A lot of couples these days find love through their own personal choice, by meeting people with shared interests, beliefs, and values either at work, at school, or at play. Along the line, they date, court and then decide if they are right for each other and if they can agree to live together and maybe get married.
Arranged marriage on the other hand involves the parents and relatives of those involved. Most times, there's marriage on the cards from the get go and it often happens within a short time after meeting. I want to think that these days, arranged marriages may involve some coercion and pressure but not force.
I have found that younger people are more gung-ho about making their own personal choice, but the older a man or a woman gets, especially if they have made the rounds of their social and dating circle with no luck, the more likely they are to be open to an arrangement by their parents or older relatives to meet new people and get married quickly.
What do you think? Which has more pros in your opinion?
I'm totally against arranged marriages. Personal choices should always be a better option. Let the couples take total responsibility
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No matter who you marry, whether its someone you love or someone you made arrangements with, there's no guarantee that the marriage will or won't be successful.
ReplyDeleteBut having said that, i personally don't see the purpose in an arranged marriage. I mean, is it by force? You don't have to get married. I have no intentions of getting married unless i find someone (or rather i'm found by someone) that i actually want to spend the rest of my days with.
To each his own though
i second your first sentence
DeleteMe too, I third that first sentence.
DeleteEya, hilarious! I would have fourth it but that would be hmmm.......
DeleteLady Ngo, did u hav a bad experience. Marriage is a gr8 thing & u wud definitely b found by a gr8 guy!
Recently I have started considering the merits of arranged marriages not as opposed to choice necessarily, but hand in hand maybe?
ReplyDeleteI look at Indians and don't think they ve done too badly. I look at the West with their culture of choice and can't totally fault tt I think we can borrow the good bits from each but more than that, what needs to be cultured is a belief that marriages are meant to last!
for me...I first went for personal choice but after five years of dating I found out I couldn't marry him...so we broke up. A month after,my mom practically sent a man to my office to check on me. We met and were both 'wowed'. A year later,we are very happy with each other and I find that he's my ideal man.
ReplyDeleteYour example actually proves the point I was about to make. Arranged marriage is one thing. If you force people to get married against their will I don't really think its the right thing.
DeleteBut to introduce two people together and see where it goes that is totally fine. It doesn't matter if it is parents, friends, siblings etc who come together to suggest someone. They know you and might actually introduce you to someine who you might eventually get married to.
The forced marriage is what I view as an arranged marriage not introducing people to each other cos when you are set up to meeet someone you still have a choice whether to marry the person or not
The truth is that marital relationships have to do with people and not necessarily how they cameabout being together.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have a problem if both armies consent to the arrangement. It's when someone is forced on you that I don't like. Maybe we should call the former assisted.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on the parties involved. Even though I am not a fan of arranged marriage I have a first hand experience. My male cousin is in his early forties and is an orphan. The family is looking for a wife for him now because he has refused to date or even talk to a lady ( he's not gay). He's just not bothered .
ReplyDeleteSo a man can't be in his early forties and be single? Can I just say your cousin has too many interfering relatives? I mean seriously. Did he ask them to look for a wife for him? Cos that is the only way what they are doing will be okay. Are y'all religious? why not let go let God? I just cant.
Deletelol..my dear, the "interfering relatives" don't see it that way. Infact, it is a major worry for them.
DeleteI understand your point and also believe he should be left alone with his choices.
I have a few friends that met their husbands by 'connection' either done by their parents, aunties or close friends. I think it depends on whether the couple like each other or not after they have been 'connected'. If they don't, then I don't think that they should be forced: marriage is for a life time!
ReplyDeleteI used to be very anti-arranged marriages once upon a time (but then again back then I used to think I was a feminist and thought it somehow demeaned the power of a woman), but I've realized that there is a possibility that the man and woman may be right for each other. Regardless of how you meet, if it was meant to be it will be
ReplyDeleteI think it's true that the older men and women get, the more they become more receptive to arranged marriages. I'm still on the fence on this topic. Sometimes I lean towards it and sometimes I'm against it. I'd like to believe that my mum or relative would know me well enough to introduce me to someone I should be compatible with but then again, they may get it wrong cos I may be and I most likely am different as a daughter or niece.
ReplyDeleteAfter all this talk did I even answer the question?
If families introduce them in an informal setting, no this is so and so's son he is lookking for a wife because that may put pressure and they like each and decided to get married then that is fine. But forcing someone to marry a person of your choice against their will should come with a prison sentence.
ReplyDeleteI think we have to consider the fact that there are levels of arranged marriages. When I was younger, I didn't want my mum to ver have anything to do with the guys I dated. She was always asking about their families, and I thought she was just being nosy.
ReplyDeleteNow that some guys (and girls, depending on who you ask) are getting more irresponsible, I am eager to submit the name of a guy I like for 'background checks'.
That is the reason that marriages were arranged then - to match kids from families that would 'go well together'. I don't quite agree with the notion that older people are going for arranged marriages out desperation.
LOL @ background check..hehe I like that and funny enough my family still do it sha...Even spiritual background check is included
DeleteI think arrange marriage is not so bad sha especially if the two like each other and dont feel because they were introduced with marriage as the main goal then they have to marry..I mean get to know each other and work something out..
Personal choice or arranged marriage is not a guarantee that the marriage will work, it all depends on the people involved. If they are on the same page and if marriage means the same thing to them.
ReplyDeleteLike they say marriage is a committment. No matter who you marry you're committing your life to them. If you are committed, it will work no matter who you are married to
ReplyDeleteWell if they r introduced then its cool but if they r forced then that's the problem. Personally what works for them arranged or not.
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I think there are levels of "arranged marriages". If it is a "personal introduction of two possibly compatible people" that is something most people will not escape once their parents begin to worry about their "single status".
ReplyDeleteIf it is a case where the parents don't give the children any choice at all, then that is wrong (IMHO).
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ReplyDelete