U is for Unhealthy Relationships

So, one of the stories going through my head has to do with someone who has experienced and abusive relationship, and is wary of investing in any other person. As I've tried to write a profile for her, I had to do some little research on this issue.

Unhealthy relationships are those ones that mentally stress you out, and they can also sabotage your physical and emotional well-being. And I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, it could also be with parents, siblings, friends, co-workers or bosses, etc. it may be easy to define, but how exactly can one know that they're in an unhealthy relationship? The following are some specifics;

- You feel afraid, and your heart races when the person is around.
- You think that you and your opinions do not matter in the relationship.
- You emotions do not count, and are actually disrespected
- You are always worried about the future or nature of the relationship
- You both have very different ideas and values and you're always the one to compromise
- The other person's anger overshadows you, and you change your actions, or lie to escape their wrath
- You feel you deserve the criticism you receive from them.

If you feel like this in your current relationship, it may be time to assess why you remain in that position. Whether at work or at home, you deserve peace of mind, and a optimal health. You may confide in a trusted friend, family member, pastor, or consult a therapist for counseling.

Usually, the first way forward is to improve on  communication between you and the person aggravating you. Be honest with them about how you feel, and how you expect to be treated. Here, you can try listing the behaviors that hurt you, and a better way the person could have phrased it that you would prefer.

If the person is apologetic and willing to work with you, you can then decide on ways forward. Try to schedule times just to talk. Also make time for both of you to simply have fun. If you're using a professional counselor, it may be time to meet them together, and try to work out if there are underlying issues that need to be solved.

If none of the above works, it may be time to end the relationship. Leave that boyfriend, husband, partner, resign from that job, or just begin to put some distance between you and the person if you cannot leave them entirely, like a co-worker in a job you may not afford to quit.

This is a serious post because I believe this is a sensitive issue.

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image source - nyblogs.net

Happy Easter Everyone!

This is my day off for good behavior remember, and I want use it to wish all of you my wonderful friends and blog readers a special Happy Easter! I wish everyone a day filled with enjoyment, friends and family.

I want to also use this opportunity to say thank you to everyone who has kept following and commenting on my blog this April. I know my posts have been more frequent than usual, with the A - Z challenge (thank God that is coming to an end soon, lol) and my book promotion. I'll be coming back in May with the regular posts you enjoy, and some new ones, so keep following.

In the meantime, Happy Easter!!

T is for Trailer - Somewhere in Africa

I saw this trailer on Youtube and I just had to share it. The movie is not out yet but if I may say so from the trailer, this may be one of the best and soul-stirring movies coming out of Nolly/Ghanawood. I want to assume that if the producers could get a trailer like this from the movie, it is an award winner.



Nollywood is not known for socially conscious or political features so one like we have in this trailer needs as much promotion as possible. No, I do not know the producers, and they have not paid me. I first saw the trailer on Celebregion.com - one of my favorite sites - and was very moved. Below are some transcriptions...

Text intro - "Much of these, facts; some of these, fiction. The last two decades however, are unarguably the most turbulent of times for most African nations. Blood like a pond filled our streets, terror like the rising sun greeted our eyes. Somewhere and everywhere in Africa, a dirge was being sung."

Though the movie is set in a fictional country, I couldn't help but think of the ongoing conflict in places like Sudan, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Somalia, Ivory Coast, Egypt, Tunisia, and in the wake of the current elections, in Nigeria. So much pain, tears, blood, and much too death! To be honest I shed tears as I watched the trailer, and I had to offer up some prayers.

In conclusion, the movie calls to mind another movie, Sarafina, and like that one, it bears a motivational message, a hope for tomorrow. I pray that hope materializes.

S is for Stanley Adetiba

He is the 'other guy', the one who almost made the love between Kevwe and Efe a love triangle. But he's so cute! Check him out below.

Actor- Joseph Benjamin

- How would you describe yourself? 
Smooth, handsome - so women tell me, successful at what I do.

- How does it feel to be back in Nigeria after a while away?
Well, it's not been long since I returned - just a couple of months - so I'm still settling down, getting to know what's happening, and getting a feel of things. I left Nigeria just over ten years ago, and things were very different then, so there's quite a bit to adjust to.

- We hear that you're quite a sharp dresser. Any recommendations on style?
Well, you can never go wrong with designer brands. My favourite are Hugo Boss and TM Lewin shirts for that formal look. Then when you want to go casual, Ralph Lauren or Tommy Hilfiger are the go-to guys.

- What do you think about the idea of second chances in love? 
They say that sometimes, the ex is an ex for a reason; other times, it could just be a misunderstanding, and you should hear the person out and give them another try. But when two people are really meant for each other, they find themselves getting second or even third chances - things just keep pushing them together.


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When my sister first read a draft of A Love Rekindled, she mentioned that usually most "other guys" were mean and that Stanley was different that way. Honestly, it wasn't me. When I brought in the character, he was supposed to be bad, and actually put more obstacles in the way of love. But as I wrote, the character took over. For the writers, has that ever happened to you?

R is for Rom Isichei

Rom Isichei is an amazing Nigerian painter, and someone I know personally.

His works blow me away, though I'm still saving up for the day I'll be able to afford the ones I really like. I recently found out that he was having his third Solo exhibition titled Quiet Spaces in Lagos;

Date and - Saturday, May 14, 2011
Time - 4:00pm
Venue - Nike Art Gallery, 3rd roundabout, Lekki, Lagos

Rom was kind enough to let me have some behind the scene pictures for my blog. Enjoy...

Q is for Queen Ovie

No she isn't a real queen, but that was what she would be if she had anything to do with it. Ovie is another of the old friends that support Efe in A Love Rekindled. Hear her;

Movie Director/Producer/Actor - Emem Isong

- How would you describe yourself?
I am street-smart, I tell it like it is, and I am unapologetically ambitious.

- How do you manage to live such an active life?
 That's part of my street smarts. I was brought up in the inland towns of Benin city, and dem no dey teach dat ting o. As someone who hopes to be very successful, I have to know how to work hard and play hard - I'm hoping to become a branch manager in my bank.

- Some people have said that you are too brash and talkative. What do you say to this? 
Well, na dem sabi. That's me, and who no like am dem fit go hug transformer!

- How do you tell whether a club is a good place to hang out? 
Oh man, it depends on the music. If they are laying down solid dance tracks, that's where the party is going to happen. Then I look at the atmosphere - is the place bubbling, with people having fun? Then of course, they have to have a good variety of drinks - me, I like Bailey's Irish Cream.

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Verdict? Do you have friends like Ovie, who even when they seem flighty, always got your back?

P is for Public Display of Affection

PDA - What do you feel about them?

O is for Ofure Mukoro

Ofure is the twin of the main character in A Love Rekindled, and the one that first appears at the beginning of the book.

Actor - Desmond Elliot (no he is not a twin...)

- How would you describe yourself?
Cool, calm and collected - very cliched, right?

- Can you tell us what Kevwe is thinking about right now?
Ha! Do you think I'm going to tell you? That guy hardly ever lets anyone into his head. And even if I did know, I wouldn't tell you... OK, OK, let me tell you. I think he's in love - again.

- What was it to live apart from your twin for such a long time? 
Well, we grew up together, but we'd been in boarding school for a while, so living away from home wasn't such a big deal. Besides, we're not so 'twinny' as to feel we need to be everywhere together. And we didn't really feel so far apart anyway, because we had enough opportunities to chat over the phone.

- We hear that you're something of a ladies' man. What's the secret? 
Well, the ladies like me; I like them too, and there's no crime in that, is there? As to the secret, it's not a big deal, really. You just have to know how to show the right mixture of charm and aloofness.

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Lady charmer he is indeed. I have news for him. He's definitely getting a lady to cut him down to size. LOL...What about you, can you fall for a player?

N is for Nneka Dozie

Continuing in the dream cast series, Nneka is the best and longest friend Efe has ever had. First meeting in their first year at the University of Benin, they friendship is over 11 years now.

Nigerian Actress - Monalisa Chinda

- How would you describe yourself in three ways? 
Bubbly, friendly, loyal.

- What do you love about your baby, Anuli? 
She's the sweetest thing, the best thing that has ever happened to me. She brings me so much joy! When she smiles, I just feel my heart melt. She's my biggest responsibility, but she's also the greatest achievement of my life.

- Can you tell us how you met your husband, Dozie? 
That is a long story, and I hear that Myne may be writing the full book. Anyway, I first spoke to him on the phone when I travelled abroad for my holidays in the US. Next thing I knew, he wanted to marry me! Of course, I couldn't accept that when I hadn't even met him - all this happened in the nineties when there was no Facebook, no mobile phone, no nothing - so I told him to forget it. But he was persistent; he returned when I was much older and ready for love, and continued with his pursuit. He wowed me, took me travelling, and when he finally proposed again, I said 'yes'.

- Someone told us that you have a talent as a wrestling commentator. Could you tell us more? 
Hahaha! Oh, I know what you're referring to, when Efe managed to get herself into a fight, but that was just a joke. But I did watch some WWE matches with my brothers when I was much younger, so I may have picked up the language from there.

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Doing these interviews with Atala, he mentioned that Nneka was very traditional in terms of her answer about her baby. And that was what I was going for. For a lot of women, marriage and motherhood are the pinnacle of achievement. Do you know any such women?

M is for Model

My name is Myne Whitman and I am a model. A role model I mean, lol...not that you could think otherwise. Atala doesn't really like the picture below, he thinks I look too 'serious' and calls it my Maya Angelou picture. Of course Maya A is a truly inspirational role model, and I tell him it's an honor to be compared to her.

I hope you don't think I'm trying to be big-headed by saying I'm a role model? The truth is that most of us are role models whether we realize it or not, even if only to one or two people, friends, family etc. And that is not a bad thing, and should not be regarded as a burden like some people do. I believe that thinking yourself a role model gives one the inspiration sometimes to keep going.

Also, the importance of role models cannot be overestimated. It is crucial for a lot of us, myself included, to be able to have people we look up to, people we can identify with, and people who inspire us. When we can do this, we are energized because we can see our paths more clearly, and our goals are focused.

As a female writer, I'm never tired of mentioning those whom I've read and enjoyed, and those whose books have shaped me. By acknowledging them, I am acknowledged. As the Igbos say, "He who respects the king will one day be king." Some of them are already recognized but it never hurts to add your voice. So reach out today to your role model and say, "you motivated me".

And before I sign off, I have to say this you reading. Yeah you, you motivate me. :)

Have a great weekend!

For those in Nigeria, hope you're planning to vote?