The State of Marriage in Nigeria

Recently there have been a lot of distress in some quarters about the state of marriage in Nigeria, both for those who are already married, and for those yet to marry. Some older people believe marriage is losing its value, divorce rates are on the increase, and young men and women are showing a reluctance to get married. This post addresses some of my thoughts on the issue.

First, let us remember to separate sexual needs and child bearing from marriage. As human beings we are indeed biologically tuned to be in our prime to do certain things like have children, have great sex, et al. That does not however automatically equate that we are then biologically primed to get married when we are in our child bearing or sexual prime. It is ideal, but not necessary.

Two: We all live in a revolving and evolving society. Once upon a time in Nigeria, (at least we know for a historical fact within the Yoruba and Igbo cultures) a man was not only allowed, but encouraged to marry several wives. By the way, the Bible has several examples of polygamy, even though in the old testament, like those of Kings David and Solomon and of course Jacob. I have not had the time to do a new testament research on this.

The Little Things Matter the Most

Have you heard the phrase, ‘dynamites come in small packages?’

How can something so small carry so much power?

I don’t know, but it does.

Coincidentally, there are a lot of things in life that may be classified as little things….but they matter. Some are negative and some are positive.

On the positive side, there are many things that appear little but that go a long way in turning a bad day into a good day.

Your colleague pays you a compliment on your outfit. It's a little thing, but it makes you smile.

Your spouse calls you up at noon to find out how your day is going. It’s such a little thing, but it brightens up the rest of your day.

The note you received in the mail from the friend you have not seen in a long time. It's a little thing, but not really.

Your presentation at work did not go so well. You forgot what you were going to say and stumbled all over yourself. You felt like you did a horrible job. But your boss came to you and said, "Well done. You did a great job! “It’s a little thing, but it restores your confidence.

For some reason, you put in too much salt while making the stew. You know it does not taste so nice. But your husband doesn’t complain.It’s such a little thing, but it makes you want to cry.

You just came in from the scorching sun. While trying to catch your breath, someone offers you a cold glass of water. It’s such a little thing, but you appreciate them more.

Adventures of a Miss!! Episode 3

Another work day, I swear this life I’m living is not what I was born to live because I keep asking myself what am I doing here. All my mates are married, rich, or to say the least accomplishing something and I am over here still trying to find the right man.

It’s been 2 months since the whole Muhammad incident and of course I lied and told Bolaji I met Muhammad when he was toasting one of my friends. I am assuming he believed me since he hasn’t brought it up. My second guy was now preoccupied with his wife and I was forced to go back to Dele my “lame guy” as I call him to my friends.

Dele is one of those guys who is very practical and who in their right mind wants to always be practical. When all a girl really wants is a man to spoil you. He is the last born of 3 children and his father does not particularly swim in money so he has had to make his own, this makes him not very keen on wasting it. I don’t really mind though, that’s why I have Bolaji as well.

I met Dele at Viva Lounge about a year ago and he’s been trying to keep my attention ever since. He doesn’t know his simple lifestyle is not exactly what I want out of life. I can’t tell him this, at least not yet. Bolaji provides me with money, vacations, shopping sprees, and the finer material things. Dele provides me with all the loving cute stuff you want from a boyfriend.

Brunch in Honor of Cancer Victims, Survivors and Family

This is a call to African women in the DMV area who have survived cancer or are currently diagnosed or know someone who had or died from cancer in their immediate family. The African Women Cancer Awareness Association is organizing brunch later this month, and it is being dedicated to honor people in this category.

The event is free but you need to register so they know how many people to prepare for. Please call 301-565-0420 OR email info@awcaa.org to register. Also, feel free to share this with anyone you know who has survived, going through chemo or family members that lost someone to cancer.

Ekiti State Releases Official Tribute For Deputy Governor Funmilayo Olayinka

My dear good people of Ekiti State,

With grief in my heart, I address you today on the passage of our Deputy Governor, Mrs Funmilayo Adunni Olayinka. In the evening of yesterday, April 6, 2013, the death of Mrs Olayinka occurred after a long but spirited battle with cancer. This was duly communicated to the public immediately her death was confirmed in a statement from the Government of Ekiti State.

This is indeed a trying period in the life of our dear state. We have been aware of the health challenges of our Deputy Governor which culminated in the government issuing a statement a month ago when she commenced a sick leave during which we requested that you remember her in your prayers. In the course of her ailment, she battled gallantly and availed herself of the best medical services within and outside Nigeria.

In all of these challenges, I was of the belief that because of her courage and determination to live, she would pull through her health challenges. But man proposes and God disposes. She lost the battle.

Inspiring Words As You Start A New Week

Hope your weekend has been going great? These few words are to make the Sunday even better.

Dear Myne - Should I Go After Him or Give it Time?

Hi Myne, I really love your blog (and both your novels), it feeds my romantic soul! I struggled with sending this email but I'm losing my mind so I hope your readers can help me. I apologise if you have addressed a similar issue previously but I couldn't find anything so here it goes....

I met a great guy some years ago now. It was like fate because he was in a different country but his friend met me and instantly thought we'd click. He was right, we did. We talked on the phone for about 3 months and then work took me to his location so we met in person. He had visa issues so he couldn't come to me in case you wondered. Before I went, we had great communication and we talked every day and for several hours on the weekend. He told me a lot of things, some that were very sensitive (visa situation e.g.) and he also opened up about his family etc.

I knew I was developing feelings for him but I forced myself to wait till I met him in person before I truly let go in case I wasn't physically attracted to him (seen him on skype but still needed to see him in the flesh) but the minute I laid eyes on him my heart leapt out of my body and right into his hands. Sadly, he didn't return the favour and whilst we spent all my free time together, he would just stare at me and say he liked me but he needed to process what to do with the relationship.

This led to a lot of frustration on my part (after all, I'd given our children names in my head) so the idea of "let's take it one day at a time" was the last thing I wanted to hear. We kissed but never went further but he bought me flowers and took me to lunches and dinners. I met all his friends and attended church with him. I left frustrated that he hadn't committed but glad I had a good time.

Apart From Praying For a Husband, What Else?

Timi Robins sent in this response to the poster who wrote in about being tired of praying for a husband. See original post and comments here. She goes;

I have been praying for so long...about 5 years now and it seems God chooses the people he wants to answer. I'm beginning to hate having to put up a smile when we have family meetings..(That's every sunday). Having to makeup and do the wedding secor for my younger friends...going to my friend's children's parties etc..is no longer funny. Not because I'm not happy for them, just like "God when will u answer me" kinda feeling. I really don't know what to pray about anymore. I'm tired in my spirit.

I want to ask this poster so many questions. Okay aside from praying, what else have you been doing to find this man you seek? Where have you been looking? Only inside the church or outside? Why? How are you been looking? What men qualify? All men? Or only men from a certain ethnic group? If yes, why? Why leave the finding of a man to prayers only / mainly?

Adventures of a Miss!! Episode 2

If you're just joining, please read Episode one first.

“You’re so bold” Bolaji says while chuckling. “I can’t believe you were questioning Zainab and laughed at their marriage, don’t think we didn’t catch that by the way”

We were in the car going back to my place, if only Bolaji knew the whole story, I’m sure he would not want to have this conversation or maybe he would, it’ll just be a totally different one.

Exasperatedly, I say “I was just surprised, was not trying to clown her or anything.” I didn’t want to talk about Muhammad, I’m so annoyed right now but Bolaji wouldn’t drop it.

“Trust me I know and Muhammad doesn’t even know he is a married man cos he always out painting the town red every weekend but to each his own sha” he looked over and must have noticed that I didn’t want to have this conversation because he just concentrated on the long road before us.

Finally, I think to myself and all I could do was let go of my breath that I had been holding because I thought Bolaji guessed I knew him but thank God. Now I have to think of a plan of how to get to Muhammad before he got to Bolaji. I mean I might not be sure I want to marry him, but I don’t need Muhammad ruining any possibilities of that.

Kim Kardashian Shares Picture of Her Baby Bump

Pregnant Kim Kardashian showed off her baby bump on instagram today. It looks like it's gonna be a girl, I think old wives tell us the pointed ones are the boys :)