Doing Things Alone When You're Already Coupled Up

This one is for people in a relationship or married. There is the common advice to try to do things together as a couple, and I'm a big fan of that, like I pointed out in this post. However, it can also help sometimes to do your own thing even after you're hitched with the so-called ball and chain. Couples, whether married or single, are not necessarily conjoined at the hip. You're still two different people, and it is OK to have your own individual identities with the attendant likes and dislikes.


One of the tips to keep the relationship fresh by this writer is to spend time apart. Sometimes, you need that small break to keep you both aware of what you have and to not take each other or your time for granted. It can as simple as calling the other person just once a day at work instead of ten times, and as little as going shopping alone for a few hours while they other person does their own thing.

Sometimes, Atala and I go to the movies, and we see two different features. I like my horror, he likes his art house movies, so one time, I went to see Anthony Hopkins in The Rite and Atala went to see George Clooney in Men who stare at goats. We both got what we wanted, and we were both happy.

A longer separation may involve travelling for a week or a up to a month alone or with friends, to another state, another country, etc. I've done this several times in the past, and though you may miss each other like crazy, the reunions are usually worth it. One must remember to have fun though, of what use is it to apart because you claim to want to build love, and then you're miserable?

The trick of course is not to overdo it to the extent that your partner begins to question your feelings or attachment to them because you seem to be having such a time of your life that you completely neglect and forget them, or worse, fall into another relationship. As in most things, balance is key.

What do you think, does one court trouble by maintaining some measure of independence of mind and/or space, or are separate identities necessary to keep both parties sane?