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| Paul Okoye with new born child |
I doubt if this has always been this way, our parents and grandparents usually got married between 2 - 3 months of being match made. However, when I was in my twenties, I heard from some men that if we got together with a plan to get married, they would like if I got pregnant before the wedding, both traditional and church. This was specifically directed at me by one so-called suitor, but most times it was in general discussions and most men there would also reveal this same wish.
I saw it as a way for some of them to state up front that they wanted sex before marriage, others of course were more plain, they wanted to test the woman's fertility as marriage for them was primarily for procreation and they made no bones about it. Forget the fact that they could be the one with infertility issues, leading to some women who would sleep with other men in order to nab another man with the pregnancy.
Also, with pentecostal Christianity sweeping Nigeria by the time I left the country, I had kind of assumed this would stop the culture of baby before marriage as principles of abstinence were promoted. Then there was also the HIV and STI crisis that also rose up in the early noughties and how condoms and zip up were a big parts of the ABCs of prevention.
So how come this seems to still be a big part of the courtship procedure, and even among the Christians?
Nigerians are generally hypocrites. U'd think with the number of churches on every street premarital sex would be extinct. Or with the way gay people are bashed on blogs everyday that straight people don't sin
ReplyDeletein as much as its sounds good to be married before the babies start coming,we should also consider this "till death do us part vow"its stronger than the words its self,at times i consider having babies with my man first ,then marriage comes at 50's,all to avoid family entanglement,divorce and all that bullshit that comes along with marriage,if you are still hooked on till 50's then be sure your marriage is for life."smiles".
ReplyDeleteI think its worse now, some people don't really care about marriage
ReplyDeletefor me i still prefer marriage first then kids later.
ReplyDeletewww.secretlilies.blogspot.com
Very few, and I mean only a miniscule amount of couple are waiting until their wedding night to first have sex. No matter the religion, people are indulging themselves in sex before marriage and whenever a couple is having sex a baby can always come along.
ReplyDeletePls let's not invite d roth of God. Sex b4 marriage is absolutly wrong. My dear fornication is act of having sex b4 wed-lock dai4 its a sin. Wat if u got ur so called wife to be prego b4 marriage den after marriage she had a miscarriage nd never get prego again. God is faithful dats y u have to go for check up if ur suspectn ur patner not sexxn her to knw her fertility. Let's be wise God is not mocked
ReplyDeleteSincerely speaking its very difficult to find a relationship without sex among our youth even among our so called born again christian,so even when those who's d fear of God tried to sound d gong against pre-marital sex everyone sees them as "DEVIANCE",bt ow long wil we continue wit our hypocrisy?if only we can study d word of God genuinely and act it instead of doing wat we think is right it wil do us all a lot of good.
ReplyDeleteI am in America, so this may not apply to me, but I have no problem with having a baby before marriage, IF you intent to stay together because a wedding is expensive and does not guarantee you will stay together forever (aka divorce)
ReplyDelete