Dear Myne, ur a big part of my day. surfing through ur blog everyday is like coffee in the morning…
I write with you now with so much anger. let me explain myself. my bf and I have known each other for 4 years and counting…we’ve been on and off but since about a year we’ve been so in love and am loving everyday. he strengthens me in ways I cannot even mention and pushes me to be the best I can be, but recently his ex from over 5 years ago has been our biggest nightmare.
She keeps calling him and he bluntly tells her to stop, he even blocked her on bbm and she still finds a way to poke herself into his life. recently she sends over 7 text messages a day…all bull crap of how she can’t do without him and that he took a piece of her, she cannot forget given the fact she was a virgin when they met and he was her first....bla bla bla. Am so frustrated and don’t know what to do.
my boyfriend has assured me one million times she’s not a treat but as a woman I just cant help but be worried…whats the deal with a stubborn ex, and getting rid of them? Am not the drama/violent type to start calling and threatening her and quite frankly I don’t even have that time …..
Pls I need help as it stresses the hell out of me..thanks!
So what do you guys think?
From my end, there's one thing I read that made me chill a bit, and that is that her boyfriend is not giving the ex much attention and is telling the writer plainly that he is on her side. I suggested she should trust him and try to put that ex out of her mind.
Also, she could also talk to the boyfriend to get the ex completely blocked so that he doesn't even get text messages at all. Some smart phones can do this but I'm not sure about BBM.
I'm not the violent type myself and I don't believe in women fighting over men, especially when the man in question has made it clear the ex doesn't matter to him. So I say, ignore the ex for now. If she continues after all this, then maybe the writer can give her a call, not to fight or curse her out, but just to give her the facts and tell her to move on. Depending on where they live, I also suggested getting the police to give the ex a warning for harassment. Because that's what it is.
Again, I hope you guys can add some more ideas to help those in this kind of palava.
*sigh* some ladies sha dont have any shame....he cud jst get mtn to barr her line frm calling him..ds is confusin i dnt even knw wot to say..mayb u cud pray abt it too
ReplyDeleteI didn't know MTN offered that service. If his network can do that, that would be great!
Deletemen some ex are just terrible. suggests he gets the network to bar her number completely. like you said depending on where he lives, he should report her to the police for harassment. and he should be very careful too. cos i have seen a lot of things like this on crime channel, where it led to murder.
ReplyDeletewww.secretlilies.blogspot.com
Honestly, some people can be so desperate, they can do anything. I hope it doesn't get to that stage in this case sha.
DeleteI had that situation for 4years of my relationship and guess what?the girl was threatening me too!!!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately for her,i am the DRAMATIC type so i replied all her mails word for word!
The babe dramtically stopped when she heard of our wedding plans,i am yet to hear from her till date(being married for over 2years now)
May i add that my husband(then my bf) never approved of my drama with the babe,he expected his assurances to be enough but they never were.She dumped him for some flimsy reasons and he had about 3relatiosnhips within a year after her..she started with me 6months into my relationship and i hadn't invested so much in him so,it wasn't about guarding him jealously.i was fighting for the DRAMA,i hate BULLIES!!!
My husband had to go for a job outside nigeria,she stopped contacting me for a while and started begging him to allow her come to where he was..She knew that too imagine...he promised to get her arrested if he ventured!!
i actually got bold enough to respond to her cos i know she doesn't live in naija with us so i know she won't pour acid on me..i dey use my brain too
Bottomline,from my own personal experience oh,if the girl lives in 9ja,ignore her while monitoring that ur bf hasn't changed towards her....if she doesnt live in 9ja...open a new yahoo mail and send her a mail everytime she contacts ur bf insulting her with watever she sends.
e.g,if u were stupid enough to let him disvirgin you,don't remain foolish enough to allow him come and pass through u again..he's in love with someone else now or
are u trying to give my baby HIV,back off...he's not interested in your type...that's why he dumped you 5years go....retard!!!
Now,u see i like drama right:-)
Myne:i dont comment often but when i do,its longer than the post abi?lol
hahaha... U be real drama.
DeleteKai!!! I love you <3 You are my type of person. I am DRAMA personified.
Deletelol i am 90% calm and 10% drama and my drama only comes out when pushed to my limits and i can get real cazy....i would do the same if she continues reply to her myself so she gets the picture, men most times do not realise how crazy women can get so the boyfriend is probably thinking the ex will get tired and leave him alone...so my dear as Qmoney has suggested take matters into your own hands
DeleteHaha, QMoney, this is classic drama jam drama. But one has to be careful before taking this route so it does not escalate beyond control.
DeleteLOL. LMAO. Na wa o, Qmoney! I can't stop laughing. Like you, I hate bullies.
Delete- Adura Ojo (Naijalines)
Thot it was funny comment.. about acid..lol.
DeleteOh yea, quite simple. Writer and her bobo should have a comic relief from the various antiques she displays in trying to get back to him.It must be a weird form of love for trying so hard to creep back into a previously ditched affair. Move on already!!!
ReplyDeleteSMH, very weird indeed. If only such people know how to move on..
DeleteSome ex find it extremely difficult to let go.
ReplyDeleteFirst step will be to bar her line, but she can decide to get another line and continue her meaningless pestering.
Next, completely ignore her msgs. He shouldn't out of compassion bother to reply at all. She'll take that as a hint to continue and the cycle will never end.
I'll also advice both of them to be careful. The lady is obsessed and can do almost anything to get what she wants irrespective of who'll get hurt in the process.
Your last line got me nodding my head. I've heard about stories like that too.
DeleteI think that the writer should just ignore her boo's ex and be very careful. Silent treatment is best answer!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on this one, I know that's what I would do :)
DeleteLol...
ReplyDeleteat "Do you want to give my baby HIV"
Yes. I do not like the fact that the ex cannot take a hint. and yes... after the last email I give her one week to form up or it's to the Cops I go. I'm not having this. Alo.. I would pray about it and cover you and the BF with TBofJ. Some women are so desperate that they can seek spiritual "assistance". But "No weapon formed..."
Wow, that would be going to the extreme! So scary.
DeleteWell, just like someone said, I am also not the dramatic type, but I get it on when pushed to the limits.
DeleteMy case isnt different.
Sadly, my then BF wasnt into any form of dram and I respected that. He had warded her off in the best way he could -but I wasnt satisfied cos she stil found ways to come thru, especially as they had many mutual friends. They knew from work many years ago - and not as if they even dated officially. Nobody knew them as an item, but its obvious some girls are desperate.
Anyway, long story short, I called off the relationship as I realized BF probably didnt know what he wants from us. With me swallowing shame and being one to raise the issue of future plans, I observed he always had cold feet about it. Even through our postgrad in the UK, and then back in Naija, until last Feb he got an amazing job in the UK. With hopes that plans would soon set in, we had one of such tensed talks - all to no avail.
I told myself the bitter truth and set him free in January and then finally, few days ago, I wrote in details and explained myself.
1. He didnt convince me that it was over with the ex.
2. He didnt convince me he couldnt do without me.
3. His plans for us was not very clear even after many years - we would have been 5 yrs by July.
4. He didnt love me more than or even as much I did him.
5. I needed the emotional freedom and see if my heart still stands a chance.
So, to the writer. You know best. You know the entire detail about your relationship. We would just give you tips.
I saw the signs in mine; I ignored them for the time I could - partly because I just couldnt imagine life without him and also because I didnt want to be seen to give up on him so fast. Well, that took me 4 yrs to figure out.
If your doubts are enough to make you wonder, then yes, there's cause for alarm.
All the best dear.
Love should not be complicated. Once it gets messy, pls leave if you're still single. If you're married and the drama comes, then by all means, fight for your love. It is only marital commitment that is worth it.
Be wise.
Love.
With BBM, I believe all the ex has to do is delete her from his contacts and she will no longer be able to send messages...
ReplyDeleteWith all of the others, texts, calls - he can have his provider block all contacts from all known numbers. If after that she persists with an unknown number, if you are in a society that enforces the law, this should do the trick: a one-time response from your bf's number politely asking to stop harassing him otherwise he would be forced to put a restraining order on her. Any intelligent and sane person would realize they could easily be jailed over a stupid text... I recommend actually following through on the restraining order if none of the above work because some people are just plain crazy...
And please start praying for her to find her own man and comot eyes from yours; ask for him to start looking unattractive to her immediately - you are doing yourself a favor ;)
Even I didn't know that about BBM. Thanks 9jamom.
DeleteLol @ comot eyes from yours
DeleteTrouble with a crazy ex can be disturbing for anyone. I'd just say pray (fast if you have to) about it and have a deep conversation with your beau. You need to know for sure he does not feel the slightest pity or compassion for her. Then find some strength to shake off the irritation of the situation, stop making her a focus and invest valuable time into your own relationship.
well, sometimes this kinda act works. it's never honourable, i know... its shameful, but i can say i have done a bit of it, mildly and it worked. with my ex, when we were a bit younger, if i put my mind to it that he will ditch any new peson he is with, he will. all i have to do is mail or call him, i dont have to say i miss him.. he replies, and from there, new gf is history. same with me, if im in a new relationship and he surfaces, that relationship is will shake, and break. crazy but we been silly like that for years. in one case, d girl actually took on me, my ex was of course, on her side. but guess what, still ditched her within same month and we started dating again.. thats all history now.
ReplyDeletebottom line, depends on how the man in question really feels about the ex. it determines the next course of action
Wow, thanks for being Honest. I hope the info comes in useful for our writer. Hmm...
Deletehe has said it all.
Deleteits a man's world to play d game. Its ours to stay in d game - or leave.
I already commented above.
Maybe i am currently existing in an alternate universe right now, but i don't see how this is a major issue. The boyfriend in question is already dealing very well with the situation. The ex has never contacted new girl friend personally, so why is she bothered or saying the ex is her biggest nightmare. She needs to focus on other things.
ReplyDeleteI guess people are bothered by what they are bothered by. Remember what they say about when to start looking for a black goat?
Deletethis is my third comment.
DeleteI have had dis same case and it is very disturbing.
My BF's ex would call 69 times over a 20min quickie (lunch) and when we are done, we would see another 21 missed calls.
Who does that?
Theres cause to worry my dear. not just worry. But worry and act!
I really dont understand why she is soo worried about this (except she is worried the BF still has feelings for the ex)
ReplyDeleteAs a 100% Edo girl, there are 2 options:
- Get the police involved and notify them that you are both afraid for your lives
- Go round to her place with her BF and get the BF to warn her off face to face.
chikena
I think there's always that worry, especially when the final commitment has not been made. I hear you on those options :)
DeleteI really don't get what the drama is about. If you trust your BF, what's the problem? Every time she phones, just cut her off. Also inform the Police about her harrassment. I'm not in favour of any contact with this disturbed person in any shape or form. Depending on where you live, just inform the police and chill. She'll soon get tired.
ReplyDeletePeace,
Adura Ojo (Naijalines)
This is much ado about nothing really. When I newly got married my ex wouldn't let go but these things happen and I can understand why. However, the simple thing I did was to ignore her calls/email/text messages. After a while she stopped and I suggest that is what her bf should do and she shouldn't be too paranoid unless she doesn't trust her man which I would like to think is not the case.
ReplyDeleteIt is different when you are married.
DeleteIgnoring the ex may be the hardest thing to do, but it's the best as it is a show of trust in your boyfriend that he's not trying to get back with her, especially when he's adamantly showing he doesn't want the ex or her displays of affection and drama.
ReplyDeleteOne word! T.R.U.S.T #GBAM! If the bf says NO, she should put her mind to rest and her knees to work (in prayer). Shikena.
ReplyDelete- LDP
Not always.
DeleteMy BF said "NO" and I trusted him. I always do.
He said they were done and I believed him. Some men can be weak u know.
I later found out -from BF, that it was "she" who dropped him off at d airport on his way to UK! And we were supposed to keep it a secret.
My dear, I advice u to review the issue well. U know ur relationship better than us or anybody else ever would.
If there are doubts and u cant sort it out, leave.
It took me 4 yrs and 8months to leave and Im glad I did.
The guy has to resolve this. I do not think he has spoken to his ex properly or sent her a mail that will make her realize it is really over. He obviously knows this issue is affecting his girlfriend so he has to put a stop to it! When he lets her know that he will take her disturbance as a police case, and seriously means it, she will stop.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely.
Deleteas in this was 5 ye ars ago - the ex really needs to mind her own life. In fact she doesnt even sound normal, there may be a loose screw somewhere in her head...
ReplyDeletehe should change his number.. and everything else the ex already knows and they should stop replying her or threatening her. if she gets no response maybe she wll get the message.. but i can't say i can imagine what she is going through cos it is just unnecessary palava.
i will say no drama.. just be civil and IGNORE until she comes on your property then you can't be held accountable for whatever you do or say.. :p
its a difficult situation; if he changes his number, she could get it from mutual friends or from d cooperate world.
DeleteHe really has the finally say - and of course, the issue of police is a good idea -in a civilized world.
...some women dont have shame at all but I think its easy.....i just get on my knees an say my dear baba God in heaven,any third party,whosoever or wheresoever that wants to cause me pain in my relationship and marriage...father uproot them!(is that too harsh/sometimes the harshest means is the only way).
ReplyDeleteBut really i for one can never fight another woman because of my man....i would rather send the creator of men after her!