How to be a Stay at Home Wife or Mother

Did you see how I used the stylish name and not the one most of us are used  to put up our noses at. Yeah, the H-word. I mean housewife. Another way to describe staying at home as a wife or mother is as a Homemaker, this I think is the best description. But whichever way it is put, a housewife usually does not have an external income, or she just does not earn as much as she would if she worked outside the home.

For this reason, a lot of stay at home wives and mothers will tell you, "I did not plan to be a housewife", but in my case I actually did. I mean we did, Atala and I. Let me start from the beginning. I am one of those never say never kind of people, I try to remain adaptable, and not to think in absolutes. For instance, it was never taboo in my mind for a woman to choose to be a housewife, the key word being choice. If a woman gets married and decides to stay home, either for the husband or the children, who was I to judge? Especially if it is working for their family?

Having a career or not is one of those topics that can get educated and socially-aware women up in arms, the debate being whether career women can be good mothers, and how much housewives contribute to the economy. I remember when Michelle Obama said at the DNC last year, “... my most important title is still ‘mom-in-chief.’” Some people were not happy about that, and feel that with all her degrees she should be out building on her career and not staying home.

Central Business District, Abuja - Picture Weekend

I lived in Abuja for just over six years, from July 2000 when I arrived for my youth service to September 2006 when I left for further studies in Scotland. It was the city where I spent the longest part of my adulthood, and where a lot of who I am today was formed. It's probably the only other place in addition to Seattle and Asaba that I consider home.

The last time I was in Abuja was in December 2010, I was there for the Infusion reading organized by Lola Shoneyin. It was a lovely time spent meeting new people, hanging out at some of my old haunts, revisiting some old friends, and generally chilling and fooling around with my sister.

As it was my first visit to Nigeria after a couple of years, I also ate voraciously of everything I had missed. As you can see from my cheeks and arms, I added like 10 pounds within the first week, LOL. But this post is more about the city itself and some the pictures I was able to capture for the time till I visit again.

I Dreamed a Dream - Les Miserables

After having assumed all this while that I Dreamed a Dream was a triumphant song, it was a double whammy to watch and listen to Anne Hathaway sing it in the Les Miserables movie. Too sad, I hope it doesn't make you cry. We watched the movie some weeks ago, and I have posted the review. Enjoy the song lyrics below..

Banky W Yes/No - Music Video Romance

This is the video for "Yes/No", the lead single from Banky W's R&B album. The song was produced by Cobhams Asuquo and the video co-directed by Clarence Peters and Banky W. The album will drop on Valentine's Day, just a few weeks from today. The video captures a love story from teenage years till a proposal. Enjoy ...

Date Night Movie Review - Django Unchained

I have long been a fan of Quentin Tarantino's movies, in fact, Kill Bill is one of my best movies of all time, so I know what to expect when I go to see one of them. I'm not a proponent for violence but I have to admit it feels good to see bad people killed. More than that, I love Tarantino's stories and the way he tells them - his characters, their dialogue, his camera work, the movie soundtrack, everything.

Django Unchained delivered on all these points, in addition, it presented a mirror up to what is the real history of America for us to remember and bear in mind. So while most of his movies are personal, this is both personal and political. I was totally mesmerized by the almost 3 hrs film.

Truth to tell though, I had to close my eyes at certain points in the movie because I couldn't bear to keep watching some of the deep pain and agony sprinkled through the story. This more than the violence was what I found disturbing, and several times I found myself crying. I also laughed a lot, and I can say that love it or hate it, Django Unchained will surely touch you.

Menu Ideas - Oven Roasted Chicken Drumsticks

Chicken is a staple protein in out household, and Atala's favorite, so you will usually find it in the fridge. It gets so bad sometimes that when I don't make mine, we buy the rotisserie or BBQ types from the store. But more often, I prepare oven-baked or oven-roasted chicken that will last a week or so, both for meals and for munchies.

If you're used to fried chicken, you may wonder why oven-prepared chicken. I haven't fried chicken for over three years now, and I don't know that I ever will again. Since I started trying to eat healthier about 7 years ago, I have always known two not-so-nice things about chicken.

Being white, chicken is the better meat than beef which is red, but when you fry it, or eat the skin, some of that advantage gets wiped off. Now, I love me some skin on my chicken so that was hard for me. But fried chicken, that I could work with removing from my diet.

WED Magazine's Akin Eso Marries Fola Ayoola

It's been a while I had a wedding feature and when I saw these lovely pictures on Bella's, I just had to share. The groom is the publisher of one of the leading bridal magazines in Nigeria and this beautiful wedding testifies to his personal sense of style and the vendors he works. Enjoy...

Dear Myne - I am Happily Married to an Igbo Man

I am married to an Igbo man and it took a bit of time to adjust to it. Having previously been a fiercely independent American woman, it took a great deal of adjustment on both of our parts. What seemed like control in the beginning I have come to realize is his way of protecting and caring for me. He is a gifted entrepeneur and an excellent provider for myself and his children.

Ha, I had to just laugh when I read that last line, but I won't edit it because its true -- most wives would say our children, but being married to an Igbo man I know they are his. My husband treats me with great respect and kindness. However, he does not place a high priority on my personal needs for affection or attention -- he is doing whatever is necessary to provide for the future of our family often with great sacrifice, and he expects me to do the same.

He is a strict discipliarian with the children, but it touches him deeply when they are hurt or sick or sad ... to see them cry breaks his heart, that is when his tenderness comes out. He isn't harsh or abusive or controlling -- he just expects things done in a certain way. My question is this -- of all that he does and sacrifices for me and his children, is it not a small price to pay to do these things as he wishes??

Menu Ideas - Curried Rice with Chunky Beef

This will not be a full recipe post as I believe most of us already know how to cook these basic meals in our own different ways. That doesn't mean there won't be more recipe posts coming up though. Just that for this and some other food posts, I'll be sharing some pictures of what I consider menu ideas.

I'm someone who gets easily bored by routine, and this extends to the food I eat. While I can eat the same meal everyday, especially if it is tasty, on an ordinary day, I'd rather do something to switch it up or spice it up. For instance, I may cook white rice in enough quantity for a few days and we'll eat some while the rest goes into the fridge. The next day, instead of the same rice and stew of the previous meal, I'll make a vegetable sauce, turn it to stewed rice, or even use a soup like Egusi or Okazi.

When Will a Guy Initiate a Relationship?

When this question came in from my keyword searches, it was kind of a head-scratching moment. What was this person really looking for? He or she was directed to the post written by Atala on when a relationship actually begins at #1 but to me, it didn't quite seem to answer the question.

I may be wrong, and that post definitely answers the qustion, which was what Atala said seeing that Google search is a pretty accurate mind-reader and tool. But I can't help thinking, what if this asker is a lady, and what she actually means if whether the some things have to happen in a friendship-type relations with a guy before he will try to initiate a relationship.

I don't know if I'm making much sense, but as a lady, I know the gazillion hours of thinking and talking with girlfriends that goes into demystifying the headspace of guys we may like. There's the obvious, "he likes me, he likes me not" to the less obvious, "He asked me to join him and his coworkers for drinks at the pub, he just asked me out on a date!"