When Are You Having Children?

Some people keep saying how surprised they were, and still are that I came out about my infertility. For some, it's the whole religious "confess positively", which I actually understand, but by putting it out there, I believe I' getting even more positive thoughts and prayers from you guys, right? And for the others I have this following answer. It is easier to say it than to try to avoid the question and comments that almost always come when people  know you're married for up to a year.

"When are you going to have kids?"

"Are you pregnant, you look pregnant?"

"You like ice cream and chocolate? You must be pregnant!"

Atala and I celebrated four years of marriage last February, and we do not have kids. My infertility story is on this blog [read here], but on this post, I'll like to look at how  people's attitudes about marriage, pregnancy and infertility may affect women and couples trying to concieve via ART, IVF, or building their family through adoption

I want to talk about the unrelenting questions and insinuations childless women receive and how much it can hurt, confuse and pressure their marriages and the decisions they make.

What Chimamanda Really Meant About African Hair

Chimamanda made some comments about hair the same day I published the post about texlaxing my hair for easier management. I decided not to join issues with her comments, which she's of course entitled to, but to focus on my own hair and what works for me. Some other bloggers not only reported on the comments, they embellished it with their own biases and raised a firestorm on FB and Twitter against Chimamanda. To the extent that she had to respond in an article titled ‘Of course I never said African women with Brazilian hair have low self-esteem. That’s absurd’. Read more...

Please read my interview with the Observer to know what I did say. I love my hair, its kinky and dense and coily. I love playing with it, trying hair butters and oils, wearing corn rows and afros. But sometimes I get tired of it and want a break. So I add extensions. I like extensions, but I always look for extensions that look like my hair. For me, the best compliment for extensions is the question: is it your hair?

Many of us say our natural hair is too hard, too difficult. But that’s because we weren’t taught how to care for our hair.  (I have discovered the wonders of coconut, castor, shea, even honey for softening hair. Trick is add it when your hair is wet! You get wonderful softness!)

Relaxers are not about softness. They are really about texture. Otherwise there are ways to soften hair without permanently changing the texture of hair.

Of course African women don’t want to be white, but we live in a world where the mainstream idea of beauty is straight hair. Magazines, films, popular culture all show straight hair as ideal. My cousin wears a wig to the gym because she says her natural hair underneath is too ‘ugly.’

More Ways Of Meeting New Poeple

I earlier listed some ways of meeting potential dates in the morning here, the following tips are not limited to mornings or evening, but general places and means of adding new people, especially those who may be eligible to date, to your social circle.

1. www.meetup.com  - connections here start online based on a shared interest and is usually taken offline. You can either start your own meetup, or join one for singles in your area. I currently belong to 3 meetup groups - book club, women nights out, and professional.

2. Free events - Google free events in your city and go there and speak to new people. When I lived in Edinburgh, there were tons of free castle and museum visit days or weekends, and stuff like that.

3. Volunteer - Look up some charities and see which of their events you can join up with. You can also start a fund raising drive for your favorite orphanage or a cause close to your heart. These kinds of activities get you out there, and who knows the fat-pocketed single you'll run into?

4. Alum Events - Look for your college or university alum group in your current city and see if they have any events coming up which you can fit into your schedule. One guarantee, all the guys there will have a degree, and you can both reminisce about your school and your times there.

Yemisax and Shola Durojaiye's Introduction Photos

Nigerian Saxophonist, Yemi Sax, proposed to his girlfriend, Shola, about a couple of weeks ago, and they're not dilly dallying at all. They carried out the marriage introduction this weekend according to Yoruba custom at the bride to be's family house. Enjoy the pictures.

Happy Birthday to My Wonderful Father

My family in Nigeria just finished celebrating my daddy's 80th birthday. It is also my sister's birthday who shares the same birth month as my Dad. I miss him and all of them so much today especially. My dad is just the absolute best Dad. Of course with my bone-head, we had our issues, but I knew he was always there, and that helped make me the woman I am today.

My daddy had his dreams for me, but at the end of the day, he was also the sort of father that allowed you to live your life. I thank God for the amazing years He's given you so far and I pray for even more happy, healthy, and fulflilled years. Amen. Thank you, Daddy, and happy birthday.

Statement from the Church on Solomon Akiyesi Wedding

The church where Nollywood actor, Solomon Akiyesi attempted to marry another woman while still legally married [read initial story] is the Overcomers World Outreach, and to show they were not flouting the law, they have responded to the incident with an official statement. The writer, Chika Moses, is a journalist and the daughter ofthe General Overseer of the Overcomers Church, Bishop N.E. Moses. [see his video]

She writes well and moderately, but no need to call into question the timing of the first wife, what if she just heard about the wedding at the last minute? I do pity the second wife, but if she has been married traditionally as is usually the case, then she is legit in the customary side. As for the would-be bigamist, I saw his FB note, no wrds SMH. As they say, age is no indicator of maturity, and going to church is no determinant to knowing to do what is right.

What was meant to be a day of celebration – the wedding ceremony of one of our members Uloma Agwu to Mr. Solomon Akiyesi at the Overcomers Church World Outreach in Aguda – was sullied by an ugly incident. Immediately following the praise and worship session and before the officiating commenced, a woman who claims to be the lawful wife of the groom disrupted the ceremony. She was accompanied by people who sought only to wreck havoc in the church. They were unruly and violent.

We regret the ugly series of events that followed this brash display. At the Overcomers Church, we do our due diligence to ensure a couple set to wed is right in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of God. To the best of our knowledge, Mr. Akiyesi, was unmarried. The Overcomers Church World Outreach regrets that the woman who disrupted the wedding chose such a time to do so. There is no ideal situation here, but it would have been right that she bring the case before church officials in a manner befitting a house of worship. This was not the case.

Where to Meet Potential Dates in the Morning

This came as a search query and was taken to the post I wrote on meeting potential dates online and offline here. I decided to take it up and list some specific places to hang out in order to meet dates. I guess the person searching specified morning hours as opposed to the evening or night, as those are easier with bars and parties. But morning hours are not ruled out for meeting a potential date. Check out the following tips, and add yours too.

The most important thing is wherever you end up, keep your eyes peeled and a smile on your face. Also, you have to be sure to only hang out in places where a potential date who shares that interest will be to your liking. Landing a date with a bookish type at the library will not work out in the long run if you're the run in the park type.

1. Coffeeshops - In the US, starbucks are ubiquitious, like 2 for every block here in the Seattle area. Drop by for your pre-work cappuccino or for a mid-morning snack.

2. Parks - Maybe it's time to take up jogging or running. Do it at your local park, or along the streets in your area if they're safe enough. You can also just hang out, when summer comes, with a book and drink, or invite friends for a picnic.

Are You Living Within Your Means?

With a name like Petronella Wyatt, it is clear she was born into money, in Igbo her name would be Utobundu Egoyibo. But one problem we all sometimes have is thinking good times would last always. From over-priced clothes to extravagant vacations, and more, Petronella did not save for the future rainy days as she enjoyed her GBP six figure income.

When you are a middle class person who wants to rub shoulders with the wealthy elite, when inflation and recession hit, be sure you will be left under the bus. I'm not totally without sympathy for people like Petronella, but it's more of a cautionary tale. Her piece for the Daily Mail is an eye opener.

Last year, for example, I had to decide between a summer holiday and a new summer dress. I decided on the holiday, but as the cost of the flights and hotel added up, I realised I would have to raise an additional £400.
I began selling the summer clothes I had bought the previous spring. I now buy vintage, and rummage through charity shops.
Owning a Chanel suit, the price of which has risen over ten years from £1,000 to more than £5,000, is out of the question. Indeed, I can barely afford the charity shops in St John’s Wood, where I live.
Despite these savings, I no longer take a holiday in the winter and rarely eat in a fashionable restaurant, let alone visit places like the Ritz. It is a struggle to pay the rent.

Chinedu Ikedieze on how Public Attention Affects Celebrity Couples

Chinedu Ikedieze and Wife

Chinedu Ikedieze has been acting in Nollywood for over a decade now, and is well known as one half of the duo of Aki and Pawpaw. I watched a couple of their earlier movies, but after that, it became a bit repetitious, and Nigerian comedy as a whole, IMO, seemed to get stuck in the same old same old. In his interview with BN, he actually blamed producers who split movies into up to 6 parts as being the major part of the problem.

On questions about how he met or proposed to his wife, I love their picture above btw, he chose to keep the details close to his chest. According to him, he met his wife the way people meet people, and his proposal was very unique, and he wouldn't share it for fear other men would copy it. I want to believe he's joking. The other part of the interview I found quite interesting were the questions about how him being an actor in the public eye had affected his wife and marriage. It made me think about my role as a blogger. Check out the questions and answers below;

Inspirational Quotes - Everything Good Will Come