I will Survive

Published on AfrikanGoddess

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
…

I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It was Gloria Gaynor who first sang this song about ended relationships, heart break and how the lady got over it and moved on. And moving on to our topic, this is spring, the beginning of the rainy season in many places. The time to plant new seeds and watch them grow and flourish. Leaves come back to denuded trees and the fields turn green again. Easter is just round the corner, associated with the resurrection of Jesus Christ and new beginnings. My article will deal with surviving a negative experience in a relationship and moving on. This is a topic close to my heart because I have witnessed a lot of people who have found it difficult to come into a new life after such an experience. In my book, A Heart to Mend, I wrote about characters who overcame their pasts of adversity to blossom again in love.

I am your quintessential romantic but I do know that love and relationships sometimes are not forever. Some of us have suffered heartbreak. It can hurt as hell; we think our hearts are literally broken and seeping blood into our chest. We feel small, wounded, beaten and left to die. But the truth is that we get over it. It may take some time, it may take some strong words, it may take physical or mental breakdown but in the end, we will overcome. The lady in the song, we will look our heartbreakers in the face and tell them to go eat s**t. We will rave, we will cry, we will weep and mourn the dead relationship. But if we tap into the strength inside each of us, we will recognize when it is time to move on.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book, On death and Dying, listed five stages of grief and loss; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Losing a relationship is a bit like losing someone to death. Most people go through similar cycles and stages as they make their way back to a place of balance for them. They deny that the breakup ever happened; they do not let others know. Not their family, not their friends and certainly no other person beyond this group. They boil with anger towards the ex, maintaining that there is no break-up or acting like there wasn’t. They refuse to move out if they were living together; and then begin to give reasons to remain in the relationship. Even when separation is complete, they still find themselves cooking enough for two, speaking to an empty house, just depressed. Painful right? I agree. It is difficult to think of new beginnings at this point but it is possible. This is the story of a friend. If you’ve ever had your heart broken, check if it’s similar to yours.

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So it's a new month and a new issue over on Afrikan Goddess. In the spirit of spring and all things new, I wrote an article on overcoming heart break for the online magazine. The excerpt above is just the preamble, you should all go over THERE and read the whole story. Do leave comments on what you think...