If you ask me, I'll say separation, while it is not encouraged, is not uncommon in Nigeria. Scores of people I know live separate lives with their spouses mostly in different homes and sometimes even in different countries. A few times, they even live in the same house and still do their own business. What is more frowned upon is going the legal route of getting a divorce, I put this down to our religious and traditional backgrounds.
On my part, I'll never support marriage for marriage sake, but only when it is healthy and beneficial to the couple and any children they have. Recently, Joseph Benjamin - Nigerian actor and presenter - got the full weight of public disapproval when it came to light that he was separated from his ex-wife and mother of his two children. There were other rumors surrounding the announcement some of which he has addressed in this press release below.
“I was married for 8 years. It was a rather odd situation at that time. She got pregnant and I didn’t want to have a child out of wedlock and so I married her so we could build a home together for the unborn child. Things weren’t rosy then, but I believed it was the right thing to do for the sake of the child.
I overlooked my own personal desires, I just wanted to do right. Our second child came and I stood by my family like I always have; but no one is perfect, we had our issues – the crisis persisted but we stayed because of the kids. But you never make that kind of decision because if the parents are not happy together then the children suffer.
I’ll also like to correct a misconception – she is not older than me, and she wasn’t taking care of my financial needs as people have insinuated. We were both starting off in life on the same grounds – no one was exploited.”
“I’ve been separated for a year now but we still keep a good relationship, and our separation was a mutual agreement. She is a good woman but I could not go on with the union anymore seeing the foundation it was built on was untrue.
I have two wonderful children – a ten year old daughter and a seven year old son. They are an integral part of my life; their mum and I have a very good arrangement on how to balance their lives and make sure that psychologically they are stable and unaffected by our separation.”
Source - Bellanaija.com
No matter the reasons any one goes into marriage for, I doubt they pray for separation or divorce for themselves. However, at the end of the day you have to do what works best for you and your family. I wish Joseph Benjamin the wisdom required as he and his family goes through this period.
Wow! Its true that beneath the wellworn attire, handsome face, beautiful stride; there lies a mountainful of burden. But then NOBODY IS PERFECT! This divorce/separation cum marriage issue is in the society whether we like it or like it. I guess we have to take them as they are, respect their decisions and shine our eyes well well before saying I DID!
ReplyDeleteI didn't even know that he was married until I saw a mention of this on LiB yesterday. By the way, so he was the one that tatafo yellow journalist that Linda Ikeji quoted was talking about?
ReplyDeleteI guess so.
Deletethis is one side of the story(his side). my favorite part is "she got pregnant"(hmmmn? and how did that happen?) and foundation was untrue. seems selfish (that is my opinion anyway)
ReplyDeleteI think he shuldnt have she got preganat.... He impreganant cos both of them were careless... warever.....
ReplyDeleteIt is not fair on the lady... yep he had to marry her after all it was too much to bear..
Yes o! If he could not leave because she was pregnant for him, then he shouldn't leave now because the product of that pregnancy is a beautiful 10 year old daughter.
DeleteDon't know why I find it hard to believe his story. He didn't care about his feelings when there was no fame. Now there is fame and the relationship is not working. LOL.
Myne, i totally co-sign with what you said. As tough as this must be for his family, i respect that he's being frank about the situation. I don't understand why he's getting so much disapproval. It's as if people would prefer for everyone to pretend and play happy families even if reality is the opposite.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of people do exactly what he's described which is getting married because it is the "right" thing to do. But ultimately if that relationship is not going to work out, getting married only postpones the day of its demise. IMO, It's not worth holding on to someone that doesn't want to be with you because at the end when they'll go, they'll go, children or not.
I've read/seen a lot about men and women manipulating their partners into becoming parents as a way to bind them into the relationship (sabotaging birth control etc). It's a selfish gamble IMO, and really not good for the children because they are not tools or weapons for making someone stick with you.
She got pregnant!!! As if it was immaculate conception
ReplyDeleteThank you! He should just keep quiet rather continue to embarrass the poor woman.
DeleteOh well, he has left us in no doubt that the only reason he married her anyway was because she got pregnant; like he did her a favour
ReplyDeleteWell from what I understand the only reason he married her was cos she got pregnant for him. Anyways she should just move on. At least he came clean about it. I know people who have married for the wrong reason and they eventually divorced. Www.secretlilies.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteNo wonder he's good at acting roles of men in problematic marriages.
ReplyDeleteRotfl.....Oh, my side hurts....
DeleteKai Afronuts. lmaooo
Delete"She got pregnant..."
ReplyDelete"I overlooked my own personal desires..."
Why's he sounding like one martyr? Like Zouzou said, as if he did her a favour. Mtscheeew.
Well, at least he's wiser now. Maybe.
Thanks I also feel he didn't do her any favour!!!
DeleteThese stories aren't quite encouraging. I pray That his family finds peace in these trying times...
ReplyDeleteI wish the family well in this trying times
ReplyDeletehttp://trendysturvs.blogspot.com