Dear Myne - I am Happily Married to an Igbo Man

I am married to an Igbo man and it took a bit of time to adjust to it. Having previously been a fiercely independent American woman, it took a great deal of adjustment on both of our parts. What seemed like control in the beginning I have come to realize is his way of protecting and caring for me. He is a gifted entrepeneur and an excellent provider for myself and his children.

Ha, I had to just laugh when I read that last line, but I won't edit it because its true -- most wives would say our children, but being married to an Igbo man I know they are his. My husband treats me with great respect and kindness. However, he does not place a high priority on my personal needs for affection or attention -- he is doing whatever is necessary to provide for the future of our family often with great sacrifice, and he expects me to do the same.

He is a strict discipliarian with the children, but it touches him deeply when they are hurt or sick or sad ... to see them cry breaks his heart, that is when his tenderness comes out. He isn't harsh or abusive or controlling -- he just expects things done in a certain way. My question is this -- of all that he does and sacrifices for me and his children, is it not a small price to pay to do these things as he wishes??

Menu Ideas - Curried Rice with Chunky Beef

This will not be a full recipe post as I believe most of us already know how to cook these basic meals in our own different ways. That doesn't mean there won't be more recipe posts coming up though. Just that for this and some other food posts, I'll be sharing some pictures of what I consider menu ideas.

I'm someone who gets easily bored by routine, and this extends to the food I eat. While I can eat the same meal everyday, especially if it is tasty, on an ordinary day, I'd rather do something to switch it up or spice it up. For instance, I may cook white rice in enough quantity for a few days and we'll eat some while the rest goes into the fridge. The next day, instead of the same rice and stew of the previous meal, I'll make a vegetable sauce, turn it to stewed rice, or even use a soup like Egusi or Okazi.

When Will a Guy Initiate a Relationship?

When this question came in from my keyword searches, it was kind of a head-scratching moment. What was this person really looking for? He or she was directed to the post written by Atala on when a relationship actually begins at #1 but to me, it didn't quite seem to answer the question.

I may be wrong, and that post definitely answers the qustion, which was what Atala said seeing that Google search is a pretty accurate mind-reader and tool. But I can't help thinking, what if this asker is a lady, and what she actually means if whether the some things have to happen in a friendship-type relations with a guy before he will try to initiate a relationship.

I don't know if I'm making much sense, but as a lady, I know the gazillion hours of thinking and talking with girlfriends that goes into demystifying the headspace of guys we may like. There's the obvious, "he likes me, he likes me not" to the less obvious, "He asked me to join him and his coworkers for drinks at the pub, he just asked me out on a date!"

Being Intentional about Maintaining my Hair

As a happy go lucky student in university with more time on my hands and little spare change for salons, I minimized my relaxer touch-ups. I instead invested in some good hair products and dedicated some good hours giving my hair love. My hair thanked me for it, and got almost to my bra strap, and for long after that, I was one of those people who get their egos stroked at the salon by new stylists and when other people gush over the blackness and fullness of my hair.

But I lost that good habit when I got into the adult world, there was less time and more money, and what I thought were good salons. It wasn't long before I found my way back to monthly relaxer schedules and I spent less and less time giving my hair its needed nutrition. Coupled with my share of hair accidents over the years, mostly caused by product misuse - relaxers being the worst culprit- my hair got stuck at shoulder length.

Monalisa Chinda on Being a Single and Working Mother

Monalisa Chinda is one actress that I knew first from all the publicity surrounding her personal life, even before I saw any of her movies. Since then, I have seen and liked her in Kiss and Tell, among a few other movies. And recently, she's in the news for all the right things, she lends her celebrity status to charities close to her heart, and she is a producer behind a well received TV series.

More and more, I get the sense that she a grounded and ambitioous young woman with her heart in the right place. In this interview with 9jamom.com , she shares more about herself and being a mother and acting professional. When asked if she had words of advice to single working mothers, she said,

Everything comes in stages, have a lot of patience, be flexible and don’t be a martyr. As a single working mother, I know it gets hard sometimes to raise a child on your own. Through your busy schedule, it can be easy to forget that you are not alone when you have so much to deal with. Building your own support system gives you a shoulder to lean on when it comes to all the things that come with raising a child. It’s great to surround yourself with like-minded people — or people you trust to be involved in your everyday life.  In my case, I’m incredibly lucky to have family and close friends who are always ready to help as needed.

How I Cook Ogbono Soup with Okro

Ogbono is a taboo for Asaba people, according to my dad. My dad was a traditional man, though a Christian, and I loved that he kept us grounded to our culture. The story goes that back in the days, Asaba people could eat whatever they liked including Ogbono. Most of them followed traditional religion, and were worshippers of Onishe, a river goddess.

Onishe treasured purity, and her color was white, which meant that all her followers only came to her shrine wearing akwa ocha. On a certain day, a man ate Ogbono, unknowningly stained his clothes and still came to worship. Onishe was not happy, and banned the drawy soup ingredient since it made her worshippers sloppy and dirty. Since then, a lot of people discarded it from the menu.

We grew up in Enugu, but my parents, from their own parents, were used to not cooking or eating Ogbono. My mum made her okro soup with enough okro and vegetable to thicken the sauce. So ogbono was not something I was used to until I went to boarding house, where without it, our soups would have become rivers of water with oil floating on top. Of course I exaggerate, but you get the idea.

Blogger Lily Johnson Releases Two Singles

Fellow blogger, Lily Johnson (real names - Ivera-Lilian Uzoamaka Ozomma-Jonn) started her journey into music in secondary school - Queen's School, Enugu - where she was known in the school choir for her rather deep Alto, and in the school for her musical performances.

Lily Johnson shares her thoughts and opinions on women issues on her blog I Am ...Lily Johnson, and also has a collection of short stories 'In Blood and Soul published by WSIC Ebooks Ltd.

Lily Johnson says she is inspired by the works of Tracy Chapman, Onyeka Onwenu, Anita Baker, The late Tina Onwudiwe, Toni Braxton, and Aretha Franklin. She is currently working on her debut album and her singles ‘Playboy’ and ‘Kilode’ are currently enjoying airplay on radio stations across the country. You can listen to them below and check out the artwork for her singles.

Transatlantic Sweethearts by TJ Benson

"I’am standing on the Nicon Hilton hotel now, on top of the parapet roof overlooking Abuja skyline…” Stephanie Nwuba babbled hurriedly fighting the chill that came with increase in altitude as she looked for the best position to place the mobile phone on her hand. She had just closed from work and was hence wearing only a silk purple blouse and a skirt, no match for the lingering harmattan cold. “Where are you?”

“I’m on the top of the Chrysler building…” came the muffled male voice on the other end of the line. “I’m guessing you just came back from work?”

“How did you know?” she squealed. “You’re not back are you?”

“No!” he chuckles. “Its to 12 over here and since the time difference between Nigeria and Newyork is 6 hours, I guessed it would be about 6…right?”

Side Effects Preview and $50 Giveaway

One method I use to select the movies I watch at the cinema is by paying attention to the trailers that run before the films, and that was how I saw the Side Effects preview last year. I was immediately intrigued because it was by Steven Soderbergh, one of those directors I respect, and who made the Ocean's Eleven series. I have also watched Out of Sight, Solaris, and Erin Brockovich so I know to watch out for his movies.

He also directed Contagion which we had seen the previous year. Contagion did not disappoint, with its intricate plot, the disturbing realism of the story line, and the awesome performance of the actors, and I feel Side Effects will be somehow alike. Contagion was about a disease that spread so quickly even before investigators realized where it originated from. It reminded me of AIDS, Ebola, SARS, or worse.

When the preview for Side Effects started, I took it as another romantic thriller until some of the characters began to fling pills around and then the title took on a whole new meaning.

10 Pointers About Discussing Sex with your Partner

The most common sex issue faced by otherwise happily married couples? Not surprisingly, it’s the "not enough” factor. Couples often end up bemused and confused by a marriage that’s dimmed in sexual intensity or frequency.

The fact is, "Sexual issues in otherwise good marriages are often resolvable.” But—and you knew this was coming, right?!—you have to talk…to your spouse…about sex. Here are some pointers about discussing the subject with a less-than-talkative hubby.

1. Don’t broach the subject in bed.
Right before or after sex, when you’re naked, is not the best time to examine faults or dissect performance, says Sharky. "It’s when we’re at our most vulnerable.” Plus, your bedroom, and certainly your bed, should be a sanctuary, not a place to air grievances. Instead, choose a pleasant but neutral place, such as a restaurant that’s romantic enough to be relaxing (and noisy enough for a reasonable amount of privacy!).