Banky W - On Looking for Love, Cooking and Marriage

Banky W's full name is Olubankole Wellington, and he is a Nigerian musician. We were discussing the other day about domestic Nigerian men, whether they exist at all, and when they'll begin to admit they also enjoy cooking and stuff. I came across these responses to different interview questions by Banky W, one of my very few Nigerian male celebrity crushes, and as it turns out, he's a real domestic Nigerian man.

BTW, anyone who knows him should please pass on the message to him that his song, Strong Thing, always gives me life as they say. The recent Yes/No seems like the prequel, and I'm liking it too. I will feature that one of these days. In the meantime, enjoy...

We’ve heard about your cooking skills, where did you get them from?
I love food, my love for it is immeasurable, and because of that, I get angry when I don’t get the right kind of food that I want. So I just felt like I could do this cooking thing myself and started looking at recipes on TV, on the web, and then just started cooking!

Five Characteristics Men Want in a Wife

Everyday, I aim to be a better person, friend, and importantly too, partner and lover to Atala, and I can say honestly that this article by Steven Zangrillo is on point for me on all scores. I want to also add that it cuts both ways, women also hope and look for these same qualities in the man they intend to spend the rest of their life with. Read and let's discuss...

Listen, it’s not easy for men. We understand that it’s a two-way street, this dating thing. Tried and true, we young professionals hit the bars, clubs, gyms, restaurants and other various hot spots perceived to be breeding ground for potential girlfriends and spouses. Some of us have even taken the plunge into the e-dating world. We come up empty handed more often than you would think.

Maybe that isn’t surprising to you, but it’s routine to us. All too often, the cute girl on the stairmaster ends up being nothing more than just that – a cute girl. You see, we have a natural tendency to judge (harshly), and often build up our own barriers against accepting a woman into our lives past the first few dates. That said, we do have a few important criteria. Below are five things men look for in a wife:

Boiled Plantain with Afang Vegetable Sauce

This is a picture heavy post since I assume most people know how to boil food? This is a simple meal using some leftover soup from my Afang recipe. I love unripe plantain because I tend to stay away from fried foods and ripe ones mostly lend themselves to dodo, their sugary sweet taste means they don't play too nice with most sauces, in my opinion anyway.

I fell in love with that tangy [Atala calls it bland] taste of unripe plantains after a family member became diabetic and had to adjust their menu. It makes sense to me in the well being journey not to wait till you're sick before taking measures to be healthy. So I look at the menu of diabetics or those with high blood pressure and borrow a leaf.

Dreaming of Books Giveaway - For Days and A Night

One of the first books I read this year, and which I'm featuring today is by a fellow blogger and writer, Seun Odukoya. And because the book is free, everyone is a winner.

Click this link to Download For Days and a Night

"With a quirky worldview and a lovely mix of naive and badly-experienced dark humor," For Days and A Night is a collection of short stories, a poem and some candid personal opinions – basically Seun Odukoya's perspective on some general issues, especially romance and relationships. It is his first published book.

To support the author, you can also follow Seun's blog http://seunodukoya.wordpress.com/ and his Twitter @seunodukoya.

The Burden of an Unhealthy Marriage by Nena Ndioma

My former husband came over to my place about a week ago for a ten-day visit. He hadn’t seen the children in almost two years. My sister thinks I’m crazy to let him stay at my place during this visit. She’s convinced I need therapy to help me figure out why I have this need to be so ‘nice’ to my ex-husband.

"I don’t think I’m being ‘nice’ though, necessarily," I say to my sister. "I’m just being ‘me.’"

This divorce thing is new for me and new for him. If there’s a manual on how to do it ‘right,’ I haven’t read it yet. I’m just taking things one day at a time and doing what feels right to me at any given time.

When the marriage was in the throes of death (we were informally separated at the time), things got to a point where it became critical for me to have him find his own accommodation when he visited the children. Back then, I really didn’t like the sort of person I had become as a result of the downward spiral of the marriage. I had become a master sleuth.

My Afang Soup Recipe with Okazi and Spinach

This was my first time of cooking Afang soup, ever, and I'm very happy at how it turned out. On one of our irregular trips to the African store, I picked up Utazi for my Nsala and when I saw a dried vegetable pack labelled Okazi, I also picked it up. I knew it was used in Afang soup, I had eaten it before and remembered it was a bit similar to Edika Iikong soup. I had made the latter before and thought, hey, I can make Afang with that recipe too.

To give kudos to whom it is due though, this would have been a disaster if not for coming across Eya's Afang recipe post before I made my soup. She mentioned that her Afang was pounded/ground. I was confused, but almost overlooked it. Her Afang was fresh and leafy, while mine was dry, store-packed and already cut. Still, that stuck.

Thank God for the internet. When I was ready to make mine, I googled ground Afang, and up popped some other Nigerian recipe sites. One specifically mentioned that when you buy dry, cut, store-packed Afang, you had to soak it in hot water for at least an hour, and then blend like a smoothie. And so the cooking began, with my adapted recipe below...

On the 10 Commandments to (Single) Women

I agree with a lot of what has been listed which seems directed to single women. My thoughts on each commandment below...

1. Dont be in a hurry to move out of ur parents house.
Depends. If you live and work in the same city as your parents, AND they are respect you as an adult woman, it makes sense to live with them and save your money. If there are better job or study opportunities elsewhere, or your parents keep treating you like a child at 30, then move. You can seek out flatmates that share your values if you're not comfortable living alone.


2. Dont wait for a man before you start living. You can live a fulfilled life as a single woman.
She nails this one. I doubt this can be said often enough. As much as I am a romantic and believe firmly in marriage at the right time and to the right person, I agree that fulfilment lies in the individual, and so even when you're single, you can take joy and pride in your life and set goals that give you a sense of accomplishment along the way.

Love and the Confusion of Persistence by Atala

I recall a conversation I had with someone I know about how she met her husband. According to her, she was rather dismissive of him, and it didn't look like she would give him a second chance. But fortunately for him, he persisted - and she ended up seeing something in him which she obviously didn't see the first time. Whatever she saw, she must really have liked, because they're now married.

The conversation did make me wonder about the virtues of persistence. Should a man should be persistent or not in chasing a woman? It's fair to say that "faint heart never won fair lady", as the saying goes, and as the experience I relate above indicates?

 However, persistence can shade into harassment if the woman has made it clear in no uncertain terms that she is not interested in the man. So the rules seem to be simple - chase, but if she says no, back off. Right?

Expected Birth Month out for the Royal Baby

Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting a summer baby. “Their Royal Highnesses, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delighted to confirm they are expecting a baby in July,” said a statement released by the Palace on Monday, with Kate believed to be around 13 to 14 weeks pregnant.

The update confirms that Kate is expecting just one baby – after speculation that she might be carrying twins due to her extreme morning sickness. The statement also noted that Kate Middleton has largely recovered from the acute morning sickness, noting, “The Duchess’ condition continues to improve since her stay in hospital last month.”

Congratulations to the couple, I'm glad Kate is feeling better.

My First Homemade Two-Strand Twists

One way I have learnt to help my hair grow, apart from using hair grow products, is to put it in protective styles. I am one of those people who has a funny habit of picking at my hair, and it is worse when in an afro. My fingers seek out the tangles, multiple and single strand knots, and before I know it, break and pull off the hair. No one has to tell me this doesn't help so I usually put my hair in corn-rows.

But that was getting too repetitive, and my hair has now also become so long and full that breaiding it has become a arm-breaking chore. I had to find another way, and I did. Several blogs mentioned two strand twists and after watching my stylist do it a few times, and seeing some tutorial videos on Youtube, I decided to give it a try.

Two strand twists are surprisingly easy to pull off. After adding cream to two sections of hair, you twist them around each other till you get to the tips. If your hair is as curly as mine, the ends will hug each other and ensure the strands don't spring apart. The pictures are of my homemade twists after some days and I rocked them for a couple more weeks.