I have heard so many people question ladies who say they would want to take their time before having kids after marriage. Well, if all goes according to plan, I would like to wait too, and to the questions, I've realized it's based on so many different reasons for different ladies.
Apparently, in the majority, we seem to have ladies who would prefer getting pregnant before the wedding (totally intentional), and those who would love to get pregnant on the wedding night or in the few months after. Still out there, but a little less in number are those who would just want to wait months or even years before getting pregnant.
To those with questions, let me share some of the reasons I've heard from this last group of ladies.
1. GETTING MARRIED BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR MAN CAN'T KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER BUT AREN'T READY FOR KIDS:
This reason is not so common especially among non Christians or those who may not be celibate, but then it exists. Even as most of us are quite carefree towards the religious and cultural ways and values, some still take it very seriously. Logically, religion and culture does not go against finding love or falling in love.
There is a state of being mentally, physically and emotionally ready to become a mother, now one or all of these states are not measured by age, its all about the mind and readiness. So,when two people are not only in love, but also want to be together but are not ready to start making babies, they can wait for a short or long period after getting married, before doing that..
2. WANTING TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH ONE'S PARTNER WITHOUT DIVIDED ATTENTION ESPECIALLY WHEN DATING/COURTSHIP PERIOD WAS SHORT:
Most people believe once they get married, kids should be immediately involved, evidently not all ladies/ couples are of that mindset. They think - "we should be able to spend quality time with our spouses without divided love and attention from third parties including children." They want to build up their love and the bond between them.
For those with short period of dating, they think, "If while we were dating, we did not spend so much time going for lunch, clubbing, visiting the beach and other places, why can't we do these things now that we bear the same name?" The truth is that doing these things with a big belly or a new born won't be as much fun, not even when all you want to do as a pregnant woman is eat ice-cream and sleep!
3. BEING IN A SITUATION WHERE MAKING BABIES DOES NOT FIT YOUR LIFE SITUATION OR CAN AMOUNT TO A HUGE FINANCIAL BURDEN:
This may be the most common because most couples would prefer taking care of all possible hindrances before they start their family. It is true that most people want to be well settled before they get married, but that sometimes does not work out as planned.
In my own perspective, I believe its not a must you have EVERYTHING before you settle down. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules of what you MUST HAVE before you can be with the person you love. In a situation where, your man is ready and you are still in school but you both will live comfortablly even considering that, I see no reason why you can't go ahead and marry him if you both feel ready otherwise.
In that scenario, being a student and wife, running both marriage and school at the same time and wanting to give both your best will be a big deal, the addition of a newborn might not only be a challenge, but might derail all you're working for. One of the three will definitely suffer and that is why ladies in such situations prefer to postpone making babies to a more convenient time (so far as it's a mutual agreement between husband and wife), it can certainly work out with well-timed family planning.
In other cases, it might not be school, it can be work, based on location, nature and other reasons, while plans are being made for a career to take shape or take off, making babies will be postponed by the couple.
So, ladies, if you have been thinking that you would like to take your time before making babies, but you were not able to marshal your points, these are three reasons I know and have heard. What other reasons have you? Let's share and talk about them.
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Eniola Lawal is a student of Mass Communication and an aspiring TV Talk Show host.
I found this article borderline condescending...like a woman needs permission from her man on when they have a baby. What age are we living in, is marriage a partnership or are women still at the whim of their husbands? I don't know - this used to be my favourite blogs, but increasingly the write-ups are really mediocre.
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