10 Tips For Effective Anger Management in Relationships

by Dr. Susan Heitler

In relationships, we all have our fights, and having the occasional heated debate with your significant other is even healthy. But when these fights cross into full-blown blow-ups, the arguments can quickly get out of hand. Follow these 10 tips for effective anger management if you want to enjoy a lasting, loving relationship.

1. Know when to make an exit. Remove yourself from a situation you can’t handle. If you can’t gracefully leave the room, gracefully change the topic.

2. Exit earlier than you think you need to. Exit when your anger is at a level three on a scale up to 10. By the time you’re up over level four, exits will become increasingly difficult. Self-righteous indignation will propel you to keep trying to prove your point and will make your wants seem all-important. (As a friend of mine once put it, “My anger makes what I want feel holy and what you want is totally insignificant.”)

3. Change your focus. Phew. You’ve separated yourself from that situation you couldn’t handle. Now what? Focus on something other than what you were mad about. Avoid further thoughts about the person.

4. Evoke peace and laughter. Find something to think about that evokes calm images or even laughter. Close your eyes and picture yourself on a beach.

Date Night - Quansah For Tsemaye Binitie

Ojy Okpe and Bawo

5th + Quansah along with designer, Tsemaye Binite celebrated the unveiling of his debut bridal collection at Didi Museum recently. The audience was mostly female fashion lovers and admirers of the designer's work, but some came along with their SOs, and others just with friends or family. Enjoy...

Magazine Covers I'm Loving - Funmi Iyanda on Genevieve

Talk show host, Funmi Iyanda is on the cover of the latest issue of Genevieve Magazine and inside, she discusses her humanitarian work, personal style and her life philosophy. She also talks about being outspoken, raising awareness about Nigeria’s inequalities and refusing to marry. That should be interesting :)

Beyonce is Not a Role Model?

This post was inspired by an article a friend linked to on Yahoo titled An Open Letter to Michelle Obama: Beyonce is Not a Role Model. In it, the writer laments on the outfits that Beyonce uses in her performances and wonders how Michelle Obama can still consider her a role model for her two young daughters.

Personally, I consider celebrities no matter how big they are as human being first, and just like the rest of us, they have the life pressures they face, they have their flaws, their dreams, their goals, and how they want to live their life. They are on pedestals because we put them there, not because they have special powers or personality traits that make them saints or idols.

When I say somebody who is in the public eye is a role model, it means to me that the person has used some of the talent they have and made the world notice them. It may be in Science, Arts, Sports, but in today's world, mostly in Entertainment. Thinking that these ordinary people have somehow become perfect is setting oneself up for a fall. In the same way however, that thinking they are all bad is disingenuous too.

Beyonce has her strong sides, just as she has her weak sides, but blaming her for all that is wrong in the world for other women is kinda tricky. As adults we know to be inspired by the aspects that we admire, and allow her her foibles. We do not have to do exactly what that person does, for instance we do not have to become an R&B singer in a bodysuit like Beyonce's, but we can emulate the drive and hard work that got her to the top.

For the children in our lives, like Michelle Obama who has two daughters, our task is to educate them by making ourselves who are closest to them their primary examples of what a human and a woman is. Make your life as real and admirable as you can, teach your children the basic tenets of morality, self esteem and being an individual, and protect them while they're still young from the power of the media. By the time they're old enough, they'll know how to be true to themselves and not to follow the crowd, and how to pick and choose what to emulate from their favorite singers and celebrities.

Below is the particular image that got the writer incensed, and his article.

Couple Love - Wizkid and Omotani Omotayo

Wizkid and Omotani Omotayo are young, they are still dating, but they sure look very cute together.

A writer fot 360nobs says seeing "the couple together at events is a rarity (they only post pics on Twitter)" and that "Wizkid’s demand at shows and Omotani’s education (she just graduated from University) could be a reason". The writer added, "... we hope they start making some star-babies soon!"

Eh... I say they should take all the time they need and enjoy their relationship :)

Ariel Castro - Evil Confessions Of A Sexual Predator

Ariel Castro reportedly wrote a note in 2004 which includes a chilling admission: "I am a sexual predator. I need help." Scott Taylor, an investigative reporter obtained this note from the police in Cleveland Ohio, and has posted excerpts from the letter on his Twitter feed.

According to Taylor's  tweets, Castro wrote, "They are here against their will because they made a mistake of getting in a car with a total stranger,", "I don't know why I kept looking for another. I already had 2 in my possession." and also "writes about wanting to kill himself and 'give all the money I saved to my victims.'"

Taylor tweeted that Castro wrote in the note that he was surprised to learn how young DeJesus was because "he thought she was a lot older." Taylor added, "Ariel Castro says in the letter he has no feeling for the bad things he has done." and that "Castro writes he treated the 3 women well and later writes he's sick."

Whether he was sick or not, probably mentally, he refused to get help, kept these women locked up for years, and treated them in evil ways. In addition to this note, more gruelling facts are emerging about the kidnap and captivity of Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight. According to Yahoo News;

Throwback Thursday - He Popped the Question!

These were the pictures I put up on Facebook the day after Atala proposed. I think I put up the status, I said yes, and everyone wanted to see the pictures. Those days, I had less than a hundred friennds so it was easy to oblige. Good old days.

The proposal was really amazing, and one I'll always remember. I'll say yes, again and again :)

Folurunsho Alakija on Marriage - Show Your Mother-in-Law Unconditional Love

Folurunsho Alakija is known as Nigeria's richest woman and probably the richest black woman in Africa and the world. She started her career as a secretary, then after studying fashion design in England, she founded Supreme Stitches, a Nigerian fashion label. She diversified into oil prospecting with her company, Famfa Oil, which owns one of Nigeria's most prolific oil blocks. Speaking recently at her 37th wedding anniversary, she recollected the early years of her marriage and what has kept her and her husband together this long.

It is obvious they started out on a solid footing of love and affection, when her husband insisted on marrying her against his mother's wishes. But it was not an easy road. Hear her;

“My husband’s mother was Igbo, while her dad was from South West here. And because of this, my mother in-law never wanted a Yoruba woman to marry her son. She was not comfortable also with my Muslim background then. She wanted an Igbo daughter in-law, but my husband said it’s me or nothing.

It was a tough battle until God finally prevailed... Whenever she wanted something from my husband and was not getting it immediately, she would start attacking me and saying I’m the one stopping her son from doing her biddings.

MBGN Tienepre Oki and Charles Udejiofor’s Wedding

Tienepre Oki was the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria beauty queen who represented the country at the Miss Universe. She is currently the publisher of Mademoiselle Magazine and wed banker Charles Udejiofor recently. BellaNaija Weddings got all the exclusive photos from their “Walking on Sunshine” themed wedding in Delta State.

According to Tien, a mutual friend introduced them and they became good friends. A few months after they met, he professed his love at a wedding they attended together, and they officially started dating. Asked about the proposal, she added, "We went for an event together and as we were leaving I stopped to chat with a friend. Charles then told me that he forgot to give me something as I turned to look at him, he brought out the ring and went on one knee. It was a perfect moment!"

I wish them a happy married life, it sure looked like a very fun wedding.

Re - Pregnant But Unhappy Chic

I have received an update from the lady in yesterday's post, "I don't want to keep the pregnancy, my boyfriend does". She says;

I'm beginning to have a change of heart concerning my present situation. My mum is difficult and I know that getting across to her is an almost impossible hurdle. I'll try to talk to her about keep[ing] the baby this weekend.

I would let you know how it goes. God bless! Thank you soo soo much. I appreciate your response. I have nobody else to talk to. God bless you.

This was my response to her;

I would really ask you consider keeping the baby as your BF is supportive. If you love him and see a future with him, you must realize that things would never be the same if you terminate the pregnancy. He may consent and even marry you, but he won't ever forget, and may end up blaming you when the topic comes up later on.