Debate Tuesday - Increasing numbers of women marry for money?

"According to a new study more women are are marrying for money than did in the 1940s.
The author of the report, Dr Catherine Hakim, tells BBC Radio 5 live 'there is this myth that women invariably choose to have a relationship of total equality'.
Speaking to Victoria Derbyshire, Dr Hakim continues: 'More and more women are choosing to marry men who are substantially better educated than them, and therefore have higher earnings capacity.'
BBC News - Are increasing numbers of women marrying men for their money?

Just last weekend, I was asking on my Facebook support page and on Twitter, (you can click on the left side bar to join both), if it is true that men marry downwards socially and financially. A lot of those that responded agreed with me, though @miafarradaily reminded me on twitter that historically, it used to be the reverse, men married upwards in order to better their own opportunities. @eightsnweights said men do still marry for money, only they prefer that it is the girl's parents and not her that has the money so they can keep their ego.

Now, someone has just drawn my attention to this study reported by the BBC that more and more women are marrying men for money. Instead of choosing men with equal education or who is on the same level career-wise, the researcher said many women prefer men who are miles ahead of them, almost to the extent of swimming in money. The researcher thinks it's because of the family values of such women, who want to stay home with the kids and so want a man who can foot the bill for the whole family.

I kind of get the sense of what she's saying. A lot of the choices we make in life are as a result of socialization. Even some of us who think we're enlightened often have to consider the views of loved ones - parents, friends, family - when it comes time to select a partner. Also, women have to consider the ability of the man to take care of their upcoming family, I would not consider such a person a gold-digger.

What are your opinions?

Do men mostly marry downwards? Why?

Do women mostly marry upwards? Why?

How would you marry or have you married? Why?

I would especially like to hear from the men as well. Thank you.

Myne Whitman Presents - 9jamom.com

www.9jamom.com is the premier online community & portal providing parenting news, articles, resources and support for Naija moms, moms-to-be and dads everywhere. Some features include:

Ages and Stages – read insightful articles on parenting stages (baby, pregnancy, pre-conceoption, toddler, empty-nesters etc) and access resources (baby names database, pregnancy calculator and more)

Forum – get and share advice about everything (e.g. baby feeding, pregnancy comfort tips, sex, potty-training and more).

9ja Mom Blogosphere - 9ja Mom bloggers are moms just like you, sharing their insights and discoveries about parenting, tidbits on organization, healthy living and more!

9ja Mom Groups - join a group based on shared interest (e.g. breastfeeding, reading, arts & crafts, working-moms, stay-at-home moms, fashion, food) or location.

Giveaways – in partnership with sponsors, we periodically give away great gifts we know our members will love.

Product Reviews and 9ja Mom Shop - begin here for list of products recommended by Naija moms for a baby shower gift or personal items. Shop directly on our website for products.

9ja Mom Market – is a listing of businesses that give 9jamom.com members-only discounts.

So, I got the cast + Love is in the air

Yes I did.

But there is good news, I won't need surgery.

And my cast is so colorful and H-A-R-D. Did any of you ever hear that phrase, one blow - seven akpus? Akpus is supposed to be bruises, or swellings or something like that, lol...

The guy who put on the cast was very nice and I was happy that I have two fingers free from that hand, that means I can type more easily now, yay!

How is everyone? Hope your weeks are going well so far? I saw two blogs in my wanderings that made my mushy romantic self go aww...Love is so sweet!

Angelsbeauty is enjoying love in Edinburgh with her beau. She says; "He is so amazing (sorry) – I can’t forget the smile on his face when he saw me and the smile on my face and in my heart when I saw him too! He had a flower bag on him so I knew he got me flowers! They were beautiful and two lovely cards which he clearly said were for my eyes only *sigh* – to summarise he is truly amazing and I am soooo blessed to have a man that constantly says he is blessed to have me in his life because I am blessed to have him in my life as well."

MimiBarber invites a love struck blogger to talk about how it feels to be in love from a man’s point of view. He says; "Well, I am not sure I can actually describe the feeling. All I know is I have finally found someone who completes me, who makes every effort to understand me and is perfectly willing to take me “as is” (all major flaws included). Never mind the fact that I met her in January, 2010 and we didn’t start a relationship until May, 2011. The wait was worth it."

As one who started my love in Edinburgh just over three years ago, and who hears from Atala everyday how much the love is still shacking him, I hope everything works out for our blog lovers. And for all of you guys going through one stage or the other of love and relationships, enjoy!

Love you guys, and here's to a great week.

Confession Time

Yes, I've been keeping something from you all along, two things actually.

1. I have started on my third book *big grin* and I'm over 20,000 words after a month. It's a bit slow going for my liking but my next secret will reveal why. Anyway, I've decided to start sharing some bits of the first draft here with you guys starting this Monday. I hope you like it. This also means that I'll be cutting back my posts to maybe just twice a week cos the story is really calling me to finish it. What are the particulars? Below is a pitch I made to an agent recently.

Frequently Asked Questions: Comparing Createspace and Authorhouse

First off, I know this FAQ series is not for everyone but please bear with me and those who may find it useful. My replies are not meant to be gospel or comprehensive, they're only from my experience. Do feel free to chip in your own thoughts in the comments. Today's post is another question I get asked quite a bit since my second book, A Love Rekindled was released via Createspace.

*****************************

Hi Myne,
I have a collection of short stories published as Ebook. I am thinking of publishing it in hard copy but I don't even know where to start. I am currently working on a novel. I just want to know stuff about publishing in hard copy. I just knew you would be able to advice me due to your wealth of experience. Thanks & God bless u.

_________________

Hi,

There are several ways of self-publishing the paperback of your books. I have used two of them myself and went for the second after I was not fully satisfied with the first.

1. Authorhouse.com
2. Createspace.com

I would say it was much easier going with Createspace than Authorhouse, especially on being able to have a more affordable book. When you go with the least expensive publishing package, both are about the same price at an average of $600. My biggest issue with Authorhouse is that cost of producing your book which was around $10 for me, and also this price is fixed so you can't change it along the line. This translates to highly priced books and especially if you want to get any appreciable royalty.

On both I went with the paid-for service and did not have to worry about interior layouts or cover design issues. However Createspace has a completely free option where you design the cover, interior and do everything else yourself. The publishing consultants at CS were helpful and the customer service always on call. However I was a bit impatient with their time lags when any change needed to be done, it is usually 5 working days and no earlier. That said, that give me the leeway to be sure of what I really wanted.

The only drawback for me so far is that they only sell on Amazon.com. I had assumed this meant all the Amazons like AH did for me, but CS is basically American. They said my book may later be for sale on Amazon.co.uk and others but I won't be getting the Amazon royalty but the third party one which due to my low price is almost next to nothing. I have complained about this to them and hopefully with time, they will rearrange it. The good part about them too is how responsive and willing to meet you halfway the staff generally are.

One final thing to remember is that bookstores will rarely stock your book as they regard CS and Amazon as competitors. And it's not just CS, they do not like Print on Demand books because it's usually non-returnable so this also affects Authorhouse and most other self publishers/vanity press. I later learnt that a way to go behind this is to also publish with Lightening Source at the same time since they distribute with Ingrams which the bookstores use.

Hope this helps. Best of luck with the book.

My books are Amazon UK and Canada Bestsellers!

Thank you to all my friends and supporters in the UK and Canada.

I was so happy yesterday when I found out that my first book, A Heart to Mend was at the top of the UK free kindle bestsellers list for romantic suspense. The novel is still #1 as I write with almost 5,000 ebooks downloaded through the promo. Go to the book page to read the reviews, and download your copy.

Also, A Love Rekindled is doing very well in Canada, at #43 on the paid paperback lists. And guess who and who I am outselling? LOL...Nora Roberts, Maya Banks and Nicholas Sparks! Of course they have other books also ahead of my own, but who cares? :) These are romance writers that I admire so much, and it is heart-warming to be counted among them by you readers.

Thank you all so much!

Answers from "400 Posts" + ALR Winner

Happy Monday, everyone! Hope you had a good weekend. I know some of you thought I would never get round to doing this... sorry for the delay.

The winner of the copy of 'A Love Rekindled' is... Bunmi! Please send your postal address to myne@ mynewhitman.com to arrange delivery.

Below are the questions and answers... I hope I answered everyone.

how was your childhood like? was it fun? wre you a happy child? did you feel pretty? what were the challenges you went through on your road to adulthood?

I was born in Enugu, a very playful, studious tomboy. I was happy, I had three sisters and a brother. I felt pretty, but maybe not beautiful - I felt my sisters were prettier than me. However, I think my parents did a good job; they didn't do favorites.

are u a professional writer? if yes, did you/are u study(ing) anything that has to do with writing? single? married?
Professional writer? I belong to a professional association of writers (Pacific Northwest Writers Association), but I don't consider myself a professional writer, because I did not formally study writing. I write full-time, and I am married.

If we could get a personal profile *why you started writing, what u studied, interests etc* childhood, where u grew up, bullied?, bully, pet peeves lol

I've always written; I remember writing as a preteen, and beginning to write again when I was about to finish university. I decided to change careers after moving to America and took up writing full-time. I studied Applied Biology for my first degree, and Public Health Research for my Masters. My interests are varied, but the main ones are reading and travel. I was bullied in primary and in secondary school; maybe it was because I was small, and I did well in class, so bullies felt that I was a teacher's pet.

My question is how do you deal with situations when you have brilliant ideas but seem too busy to pen it down? That is if you ever do.
I do procrastinate and become demotivated, but I have an encourager in the Holy Spirit and my husband is very supportive. I only have to mention something, and he will hold me to it, if not immediately, then soon. He will go as far as reminding me and providing a conducive environment.

Question - 3 things you wish to achieve in the next 10 years..
I hope to be a mother, I hope to have more books written, and I have big dreams for Naija Stories. Let's see how it goes in ten years.

I'ld just love to know how you started and what were the challenges you faced then. Did you ever think of quitting?
I started my writing by joining a writing group. Along the line, one of the members suggested blogging, and I started this blog. Through this blog, I found out about other bloggers and writers who became self-published authors, and after considering it with other options of publishing, I decided to take that route. My first book was published in December 2009 and since then, I've faced the challenge of bringing it to the awareness of the general public. I do sometimes doubt myself and wonder if I'm putting myself up for a big fall, but I didn't think of quitting because I got a lot of good feedback from bloggers, the Nigerian community and generally from readers.

As for my question, what is your real name?
Ask your nearest Igbo friend to directly translate 'Myne Whitman'. I'll give you a clue; my first name is Nkem, which means 'Mine'.

PS, Have a great week. Mwah!

NigerianScorpio.com - Permission Denied

Please is it just me or is everyone else locked out of Madame Sting's blog?

If it's just me, I don't know what I've done o, somebody talk to me.

Sting, are you there?

If it's not me, anybody know what's going on?

Her last post was titled clarification.

What was she clarifying?

Yes I be gbeborun...

LOL...

Have a great weekend everyone!

MWP - Amnesty: A movie review by Nollywood Reinvented

Some of you may know that I love Nollywood movies, like YankeeNaijababe who makes some very good recommendations on her blog. I also hope that one day, my stories and books will become feature-length movies for people to watch. So I keep an eye on the industry, and check the review sites out there. Today, I present to you a movie review website and one of their reviews.

Nollywood Reinvented is a website formed in the beginning of the year 2011 by an avid african movie viewer with a desire to promote the African Movie Industry. Many argue that all the movies out of Africa are not up to par and in essence, not worth their while. Well, they started this website to challenge that view by promoting the good, exposing the bad and critiquing the ugly. They wanted to start a review site in which the ratings don't just come from a random number concocted by the reviewer but by a systematic analysis of the elements that make a good movie. You can follow the blog on FACEBOOK, TWITTER, LinkedIn and on their SITE.

Enjoy the review by Nollywood Reinvented below....

AMNESTY

Art is a medium of self expression. That is, it's a method of expressing one's opinions, or an arena through which people relay messages to the world (or whoever cares to listen). Like music, photography and painting, I do consider movie-making an art (even though a majority of the movie makers in Nollywood are yet to realize it). Therefore, I believe that if one is to make a movie, then that person must be attempting to convey a message. Either that or the person is using it as a means of self-expression.

A couple posts ago, I was talking about how most African movies are yet to actually touch on the issues that are dear to the heart in Africa. I said that there were many things within not even our continent as a whole but our own individual nations. Africa has more problems besides the corruption of her people and the overwhelming number of individuals suffering from greed, jealousy, envy and despondence; yet a majority of our movies revolve around these themes. Over and over again, we produce the same sort of movies, hence, it is no surprise that everytime I see a movie, like Amnesty, which is centered around a theme that is not commonplace in the industry, I run to it. One reason for which I classify the movie, Amnesty, as a good movie is its uniqueness. The focus of the movie is the Niger-Delta and the "Oil Wars" (the same subject that Jeta Amata's "Black Gold" is focused on). Now before I bore you with what I think, what I like and what I believe.... let's proceed to the review.

Tuesday Talk - Does competition extend to Friends?

"I better pass my neighbour" is a phrase people in Nigeria use to refer to mobile generators as a way of saying, "I can afford it while my neighbours can't". In other words, they're happy they've kept up and even overtaken the Jones or the Okekes. I know we all have competitive streaks in that sense, but does it extend to friends? Do we deliberately keep friends that we're better than? In our talk and debate, I want us to consider the following questions.

1. Are all your friends married while you're single? Are you the only married one?
2. Are they more intelligent, for instance have more degrees? Or is that you?
3. Are they all slimmer than you? Are you the only Lepa?
4. Are they all more accomplished in their business or career? Or are you?
5. Are they all more well to do? Or are you the generous donor?
6. Are they all more popular than you? Are you the prettiest, tallest, most bubbling?

I know we cannot dictate our friendships and that it's a two-way thing, so while you're trying to make a friend, the other person may be pulling away. But it would be good if our circle of friends are mixed up because unbalanced friendships can sometimes become unhealthy - Frenemies, anyone? So if you're good in this, your friend is good in the other thing, and you both accept your strengths and weaknesses and try to minimize competition. As for me, I am a work in progress. :)