Dear Myne - His Ex Has Become Our Biggest Nightmare

I got an email yesterday that got me fuming along with the sender. Honestly, some exes can be problematic. I replied her and asked if she wanted me to put this on my blog. I was hoping we could get more opinions and also maybe some of you readers have experienced the case of the ex and will be able to share how you dealt with it. The email is below...

Dear Myne, ur a big part of my day. surfing through ur blog everyday is like coffee in the morning…

I write with you now with so much anger. let me explain myself. my bf and I have known each other for 4 years and counting…we’ve been on and off but since about a year we’ve been so in love and am loving everyday. he strengthens me in ways I cannot even mention and pushes me to be the best I can be, but recently his ex from over 5 years ago has been our biggest nightmare.

She keeps calling him and he bluntly tells her to stop, he even blocked her on bbm and she still finds a way to poke herself into his life. recently she sends over 7 text messages a day…all bull crap of how she can’t do without him and that he took a piece of her, she cannot forget given the fact she was a virgin when they met and he was her first....bla bla bla. Am so frustrated and don’t know what to do.

Guest Author - Rita Okoroafor : Against the Perfect Will

Rita describes herself as a “Port Harcourt Girl”! She grew up and spent close to 28 years of her life in Port Harcourt, Rivers State. Her education up to Post-Graduate studies were all carried out in the city. The exceptions were when she lived in Mexico City (between 1 and 3) and after her move to Lagos in 2008, where she has been since then.

Interview with Rita Okoroafor

I am married to a beautiful man, and we are blessed with a beautiful daughter. Writing has always been a passion since I was 5, and I do it along-side my career as an engineer. My favorite author is John Grisham – I love his suspense, intricacies and humanness in his works. No favorite book from him. I have thoroughly enjoyed every one of his books that I have read.

It was only when I became a Christian I found there are also Christian authors. I particular enjoy the books by Karen Kingsbury (and she is kind of my role model). I always find a connection with her characters, and I am always taken on a journey when I read her books. One of her books that I have enjoyed is “When Joy Came To Stay”. What Karen made me realize is that my view of the world had been myopic, and she opened my eyes to see that it is possible that people around me could be struggling with one issue or the other.

What’s coming next?

Hmmm…I am currently working on 2 projects. The first is a non-fiction on preparing for marriage. My drive for this is I do not want my “sisters” to make a mistake with marriage by being ignorant of what marriage entails, what baggages need to be dealt with, or what to be looking out for in the man worth spending the rest of one’s life. Even as I write, I am learning of ways to improve my marriage, so I believe married ladies may also benefit.

The second is a fiction, name of novel withheld, but I am trying to see if I can combine a bit of romance with the message I am trying to convey. The main message though is that women are of great worth, and the love and grace of God is available to all of us.

Debut Author Giveaway Hop - International

Maybe because it hasn't been too long since my first book, I love trying out debut authors especially if they're writers I know, like the author I will be featuring today. Rita Okoroafor is a fellow blogger and her first novel, Against the Perfect Will was published in April 2012. At the end of this post, we'll be giving away an e-copy of her book .

Against the Perfect Will - My Review

This book tells the story of Omolola, a young girl growing up in a middle-class Nigerian home. Quite intelligent and with most of her future mapped out, tragedy strikes and she loses her father. In a very direct and touching manner, Rita Okoroafor describes Lola's life after this tragedy and how she is able to cope. Life is not rosy for Lola and though she gets to go on to university, it is to a course different from one she had earlier intended.

In addition, she faces other pressures and has to find her own place amidst the confusion and freedom of life away from her home and family. This is a coming-of-age story with strong a moral and Christian foundation and the author uses very genuine scenarios of life in a Nigerian university to showcase the benefits of leaning unto God in all things.

Pride and Persistence - How Long Should He Wait?

Yesterday, someone sent me a link to a story on another blog and wanted me to weigh in. The conversation was essentially in two parts and I'll be discussing them as such. In this post is the angle about women who keep men who are interested in them waiting for long periods of time and then get annoyed when the men move on to someone else. Which brings me to the title of this post. Pride and Persistence.

A lot of us women have an innate pride and we exhibit this by wanting to make the men who show romantic interest in us prove that they really care in various ways. One way they can prove this is to hang around even when we push them away. We want them to be persistent.

I have nothing against self esteem and knowing your worth, but the problem in a relationship comes when one person uses it as an opportunity to play games and manipulate the other person. I believe in being honest and open, especially when there might be the chance of a romantic relationship. It is important in such situations to start building the blocks of communication from day one.

Most people usually know within three to four episodes of spending time with somebody whether they can see themselves in a romantic relationship with them. I'm not talking marriage yet. Just, can you see this yourself alone in a room with this guy? Can you imagine kissing him, having deep heartfelt conversations? If your answer is yes, then let that be on the table.

Don't let your pride get in the way of enjoying a genuine relationship. If you like a guy say so, and if you don't, let them know too, and let them go. If you choose to keep a man who has declared his feelings dangling for years, and he sticks around, there are several things that might happen;

Linking Up Posts on the Dana Plane Crash

What is that they say about the stages of grief and loss? Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I think I am getting to acceptance now. I realise that in the end, we do have to move on. While I do not know any one who died personally, it was quite emotional for me knowing that some relatives had just flown from the US to Nigeria the day before the crash. Also, my sister was involved in a nasty road accident last year and we almost lost her. I guess I was carrying over some of that pain. But I've calmed down now.

May the souls of the dead rest and peace, and the living be consoled.

Also, the news show that the response this time was not as bad as usual lackadaisical attitude. The government and the press are doing their own parts diligently. Some of the following have been done, and continue to be reported on.

So We Do Not Forget Those Who Died

I first got the news of the Dana Airlines plane crash on my BB yesterday. The only group I belong to is one of writing nerdz with ears to the ground, eyes on the prize and hands always on their pens. Or in recent times, their blackberries, cameras and laptops. One of the members, Chiagozie Nwonwu, lived close to the crash site and before long, he wrote that he was on his way there.

Later that evening, I logged onto my laptop and visited a few media sites where I usually get my Nigerian news fix and the images overwhelmed me. All the reportage seemed to agree that there were no survivors. In one of the pictures, I saw a burnt figure that looked like a dead person, it probably was. It just broke my heart.

I was somewhat upset at those who were busy taking pictures, but, I later reasoned to myself that they are largely ignorant and probably meant no harm. I know for sure there's not a lot of public information on how to deal at scenes of disaster and emergency in Nigeria.

Some of these people are also coping with their own shock at witnessing such a gruesome scene. Maybe taking pictures was their own way of dealing with the trauma, of removing themselves, their psyche so to say, from the scene and what had happened. Maybe by processing the scene through inanimate devices, they could sublimate the pain of being powerless bystanders by being active eyewitnesses. So they do not forget.

But we do forget. And quickly too.

I woke up this morning, and while some blogs and newspapers are still reporting on the incident, some have moved on. How can we move on so easily after a tragedy like this? Have we already finished processing the loss, the pain, the guilt, the anger? Can we not think of ways we can help those affected, the victim's families, the crash site wounded and victims of property loss or damage?

A Sad Day in Nigeria - Plane Crash Claims Hundreds of Lives

A Dana Airlines plane arriving from Abuja crashed earlier today in the Iju/Ishaga area of Lagos. The plane was carrying over 150 passengers and crashed into a residential area. No one knows yet the casualties from the affected houses but the plane manifest is below. The airline and authorities have confirmed that there were no survivors. There are some well known names, including Levi Ajuonoma, NNPC Spokesperson, and several sets of siblings and family relations.

It is indeed a very sad day. President Goodluck Jonathon has declared three days of mourning with the national flag to be flown at half mast.

May the souls of those who lost their lives rest in peace. Amen

Robin Thicke's Lost Without You - Romance Meets Music

Robin Thicke is currently judging the show, Duets, and I'm reminded why he's such a soul master. The guy makes good music and he's on point with the romantic "love jones" character. It is also the case that Robin Thicke is married to beautiful actress, Paula Patton, who once in a while graces his music videos.

I first discovered Robin Thicke in Lost Without You, before I knew the lady in the video was his wife. And even though I know celebs don't have it easy when it comes to relationships, you can't help but wish them the best. In the videos below, he and Paula Patton share a captivating chemistry! No need to ask who his muse is :)

The Bet by Rita Okoroafor

With judging assistance from the Romance Writers of West Africa, Naijastories.com has shortlisted 15 stories in the writing contest to acquire steamy love stories for the Worldreader book app. The Bet got one of the highest scores and you can also check out the other 14 shortlisted stories. Click on the image to find out more about the Worldreader app.

The Bet by Rita Okoroafor  Rating 18+

My holidays after SSCE seemed boring. Mother had sent me to Port Harcourt after my final papers, and I was stuck with Ranti, my cousin. For the three months we had spent so far, our daily routine was television in the mornings, window shopping in the afternoons and evening strolls in the estate where she lived. She strolled on the pretext of seeing her boyfriend Daniel. To me, they were the most boring couple ever. All they did was hold hands, talk and laugh at things that did not make sense. Ranti said she had kissed Daniel a few times. She said they had slept together only once and after that incident they decided not to go that far again as not to ruin their relationship. Stories that touch the heart.

As for me, Port Harcourt was too boring for me. If not for how close Ranti and I were, I may have run away. If I was in Lagos, in that my estate where boys were not scarce, I would have made out with one or two of my neighbors. 3 months of being celibate was my record since I lost my virginity, and I was almost losing my mind.

My Favorite Reads Giveaway Hop

AND THE WINNER IS ATOKE!

For this giveaway, I'll be turning it over to you and asking what your favorite reads are so far this year. The winner will receive a book of their choice up to $5 (including shipping) via Amazon or Book Depository. Entries close on June 6, and I'll announce the randomly selected winner within 48hrs and also send them an email.

To enter, leave a comment on this post in answer to the question, What's the best book you've read so far this year? Also include your email address unless I can contact you via your profile. Goodluck.