Are You Living Within Your Means?

With a name like Petronella Wyatt, it is clear she was born into money, in Igbo her name would be Utobundu Egoyibo. But one problem we all sometimes have is thinking good times would last always. From over-priced clothes to extravagant vacations, and more, Petronella did not save for the future rainy days as she enjoyed her GBP six figure income.

When you are a middle class person who wants to rub shoulders with the wealthy elite, when inflation and recession hit, be sure you will be left under the bus. I'm not totally without sympathy for people like Petronella, but it's more of a cautionary tale. Her piece for the Daily Mail is an eye opener.

Last year, for example, I had to decide between a summer holiday and a new summer dress. I decided on the holiday, but as the cost of the flights and hotel added up, I realised I would have to raise an additional £400.
I began selling the summer clothes I had bought the previous spring. I now buy vintage, and rummage through charity shops.
Owning a Chanel suit, the price of which has risen over ten years from £1,000 to more than £5,000, is out of the question. Indeed, I can barely afford the charity shops in St John’s Wood, where I live.
Despite these savings, I no longer take a holiday in the winter and rarely eat in a fashionable restaurant, let alone visit places like the Ritz. It is a struggle to pay the rent.

Chinedu Ikedieze on how Public Attention Affects Celebrity Couples

Chinedu Ikedieze and Wife

Chinedu Ikedieze has been acting in Nollywood for over a decade now, and is well known as one half of the duo of Aki and Pawpaw. I watched a couple of their earlier movies, but after that, it became a bit repetitious, and Nigerian comedy as a whole, IMO, seemed to get stuck in the same old same old. In his interview with BN, he actually blamed producers who split movies into up to 6 parts as being the major part of the problem.

On questions about how he met or proposed to his wife, I love their picture above btw, he chose to keep the details close to his chest. According to him, he met his wife the way people meet people, and his proposal was very unique, and he wouldn't share it for fear other men would copy it. I want to believe he's joking. The other part of the interview I found quite interesting were the questions about how him being an actor in the public eye had affected his wife and marriage. It made me think about my role as a blogger. Check out the questions and answers below;

Inspirational Quotes - Everything Good Will Come

We Should All Be Feminists - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie at TEDxEuston

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie a renowned Nigerian novelist was born in Nigeria in 1977. She grew up in the university town of Nsukka, Enugu State where she attended primary and secondary schools, and briefly studied Medicine and Pharmacy. She then moved to the United States to attend college, graduating summa cum laude from Eastern Connecticut State University with a major in Communication and a minor in Political Science. She holds a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Johns Hopkins and a Masters degree in African Studies from Yale University. She was a 2005-2006 Hodder Fellow at Princeton, where she taught introductory fiction. Chimamanda is the author of Half of a Yellow Sun, which won the 2007 Orange Prize For Fiction; and Purple Hibiscus, which won the 2005 Best First Book Commonwealth Writers' Prize and the 2004 Debut Fiction Hurston/Wright Legacy Award. In 2009, her collection of short stories, The Thing around Your Neck was published. She was named one of the twenty most important fiction writers today under 40 years old by The New Yorker and was recently the guest speaker at the 2012 annual commonwealth lecture. She featured in the April 2012 edition of Time Magazine, celebrated as one of the 100 Most Influential People in the World. She currently divides her time between the United States and Nigeria.

Solomon Akiyesi and Bigamy in Nigeria

Solomon and Lilian Akiyesi (First wedding)

I know polygamy is part of the traditional culture in the south, and part of the religious culture in the north of Nigeria, but I thought Bigamy was a crime? So some men who married their first wives by customary marriage could go ahead to take another woman to a court or church for a legally registered marriage, or vice versa. But trying to marry two women through the church sounds a bit risky.

As reported by Linda Ikeji, here and here, Solomon Akiyesi, a Nollywood actor planned to marry a new wife without a divorce from his first wife. The party was cut short when the first wife interrupted the wedding proceedings. Some reports say the marriage will go on after the pandemonium calms down. What did he tell everyone, I wonder? Seperation is not divorce, and I doubt the estranged wife excuse if she's pregnant for the man.  What was the pastor of this church thinking, and even now or was it all a money thing?

Can you see how the would-be bigamist was sweating in one of the pictures like he knew he was doing something fishy?

Adventures of a Miss!! Episode 7

“Hey babe, something came up. I have a quick meeting that just came up so I’ll pick you up by like 9pm when I’m done.”

That was Bolaji’s voice message; Oh my Lord, what if Zainab did call him and that’s who he is meeting with? What if she tells him everything? I am finished. I should just call him first and spill my guts now before she has a chance to twist the whole story to her advantage.

My phone was ringing again, what is it? Can I live?

Kehinde: “Toke, please can you come pick me up from Seye’s house like right now?”

Me: “What happened? Where is your car? Are you crying? What happened?” She burst out crying.

Kehinde: “Please just come right now to pick me up, I have to go.”

Me: “Ok I’m coming right now.”

Before I even had a chance to remember my own problems, I was already in the car heading over to Seye’s place. I wonder what happened; thankfully he was only about 25 minutes away from me. I called once I made a right turn into the estate to find out if I should bother coming into the house.

“Kenny, where are you? I just turned into your estate, should I come in?”

“NO! I am outside already, just get here please.” She hangs up.

Pregnancy or Baby Before Marriage?

Paul Okoye with new born child

I doubt if this has always been this way, our parents and grandparents usually got married between 2 - 3 months of being match made. However, when I was in my twenties, I heard from some men that if we got together with a plan to get married, they would like if I got pregnant before the wedding, both traditional and church. This was specifically directed at me by one so-called suitor, but most times it was in general discussions and most men there would also reveal this same wish.

I saw it as a way for some of them to state up front that they wanted sex before marriage, others of course were more plain, they wanted to test the woman's fertility as marriage for them was primarily for procreation and they made no bones about it. Forget the fact that they could be the one with infertility issues, leading to some women who would sleep with other men in order to nab another man with the pregnancy.

Also, with pentecostal Christianity sweeping Nigeria by the time I left the country, I had kind of assumed this would stop the culture of baby before marriage as principles of abstinence were promoted. Then there was also the HIV and STI crisis that also rose up in the early noughties and how condoms and zip up were a big parts of the ABCs of prevention.

So how come this seems to still be a big part of the courtship procedure, and even among the Christians?

Dear Myne - I Like to Do Wild Things in the Bedroom

Hello Myne, I don't mean to stir the nest, but can someone here tell me if oral sex (and all that stuff) is permissible in a good Christian marriage? I am in the process of getting married and this question has begun to nag seriously on my mind because I like to do wild things in the bedroom. I know because I am not a virgin, although I am now back in God's will and have been for a while. I can't ask this question in Church because I am not sure how it would be received. Very eager to hear what everyone here thinks of this and thanks in advance to everyone who'll give their opinion.

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We have  discussed Nigerian men and oral sex here, and what I think the bible says about it here. But what about other wild things, like vibrators, kegel balls, cock rings, edible panties, flavored condoms, even bondage. Should I add anal and whips to the list? Too 50 Shades of Grey? OK, I agree, but what is permissible for good Christian marriages? Let's discuss.

Between Bloggers And Celebrities - A Measure of Influence

Two fighting

Are Bloggers really that influential in Nigeria? I know some bloggers also write for tabloids, but the drama seems focused on blogs and on social media. For those in Nigeria, do you find that most people you know also visit the same blogs you do? What of those not in your social circle, on the BRT, the departmental stores and the market? Are bloggers quoted on the radio, newspapers and TV?

Is it that we readers and bloggers inside and outside Nigeria are just seeing a small perspective of few Nigerians with access to the internet and social media and it is magnified in our eyes? Is it that the Nigerians who may be up to 60% without internet are not part of the celebrity culture, and so do not really factor? I want to know if that's some people like to make mountains out of molehills?

Do you believe it is very important for celebrities to respond to each and every tabloid news about them by releasing PR to blogs and Youtube? Some say they are doing it for their family, but can you not call them on the phone, or call a family meeting? And what do you think of the saying, "a clean conscience fears no accusation?"

It would be even more interesting to hear from those living outside Lagos, Benin, PH and Abuja, these are the places my statcounter say most of my Nigerian visitors come from. I know my family in Asaba and Onitsha didn't know much about blogs.

You may not understand the genesis of this post, if so just take it as a random post, but please oblige me if you will. For those that do, even better...

What is the Ideal Age to Get Married?

A rather interesting topic, one that is apparently becoming, or has become a rather serious issue for Nigerian “eligible” men and women, is that they are looking and not finding marriage partners. Some are even totally uninterested in marriage. This is my second post [read first post here] in a series compiling my responses and expanded thoughts on the topic. One I am sure many on this blog would be very familiar with.

I approached this from two perspectives:

First, is there indeed a problem? And secondly, why do we seem to have the problem?

Let us take a look at: Is there indeed a problem?

I honestly believe it does no good to rush into marriage. While there might be several advantages of getting married early, if you are not fortunate enough to be one of those who got married early, I think that is absolutely fine.

I think it might be a good thing that Nigerians are no longer rushing into marriage. If most would be very honest with themselves, within the age range in Nigeria where you are most times expected to get married, you barely know anything about life, especially your life. Parents, family and society want women to be married before they are 25 years old and men I guess before 35, in fact many times before 30. (as the parents want him to bring home a youthful potential grandchild bearing 25 year old bride…lol)