for my birthday dinner last year. We had a great experience this time as well. I'll stop running my mouth now and allow you to enjoy the pics.

Welcome to Vancouver BC, Canada. It was raining cats and dogs as you can see. 

Passing through the border control, it was quick and easy.

A random bull on the street near our hotel. Vancouver's answer to the Wall Street Bull? You decide.

Walking around downtown, the top of Vancouver restaurant building in the distance.

Holy Rosary cathedral

Tuesday Talk - What makes a successful relationship?

Maybe this topic is not a debate cos there are no two sides. I have written a short piece on how we can have success in our romantic relationships and I want to know what others think.

The truth is that having a successful relationship will take a lot of work from both partners. Like someone once mentioned in a group discussion, “success takes patience, perseverance and flexibility”. A fantastic relationship will not happen just because you want it. You have to apply yourself. It takes a lot of effort to oil the wheels of a relationship. I usually liken it to a bank account and how if one is not careful, they can land in the red. Yeah, sometimes love, especially by itself, isn't enough.

Some will say, you only need to be with the right person and you’re home free, but that’s not completely true. Sometimes, I even begin to wonder if there is a so-called “right person” because, if you lay back after getting with THE ONE, you might end up not lasting for any significant amount of time together. This is because no matter how long you’ve been with your partner, you have to always keep working on your relationship and try to find ways you can improve it.

Some things that come easily to mind are the essences of any good relationship, romantic or not. They include good communication, trust, openness, honesty, mutual respect and so on. I have to say that for me personally, mutual respect and good communication are very high on the scale.

So what about you?

Love Letters - Dr Wilson Orhiunu (Guest Author)

1. First off—When did you start writing?

I used to write poems on sheets of paper destined for the bin in 1985. Started keeping what I wrote in 1998. I write songs, poems, jokes and short stories. They can all be read on my website http://babawillyentertainment.com

2. What type of book is this, is it an autobiography? 

Love Letters is a work of fiction written in pidgin English. I however use my alter ego; Babawilly as the main character. It is funny and contains Love poems and Letters. There are also some short stories with love as the central theme. It is a psychological exploration of how the Nigerian expresses love.

3. Do you intend to write more books?

Currently writing the sequel to Love Letters

4. How did you come up with the idea for the book?

I have always been interested in those instructional books on writing romantic letters. I always found them funny, so i decided to write something for a laugh. Human interaction and family dynamics is a passion of mine and being a family physician fuels that passion. I enjoy listenning to people and their family histories. The older the person the better for me. People always say things not written in books and i find that very educational.
I fill up my cerebral tank with information, turn on the ignition and the words just pour out of my exhaust (if you get what i mean)

5. How long did it take you to write?

Two years. Needed to research the topics and work out a system of writing prose in Pidgin English. Being funny on every page takes time and i am glad i achieved that

6. What project or projects are you working on now?

The sequel to Love Letters

7. Give a brief synopsis of the book?

Love Letters is a romantic comedy written in flawless Nigerian Pidgin English. It tells the story of a love affair through a series of letters written to the main character's sister in which details of a new relationship are disclosed. It follows in the tradition of Amos Tutuola's Palm Wine Drinker and Ken Saro Wiwa's Soza Boy and displays Nigerian pidgin English at its best.

8. Which of your characters do you most relate with (please give a brief explanation of why you relate to him/her)?

The main character, Babwilly, my alter ego, for obvious reasons.

9. How important is the title of a book? How did you decide on the title of yours?

Love Letters is a series of letters written to the character's sister about a romance that was newly developing. I didn't have to think much about the name.

10. How do you “get in the zone” when writing? Do you listen to music?

When you read Love Letters you would find it to be something of a musical. There is a lot of references to pieces of music. I listen to music all day and all night so music tends to feature in most things I do. I find music very mood modifying. I don't feel in the mood to write anything comical or romantic most days actually. After a busy day at work, romance is the last think on one's mind. However, one or two tracks later, I am firing on all cylinders.

11. What is your writing environment like?

Sat at a table with my laptop. My dictionary and Bible are close at hand as is my Thesaurus and music from you tube.com.

12. Tell us about the journey from writing your book, the editing process, finding a publisher and seeing it in press.

I got the initial idea after a conversation I had with my sister about various matters. I thought that a conversation with a family member would serve as a good vehicle for reporting the various up and downs involved in new romantic relationship. I wrote a few letters and published them on my blog for comments. Everyone said they were funny, and so I wrote and edited the manuscript to the best of my ability. I then passed on the manuscript to a friend who did a great job on making final corrections. I contacted AuthorHouse as I decided to self publish initially and then see how things went. I am hoping to find a publisher for my books soon.

13. What’s your favorite part of being a writer?

Having people laugh and forget their problems.

14. What’s you least favorite part?

I cannot think of any.

15. Do you ever have trouble with writers-block?

No. Maybe that is because I don't write to dead lines. I keep on researching and write when the mood takes me. The characters all live in my cranium and interact just like in the Big Brother House. I view and observe what they do and say then I write it down. It is almost like having hallucinations.

16. Most people write part time. What do you do when you aren’t writing?

I am a General Practitioner in Birmingham UK. I don't seperate my writing from my day job as the people i meet everyday keep me with what is new in the human condition. People share their lives with me and that usually inspires story lines in my books.

17. What are your favorite books and authors?

The Bible by God and Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe.

18. Want to share a favorite line from one of your books?

No. That is for the readers to do. I love all my lines.

19. Would you like to share anything else with the readers?

I wrote the first on line Pidgin English Dictionary which can be read on my website. It might be useful for those not too versed in Pidgin English. http://babawillyentertainment.com

20. Where can we buy the book?


AuthorHouse.com, Amazon, and other places books are sold.

Picture Weekend - Yesterday

So the weekend is almost all done and dusted. It was lovely spending time with the ladies of the Seattle Romance Writers Association but the Independence party trumped it, I confess. I had previously not seen as many Nigerians in our area in the same place before. And loads of them were dressed in the green and white colors. Feeling all patriotic and all, I was also rocking a green dress and a white shrug, lol.

At the RWA, I met some of the authors I had read their Mills&Boon, MIRA and Harlequin titles decades ago. And a new author - Brenda Novak - I had discovered more recently allowed me to take a picture. I also got a Regency Romance Anthology for those cold nights of winter or maybe when I'm in nigeria missing Atala. A lovely lady opened the show for me and my books when she requested an autographed copy. I had a great time chatting with the author I shared a table with too. She writes paranormal romance, and her novel she said is like Waterworld meets Book of Eli. we left around six cos we had some errands and also had to get ready for the later party.

At the Nigerian event, there was fantastic music playing which was mostly a mix of Naija hip hop. I didn't even realize I knew one of the DJs, one of the best in the area, lol. I met these two lovely twins, who as it happened had also went to my old school, Queens School Enugu. We exchanged nostalgic anecdotes and of course I had to tell them about Kevwe and Ofure :). I sold almost 10 books through them and a few of our friends also turned up too. I almost didn't feel like going when we left around half 12 midnight.

Great day all told, enjoy the few pics below.