Hi Myne, I'm in a little of a problem and need advice. I am ready to get married and I've been dating a friend for about 7mths. She's been supportive and we click in most issues but I'm not sure I want to be with her anymore. She can't cook and at 30 is still tied firmly to her mom's apron strings. She can't make 1 decision without consulting her mom, explaining her mom feels left out if she doesn't consult her.
I think that if I marry her, I would get irritated very soon and cheat, either because another woman offers good food or because "my wife's" mom's hold exists through the marriage. Also, my girlfriend had a little roue reputation. I wasn't really bothered about that. But will I, one day?
So what exactly is your problem with her? She can't cook ('at 30'; would it help if she were 25 instead?), she had a reputation, or she's tied to her mother's apron strings?
ReplyDeleteIf you think you can't be with her, you might as well leave. But this matter of if you marry her you'll get irritated and cheat bothers me. There'll always be something that will 'irritate' you, even if you find the mythical perfect woman. If you're going to keep your vows of fidelity, it won't be because your wife is flawless. Just something to keep in mind while you ponder.
Yep... I concur with Uche......
Deletegbam...well said.
DeleteWhile I agree that there will always be something to irritate him, what I don't understand is your irritation with him????? He only stated his concerns .. is there a law against that?
DeleteAnon. 11.04 thank you for that comment. The ladies are making it look like he has no justification for having doubts. There is nothing wrong with the gentleman expressing himself. It is his life. He wears the shoes and knows where it pinches him the most. My advice to you is that marriage is not a do or die affair. If you are not at peace, this will be a good time to end things, instead of getting married and then cheating on ur spouse. That will be a coward's way out. Goodluck and best wishes!
DeleteGet irritated and cheat? That seems to say he would cheat given any kind of irritation. I'm not sure what that says about him.
ReplyDeleteOther than that the red flag above, the consulting sounds very scary. If she has to rely on advice from her mom, that points to her not having her own views. What happens if she's in the wrong, but her mom thinks she's right (might not be malicious, but we do tend to downplay our own faults when reporting)?
What if her mom dies (as she eventually will)? Will she find a new person to depend on, or will her true character actually come out?
Finally, if this is the woman you intend on marrying, why haven't you both had a discussion on your insecurities going into the marriage?
maybe talk to her about it? the cooking and her making her own decisions. in a calm peaceful way.
ReplyDelete#1. No woman makes you cheat. You cheat because you made a conscious decision to dishonor your wife and break your vows.
ReplyDelete#2. If you have a problem with her lack of kitchen skills, teach her what you like or tell her mum to teach her... or have her go to a cooking/catering class.
#3. If her reputation bugged you that much, you wouldn't be in the relationship now.
#4. At 30, she should be able to make her own decisions. This is where I'd say you have a valid point...
Good luck.
Do you want a cook or a wife? There are so many catering schools where she can learn to cook. Alternatively,you can get a cook/help who comes to your house once a week to cook various dishes and stock in your fridge. Love always finds a way. .
ReplyDelete