What To Do When Your Husband is a Serial Cheater

This was the email I sent in reply to the lady who sent the Dear Myne - I don't know the man I married. I decided to share it here so others may read. Also, she needs names or contact details of sex addiction or couple and marriage therapists in the Lagos area. Thanks.

Each mail I get is sad, but this must be one of the most touching. I love and believe in marriage and it always breaks my heart to know some of us are sailing in rough waters. And this is even more touching because of your pregnancy. I really care and I wish I was there to give you a hug.

I will publish this tomorrow. On my part, I will say do not be so quick to think of divorce, especially for the sake of the baby. And from your story, this is the verified first time you have caught on to his cheating. It's unfortunate that it's so massive.

Ways forward - have an in-house separation coupled with counselling. This means that though you both continue to live together, there will be some things you don't do as a married couple. No more sex, and cut back on your outings together. And to be sure you're not punishing him, please talk a lot. It is clear you care for him so tell him that and ensure he understands that you want to work on the marriage to be better, and for him to find healing and peace.

Dear Myne - My Girlfriend is Tied to Her Mother's Apron Strings

Hi Myne, I'm in a little of a problem and need advice. I am ready to get married and I've been dating a friend for about 7mths. She's been supportive and we click in most issues but I'm not sure I want to be with her anymore. She can't cook and at 30 is still tied firmly to her mom's apron strings. She can't make 1 decision without consulting her mom, explaining her mom feels left out if she doesn't consult her.

I think that if I marry her, I would get irritated very soon and cheat, either because another woman offers good food or because "my wife's" mom's hold exists through the marriage. Also, my girlfriend had a little roue reputation. I wasn't really bothered about that. But will I, one day?

A Traditional Igbo Intercultural Wedding

I came across this wedding photos and simply loved them. The lady is Igbo, Kelechi ‘Kecci’ and her groom is Sander. They got married the Nigerian traditional way and she brought her hubby, friends and family to her home town in Umuagwo Eziudo, Imo State for the ceremony. I wish them an awesome married life.

The Date: Easter Sunday, March 31, 2013
Photographer: Temitope Ajayi
Makeup: Kemmy Shona
Stylist: Esther Uka

More pictures below...

What does a Couple's Sleeping Position Say about their Relationship?

Spoon with man outside

Following a study of the positions in which couples sleep, Corrine Sweet, a relationship expert spoke to HuffPo, and is of the opinion that a couple's sleeping habits can reveal stresses and strains within their relationship.

"Couples fall into habitual ways of sleeping together that suits their personalities and personal preferences. These are negotiated at the outset, so if something changes in how they sleep together, this can reflect a change in their relationship and cause concern for the other partner.

"Individual psychological states also affect how we sleep and the positions we sleep in, so if we are stressed we may be irritable, and not want to snuggle up with our partner. Arguments often lead to sleeping wide apart, as people feel loathe to touch. Women's temperatures rise with menstruation, so they may want to sleep less entwined during their 'time of the month’.”

Couple Love - David Oyelowo and Wife on the Red Carpet

David Oyelowo is a British actor of Nigerian ancestry. I've seen in several movies including Last King of Scotland, Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Jack Reacher. I was reading about him the other day and discovered that he is always on the red carpet with his wife of 15 years, with whom he has four children. He never misses taking her along for events. She is an actor also. So sweet.

Chimamanda Adichie on Americanah Lagos Tour

So who has attended any of the book readings Chimamanda has given in Lagos over the past couple of weeks? I saw a TV interview where the presenters weren't very prepared and which made the interview come across as a rehash of others I've seen. I was reading an article about it and came across the following that I wanted to share;

Adichie describes herself as looking "at the world through Nigerian eyes," but she doesn't hold back on criticizing its culture that fosters widespread government corruption. Or what she perceives as the excessive, neutered politeness of "political-correct language" in the U.S.

"Nigeria wasn't set up to succeed, but the extent of its failure is ours. It's our responsibility," she said. "This country is full of so many intelligent people, so much energy, so much potential, so why are we here?"

That kind of truth telling isn't exactly welcome, even in a democratic Nigeria. Speaking Saturday night at a book signing, Adichie drew laughter and a few nervous looks from organizers by describing President Goodluck Jonathan as "not a bad guy, he just seems like he's floundering and has no clue."

What are your thoughts?

Movie Review - Last Flight to Abuja

Last Flight to Abuja came out last year. It was trailed as a cinematic Nollywood movie - meaning that its production values were supposed to be much higher than your run-of-the-mill Nollywood movie; so much better that it was suitable for showing in cinemas. The assumption is that this also means that it is better and much more watchable than your average Nollywood movie. [Watch Last Flight to Abuja online]

Atala's Review - As it turned out, some aspects of Last Flight to Abuja were much better than what you would normally find in a Nollywood movie. The sound, music score and cinematography were much better - quite good, in fact. But unfortunately, it takes much more than this to make a good movie, and in other areas, the movie was sadly lacking.

One big deficiency for me was the acting. I usually have quite a low bar in this regard, but the vocal delivery of many of the actors was too wooden stilted for me to ignore. Then the graphics that were used in the film made it quite obvious that the flight scenes they were supposed to depict were not real. I wouldn't have minded if it had just been one or two scenes, but again, these were used so pervasively, especially towards the end of the movie - that I found it as hard to ignore as the high-pitched whine of a mosquito.

The plot, always a key consideration for me, had its good sides. I liked the idea melding of the various storylines of the passengers on the eponymous flight. I also felt that the non-linear narrative worked quite well, although it took a bit of getting used to. And the final scenes on the flight were satisfyingly dramatic.

Inspirational Quote For Today

To Women Who Constantly Complain But Never Change

By Jai Stone

Dear Sista Complains A Lot: There is something that I’ve been wanting to say to you and I finally think it’s time. I’m hoping that you can hear me over your constant grumbles of discontent. I’m praying that you can put aside your finger pointing, wailing and yammering for just a few minutes and process what I have to say.

The honest truth is that no matter how much time you spend “venting,” whining or complaining, the only person that can change your situation is you. I’m sorry, but it’s my turn to complain. You need to know that talk without action is just a bunch of noise.

If you are reading this letter and you are not sure if it applies to you, there are a few clear signs that you’re a Constant Complainer: If you call your friends and they don’t answer or call you back. When your sister or best friends constantly says, “Are we back on this subject again?” If your Mama always says, “Baby, just let that go already!” Or, lastly, if your co-workers have stopped inviting you to lunch and wrap things up fast when they see you coming. Those are all sure signs that you are stuck on the “Gripes & Groans” station and you need to change the channel fast.

How do I know, well I’ve seen the effects up close and personal. All my life I’ve watched the women around me complain about their lives. They were too afraid or too stubborn to change their circumstances, so they opted to just be angry and complain about them. I watched them as they trudged off to jobs they hated, cussed at kids that hated them and clung to sorry men that didn’t care about them. I watched these women who appeared to be strong cower in the corners of their lives and refuse to step into the light.

POLL - Your Dream Place to Get Married?

Most of us who are already married either got married either had our traditional marriages at home, and a church or registry marriage. But what if you did not have all those expectations from your parents, family and friends? And what if you had as much money as it took to pay for any venue of your choice? Where would you get married? Fill in the poll and leave more details in the comments...