'Her Bold Move Endeared Her To Me' - Benny Ark on Marrying Ese Walters Despite The Controversy

When the engagement of Ese Walters to her Abuja’s Cool FM’s heartthrob, Benny Ark, was announced, many were taken by surprise. A few thought their civil marriage was a fashion photoshoot, until they followed it up with their traditional and then church wedding. What was not in doubt was the look of love on both their faces on all of the pictures [see here and here].

Some of the surprise at the couple's wedding came because just last year, Ese had opened up about an affair  she had with a popular Abuja-based pastor Biodun Fatoyimbo of COZA. Her accusations had generated lots of controversy as supporter of the pastor squared off against those who condemned the pastor's abuse of office and a vulnerable young lady under his pastoral care. [Read here and here]

In a recent interview with The Sun, Ese Walter's husband, Benny Ark speaks on his career, a lifelong love for radio, and why he married Ese despite the controversy surrounding her. See excerpts below:

ONE DAY, YOU WERE ON AIR WITH OTHER COLLEAGUES AND YOU TRIED TO TRASH OUT A COUPLE’S QUARREL OVER THE WIFE’S FAILURE TO POUND YAM FOR HER HUSBAND. YOUR ARGUMENT WAS IN FAVOUR OF THE WOMAN AND A FEMALE LISTENER SAID SHE WASN’T SURPRISED THAT YOU WERE ON THE SIDE OF A WOMAN. SHE SAID IT’S TYPICAL OF YOU TO SUPPORT WOMEN. IS BENNY ARK A FEMINIST?

People shouldn’t misconstrue who a feminist is. A feminist isn’t one who puts one gender over the other. Rather, a feminist is someone who supports the political, financial and socio-economic equality between both genders. I feel that the maker created the man and woman equal. What makes us different is our purpose in life and our physical frame. So, no sex is inferior to the other. It is unfortunate that society has conditioned many to think that one gender is inferior to the other. And I think that it is time that men begin to see that marriage isn’t about a woman cooking for you or things like that. If it is okay for the woman to pound yam, then it’s okay for the man to do the same. We need to understand the purpose of marriage, which is well beyond these roles passed down by society. I am not calling for women to override the men. I am just calling for men to understand what marriage means.

YOUR FREQUENT SUPPORT FOR WOMEN MUST HAVE EARNED YOU A WHOLE LOT OF FEMALE ATTENTION. YOU GOT MARRIED RECENTLY. WAS IT HARD PICKING A WIFE?

The process of meeting the right woman was quite tiring and sometimes painful. But when I got past the process, I made my choice quickly. I looked at a number of things before picking a wife – from the external and internal qualities, to the woman who can follow me on my journey. I can even say the process took up to eight years, but when I was through with the process, the decision was instant.

YOU GOT MARRIED TO THE LADY WHO EXPOSED WHAT COULD BE DESCRIBED AS THE ROT IN A POPULAR ABUJA CHURCH. WHEN SHE MADE THE REVELATION OF HER REGRET OVER THE AFFAIR WITH THE POPULAR PASTOR, HOW DID THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU REACT WHEN YOU PICKED HER AS YOUR WIFE? 

Amazingly, the people around us were supportive and understanding. It was some outsiders who were not privy to a whole lot of stuff that were making some kind of remarks. But the truth is, we were just friends when she told me about what happened. I was pained and hurt because here was a man who I held in high esteem. I only told her to do what she had to do because she felt like she was enslaved by something she didn’t have control over. And when she tried to reach out for disclosure that would have led to her healing, she was treated badly by some people who sent the message that some person is untouchable. I can tell you that she reached out not once or twice. In the end, she did what she did for her peace of mind and to encourage others who are in a similar situation. She opened up not because she is the boldest person; she knew that she was taking a big risk. But she opened up because she is someone who has a conscience and will not stand for something wrong. Her making that bold move endeared her to me.
When she came out with the truth, I believed her, having heard the same story two or three times from other women. When she spoke out, she was attacked. But I believe that with her simple act of speaking the truth, she not only liberated herself but also other women in a similar situation.

NOW THAT YOU ARE MARRIED, WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS? 

Some people describe marriage as settling down. But I don’t agree with that assertion because an individual ought to be settled before getting into marriage. For me, getting married is starting the journey to the fulfillment of what God created me for. My purpose is to promote love, hope and faith among the people around me. There is a whole lot of abuse going on in relationships with the women at the receiving end.
And it is not supposed to be so. This is why we all have to spread the message of love until we heal many relationships. So, the hope I have for my union with a woman I love so much, a woman who is a sweet companion to me is that we will reach out to men and women promoting the right values for a good marriage. I cannot change everybody but I am going to spark up the thought that marriage should be enjoyed and it should be the vehicle to the fulfillment of life’s purpose.

WHEN YOU ARE NOT WORKING, WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU LOVE DOING? 

These days, I spend my spare time with my wife chatting and playing. We share ideas because we both write. There are a whole lot of things we have in the kitty. We hope to stage a reality show. I also run a PR firm and I am into events. So, I am always busy with how to make life meaningful for others and me.

WHAT ARE THE THINGS THAT PUT YOU OFF? 

Double standards and hypocrisy. I don’t like people who say something in front of you and say the opposite behind your back. I am a blunt person. I speak my mind. I don’t have any reason to say things behind people’s backs.

CAN YOU RECALL THE MOMENT YOU REALISED THAT YOU WANTED TO BE ON RADIO?

As a kid growing up in Kaduna, I was addicted to listening to the radio stations in the city. At that age, I never felt the interest to be on radio. I just knew that I love listening to the radio. The radio was my favourite companion. But I realised that I wanted to be in media/entertainment industry after I concluded my NYSC. I didn’t want to be caught up in the 9-5 kind of job. But I guess radio found me judging by how I got into Cool FM. In 2006, I auditioned for Cool FM’s ‘The Broadcaster 2’ competition. My friends talked me into auditioning because they knew how much I loved radio. So, I came for the audition with over a hundred people. At a point, I practically walked away because I wondered how they were going to pick just one person out of a hundred contestants. I already was targeting work in a telecoms company. But after three weeks of voting, I was picked as ‘The Broadcaster’. I guess you could say that was the moment I felt that broadcasting is the thing for me.

HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY ON AIR, DID YOU SUFFER FROM STAGE FRIGHT?

Amazingly, I have always been used to the stage. Right from my days as a schoolboy, I was one of those outstanding kids who stepped forward to represent the class or the school. My first attempt at radio was at the NYSC orientation camp in Jalingo, Taraba State. While I was on air, I saw people gathering around the window. I just went in to have fun. But after one hour on air, people commended me. Some asked if I had worked on radio and I told them I hadn’t. I must say, however, that after winning ‘The Broadcaster’, my only fear was the topic(s) I would discuss on air. A former colleague, Nike Coker was the person who encouraged me. She told me I was a deep person, she said I sounded good and I had many interesting things to say. But I had a little doubt then, at least in the first few minutes after we went on air. However, with time, I just let my personality through. After all, we call it ‘personality radio’ here in Cool FM. So right from the start, I just let my personality show as I discussed everyday issues.

WHEN YOU DROPPED THE IDEA OF WORKING IN A TELECOMS FIRM FOR RADIO, HOW DID THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU REACT?

I never followed up the job in the telecoms company. Maybe, I would have had a tougher time convincing my father to support a career in broadcasting, if he were alive. My dad would have asked why I opted for being a radio presenter when I had a degree in Business Administration. My mum quite understands. So, when I told her that I wanted to start work as a radio presenter, she asked me to go ahead since I was sure that broadcasting was the career for me. My mother always has confidence in me. But for my friends, they were quite happy for me. Sure, there were moments in the beginning when I asked myself if I should pick up a job with my certificate in sectors that paid higher wages. This is because my take home pay years back was quite inadequate. But with the love and passion I had for radio, I just kept on going. I bless God for where I am today.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOUR JOB THAT MAKES YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT IT?

It is my love for the people. In life, I have come to understand that the take home pay is not as important as one fulfilling his purpose in life. My simple message, which I always share, is that there is love and hope everywhere you are, no matter what you are going through. With a positive attitude, things can only get better. My personal mantra is based on faith, hope and love. And anytime I get on air, I try to incorporate these three values in the messages I send out.

EARLIER, YOU SAID A COLLEAGUE DESCRIBED YOU AS A DEEP PERSON. AGAIN, YOU TALKED ABOUT FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE BEING YOUR MOTTO. HOW DID YOU COME ABOUT ALL OF THESE?

Well, a deep person is someone who has come to understand that beyond the physical, we are spiritual beings. Those who haven’t come to the understanding that we are physical and spiritual beings mistake spirituality for religion. But it is important to understand who we are and for what purpose we were created. I believe in God. But I am not a religious person. I just believe that organized religion has caused a lot of harm in the world. I totally believe that we are all one in the sight of God. We are neither Moslems, Atheists, Buddhists nor Christians in His sight. And I have no apologies for holding these views.

HAVE YOU HAD DIFFICULT OR EMBARRASSING MOMENTS WITH LISTENERS?

Difficult moments? They seldom happen. I could say there were times when people didn’t agree with my take on issues that we discussed on air. I have gotten one or two text messages from listeners stating dissenting views. But the only embarrassing moment on the job was the one I created myself. I was still new on the job and I was slated to read the news. I got in, read the news without knowing that the microphone wasn’t on. I finished reading without knowing that not a single word was heard. I only noticed that colleagues gathered around the studio window. It was when I stepped out that they told me ‘dude, we didn’t hear a word from you’.

SO FAR, WHAT IS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR CAREER?

I am not yet where I hope to be. But have I grown? Yes. Have I made remarkable progress? Yes. So, I would say there have been milestones but I am still on my way to the high point moment. I guess I have to add that when people commend me for how I inspire them, it makes me feel good. I feel even more appreciated when I meet older people, the age of my mother and they are happy to know that I am Benny Ark. I feel a sense of fulfillment when people with more experience than me say things like ‘oh you are the Benny Ark that said this or that thing that changed my day’. They pray for me, asking that I keep doing what I do. I’ve had a few nominations and awards. The awards came in quick succession at a point. This made me believe that there must be something I am doing that works for the people. But like I said – the place I hope to be which I see on my vision board is still ahead.

OFTEN TIMES SOME LISTENERS HAVE SAID ON-AIR-PERSONALITIES FAKE THEIR ACCENTS. DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS CATEGORY OF PEOPLE?

You know, people will always have an opinion whether they are correct or incorrect. People will always have something to say whether you sound Nigerian or international. It is part of human nature to criticise. If someone can fake an accent for close to a decade, then that person is good at faking. My friends who have known me for years can attest that I have always sounded this way. If I have faked my accent for over 30 years then I have done a good job. In fact, some of the people who criticise others actually admire those they attack. Yet again, sometimes it is good to listen to the critics because they make you work hard at what you do.

WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE TO THOSE WHO DESIRE A CAREER ON RADIO?

First, you have to be sure broadcasting is the career for you because this job goes beyond the fame. You shouldn’t come into broadcasting because you want to be famous. Being famous doesn’t make you rich. There actually are famous people who are broke. So, you should have goals coming into broadcasting. You should have passion for the job and you should be able to carve a niche for yourself.