Between Boston and Boko Haram

I live in America, I am Nigerian. Chimamanda called it this thing around an immigrant/emigrant's neck, and it manifests in different ways. This blog has a focus on relationships, but I also try to keep updated on politics and current affairs, and I report some of them here. I wrote a several pieces on the Boston bombings here, it was scary, it was closer to home, and the news was full with it.

A few days later, I heard of the over hundred people killed north of Maiduguri and followed as the government and JTF bandied words like over-exaggerated around about the number of people the red cross and eye witnesses reported dead. But there was just a couple of articles on the Nigerian newspaper apps I have on my phone, and by the next day, other news has taken the front page. I also moved on.

This article on the Daily Beast got me thinking, though it is directed at American, I think maybe we Nigerians, and can I say those living in the country especially, have a lot to ponder on. Are Nigerians second class citizens in their own country where local papers give more column inches to American news than to home grown incidents? Food for thought.

Pity Boston, Ignore Nigeria: The Limits of Compassion by Janine di Giovanni

No one would ever argue that the bombing in Boston was not horrific. But there was something uncomfortable in the obsessive global news coverage, of the bottleneck of journalists flying into Logan Airport struggling to find the smallest remnant of some new detail to report. Was it the suggestion, subtly transmitted, that America is the center of the universe?

10 Facts About Singles and Couples in America

Via Women's Health

Whether you’re single, dating, or hitched, it’s normal to be curious about everyone else’s love lives. Are you having enough sex? Is your communication off? Are you being too picky? Luckily, Match.com released the latest findings from the third annual Singles In America study, and the results are fascinating! They surveyed over 5,000 singles and 1,000 married people on everything from orgasms to dating deal breakers. Some results are as follows;

Women Snoop…A Lot
If you already know your date’s education and work history before you get to the restaurant, you’re not alone. 48% of single women look someone up on Facebook before a first date. Hey, you have to make sure you’re not getting Catfish-ed, right?

Sex Doesn’t End After Marriage
Worried about your sex life plummeting after you tie the knot? Don’t worry, 41% of married couples had sex at least once a week last year. And better yet: Married women think about sex even more often than single women.

Money Troubles Ruin Your Mojo
A bad credit score can screw up more than just your financial future—it can mess with your love life. 65% of singles wouldn’t date someone who was over $5,000 in debt. Hopefully, that’s not something you’d reveal on a first date, anyway.

Being Thankful While Waiting to be Parents

Seeing the picture above recently reminded me of the fact that we have been waiting to be parents for a couple of years now, and while currently working actively towards getting a child into our life, we have been taking it step by step, not stressing over it, and thankful for what we do have and share.

Some months ago we determined to start the process of foster care and adoption and attended the relevant training we needed to put us in a frame of mind to have a child or children in our home.

Some say it is easier to do things when you're younger, like getting married or having children. I'm not talking about being physically able to do either, but about the mental state required to do these things. Now, it's not that doing those things are easier at that stage, just that when you're younger, you don't overthink these things. This could be a bad thing, as some people make mistakes, but it could also be good if you're wise and luck is on your side, or you keep educating yourself and growing together, with your husband and with your children.

When you're older, you're definitely wiser, and you may have learned from other people's experiences all that could go wrong. You analyse and weight each decision minutely before you go ahead. The training we had were packed with resources to educate and inform aspiring foster and adoptive parents, and develop our parenting skills.

Is Omar Borkan Al Gala That Handsome?

When I used to read Mills and Boon, a description of an Arab sheikh who looked like this would have got me swooning at the knees along with the usually blond and blue-eyed heroine. Now, I hear all the buzz, I look at the pictures, and I'm like, what? Who is with me?

Sign Fireman Gets Married - Wedding Pictures

Sign Fireman is like a friend of this blog though since my post on his style of publicity using hot girls in Lagos [see post] went viral, and his PR people left his rebuttal on this blog. Well, he got married over the weekend. I wish him and his wife all the best for their married life.

Kim Wonder - How You Dey [Music Video Romance]

Kim Wonder is a South Africa based Nigerian musician. She recently released the official video for her single “How You dey”. The video was shot in Johannesburg, and highlights the essence of humanity, love and kindness even to strangers. It's a lovely video and the set kind of reminds me of Jill Scott's A Long Walk.

Dear Myne - My Husband Flaunts His Unfaithfulness

Myne, making the man who is unfaithful answerable only to his God and conscience could just be the only way for one to have peace and move on in life. But it can be so terrible when your hubby thinks you are the cheating partner and has decided to go all out to punish you by flaunting his escapades and denying you sex.

But all the same you still keep a straight face as if all is well.

Please, in this situation what should the woman do when in all fairness she has never ever defiled her matrimonial bed. Reactions from readers will be appreciated.

Inspiring Quotes For You

The Wife Diaries - Episode Four

“Nkem, what’s going on? it’s 3 am in the morning. Is everything okay?” I got up from the bed and was now pacing the room.

“I’ll tell you when I get there, please. I..I can’t talk right now,” she hiccuped.

“Is Nick with you?”

“No..”

“Okay, I’ll tell them to open the gate for you.”

At this my husband sat up quickly from bed and looked at me with confusion written all over his face.

“She’s coming here?” He asked as soon as I hung up.

“Yeah. She was crying and Nick’s not with her.”

“Um…okay…so how long is she staying for?”

“I don’t know! I couldn’t ask her that, she was crying!” I snapped at him. I was a little taken back by his question, you’d think he would be more concerned about her welfare than how long she was staying with us.

Is the Other Woman Sometimes Needed?

By Mgcini Nyoni

A friend of mine – a female friend, one day told a stunned group of colleagues that the ‘small house’ (a married man’s girlfriend), actually strengthens marriages, contrary to popular belief that ‘small houses’ are home wreckers. She gave three reasons for her conclusions:

One: If a good man cheats, he compensates for his bad deed by treating his wife extremely well; a descending wife will realise that this is the time to put in all the requests and they will all be fulfilled. A lot of people will question why I am saying, if a good man cheats when almost everyone is agreed that a man who cheats on his wife is a bad man: The definition of a good man goes beyond whether he cheats or not and in most cases whether he cheats or not does not even factor into his qualification of good or bad.

The cheating moments in a man’s life provides a stimulus that is needed to bring excitement and happiness to a marriage that had reached a boring patch. It is however important to note that the ‘cheating moment’ magic only works in the hands of ‘good men’; men who know that the wife always comes first and who make it clear to the small house that she will always be second best. Take a deep breath and read again; the theory is not as crazy as you think.