Have you voted?

The Nigerian Blog Awards.


Now I am in New York seeing Lady Liberty and her friends so you know I didn't really put up this post right now. See why I was nominated for best use of media?

Some interesting messages on twitter

you know i'm wondering if this is a real account or a bot.. #justsaying... :)
9:39 AM May 22nd

this bot says hello ...., hope you're fine. I miss you and ur blog and I wonder if all is OK with you. Do take care of yourself. Bye...bye.
10:18 AM May 22nd

So yeah, there are many bots and I use them to do my business but this is my message to you all.

MW is here too if you need her. And I didn't see that last bit, take your time and all the best dearie
10:22 AM May 22nd

This is a scheduled post and will self regenerate in 24 hours.

Now go and vote. The Nigerian Blog Awards.

See you on twitter too. And thank you all so much if you've voted, (and voted for me) you are very much appreciated.

I love you, mwah!

The Great Con

Nominated Best Writing Blog 2010 The Nigerian Blog Awards. Need a sample?

This is a bit out of character for me, mush romantic me. But yeah, shit happens too.

I got to know a stranger
When he beeped my pager
We later had a merger
And he took over the ledger
Didn’t know he was a forger
A talented artful dodger

Couldn’t believe what he’d done
Until after he had gone
I was the victim of a con
And it was time to mourn
He might now be on the run
But I swear he has not won

Then I got a tip-off call
He was seen with a new doll
I had taken a bad fall
And he was having a ball
I visited him with a carry-all
Shot him in the front hall.

__________________________________________

Do you like what you just read?

Now go and vote. The Nigerian Blog Awards.

Naija Blog Awards

So how do I start this post, lol...

Like most of you know, Myne Whitman has been nominated for four categories at the ongoing Nigerian Blog Awards. I am thrilled and humbled at the same time as a bit worried. It shows that you guys appreciate what I am doing here and motivates me to do more. On that not I say, thank you all so much, especially to those that nominated my blog. And to all of you that come around here, read, feedback and follow, I really appreciate you all. I am worried of the expectations that may follow but WTH, right?

Now this voting is going to be a difficult one for me. Why? As you can see below, I am up with some of the people I admire and are friends with here on blogger. In fact I am up with the NAIJASTORIES - the story sharing site I manage so what to do? I am also not very competitive so I am tempted to say go and vote for the others. BUT! When people like Vera have declared me an enemy, what choice do I have eh? LOL. Abeg go and vote for me now now. Yes I mean now, lol.

Finally, lets give it up for the organizers of the awards. Fronted by Good Naija Girl. The Nigerian Blog Awards is a great way to build our community of naija blogsville. All the blogs you ever wished you knew are listed on there from A - Z. For a blogger junkie like me, you now know where I found you from. So no matter who you vote for, (me, me, me!) lets make this a success by turning out en masse (yeah, yeah yeah, this is not the 2011 Nigerian elections.) I know but it's still cool to vote. Voting has started so go go go>>>>>>

So these are the categories, and even before I forget, vote Naija Stories for Best Collabo. Myne Whitman Writes is not really a group blog even though Atala likes to think otherwise, he's my partner in crime everywhere, lol.

1. Best Group or Collaborative Blog
• Blog(s)ville Gist
• In My Dreams It Was Simpler
• Myne Whitman Writes
• Naija Stories
• Nigerians Talk

1. Best Use of Media, including Social Media
• Bumight
• KTravula
• Light Her Lamp (Jaycee)
• Myne Whitman Writes
• Verastically Livin'

Best Writing or Book blog

• Bookaholic
• In My Dreams It Was Simpler
• Myne Whitman Writes
• Nnedi Okorafor
• Nzesylva

30. Nigerian Blog of the Year
• Bedazzled Photography
• Bella Naija
• Femme Lounge
• In My Dreams It Was Simpler
• KTravula
• Myne Whitman Writes
• Nigerian Curiosity
• The Talkaholic (Harry)
• Tunji Sarumi
• Verastically Livin’

SERIOUSLY, WHAT ARE YOU STILLL DOING HERE???? NOW GO VOTE>>>>>>>>>>

Getting packed for New York.

So what should I put in?

Books ....check

More books ....check.

Passport ....check -can you see it?

Oh yes...My box .....check

What should I pack? What is the weather like? New York peeps where una, and please suggestions on what to do are welcome. See you guys and the Lady soon.

All I'm thinking of. (Poem)

You are all I’m thinking of
Those times I find it hard to sleep
The times I am rushed with work
When I walk down the road
When I sit with my friends
You are all I’m thinking of

You are all I’m thinking of
When the clouds turn dark
And rain drives down from the heavens
Now the days are so quickly gone
And the skies become dark
You are all I’m thinking of

You are all I’m thinking of
To make you a part of my life
To be able to say I love you
To give you the best of me
To tell you from the heart
You are all I’m thinking of...


************************************

So who are you thinking of? Your family in a different state or country from where you are? Your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé? Have you told them? Now is the time o cos this life is so short, no one knows tomorrow. Do not put off for tomorrow what you can do today, live your dream now!

Have a lovely weekend all and see you in New York soon.

A Sneak Peek into my next Project

So I was the first first feature on FabLadyH's new Blog "Becoming a Doctor." Fablady is a wonderful blogger, on part of Kaleidoscope or K'bloggers. She is in her final year of studying medicine and wants us to come with her on the journey. Please go over and show her some love.

So on her feature page, I answered a lot of few questions for her on writing and what my current and next projects are. Have you been following my WIP? Find the sneak peak into what it is all about below.

*******************************

Tell us your latest news?

My blog, Myne Whitman Writes has been nominated in four categories in the on-going Nigerian Blog Awards - Best Collaborative, Best use of Media, Best writing and Nigerian blog of the year. The group story sharing site which I manage - Naija Stories has also been nominated in the Best Group Blog category.

When and why did you begin writing?
I have been writing for a very long time, as far back as primary/secondary school. However, I seriously began writing and saving my scripts in university.

When did you first consider yourself a writer?
It must be just last year after I decided to pursue full time writing and especially now that my novel A Heart to Mend is published.

What inspired you to write your first book?
The concept of love, plain and simple.

Do you have a specific writing style?
I like to describe my writing as simple and descriptive. I do not like grandiloquence and try to convey my dialogue in a very direct and relatable way.

How did you come up with the title?
I was bouncing ideas around with my SO and Mended Hearts came up. A Heart to Mend was not far behind.

Is there a message in your novel that you want readers to grasp?
The message is that love is real, it is possible, people and places cannot stop it. And also that if you let love, it will mend your heart.

How much of the book is realistic?
It is very realistic. Set in Lagos, it will give you a sense of the place as well as the characters that populate it.

Are the experiences based on someone you know, or events in your own life?
Not really, except for the universal theme of love. I too like Edward, made a decision to allow love in my life.

What books have most influenced your life most?
The bible

If you had to choose, which writer would you consider a mentor?
If it someone close to me who works with me, it has to be my husband. But I admire the works of Buchi Emecheta.

What book are you reading now?
The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan

Are there any new authors that have grasped your interest?
Lara Daniels and her new book, Love in Paradise. She is also a Nigerian romance author writing under a pseudonym.

What are your current projects?
I am working on another romance novel as well as a few short stories. I edit and publish at www.naijastories.com and also contribute at African Goddess and Bella Naija online magazines.

Name one entity that you feel supported you outside of family members.
Blogger especially the Nigerian Blog community.

Do you see writing as a career?
Yes I do. I am a full-time writer now.

If you had to do it all over again, would you change anything in your latest book?
Maybe reduce the financial jargon, but then again, a few people say they learnt a lot from it. I also learnt a lot while doing the research.

Do you recall how your interest in writing originated?
I think it came from reading a lot. And then when I was house bound as a precocious pre-teen, I started writing of the kind of adventures I wished I could go out and have.

Can you share a little of your next project with us?
My next novel is about one part of a twin, Kevwe, and his love interest Efe. After dating in university, they are separated by circumstances unknown to both of. Ten years later, they meet again and sparks begin to fly.

Is there anything you find particularly challenging in your writing?
It can be an emotional drain sometimes. I also like to do a lot of research about the subjects that crop up so that it can be as real as possible.

Do you have any advice for other writers?
They should keep writing. Practice makes better. :)

Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?
Thanks for coming with me on this journey and I hope we'll continue to support each other in the coming times. I love you all.

When Love is Gone - Conclusion

Read the BEGINNING...


While I was at work, I decided that I would move out from the flat I had shared with my ex. Our rent was due by the end of the month and I was not going to renew. We paid in six monthly installments and not only could I not afford it, I could deal without the memories of our time there together. I talked to myself sternly after that. I decided that if my ex was remapping his life, maybe I needed to do the same. I drew up an excel sheet on my computer and fashioned a short-term goal and something to do with myself as if I was writing a business proposal. It was almost the end of June and I was convinced that I could get my life together before the end of the year.

I will survive, I kept telling myself. I hummed the song by Gloria Gaynor and downloaded it from Limewire into my mp3 player. I listened to it so much the funny part of me that remained worried that it would fade away. I took the humor as a sign that I was on the right track. I called my friend some days later to tell her of my decision. She stayed with some relatives and we began to plan of moving in together in a smaller place. The following week, I contacted some estate agents and gave them details of what we wanted. I ended up with a few places to go and visit that week. In addition, I had plans to have dinner with friends. The plan had originally been for "both of us" to go out with the newly married couple. I almost chickened out but in the end, I went ahead since they were my friends and already knew.

I worked at a place where I had access to the internet. I could also browse on my phone when the network was good. I had the highest bill ever that first couple of months after the breakup. I was also reprimanded at work by my immediate superior. We were on good terms or it would have been something more serious. I was always online scouring the web for information on breakups and of course, came across those "Get your ex back" links. I was weak and I gave in. I also regularly went snooping to his Facebook page and tried to decode what was happening in his life. I felt I would shatter if I found out he was dating again. I loved to read and shopped for books regularly but the few times I found myself at a bookstore, it was usually in the self-help section.

I picked up books on relationships and dealing with breakups and browsed through them keenly. I tried to remember everything I read so I wouldn’t have to buy the book and bring it back to our new flat. I didn’t want anything to spoil the façade I was showing to my friend and new roommate. I finally bought a book from a roving vendor which I would leave in my office. It was titled “Making up after a quarrel with your partner”. I devoured the book looking for answers and tips on what to do. I knew I was deceiving myself. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted my ex back. We had spoken only a couple of times on the phone since then. Yes I called him. I’m not proud of it but I pored over the book and saw that it said I should give my ex space for a while and work on myself. Then he would somehow miraculously want to get back with me. I sincerely prayed so.

I had friends who texted, emailed, and called me all the time. My mother and my sisters also visited and stayed with me at different points in those first six months. They were my support network and were there for me whenever I felt myself sliding into depression. They helped me stay grounded and in control. At the times I felt like running mad or cursing my ex out, they appealed to my higher senses and got me to calm down. I will admit that I did not stick to all the stages I laid out in my short term plan for getting over it. I gave myself a month but it took close to three to get over the disbelief and shock. I was still angry and hurt sometimes. One day I say my ex online – we had remained friends on Facebook – and began a chat with him. I wanted to ask him again for us to get back together. Luckily, I didn’t get to make such a fool of myself. He logged off after a couple of minutes begging work.

I told myself that I had to refuse to let myself sink into depression and wreck my life. This was repeated to me by family and friends. There were days I did not want to get out of bed. There were many of such days. I made a pact with my closest sister to call her at any time when I wanted or felt like it. Looking back, I think knowing there was someone I was accountable to helped a great deal. I'm not saying I never had down days or days where I never wanted to talk to another person but always in the back of my mind was the commitment I had made to the ones that cared about me that I was going to get through this and come out a better woman. By October I was going out more, hanging out with my girlfriends at weddings and birthdays and thinking of dating again. Some people told me it was too soon to think about another relationship but I had a couple of solid guys who were interested in me.

My roommate encouraged me to give them a chance. I went out with them then mostly because I liked the distraction. By November, it was more than that, at least for one of the guys who had stuck around. I knew I was ready to open up my feelings if not my heart. I knew I was ready to date. My ex had been my first real boyfriend and I was in the dating pool again. I did not know the etiquette or how to handle different guys at the same time. I had to think about how I would behave in certain situations and how I would react to certain things. I ran through mock scenarios in my head and had long heart to hearts with my roommate. She dated off-and-on but was single most of the time. She became my dating coach and agent. I also had to rethink what I wanted in a man I would spend the long term with. I had not dated extensively so I think about the qualities I wanted in a man. I thought of all the good in my ex and then I thought of the bad. At a point I had to make myself realize it was futile to dwell on the past. Everyone agreed that I should just focus on the there and then and I did.

It was a bit difficult though getting through my ex’s birthday at the end of December. I had usually made a big deal of his birthdays and since this was his big three zero, I had even begun to make plans in my head for it just before out breakup. It threw me that it was such a big deal for me. I was moody for most of the day, sneaking to his page to see who had left him messages and angling for information from mutual friends. That was another thing that made things hard. The friends. Some of his friends cut me off and even some that had been my friend before they became “our” friend also avoided me after the breakup, especially the couples. My roommate advised me to cut all of them off and even my ex but I couldn’t. I had been friends with him before we began to date and recently, we could pass a few minutes on chat without me getting emotional. He was now in America and maybe that helped too. Finally, I sent him a message on Facebook with a card containing some well wishes.

In two months, it will be a year since we broke up. I have since realized that moving on is a continuous exercise just like the tense. It's a lot of on-going hard work. "Moved on" is the goal towards which I am working. Each day I am preparing and inching closer to it when I affirm myself and do things that move me towards the goal. Saying I've moved on does not necessarily make it so. In addition, there is no need for me to flog myself when I feel down because as long as I keep working on it, I will get there. I believe that I'll be ready for what is next when I've completely moved on. In a week, it will be the anniversary of the day my ex had first asked me out to begin a serious relationship. By this time last year, I had been dreaming that we could make it a double anniversary but it hadn’t turned out that way. I have made peace with it. There are no bells and whistles and no fireworks. I’m just glad that I’m at the stage where I know myself better and know that I have got over my ex even if not fully.

It is enough to know that he does not take up most of my life like he did when we were together and even more when we first split. I have begun to look outwards and forwards. When I make decisions, I think about the type of person I am and who I want to be. I ask myself what type of person I need to be in order to ensure that I am ready for the next stage of my life, possibly with another man. Yes I can think that now. I do invest more in myself and I take care of myself a lot more too nowadays. I had learnt to do it for me but now I also think of how it will help my chances of meeting a good partner. Yes I am working on myself for the benefit of myself; yet, I am not blind to the benefits to others and how it enriches my relations with those around me. I know that no amount of denial, bargaining, anger or depression is going to recover my broken relationship. I have accepted that heartbreak as a part of life. It's not good or bad...it is just how it is. So I have decided to keep moving on, to find joy in my live and to bring joy to others. I am dating another guy. It cannot say how long it will last but I really like him and I know he likes me too. I’m taking it a day at a time. The most important thing is; I have survived. I am fine.

THE END

*Pictures from Google images
*The story is a fictionalised version of this BLOG
*First published as "I will Survive" on Afrikan Goddess
*Published as "When Love is Gone" by The New Black Magazine.

AHTM Book Tour in New York!

Where:
Captain Cafe‎
34 East 32nd Street,
New York, NY 10016-5503
(212) 779-0003‎

When:
Tuesday June 1, 2010 (6 - 8PM)
Thursday June 3, 2010 (6 - 8PM)
Friday June 4, 2010 (7 - 9PM)
Saturday June 5, 2010 (Bloggers Summer Event - TBC)

Do you want to see Myne Whitman? Well the time has come.

Atala and I will be spending a few days in New York for our vacation this summer but as a self-employed person, you hardly stop working. So I have been able to negotiate a few evenings to dedicate to book readings, signings and networking. This is an opportunity for me to meet with you guys and I'm grabbing it. If you want to contact me more personally before the event for sponsorship or VIP treatement, send me email at Myne @ Mynewhitman.com.

But why would you want to attend? The following are reasons you may want to come...

1. Because you want to see me in person.
2. Because there will be lattes or your choice of coffee.
3. Because you are my your blogger friend :):)
4. Because you like my writing.
5. Because you want to buy an autographed copy of A Heart to Mend!

The following books by Nigerian Authors are up for grabs too! FREE!

A Heart to Mend - Moi! (Raffle draw at the Blogger Event)
In my dreams it was simpler - FG and the Team
Love in Paradise - Lara Daniels
The Mrs Club - Ekene Onu
Zara the Windseeker
To Saint Patrick - Eghosa Imaseun
Measuring Time - Helon Habila
Becoming Abigail - Chris Abani

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog

Dabaru! His nightmare was back ....by Aedeeaee

“Shit,” Chinedu said when the converstion with Habib ended. If his hands were not on the steering wheel, they'd be clenched at this point.

Why now? Now that everything was fine and somewhat dandy. Why now? Now that he was irrevocably hooked on her. Now that he had pledged to love her. Now that he had asked her to marry him. Now that she had accepted. Why?

Poor Iphey. He couldn’t even warn her of the danger that was brewing…Oh God. How he loved her and wanted to protect her. They couldn’t run away. No! he wasn't just going to up and run like some chicken. Run from who? He didn’t even know who they were up against.

That's the question that should be on your mind, Chinedu.

This thing reeked of cat pee. Acidic. Could it be just a gambling debt? Or was there something James wasn’t telling even the EFCC?

He had to do something… and real fast too…

Bob Marley’s Stir it up was playing in the background…Damn. Bob used to help him think straight…and…OH! A Plan began to form in his head.

"Why didn’t I think of that….” Said Chinedu as he dialed a number.

A part of him admonished him...begged him not to call the number...told him to think hard before…it was too late…

“Ehen??” said the voice on the other side, ”who be dis?”

“Ahn ahn! Gbenro, ta lo ji pata re? Who don go vex you today?"

“Tani yii? Who dey talk...who’s this?”

“Chinedu ni...”

“Ah ah! Tuale!. How you dey na? Na wa o! E don tey oh…”

Chinedu and Gbenro had remained friends. Their friendship had remained a secret. They were never seen together when they did have to meet. Gbenro had come to Chinedu at a low point in his life and so had started their unlikely alliance. Chinedu helped him in cash and Gbenro becaame Chinedu's eyes and ears in the underworld. Just as Alhaji Galadima recruited him for the police, Chinedu began to funnel information from Gbenro to the authorities when necessary.  Gbenro knew people who knew people and it was Chinedu who needed Gbenro’s expertise now.

"I need answers and answers I will get by hook or crook." Chinedu thought to himself.

“Gbenro, abeg…Meet me for that place now now...Abeg…E get wetin I want make you help me do…abeg…” Chinedu said.

“Na wa o! Ogbeni. This one wey you don talk abeg like three times so…”

“Wo, dey come, Quick quick!” Chinedu was becoming more agitated now.

“Make I discharge some people. I go dey there sharp sharp!”

“Ok now. See you there. Thank you my brother…”

He had another call to make.

Iphey, Pick up. Pick up...

There was music in the background when he got through.

“Hello…Iphey? Err…are you with James yet?”

“No. I’m still at home,” she said.

“OK. Listen. Call him and tell him you’ll meet him at the Galleria.”

“What? “ There was a tinge of irritation in her voice.

“Look, Iphey, We still are not sure of this guy. He’s your sister’s husband but he’s been away for a while…Remember the circumstances surrounding his disappearance…”

“Look Nedu, you don't know him like I do. Sure I told you the later bits…”

Chinedu was too wired to let her continue. “Trust me Iphey…I’ll come pick you up in about an hour….Please promise you’ll do as I’ve said…”

“You’re talking weird, Nedu, James is still my sister's husband...”

“Please, just do it, ok?”

"Do what exactly?"

"Call James and tell him you'll only see him at the Galleria in an hour."

“OK.”

“Phew! I must “gist” our children o! Kai! This your stubbornness is legendary.” Chinedu was happy she had accepted to do as he wanted.

“Go joo.” Iphey replied.

“See you in an hour honey…”


***************************************************


Ten minutes later, Chinedu was at the assigned place and left the engine running as Gbenro slid into the car.

“Tuale! Ore mi, kilon popping na? You just shari your guy sha…”

“Haba Gbenro! You know everything na…” Chinedu glanced into all the mirrors as he drove of. He had to be sure no one was following them.

“Anyway sha, wetin you dey hurry hurry me make I come do?” His passenger asked.

“Ehen, Gbenro, e get one guy like this wey I want make you tell guys make them torchlight am for me…I wan know who him be…”

“Wetin the guy do? Im dey disturb you? Make I organize boys make them go arrange the guy neat…”

Satisfied that they were not under observation, Chinedu stepped on the accelerator and pulled away. "No. No be like that…the story long small but I will explain quick…See e get one girl…”

“Ha Sinedu! Woman matter…Naa…I no dey that one.”

“Guy, hear wetin I dey talk na! This na my woman o.” They were both silent for a while and then Gbenro nodded.

Chinedu continued, “My girl get one sister when e marry one guy like this…The guy come leave them run…The man come back this year say people wen im owe money dey chase am…the thing be say, the people wey dey chase am come dey think say my girlfriend na the guy partner who hold their money…”

"So wetin come happen. She take the money?"

"Haba now Gbenro, she no take am. She doesn't even know anything."

"OK na...so wetin you want make I do?"

By now, they were parked not too far from where Iphey lived. The engine idled because the air conditioners were on. Chinedu slung his hands over the steering. "Some people wan kidnap my girl be that Gbenro. It fit even happen tonight!"

“Hmmmm…” Gbenro started thoughtfully…

“Which one is hmmmm?” Chinedu said.

"I hear some kidnap rumors sha, na the big Ogas, the ones for Island, na them get that one sha."

Chinedu sat up straight. This must be it, it must be the same people Habib was after, the reason he had picked an interest in James in the first place. The ones who ran gambling rings in Lekki and environs and used low gangs in Ajegunle to do their dirty business. He cursed himself for demanding to be out of the loop. Well it was too late for regrets. Hopefully Gbenro knew the lackeys who would do the actual job and would be able to help foil it.

"Gbenro, I think it is the same deal, what do you know?"

“You get the girl picture? “

“Wetin you wan carry am do?”

“Ogbeni, answer me O jare…”

"E dey my phone sha…" Chinedu began to scroll through his blackberry, “Ok..Ehen this one clear..see am…”

Gbenro took the phone from Chinedu and looked at the picture. His features suddenly registered his shock.

“Na she be this?”

“Yes that's her…Na wetin happen?” Chinedu asked a visibly disturbed Gbenro.

Gbenro, shaking his head vigorously said…“Guy, wahala dey o…”

“What do you mean?” He wa confused now..Very confused…He was convinced that there was no way Gbenro could have met Iphey…Absolutely no way… but Gbenro’s next words put paid to his thoughts…

“Sinedu, this ghel wey you see so, na Dabaru personal project tonight…”

"Dabaru???"

His Nightmare was back.

******************************


So that's it for today folks. We have three more chapters to go before we wrap this us so no more votes. Check back on Thursday for the next instalment.

Our contributor is Aeedeeaee, she has contributed before and is a playwright who lives and works in Lagos. She was actually the one that introduced us fully to James. I think it is fitting that she comes in again at this juncture. You can read her other chapters HERE and HERE.

When Love is Gone

My ex was my first real boyfriend. I met him when I was twenty-one and in my third level in university. I was doing my internship with a bottling company and he was an Engineer who had just joined them after his national service. We bonded quickly and became firm friends. I went back to school after my mandated two months and we tried to keep in touch through emails, text messages and phone calls. Along the line, these channels dried up to a trickle from both sides. One day, he called to tell me he had just bought a car and would like to visit me in school. I was then in final year. I agreed and we fixed a date.

He asked me out officially that day and said he would want us to think of marriage. I was surprised but happy. I liked him and felt he would make a good husband. We courted throughout my service year and I was lucky to get a job in the same city as he was. By then we had been together for almost three years and I had known him for almost a couple more. He spoke to my parents and they were happy for me. We did the first step of the marriage process and moved in together to save on costs in the city. Everything was going on well and I was dreaming of a wedding within the year.

My ex came back from work one evening and said he was tired of the relationship. He didn’t see himself with me in the long term any more. I asked if he was cheating, if there was another woman but he denied it. Strangely, I believed him. He said he had remapped his life and wanted to travel abroad to study. I said I would come with him, I would wait for him but he refused. This was the end he said. He would be moving out in a week and I could do as I wanted with the rented flat. No question could get any better answer from him. I was angry. I ranted and railed at him. After that, I cried and wailed. These were still angry tears. I couldn't believe it. When I felt like hitting him, I knew I had to leave the house. I stormed out.

I needed to let it out but who could I talk to? Not my parents certainly. My thoughts were so jumbled. After going round in circles, I called my closest friend and confided in her. She was in shock. I was also still in shock. I felt numb. We talked for a while but could not figure it out. I went back home to find the beans I had been cooking for dinner burning. My ex had also left the flat. We had almost set the house on fire but that was not my major problem. I was consumed by thoughts of our relationship. I relived the years, the months, the days. I agonized over every minute, every word, and every action. It had not really hit me, not yet. I was overwhelmed but looking back, I had not even begun to truly feel what a breakup meant.

I was hoping we would get back together. I kept thinking and saying "I don't know what I'm going to do. What am I going to do? Where am I going to start? This cannot be the end." My friend had encouraged me not to think about that, to just get through the next few days. But it wasn’t that easy. I was almost as good as married. I had known my ex for over five years. That was more than half of my adult life. I felt anchorless and lost. My whole life seemed to have been jarred off-course and I was floating with no clue in which direction to head or where to land. I waited for him but my ex didn’t come back. I thought I wouldn’t but I must have fallen asleep at a point. I woke up to a lonely bed with a tear-soaked pillow.

I got to work dazed the next day and spent most of the day chatting on yahoo messenger with my closest friend. She didn’t try to cheer me up because I told her not to bother. I went unto facebook and changed my status. What I did was remove the option of relationship status completely from my page. Don’t get it wrong, it wasn’t that I wanted everyone to know, not at all. I wanted to use that to see if it would bring my ex back to his senses. I told myself this was just a quarrel, a tiff, an ill wind that would soon blow over. It wasn’t possible that my ex was willing to throw so many years down the drain. I kept shaking my head throughout that day that I almost developed a crick in the neck. After work, I dallied in the office delaying the time to go home and also thinking of what to say to him, strategizing.

Finally I walked out and got on the bus. I remember sitting down and beginning to shed tears almost immediately. I couldn't stop the tears. I pulled out my sunglasses and put them on. The tears just trickled out steadily and I tried to stem the flow with a tissue jammed below the glasses. It was almost dark so I did not get much attention from the other passengers. If I did, I didn’t notice. I was lost in my own world of pain. That ride was a blur. When I got home, I tried to eat but had no appetite. I don't remember eating much that first week. I do remember looking at the clock or my watch several times and at different points in time. It would calculate the hours and days and minutes and sometimes even seconds. I knew it wouldn’t change anything but still, I couldn’t help doing it.

Four days later my ex moved out. That was three days earlier than he said he would. That day I had come back from work to see that he had started moving out his things from the flat. I was confused and fear began to really sink it’s clutches in me. Next to the fact that he hadn’t eaten any of the food I made sure was ready for him, this was the biggest nail in the coffin of my hope. I just couldn’t let him go just like that. I made sure I stayed awake till he returned at almost midnight. It was the first night we were speaking since the breakup. I asked him to reconsider. I cried, I held him, I seduced him. Yes I admit it, I forced myself on him and we made love. It was after that that he moved out.

He admitted that though he was still attracted to me, it didn’t change anything. When he walked out the front door, I literally felt my heart break. That night, I emailed a handful of close friends to tell them the news. I called my mother and broke down to her. She tried her best but there really was no consoling me that night. I remember wondering if I should go to work the next day. What reason would I use to call in? I get paid sick days but don't like to lie. I was heartsick. True, I was physically sick to some extent - I felt like vomiting and I did. I heaved out everything in me and at the end I was empty and completely exhausted.

I did become sick and ended up not going to work for the next remaining days of the week. I didn’t even step out of the house for those two days and the following weekend. My friend who I had first told came to stay with me. I kept bursting into tears at every turn. It wasn’t pretty and I’m still very grateful to her. Looking back, I don’t know what I would have done if she had not been there. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. I was falling apart right before my eyes. I kept telling myself to snap out of it. This was my first relationship and I told myself that I was not special. People suffer breakups all the time and get over it like swatting away a fly. By that Sunday, I decided to go to work the next day. Life must go on.

I dressed well that day. I had recently had a makeover with the help of my friends. It was possible that I had noticed my ex withdrawing and that was why I had my friends help me in shopping for new stuff a couple of months before then. But that was all in the past and had not helped any. I refused to think about him as I primped while getting ready for work. When I was a child, my mother always said that dressing up when you’re feeling sick or moody made you feel better. With this in mind, I put on a yellow skirt and a red blouse. I put on some nice jewelry, topped it with my best wig and headed off to work.


TO BE CONTINUED...

*pictures from Google images.