Househunting in Lagos – 11 lessons I’ve learnt

1.  Not to count my chickens before they are hatched. I learnt this the hard way when I was getting to an agent’s office two weeks ago to pay for a two bedroom apartment, only to find someone else had beaten me to it. I was this close to calling all my friends over for the washing and was already trying to figure out how much Star to get (not Heineken, not in my house). And then, in a split second, I was houseless again.

2. Looking for a house in Lagos is a full time job. I found out one needs to treat it as such, or find someone else to do so. If you cannot drop everything and leave your baby whom you are still breastfeeding, your business that comes to a standstill without you present or your scary boss the moment the agent calls you to say he’s heard of a vacancy, do not bother to look for a place at all. Demand is high and the best places are off the market in he blink of an eye. See lesson number 1.

3. To treat the title of ‘real estate agent’ lightly. Everyone can be an agent. The moment somebody hears of a 3 bedroom around the corner, he has become an agent. There is no license involved nor are there any professional ethics required. Al it takes is having the contacts to said landlord and then guarding it with your life. Never give your client phone numbers or the exact address of a place that is for rent. He might dupe you and go directly to the source. This is a market of middle men in a networking society: a man’s contacts are his capital.

4. To decipher agent’s lingo. ‘Some work needed’ means the place has been destroyed by the last lodger and looks like a war zone. ‘Cosy’ means claustrophobically small. ‘Under construction, ready in a fortnight (always a fortnight)’ signifies that the foundation has just been put in place and it would take an army of Chinese workmen to finish it in that time frame. Prepare to wait at least a month before you can move in. ‘To be finished to your own taste’: the land lord has left you with a cement floor without tiling, a kitchen without cabinets and a bathroom without sink. ‘Airy’ – ruin without roof. ‘Serene’ means expensive. Very expensive, as in Lekki or Banana Island. The kind of overrated locations agents want to ship oyinbos like myself to.

How to Make Curried Chicken Gravy Sauce

Most of the time, I cook tomato based or vegetable sauces to go with rice, pasta, potatoes or whatever carb we're having for dinner. It wasn't until we went to a friend's recently for a meal that I remembered gravy sauces. So after many years of not making it, this was the recipe I came up with.

Ingredients
3 cups of long-grain rice
1 pack of Chicken drumsticks
2 tablespoons of flour
1 teaspoon of powdered curry
2 Teaspoon of dry pepper
4 Knorr Chicken cubes
Salt and Spices to Taste

Women who Motivate #3 - Chimamanda Adichie

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie was born in Nigeria in 1977. She is the author of the novels Purple Hibiscus (2003) and Half of a Yellow Sun (2006), and of the short story collection The Thing around Your Neck (2009). She has received numerous awards and distinctions, including the Orange Broadband Prize for Fiction (2007) and a MacArthur Foundation Fellowship (2008).

Ireti Doyle Speaks on Motherhood and Parenting

Ireti Doyle is an actress, a television producer and presenter, as well as a wife and mother. While reading her interview on the BN Weekend Celebrity, I was reminded of the post on Eya's blog where a woman wanted help in parenting her teenage daughter. A lot of very helpful comments came in, basically saying the same things, know your daughter and become a friend as well as a mother.

Ireti Doyle got pregnant as teenager, and had some problems with her mother not understanding her and vice versa. Now she is the mother of a 26years old lady and 4 other children. I found her interview very honest and indepth on how women can combine a career and motherhood - with help and acceptance of what you're trading - as well as on cultivating a relationship with your children, and being a parent at the same time.

How do you combine your duties as a mother with the demands of your job effectively?
It’s not easy, every working woman knows that. Sometimes you have to sacrifice and sacrifice comes both ways. Sometimes you have to pass things up, sometimes your family has to come to terms with the fact that they won’t see you for a bit. But the first ingredient for a balanced life is grace. And secondly, I am fortunate to have a fantastic team where each member knows what they are supposed to do and thankfully, they do it well.

Tell me about this team
They are not too many. I have my housekeeper who also doubles as a baby sitter when I need one. I have my Personal Assistant, she’s been with me for years. And I have one or two other people that I can call on short notice. Motherhood is basically being on hand to attend to your child’s needs and I can’t be in two places at the same time but I try and build my career around my family. Fortunately acting is not as rigid as an office job could be. Once in a while you might miss important moments but you just have to balance it out and fortunately I’ve been able to do that well.

10 Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

Blind love is not the way to choose a spouse. Here are practical tools for keeping your eyes wide open.
With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights - by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married.
The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married... for the worst!"
So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.
Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character?
Here are four character traits to definitely check for:
Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort?
Do I want to be more like this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?
Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity?
Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do?
Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable?
Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

20 Things Every Woman In Her 20s Must Know by Jennifer Ehidiamen

1. Love and honour your mother. Learn from her mistakes. It will save you a lot of headache in your thirties (30s) and beyond.

2. You are more talented than you’ll ever know. You don’t need to sleep with your Boss/supervisor to get a promotion at work or better grades at school. Burn late night candles, put extra time to study and practice until you master your skill. Hard work still pays well.

3. Women can build a strong support network. Don’t let few ladies with “Pull Her Down” syndrome discourage you from cultivating true relationship with your female friends.

4. When a man you meet for the first time babbles about how much he earns working for an oil company and how rich he is, that is a red flag. He is either a married smooth-talker who just wants to sleep with you or he is childish. Walk away from deceit.

5. Make your own money. Start small. Maintain a stable bank account. It will keep you out of trouble.

6. When you meet your Soulmate, don’t forget to wear your most priceless ornament- submission and humility. But while waiting for him, don’t cling to any man to rescue you. Some men these days are also seeking for who will rescue them.

Women's Motivational Stories #2 - Mo Abudu

Mosunmola Abudu, also known as Mo Abudu, is a talk show host, TV producer, media personality, human resources management consultant and entrepreneur. She is best known as the Executive Producer and host of the TV talk show, Moments with Mo,

Moments with Mo "is the first syndicated daily talk show on African regional television." According to wiki,

By October 2009, over 200 episodes had been recorded and aired with numerous topics ranging from lifestyle, through health, culture, politics, entertainment, tradition, to music and inter-racial marriages. Guests have included celebrities, Presidents, Nobel Laureates, and the 67th US Secretary-of-State Hillary Rodham Clinton,[2] Abudu says the show "highlights the life and accomplishments of a usually well known, but sometimes an undiscovered African individual who by his or her own tenacity and determination has accomplished something, overcome something or been a catalyst for something that makes her or him a role model to others."
Aired on M-Net with TV coverage in 48 African countries, the show now also airs on terrestrial and cable TV in other parts of the world.

Watch Video - What's a Woman's Selling Point?

This video sha, do ladies sell themselves this plainly? And to their friend's boyfriend too? Na wa!

If you ask me, I think she's spoiling her own market. She sounds desperate, and willing to do anything to get a man. Not only is she a malicious gossip, she will go as far as stabbing her friend in the back. God spare us from such frenemies. That's so not an attractive look.

Watching it, I'm like, babe chill, hooking a man is not that serious, LOL...

Have a great weekend peeps :)

Update on Real Life Match Making

For those who wanted more information about Peter Branson earlier, I've agreed with him to post up more about him. He is really interested in women in the US.

I am easy going ,never married and no kids yet.

I am christian, of Urhobo (Delta State) descent. My current location is about 3 to 4hrs flight away from US.

Preferred age range - 30s. Someone who is easy-going and family oriented

Many thanks.
PB

Dear Myne - He Hasn't Called Since the First Date

I just met this guy or should I say the guy saw my picture in his cousin's phone and he got to like it. He asked her to introduce me to him which she did. We went out for a date and at the end he promised another date. But it's getting to a week now he hasn't called or even sent a text message. I'm scared of calling him, I don't want him to think that I love him too much.

This also came in under the Setting P post, and has been edited for clarity. I wish people would stop writing in text-speak. Anyway, I responded that she shouldn't call him, as he's probably no more interested.

How do you see it?