By Mgcini Nyoni
A friend of mine – a female friend, one day told a stunned group of colleagues that the ‘small house’ (a married man’s girlfriend), actually strengthens marriages, contrary to popular belief that ‘small houses’ are home wreckers. She gave three reasons for her conclusions:
One: If a good man cheats, he compensates for his bad deed by treating his wife extremely well; a descending wife will realise that this is the time to put in all the requests and they will all be fulfilled. A lot of people will question why I am saying, if a good man cheats when almost everyone is agreed that a man who cheats on his wife is a bad man: The definition of a good man goes beyond whether he cheats or not and in most cases whether he cheats or not does not even factor into his qualification of good or bad.
The cheating moments in a man’s life provides a stimulus that is needed to bring excitement and happiness to a marriage that had reached a boring patch. It is however important to note that the ‘cheating moment’ magic only works in the hands of ‘good men’; men who know that the wife always comes first and who make it clear to the small house that she will always be second best. Take a deep breath and read again; the theory is not as crazy as you think.
Two: The small house teaches a married man how to love his wife and children. How is that so? In a bid to impress her man, the small house will make sure that he knows that she takes his family as seriously as he does by remembering birthdays, anniversaries and the occasional surprise chocolates and flowers: The majority of presents that go to the wife are chosen by small houses masquerading as secretaries, personal assistants...and the straight up small houses.
A small house who understands her position as the small house will make sure that she reminds ‘her man’ that it is time to go home to the wife. Some even go to the extent of making sure school fees for the children is paid and that the man does not waste money on useless things before the family has been provided for. But again, this theory only works if the small house is in the hands of a good man.
Three: The small house does not carry the burdens of womanhood that the wife carries and usually has several sources of income that keep her reasonably ‘happy’. Because of this, the small is in a position to give ‘good sex’ and knows how to ‘listen’ to the man’s problems and issues. When he goes back to his wife, he is a refreshed man does who not bite her head off for the slightest ‘mistake’.
The small house does not conform to the wifely burden of pretending to be a virgin whilst the likes of Mai Gunguwo are telling her that she should be a ‘prostitute’ for her husband. The small house will experiment with sexy clothing and dabble in all sorts of eroticism that will refresh the man and make him ready to face his wife with a smile.
The three theories expounded above in trying to paint small houses with a bit of white have a lot of loopholes. One the biggest loopholes is that the small house will never fully accept that she is second best and she will always have dreams of replacing the wife. But we have to appreciate that the issue of small houses is very complex and in some cases, small houses have brought happiness to marriages.
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Mgcini Nyoni is a writer, author and poet as well as the founder and creative director of Poetry Bulawayo. He blogs at Thoughts and Confessions
I beg to disagree with that argument that mistresses are needed to keep men happy and marriages smooth. Such men lack self control, period!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kemi and if my husband dares cheat on me when I do get married, he better find a damn good reason for me not to divorce him on the spot. I'm not tolerating that crap.
ReplyDeleteAre you serious?!? SMH
ReplyDeleteOk if the small house is so needed then let women keep small houses too lets all have one big happy family of big and small houses
ReplyDelete#GBAM Woman are just ridiculous! You are giving your husband permission to commit adultery because it makes him more pliable at home?! Say WHAT?! Side chic will always want to be the main chic! Simple! This is such an embarrassing and aggravating write-up! This woman should have several _/_/_/_/ and drink a gallon of shut the hell up!#rantofanangrynigerianyoungwomantiredofwomenacceptingthephilanderingwaysoftheiradultroushusband
Deletethre is some truth in the article....accept it
ReplyDeletePreach
DeleteI've recently dismantled my "small house," and I quite agree with all the writer has said on this matter. Like it or not, it's the truth. I especially have to stress that a "GOOD" MAN is required in the mix to make the whole warped magic happen, but so also is a "GOOD" WOMAN (small house) for that matter!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant!! Clap Clap
ReplyDeleteSaid with my tongue firmly in cheek. Abeg Mgcini come and help me unglue it. lol
My article has achieved exactly what I wanted it to achieve: It has created debate and debate is good for the development of society. We have to realise that life is not just black or white; there are many shades of gray that make us human.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mgcini for this piece. I have to say there is some truth in it, and I say this not just because I have been the other woman-aka small house- but I have seen it work! And she -main madam- did come to say thank you. I have moved on, cos I knew what I had with the 'good man' was a temporal thing, ans my present boyfriend understands that I'm not proud per say but I'm not sorry nonetheless for what I did. Life happened. Lesson learned. Life continues. Will Karma try to pay me back? Maybe . Maybe not. Will my bf use it someday against me? Maybe. Maybe not. For now, I can only be grateful and take in the joy and gift of this present moment. So, yes, sometimes, the 'small woman' does have a positive gleam of light.
ReplyDeleteI strangely find myself agreeing with this article. for some reasons I dont know, I have very close friends that are married men. these folks have never asked me out since they are born again. but one trend I notice with them is the fact that they unburden thier hearts to me with every assurance I wont nag them. I strongly disagree that there should be an excuse whatsoever for adultery, but most times, men do have single friends (platonic or not) whom they often talk with and feel 'ok" after such talks.
ReplyDeleteI would like to thank th author for continuously promoting the agenda of men. All you women drinking this up...wow. I am a married man, and I feel sad that we have reduced women to justifying our philandering in their heads. Listen ladies, just go ahead and say " as long as the home front is taken care of, I don't care"...it sounds less pathetic than this. Marry a man that is responsible enough not to endanger your life and that of your kids. Look at the stories of "small houses" turning around and killing the wives or kids to get them out of the way. For one second do not believe that any woman is stupid enough to be helping your husband take care of your home front, just because?? The author is right, she is trying to impress the man. She has a motive and has hopes of maybe taking your place.
ReplyDeleteI am paying for a stupid mistake now. I consider myself a good man that kept a side chic who supposedly knew her place. Let us just say I have learned my lesson and I am still paying for it years down the line.
This is brilliant! I have a small house candidate to help my hubby supplement the energy he expends on his small house. This one will make me laugh, take me on those simple romantic dates, help me pick out gifts for my husband and give me tips into the mind of men. He will talk to me like a human being instead of his housemaid. I am a good wife and woman so I will definitely not ignore my wifely duties. Thanks Mr. MgCini, this will help heal many breaking(not yet broken o) homes.
ReplyDeleteLadies, no dull again o. See better advice. You will be less naggy and more cheerful, refreshed...etc. I am über excited. Let me call my small house now. *rolls eyes*
some truth spoken but have to be well observed and applied and God help us all, what a world we found ourselves mostly women. ANITA
ReplyDeleteWives be careful before the small house becomes the big house. Trust me its not that difficult. Do you know how many small houses have become big houses? take clues from small houses other you will have no house. #enuffsaid#
ReplyDeleteI have no problem with cheating or men keeping small houses so long as women can do same. African women have be ome so pathetic that they now on their own justifying philandering. And so long as women write rubbish articles like this to support infidelity, then it will always prevail. I have a dream, that one day, infidelity will also be acceptable among women and men will also come up with articles like this to justify our philandering ways.
ReplyDeleteCameron Diaz shouldn't have been in this. Leslie Mann, Nicki Minaj, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, and even Kate Upton should not have been in this. Horrible screenplay. Rather horrid performances even from Nikolaj. Especially him.
ReplyDelete