By Ritty
What’s the single most difficult aspect of single parenting? I know, we all have our different answers as the individual challenges differs from state to state and country to country. I complete agree with the fact that a role meant for two mates now belongs to an individual is enough to break one down with enough stress to last a life time.
However, despite what you read from the media and hear, being a single mother is not all bad news. To encourage our beautiful strong single mothers out there are these tips to becoming a great single mum help ease through the journey.
1.Maintain a relationship with God.
Whatever your religious inclination, talking to your God through prayers and reading your Holy Bible, Quran etc will only require a few minutes or hour of your time in the day. Doing this will refresh your soul, give you inner peace and renewal, hope, especially if you are facing different challenges.
2. Seek out role models:
Single mums and her child(ren) can flourish. The first step is to make a list of other single mums or children raised by single mums who inspire you and refer to it as whenever they are going through a difficult day. The world is amazed how Obama turned out good from such a background.
3. Find a work schedule that suits your life style and family.
Do not be afraid to express your needs to your employers by telling him or her you are a single mum / parent. Most of them will understand and assist you in getting a flexible work schedule.
4. Do not freak out over things beyond your control – if your child’s father promises to show up unannounced during an event at your child’s school. Do not loose your beauty sleep over it. That’s his wahala not yours!
5. Do make out a ‘me – time”.
Being a single mum is hard work, so you deserve time off every now and then. When you create free time for yourself, you can enjoy going to the salon or spending time with friends after having left your child(ren) in the capable hands of either a baby sitter, another single mum friend or neighbour.
6. Be yourself.
Do not compete with yourself. This is because, nobody is keeping scores on the unmade beds, unclean breakfast dishes and toys scattered about on some chaotic morning. Please, focus on doing the most important things to avoid lateness for you and your child (dren). These include bathing, getting dresses, having breakfast and leaving for school/ work for both you and the child(ren). You can always get back to doing these chores later.
Finally, this tend to reduce or completely take the pressure off you whilst spending more quality time with your child (ren).
First Published - Single Naija Mum
Thanks for these pointers, Single Naija Mum. I'd like to add another one to the list: 'establish a good support system.' Do whatever it takes to establish this, whether it means dealing with your own trust issues so you can welcome good people into your life to help out, or making a financial investment to ensure you have people with the right kind of capacities that you can rely on. Doing so gives me, personally, such peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only single parent who finds these tips condescending and frankly borderline annoying or hilarious? None of these tips provide ANY iota of useful information for a parent struggling/juggling to care for a child on their own.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, your number 1 tip is merely stating the obvious. Being spiritually grounded provides you with unforeseen strength to go through the day. How do you propose that a single mama finds her zen? After the morning rush of trying to get ready for preschool/school and then you go to work and put in your 8 hours and then its rushing to preschool...hoping and praying that you're not late. Followed by going home for dinner, bath-time, homework, bedtime and before you know it, it's 9pm and you're torn between trying to prepare for the next day or just collapsing on couch since you've been working all day!And then you wonder why you're so hungry and its because you haven't had a bite to eat either.And the 2nd tip is simply hilarious...yeah Ms. Soso and so is a single mom will be the motivation I need to get through my day?!Mschewwww.
I honestly get irritated by tips for tips sake - that don't provide concrete actionable information, resources or that are not even evidenced based. For instance one of the biggest challenges for single mama's is TIME - and the way to get around this will be by being extremely organized. What are your tips for being organized...whether it be doing a weekly menu, negotiating a compressed work week at work, etc.
Seriously - you guys can do better than this!