Dear Myne, I love my Ex enough to be his Second Wife

Please read this to the end before you comment. Thanks!

Dear Myne, i have been enjoying ur blog for a while now. Its like talking to u in person really. Recently, i read where u urged readers to write u about issues concerning relationship that are not working out for them, to seek advice. I wanted to write for a long time but i always hold back. Afraid, yes, i am. I tried to mail my story to u but it always comes back. So i used the facebook page, a risk i wanted to take cos i want ur advice seriously.

I am also hoping that by telling u my story, other respectable readers will assist me with their sincere advice. I have never been married. Not because i didnt want to but because the right man has not come along.

This is my story. I met my first love in 1998. We were so much in love. I just finished secondary school so i never had a BF until i finished. We were dating and already talking about marriage. I wanted to further my studies but my parents could not sponsor me because we were poor. So i was called from lagos by my Dad's friend to work in one of his friends companies so as to save and further my studies. I left in 1999 to lagos. It was difficult parting but i promised to come back after a year to prepare for the marriage. While in lag, i will call my BF from a PayPhone because there NITEL then. Infact, i spent so much money on communcation. Lots of guys asked me out but i also tell them am engaged!

It was in November 2000, my cousin called to inform me that my BF was getting married that weekend!. When i asked him, he said something about his father not wanting to set him up in business unless he gets married. Since i was far away in lagos and he was lonely he met another girl. But the girls parents seeing his interest in their daughter arranged with the father to have the couples married. I have been ever since heartbroken. Now after 11years, with two failed relationships that didnt led into marriage. I found out i still love my Ex! What should i do?

From Myne - I felt that this request needed some holes plugged so I sent a reply probing deeper.

I just read your story and I am touched. I will surely post your story for others to contribute.
On my part, I want to ask if your ex is still married? Has he said he still cares for you/ If so, will you accept to be his second wife?
I want to suggest that you move on but I know sometimes our heart decides who to love.

This was the reply I received;

Yes, he's still married.
No, i have not seen him yet to confirm that. And
Yes, if he ask me again and still loves me, i will love to be a Second wife. Remember am a muslim and a hausa/fulani by tribe. Although, choosing a separate house will be more suitable to the marriage.
I have not seen him for the past 7years, but am told he is based in Abuja and does come to kano often. I do not have his phone number, afraid if i do, i will be tempted to call him.
Yes, to move on will be best. But my heart is in turmoil. Am thinking constantly about him. You know all those old memories that i thought were gone, are coming back to me and occupying my thoughts and heart. I have not thought of him for a long time until recently. Thats why i thought its a sign that we are meant to be together again. And also why i need ur advice. Am open to ur suggestions and advice. Allah knows best.

So please be respectful of her religion as you reply. Cheers.