What is the Ideal Age to Get Married?

A rather interesting topic, one that is apparently becoming, or has become a rather serious issue for Nigerian “eligible” men and women, is that they are looking and not finding marriage partners. Some are even totally uninterested in marriage. This is my second post [read first post here] in a series compiling my responses and expanded thoughts on the topic. One I am sure many on this blog would be very familiar with.

I approached this from two perspectives:

First, is there indeed a problem? And secondly, why do we seem to have the problem?

Let us take a look at: Is there indeed a problem?

I honestly believe it does no good to rush into marriage. While there might be several advantages of getting married early, if you are not fortunate enough to be one of those who got married early, I think that is absolutely fine.

I think it might be a good thing that Nigerians are no longer rushing into marriage. If most would be very honest with themselves, within the age range in Nigeria where you are most times expected to get married, you barely know anything about life, especially your life. Parents, family and society want women to be married before they are 25 years old and men I guess before 35, in fact many times before 30. (as the parents want him to bring home a youthful potential grandchild bearing 25 year old bride…lol)

Do We Need Match-Makers in Nigeria?

Someone directed me to this query below on a message board. Do you think there is such a crisis of alienation that it requires a call for match-makers to fix up eligible men and women in Nigeria? A kind of Ready for Love TV show maybe? Read the question below and let's discuss.

Where are the Nigerian match makers? I think we have a crisis on our hands! Right now I know several young women and several young men who are looking but not finding. What is happening anyway?

The babes are saying that the men are not asking and those that ask are only looking for a meal ticket. The boys are mostly not saying but when they do say, they give the impression that babes have become too much to even want to deal with.

As far as I see, there is no shortage of boyfriends and girlfriends but these friendships are not becoming marriages! What's wrong?

Women Better Off Without Bras - Study

Apparently, we women have to forget everything we ever knew about bras. If you think bras support your back, give you a better posture, or prevent your breasts from sagging, you may have to think again. The researcher in charge of a French study, has published his results, and they suggest that "wearing a bra does nothing to reduce back pain, and the chest supports actually cause increased breast sagging."

According to Rouillon, a sports science expert, the lesson to be learned from the preliminary results of his marathon experiment is that "bras are a false necessity".

"Medically, physiologically, anatomically - breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra," [Source]

Again like most studies like this, there are limitations in sample size and selection. All the women involved in the study were aged between 18 and 35, and even Rouillon acknowledges that his less than a thousand group are not a representative of the global population of females. So if you're over 35 and live outside of France, this may not be applicable to you.

What do you think, time to throw away our bras? I do without bras sometimes because of my relatively itty-bitty breasts, though never when I'm dressed to go out formally, but what of the 50DDDs?

Adventures of a Miss!! Episode 6

"Does she work in Abuja or something?" Semi is now scrolling through all her Instagram pictures. I hadn’t noticed how all the pictures were all of her, like no Muhammad at all. It’s sort of strange for a woman who has been married for more than 3 years to not have any pictures of her husband"

While I was thinking about it, I had missed the jist Semi was giving Tayo and I. "Please start again, I wasn’t listening" I said to Semi.

"I said this woman has a boyfriend now, can’t you hear me" We can always trust Semi to be dramatic. “She has a boyfriend that is not her husband Muhammad in Abuja”
“How do you know that Semi, look at the picture again oh” Tayo warns

"You know that conference class I told you I attended while I was in Abuja for a couple of months for work?" She started.

Semi dived into her story about how Zainab was in the same group as her for their 4 week long class and she was certain that Zainab was sleeping with another married man in Abuja during her stay there. The guy’s name was Kola, he’s well known in Abuja for his lavish lifestyle and his wife knows about his affairs but doesn’t do anything about it. She had seen the man leave Zainab's hotel room several times very early in the morning and even caught them kissing one day before class. Everyone in the class knew they were sleeping together, but since no one knew Zainab was married, everyone just assumed she was a home wrecker but kept quiet about it. She had recently seen Zainab with the guy in Lagos too, out at a club that wasn’t that famous. She went there with her husband and his friend who was visiting but didn’t want to go to places that would be crowded.

Tribute Night For Justus Esiri

Dr Sid - Justus Esiri's son

Veteran actor Justus Esiri died in February [See President Jonathan's Tribute here], and will be buried soon. The Actors’ Guild of Nigeria, a few days ago organised a tribute night in honour of the late actor.

The event had Dr Sid representing the Esiri family, and so many Nollywood actors I hadn't seen in a while including Olu Jacobs, Kanayo O Kanayo, Akeem Rahman, Fred Amata, and Racheal Oniga. Other actors present included Desmond Elliot, Rita Dominic, Ini Edo, Kate Henshaw, among others.

#tbt - Pre-Wedding Pictures: Gbenga Salu and Tope Oshofisan

For today's throw back Thursday, I'm giving a shout out to Gbenga Salu and his long time girlfriend, Temitope Oshofisan, who are getting married on April 20th, 2013. I loved the theme of these pictures which look like they were taken in the sixties or seventies. Since I already shared pictures of my self today, I decided to use this #tbt salute Tope and Gbenga's creativity and wish them the best in their wedding preparations, and in their marriage too.

The Hair Wars - Team Natural or Team Relaxed

So I made a huge decision about my hair recently. I've never been a natural hair nazi, but I did have an aha moment about natural hair that made me keep mine for so long. I don't know if I've said it before but when I first cut my hair, it was because of a hair accident, and the plan was to switch back to relaxed as it grew. After about 6 months, I texturized it as a first step. It still had curls but not as tight as usual.

While in that state, we went to see my brother in law and his family. His two years old daughter who had natural hair was so excited to see my hair, and followed me around everywhere, and each time I carried her, her hands went to my hair, touching it and then hers, or just rubbing it in a soothing way.

It was such an eye-opener for me on how having an adult woman with natural hair around them would definitely affect a young girl, and how they viewed themselves, and their hair. That was also the time around when we had just started trying to concieve and I was like, if I'm going to have a daughter who will come into this world with tight curls on her head, then mine had to be the same way. When we got back from the trip, I gradually trimmed my hair till the texturized part was gone.

Dear Myne - My Husband Has Refused Divorce or Child Support

I will really appreciate it if this is published because I strongly need advice from those in Nigeria on steps to take and how well to get a divorce and child support from my so called husband. Pls I will like you to also inform me when this will be published so I can follow it up on the blog because I usually read you in my email.

People get married and live happily ever after but mine (marriage) is different and nothing to write home about. I have husband that is not ready to relate with members of my family most especially my mum, the reason which I couldn’t find answers to. The only reason he has given so far is that my mum is a Muslim, this he knows quite ok before we got married.

We got married in 2007, he was & has been never faithful since then. He sleeps out often, intact he slept out a day after our wedding and came back the following day with no remorse. He goes to clubs comes back oozing of alcohol and the likes, he even brings home his mistresses (one of which is his colleague in the office a married woman with 3kids) when I am not @ home. He became a monster in the house and beats me often. There was an incidence that led to a serious injury on my forehead, it was stitched, infact it has left a big scar on my forehead now.

Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie - An Old-Fashioned Love Story

I have not read Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie, but I'm really looking forward to it, and I had been intruiged since I read the blurb and an excerpt, and knew the main story was between two people in love. There had also been a love story in Half a Yellow Sun, but it was overshadowed by the Biafran war theme. Here, the other issues in the book are more subsidiary. In an interview about Americanah, Chimamanda answered the following questions,

...what is Americanah about?

It is about love. I wanted to write an unapologetically old-fashioned love story. But it is also about race and how we reinvent ourselves. It is about how, when we leave home, we become another version of ourselves. And it is also about hair…

You write brilliantly about love. What do you think makes a love last?

I wish I knew… if I did, I would market it. Lasting love has to be built on mutual regard and respect. It is about seeing the other person. I am very interested in relationships and, when I watch couples, sometimes I can sense a blindness has set in. They have stopped seeing each other. It is not easy to see another person.

Have you experienced love at first sight?

No, but I would like to.

Adventures of a Miss!! Episode 5

It's been two days since the proposal and I can't still get Zainab off my mind. Honestly, how can another man's wife be on my mind more than the man I’m supposedly about to marry. I've ignored her numerous texts and calls since the proposal, mostly because I know it's impossible for me to agree to her proposal, now that Bolaji has stepped up and proposed to me. I really thought we still had about a year of seriously dating before he would propose but I thank God it happened earlier because it means my search is over.

I'm meeting with Tayo and Semi tonight for dinner and drinks after work. Ever since I told them about the proposal, all they want to do is sit and talk wedding plans. The real question here is if I should be planning a wedding because I am not sure there will be one.

“Let me seeee" I hear screaming as I walk into the restaurant, the same one Bolaji had proposed two days earlier. Tayo was already sitting at a table and Semi was nowhere to be found. I walked in with a huge smile on my face and extended my left hand for her to see the ring.

"Wow Toks, this ring is big oh. I didn’t get a chance to see it properly on Saturday at all” Tayo said while seriously examining the ring. “We all need to hang out with Bolaji so we can get to know him very well” she added.