2. How I Met My Abusive Husband - One Woman's Domestic Violence Story

My name is Omalinze Okonkwo. I am a 33 year old Nigerian woman, who fled to the US to get away from a violently abusive husband/marriage. It had been hell, pretty much from day one of our 10 year marriage, with lots of hospitalizations and two separations in between. And it was ALL forms of abuse, from physical to emotional to psychological to mental to financial. This is the story of how I left, it was not and has not been easy, but I'm glad I'm free.


We met in 1998 when an 18 year old me (music director/trainee pastor/medical student) accompanied my BFF to UNEC for her fellowship's camp meeting. I was to help arrange her music as well as perform in a play and a special Acapella as the alto. As was our usual practice, we didn't eat all day prior to the performance so as soon as we had sung, my friends and I rushed to the nearest "burger " joint we could find. As we waited for our eggs to be fried, four young men frolicked rather loudly in our line of vision.

All four were trying to talk to me and I was famished, so I was not in the mood. Eventually, our meal was ready and No four, who was the biggest and loudest, tried to get my room number. I told him and he said he would visit. Unknown to him, we were to leave first thing in the morning so I knew I would never see him again. Good riddance “I thought” as I personally believed it was disrespectful of any man to toast a girl while he was with his friends.

A year later, while I was home on holidays, my family phone rang and it was some guy asking for me. Normally, I would have discharged him to avoid getting caught by my dad but he was out and I was bored so I didn't hang up. Apparently, he had tricked my friend into giving him my number. Next thing, I knew, we were spending hours on the phone. Before long, I was sneaking out to meet him in front of my gate and we would drive in his mom's Toyota Cressida to his friend's place where we would make-out for hours. Soon, though he went for Youth service so we lost touch.

We started dating properly when a year after his service he came back to Enugu. Coincidentally, I was around. So he looked me up and we hooked up the same day (I had lost my faith after a series of tragedies including losing my youngest sister to malaria, failing out of Medical school and losing my best friend in a fire). He left the next day promising to call even though I had told him not to bother. So started our long distance relationship which he broke off by phone exactly a year later because "the Lagos girls were a distraction".

Years later, we somehow reconnected and became friends even though we had separate relationships. Soon, we were "friends-with-benefits". Anyway, he had issues that led to his suspension for months and in that time there was a shift in our relationship. Suddenly, the *commitment-phobe* started becoming more controlling, calling to know where I was or flying into rages if I sent him some credit bought with my meager modeling earnings. I figured it was the pressure of the job and soon after, he was recalled to work and became sweet and adorable again.

1. How I Got the Courage to Leave
2. How I Met my Abusive Husband
3. A Fatal Kind of Attraction
4. My Attempts to Leave or Separate
5. The Beginning of The Nightmare
6. How I Became A Different Person as an Abused Woman
7. The Red Flags I Overlooked Before my Abusive Marriage
8. Why I Kept Going Back To My Abusive Husband
9. When I Decided That I Will Not Die But Live
10. It Was Tough, But I Was Finally Able to Leave
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Myne's note - October is Domestic Violence awareness month and Oma thinks this was a great time to share her story and reach out to other women for support and also to encourage others to speak out or take action. Names, Dates and Places have been changed to protect Oma and her children.

Over the next few days, you'll read more of Oma's story. Oma is currently in need of help, financial and otherwise and if you're able to, please contact me at myne@mynewhitman.com. We're trying to work as quickly as possible for the safety of Oma and her ability to keep her children.