Most women dream of one day meeting a man they can fall in love with and who will love them back. In the dream, they end up married, he is the father of her children, and they spend the rest of their lives together.
In these dreams, the man is usually handsome with a good physique, well dressed, rich, educated, romantic and well mannered. But does this man also have to speak impeccable English?
I was chatting over lunch with some colleagues discussing the subject of relationships. In the course of our discussions, some ladies started listing the qualities they desired in the guys they would love to date. Some of them insisted that their guys must be tall, handsome and rich. Others wanted a God fearing and educated guy with good prospects. Still others wanted a prosperous guy with some romance in the mix.
Suddenly someone asked, ‘what if the guy is rich and can’t speak proper English?’
I was surprised at the reaction that question received. Some of the ladies immediately countered that they would rather date a poor guy with proper language skills than a rich bobo who shoots bullets from his mouth. A few others insisted that they did not mind the English, as long as the guy was loaded (with cash of course).
That got me thinking. Would I date a rich guy who had trouble with English language?
That was when I remembered Nnamdi.
Nnamdi was a good looking guy. I met him at a wedding in Lagos just after my youth service. He sat at a table across from me and kept smiling in my direction. I was irritated at first, and then I became intrigued. I was not surprised when he came over later to introduce himself.
We didn’t talk for long, just basically introduced ourselves and exchanged numbers so I didn’t get a chance to hear him say a lot.
He called me a few days later and we arranged to have dinner.
He picked me up in a very polished Honda Accord and even opened the door for me. Our date was getting off on a good start and I thought, okay, he ain’t bad at all. All through our drive to the restaurant, he barely said anything except an occasional giggle or grunt. I thought he was just being shy, so I let myself dream of how lucky I was to land a good looking guy, with good manners and cash on top of it. This was a fairy tale.
When we started having dinner, I insisted he told me about himself so he did. And that was when I heard him speak.
He made a sentence and I wondered ‘Did he just say that?’ I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt but when he kept slipping throughout dinner, I knew my dream was over. The dude couldn’t speak English!
Ok, I may have been too judgmental back then. I was young and adventurous and I just didn’t want any guy to embarrass me in front of my friends.
But how many ladies can claim that they will not mind a man who’s English is not up to scratch? I asked a few friends and colleagues if they would date a guy who was deficient in English language and I got some interesting responses:
Lola: I can’t be bothered jare. If he is attractive and God fearing, I don’t mind.
Mabel: No o. Didn’t he go to school? I can’t date him please.
Tutu: If he is rich, I will manage. Na English we go chop?
Nnenna: Even if he can’t speak English well, I won’t mind as long as he can speak Ibo. My children must be able to learn Ibo language.
Deola: I can’t date him. It would be too embarrassing to introduce him to my family and friends.
Mariam: As educated as I am, how do you expect me to date an uneducated man? Count me out.
Chichi: As long as we can communicate, I don’t mind.
Different strokes for different folks, won’t you say?
I agree it is important to be articulate. But does it really make a man less attractive just because he can’t speak good English?
What do you think? If you have been in this situation before or you have an opinion, please drop a line in the comments box.
___________
My life is one of the most convoluted lives I know. But somehow, I have refused to give up. I know there’s more behind my life. I was created for a reason and definitely, I am going to fulfill my destiny! You can visit me at Seyi’s Blog
I can't date or marry such a person even though he is rich. The embarrassment will be too much.
ReplyDeleteabeg o.. that is A BIG FAT NO! if i cant communicate effectively with u, then whats the point? if i cant be mentally stimulated by my partner, then i'll rather be alone...
ReplyDeleteHell no!!!! I can't even imagine it, I'd cringe with shame everytime he opened his mouth in public.
ReplyDeleteMyne…It’s all about potential! In College, I tutored English to International students for years. If he’s willing to further his education and learn, I really don’t mind!
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend is russian and really doesnt speak good english. Dude is a programmer and is very nice and softspoken. I am not even dreaming of letting go. Kai dude treats me like an egg. Who says dating an oyibo nerd aint fun. What was i even thinking dating that my anuofia ex boyfriend all because i wanted to date a Nigerian. Please english or no english the dude in question is what matters
ReplyDeleteBlessings....
ReplyDeleteSure providing we both have an adequate way of understanding each other. There are so much obstacles one encounter in dating and relationships language is just another one of them.
I personally know a woman (Spanish speaking) who dated a man who spoke no Spanish, they stories she told me of misunderstandings were hilarious i couldn't stop laughing. They have been married almost 30 years.
i had to break up a relationship with a girl because of this reason.always felt embarrassed whenever she made serious grammatical blunders.
ReplyDeleteWe dated for 2+yrs. He proposed but I told him no way. Why? His command of English leaves a lot to be desired. I always prayed he wouldn't speak in public whenever we were together. Plus he had this ara-oke accent. I guesa we lasted that long cos we weren't seeing regularly. I was in school, he was in Lagos.
ReplyDeleteI can't!
For me Love is the easiest language to understand. My boyfriend is entirely from a different race and his first language isn't even English but I understand him and he understands me well...even though his English is not Impeccable, he treats me better than any guy I have met that speaks English fluently :). Mehn...who cares about....that?
ReplyDeleteI once dated such a guy but couldn't stand it so I let him go; I regret it.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I can understand if English language is not your primary language. By this I mean that you live/lived in a country where English was not the lingua franca, then I can make excuses for you. However, you have to show that you are willing to learn, and do not get too aggressive when corrected. Now, if this is not the case with you...being that you just did not pay attention in grammar class...To the Left to the Left <<<
ReplyDeleteWell this is somehow my case, I have a boyfriend who is from Uk, (I'm a pakistani, currently living in KSA) and we r in a long distance relationship (please dont assume its a immature teenage relationship, also its been an year we r in relationship, so it has to be pretty serious) but the fact that i m not a native speaker (though i can speak and express myself good enough, not that good though) makes me feel inferior, I dont make grammatical errors, that just happened once i guess, but my vocabulary isnt that good, but i somehow express myself, for instance "I agree i make stupid mistakes sometimes but who is perfect" instead of "I agree i make blunder mistakes sometimes but who on this earth is infallible". (If u can get what i mean) or another example "dont feel bad, in the end you r gonna like ur work for sure" instead of "Don't cringe, I can assure you that you're going to be more than pleased with the finished project."... so what I'm trying to say is, i do speak proper english but my english is rather simple and not the way native speakers would speak, it bothers me a lot and I'm always nervous when i video chat with him, and that makes it even worse, though i cover it up really good, like i m a bubbly and vivacious girl, and I'm sure i m not boring, but not having a good command over the english language doesnt let u express urself as good and that would sound a bit boring, atleast to a native speaker I think! but I love my bf to death, I m aware that only if i knew english better our relationship would have been a lot better, ( :'( ) I'm glad that he doesnt mind (so far) that i'm not peferct in speaking english and he understands why (infact i m quite good considering the fact that i didnt even study in a school where english was spoken) but since i want to get married to him (so does he) i know this is gonna be a problem for both of us, but I'm trying my level best to improve my english, and i have improved a bit, i'm a good learner but i know its gonna take long time for me to be as good as he is, but what scares me is would he might get bored of me in the meantime, or maybe reconsider his decision of choosing me as his life partner, he did joke about it once, that he was not as happy in relationship lately, but in the end he was like "i was bloody joking" and I hope he is being honest there... but he isnt an asshole for sure, he is the best guy i've met so far (personality-wise, look-wise and everything, and I know he loves me as much as i do, i find no reason to doubt that) but since he is so perfect I feel even more insecure, and the fear that 'he might want us to go back to friends again because we are not able to communicate properly' is butchering me inside...what should I do about this? suggestions please!! I would really appreciate if u do that :) thank u
DeleteWell this is somehow my case, I have a boyfriend who is from Uk, (I'm a pakistani, currently living in KSA) and we r in a long distance relationship (please dont assume its a immature teenage relationship, also its been an year we r in relationship, so it has to be pretty serious) but the fact that i m not a native speaker (though i can speak and express myself good enough, not that good though) makes me feel inferior, I dont make grammatical errors, that just happened once i guess, but my vocabulary isnt that good, but i somehow express myself, for instance "I agree i make stupid mistakes sometimes but who is perfect" instead of "I agree i make blunder mistakes sometimes but who on this earth is infallible". (If u can get what i mean) or another example "dont feel bad, in the end you r gonna like ur work for sure" instead of "Don't cringe, I can assure you that you're going to be more than pleased with the finished project."... so what I'm trying to say is, i do speak proper english but my english is rather simple and not the way native speakers would speak, it bothers me a lot and I'm always nervous when i video chat with him, and that makes it even worse, though i cover it up really good, like i m a bubbly and vivacious girl, and I'm sure i m not boring, but not having a good command over the english language doesnt let u express urself as good and that would sound a bit boring, atleast to a native speaker I think! but I love my bf to death, I m aware that only if i knew english better our relationship would have been a lot better, ( :'( ) I'm glad that he doesnt mind (so far) that i'm not peferct in speaking english and he understands why (infact i m quite good considering the fact that i didnt even study in a school where english was spoken) but since i want to get married to him (so does he) i know this is gonna be a problem for both of us, but I'm trying my level best to improve my english, and i have improved a bit, i'm a good learner but i know its gonna take long time for me to be as good as he is, but what scares me is would he might get bored of me in the meantime, or maybe reconsider his decision of choosing me as his life partner, he did joke about it once, that he was not as happy in relationship lately, but in the end he was like "i was bloody joking" and I hope he is being honest there... but he isnt an asshole for sure, he is the best guy i've met so far (personality-wise, look-wise and everything, and I know he loves me as much as i do, i find no reason to doubt that) but since he is so perfect I feel even more insecure, maybe he would feel ashamed to introduce me to his family and friends, and the fear that 'he might want us to go back to friends again because we are not able to communicate properly' is butchering me inside...what should I do about this? suggestions please!! I would really appreciate if u do that :) Thank u
DeleteBut does it really make a man less attractive just because he can’t speak good English?
ReplyDeleteYES!
Hell to d No!we just can't work.no mata how rich u are.
ReplyDeleteI was watching a movie yesterday when I saw this stunning igbo guy in the movie. The movie was half Igbo and half English so for the first part he was speaking igbo *swoon*, and then somewhere along the way it was time for English. At first he was ok then he started making some grammatical lapses that disillusioned me...
ReplyDeleteSo mba, for me you must have the English on lock biko. I'm not trying to date an Alhaji or Chief
Personally, for me, I would say Nahin (No, in Hindi), with a capital N!
ReplyDeleteMoving on...I think it depends on the woman or man involved. Do you not mind being with this person in public, especially in gatherings with your friends (who- God bless them- can be quite critical in their opinion whether you asked them for it or not), do you not get embarrassed when the missiles fly? If no, then full speed ahead.
On the other hand, if this person is a foreigner and, like someone said, grew up in a country where English is not the lingua franca, then it's more understandable. I think I would be more amenable to say, an Italian or Frenchman who can't speak good English, than to a Nigerian. It could even be cute and/or sexy. You get?
What's with young ladies these days sef? Would fluency in English determine just how successful a relationship or marriage be? I met my boo with a solid 'H-factor'. With me being a grammarian of sorts, it was HARD to overlook. Considering his other sterling qualities, I wasn't willing to let go over something as trivial as his H-Factor. But with patience, compassionate corrections every now and then, plus his willingness to adapt, guess what ? His diction has CHANGED 100%!! Three years down the line, I don't even remember he used to have the H-factor.
ReplyDeletePrimary school dropouts marry graduates for Chrissakes! Young ladies should learn that in relationships, the couple grows into each other and they become mirror-reflections of one another.
Its a HUGE turn-off, no matter how 'rich' or good-looking he might be. Someone, that doesn't have a good command of English (and i don't mean primarily the H-FACTOR or any other factor there is)will have other qualities lacking, i would doubt his intelligence, and if i am going to eventually end up marrying the guy, that means he will be my HEAD as the scriptures say, i would not be comfortable knowing that my HEAD might not make intelligent decisions.
ReplyDelete*from experience*
Hahahahahhaa damn! All d responses are so funny. Personally it's a No.
ReplyDeleteBefore I would say no big deal,but when I met my friends boy friend *to be* I was taken aback. Ooooohh you should have seen her face and my face when he said " fashola said if you are not from Lagos move back to your various stateses******gbaguahhn. It's too hard to bear because you guys will have to communicate with not only each other but others as well.
ReplyDeleteI wont if it is some1 dat cals himself a graduate.
ReplyDeletewow! I'm glad I stumbled on this topic. I have read different comments and most answered what I will answer, NO!, I'm not interested but on a second thought after reading what the fewer one who said YES wrote I'm convinced I made the right decision. I'm dating this guy whose English is bad like seriously bad. When we had a first serious conversation and he said " to be frankly speaking" I was like did he just say that? (well yes he did!)I was mad n was like what kind of English is this guy who is supposedly doing his Master speaking. How do his lecturers grade him? Oh! before I continue with my complaints let me add here that He is a young guy who is
ReplyDeletefocused, hardworking, God fearing and extremely caring and respectful.
I first thought to correct him openly and say his English is bad but I thought of how his ego will be badly hurt so I resorted to indirectly repeating the right word or sentence when he utters the wrong thing. He at times picks it that I'm correcting him and corrects himself immediately while smiling about it but frankly I'm still worried of how my friends will take his grammatical errors. That has been my headache lately. I see in him my answered prayers from God and don't want to be mean and judge or discard him after all, I'm not perfect either. Hey even the Brits, Americans don't all speak correct English.
@ Njima Queen I thought it's correct English to say " I won't if it's someone WHO calls himself a graduate"
Peace out!!!!
I dated a guy once. The annoying thing was that he read mass communication in Uni so it baffled me why he always threw bullets. It was so embarrassing and he saw nothing wrong with it even arguing with me when I tried correcting him in private. My great grandmother was alive then and she speaks impeccably. Talkless of my parents. I cudnt stand the embarassment. I don't regret walking away.
ReplyDeleteMy parents speak well and usually make jokes about grammatical errors yet think I'm being childish when I say its one of the reasons I don't want to date a guy that had been asking me out.Is it fair?Should my husband be the butt of their future jokes?
ReplyDeletewell this issue here,for me is senseless.because somebody can be good in english but with bad character,and such a person can also disgrace you in front of your friend too,secondly some people can speak,fluently but can be able to write their name.so where can you put such a person.so the point am trying to make to you guy is that language did not matter.what matter is the love and understanding.if the love is there,then forget the rest after all somebody can marry deft and dumb.for example one of my friend married a russian woman without knowing how to pronounce A in russian language but because of the love they have with each other the woman went and bought russian/english dictionary,so i she wants to speak to the guy she open the dictionary and show the guy what ever she wants to say then the guy will see what she mean in english.they were living like that till the started speaking the language.and have been happily married for 10 years now.so for me language can not be a problem for to marry a woman i love.if she can't speak english,then french is there,spanish arab .portuguese .russian. igbo,hausa yoruba etc.
ReplyDeletewell this issue here,for me is senseless.because somebody can be good in english but with bad character,and such a person can also disgrace you in front of your friend too,secondly some people can speak,fluently but can be able to write their name.so where can you put such a person.so the point am trying to make to you guy is that language did not matter.what matter is the love and understanding.if the love is there,then forget the rest after all somebody can marry deft and dumb.for example one of my friend married a russian woman without knowing how to pronounce A in russian language but because of the love they have with each other the woman went and bought russian/english dictionary,so i she wants to speak to the guy she open the dictionary and show the guy what ever she wants to say then the guy will see what she mean in english.they were living like that till the started speaking the language.and have been happily married for 10 years now.so for me language can not be a problem for to marry a woman i love.if she can't speak english,then french is there,spanish arab .portuguese .russian. igbo,hausa yoruba etc.
ReplyDeleteIt's about self-esteem and attitudes, are you learning their languag? Plus, they aren't your friends if they judge you and don't let your family ruin your happiness. Everyone speaks the international language of looove. Remember, all relationships are different and we all have lots to learn but are they worth it? listen to your heart.
ReplyDeleteI am in the same situation and I'm 17 his 20 in college but he didn't come To America at an early age but when I first saw him I could stop smiling he was so nice and handsome definetly my type but then he stated speaking English it was terrible it turned me off literally but I feel like I love him but I'm scared of going any further with him because he doesn't speak English fluently plus his Caribbean and those guys are aggressive I had made a promise to never date them because of what my mother went through with them. And once we were talking and he told me that I have an attitude problem and I should know better not to act like that around him because I would get slapped. (I don't know if he was joking or not) but I'm African american but its really difficult to find a black guy that speak decent English and not "broken"English" I'm also interested in other different race but there mostly afraid to talk to me because well I'm black. I also never gave him a chance to let him in I guess ,he always complain about that but I didn't want to tell him why. I figured if I like him I might as well tell him the situation and even help him out a bit if he let's me . ohh and I don't mind the accent just his geammar
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ReplyDelete