A Lesson Learned From A Frenemy

“He’s cheating Tolani, I am telling you” Seke screams.

“What? No oh Bolaji won’t do that to me.” I say while trying to assure myself also that my husband of less than two years could not possibly be cheating on me.

“Answer me now, what time does he come home?”

I don’t even know why she’s screaming. I can hardly get my thoughts together.


“Like 10pm sometimes but I mean it’s their busy season at work so it makes sense.”

"Tolani, be wise. A man that comes home late all the time, and has no money to spare for his wife to do what she wants cannot be trusted."

I shake all doubts from my mind and reaffirmed my mind that yes my husband loved me. He was just busy at work.

Seke has been my best friend since we were 16 years old, 10 years later we still remained close. I had moved to a new school in the final year of high school and as the only new girl in the class, everyone wanted a piece of me to bully. She always came to my defense and we have been a duo since then. We have been through so much together, going through university in this Nigeria, heart breaks, her father’s passing and so much more but we always managed to pull through with each other.

When we got married, we realized our lives had changed but it was a good kind of change. Seke was now more accustomed to the jet setting lifestyle since she married the most eligible bachelor at the time. His parents were rich and since he became CEO of his father’s company, their lives went from rich to the richest. I on the other hand had a husband who was wealthy but we both had to work for every penny we spent so jet setting had to wait a couple more years for us to catch up.

But I'm becoming impatient. By the time Bolaji came home, I had worked myself into a frenzy. I did not make any dinner for him, and after he left me and my sulking face in the bedroom to go prepare something for himself, I followed him and tore into him. He was silent for the first few minutes, but that didn't stop me.

“Bola, what is it? Why can’t I go out with my friends?” I am furious. It’s already embarrassing enough that I can’t make the trip to Dubai with Seke tomorrow because I can’t afford it, now this man wants to stress me again. Abegi jo.

“Did I say that Tola, you’re looking for a fight but I don’t even have time for this tonight,” he hisses as he continues to make himself dinner. “Whatever is bothering you, you’ll soon come to your senses.”

“Ehen, so I am stupid abi? you’re a big fool then for marrying a stupid woman.” I don’t even know why I am so angry and infuriated.

“Like I have said, you want a fight, I am not ready to give you one tonight, I am tired.” He continues making his dinner.

“You don’t want me to go out abi, you want to turn me into a housewife that doesn’t have a life that to cater to her husband, abi?” the neighbors can probably hear my voice with how loud I am screaming.

“What are you talking about, are you serious Tola? I told you about my work party and instead you want to go and waste money going out with your friends.” Bola and his cute confused face.

“Is it your money? How much do you even make that you’re shouting?” If I was looking for the fight I wanted, this statement was definitely going to get me it. I don’t know what my end game is but right now I was just upset that out of all our friends, I was the only one who couldn’t drop $6000 to go to Dubai because there was no way my husband would let me take almost a million naira for a one week trip.

“You know what, just leave me alone” I say sarcastically “I just need to clear my head so I’m going to go to Seke’s place for the night.”

“Seke’s place, that friend of yours will lead you astray one of these days,” he says as he begins to chump down the sorry excuse for a meal he was forced to make for himself since his wife was acting up.

He looks up at me again “Are you sure that’ll make you feel better though, how about you just talk to me and tell me what’s really going on?”

“No, I don’t want to be here with you.” I carry my bag and keys; Seke will have a change of clothes for me anyways.

The gateman at Seke’s house open the gate for me, I just needed somewhere to crash for the night and her husband wasn’t around so it was an excuse for a girl’s night with just the two of us before she leaves tomorrow. The house girl lets me in and takes my things to the living room area. As I start to ascend the stairs to Seke’s bedroom, all I hear is screaming and I start to run up the stairs. What could be happening, her husband isn’t around so who else could be up there with her?

“You’re mad, what have I told you about letting the house girl cook for me?” thump thump thump.

In my mind I’m thinking is that a punch. Jesus, it was her husband talking so he must be doing the hitting as well.

“You want to kill me abi? Kill me I promise I will ruin your stupid precious family name. I’m leaving this house for you today idiot.”

Seke sounded out of breath and was still raining insults on him. I wasn’t even sure what to do at this point, should I go and help her and get beaten too. I thought about calling Bola to come and help but a quick memory of how I left the house reassured me that this would be the last straw of Seke and I’s friendship.

“You’re not going anywhere, get in that kitchen and prepare my food, useless thing.” I could hear a body hit the floor so I am assuming that he threw her.

“Oh I am useless, stupid husband. It’s God that will punish you for me. If I cook your food I will poison you and kill you. Bastard!!”

“Is it me you’re talking to?” Thump thump thump; then Silence, nothing more from Seke.

I started running down the stairs; the house girl meets me in the living room and I tell her to get my things. I am not sure what I am going to do but I knew I had to get out of there like now before her husband catches me and beats me too.

On my way home, Seke calls me; I just let it ring as I was not sure what I would say if she confided in me. Maybe her house girl had told her that I came to the house but there was nothing I could do but make that 15 minutes ride back home first, beg Bola and ask him to go back with me so we can get Seke out of that house. While still driving in my car, I start crying, my marriage is falling through the cracks and my best friend is getting her ass beaten by her husband. I’m rehearsing and trying to put together what I’ll say to Bolaji so he can forgive me. I decided to listen to the voicemail Seke left me so that I at least knew what the situation was before I got home.

“Hey Hun, I hope you've read that Bolaji his rights. My husband came home early bearing gifts of course. Off to Dubai in the morning. Don’t you just love my life? Muah!”

My head is spinning because I can’t believe what I am hearing, were his gifts his fist that he used to beat her up, I’m not even sure what to think or do. Has this been going on for long and has she been enduring this animal of a husband because of this lifestyle she has come to cherish? I would deal with her situation tomorrow; tonight I needed to fix my marriage.

I run into my house, get on my knees and beg my husband to please forgive my misbehavior for the past couple of months. All this while, I had been listening to Seke’s advice and comments when she had not taken the time to kill the fire on her own head first. They say the biggest fool is the one who minds the business of others rather than minding their own so if I am the fool, I don’t mind because I have learned my lesson.

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Inspired by the No-nonsense Wife by Abimbola Dare