Hazel Muses - Keep the flames burning…no matter what!

My guest today is Hazel Muses of 21st Century Career Mom. In addition she is the CEO of Beddings and Beyond. On her profile she says, "I love life. I love God. I never want to take both for granted." What I love about Hazel's blogs are how down to earth they usually are, about marriage and about family. They show she doesn't take her wife and mother roles for granted either, but at the same time, she makes time to catch some fun. Enjoy her marriage avowals below.

How did you meet your husband?
I met my husband in Uni, in my second year of Pharmacy school. Curiosity cost him his freedom. You see, his best friend at that time had a love interest, who also happened to be my room-mate. On this very slow day in school, the duo dared me to a drinking match [match being an exaggeration seeing as the dare was that i get through one bottle of Guiness Stout and come out coherent]. I took them up. Who wouldn’t?

There was money involved...plus i had the utmost confidence in my body’s capacity to handle alcohol. Forget that i had never tasted alcohol prior to that day. To cut a long story short, half the bottle of Stout did the damage. I was half-dragged-half-carried back to my room. My hubby came with his friend later that evening to see the girl who couldn’t handle a bottle of Stout. I like to believe that as soon as he clapped his eyes on me, his fate was sealed! I’m a bubbly spirit.

How long have you been married?
We’ve been married for 5 years, February 17th.

How did your husband propose?
His proposal was without drama really. We had talked about marriage so much i knew a proposal was in the offing and on the day it came, i wasn’t particularly surprised. He had been on the phone all day, edgy and quite restless, asking someone when the flight was coming in and how were they to hook up for him to collect the package. That and the fact that he’s been browsing engagement ring sites enthusiastically for a few weeks leading up to that day [he didn’t know i knew]. And so, when he came that evening, stooped besides me, clumsy as heck [he didn’t even kneel...smh], started extolling my virtues and reiterating how much he’ll be lost without me, i prompted him along with an “Ask me already!”. He did. I said yes. We both collapsed with relief. The rest is history.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
I love how he loves me. That is the best thing about being married to him.

What is the hardest part about being married?
When he puts his feet down on an issue and thinks his opinion is all that matters and nothing i say or do can change it [but i try...where there’s a will, there’s a way]. That and having to clean up after him. It’s ridiculously amazing how someone that used to be so organized prior to marriage morphs into a complete slob after marriage! His defence: God knew he couldn’t take care of myself and that was why i was sent along. Smh

Do you have children?
I do. Two munchkins. Oh, and my husband. So yea, i have 3 kids!

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
The very first moment I saw my first-born child, I vividly remember thinking that life as I know it, was over. Somehow, I knew my life was never going to be same again. And it hasn’t been the same ever since. Before the kids, I had a great social life. My hubby and I, we hung out a lot. He loves to socialize and at some point, he had this job where 70% of his JD required him hanging out.

Since the kids, my social life is pretty much non-existent. I unduly stress over their wellbeing to truly enjoy a night out. Taking care of children requires a lesson in patience…especially with the pair I’ve got. I used to think my husband was strong willed [translate: extremely stubborn] until I met my son. My daughter is quickly towing that line. And so after a long day at work, a few hours after work spent doing homework and brokering peace between my ever-bickering duo, I’m so exhausted. So yea, the sex life takes a hit every once in a while.

Having kids stretches you thin but they are the best things that could ever happen to most marriages. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world….except maybe for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. They complete us.

How do we cope: Some days, we just shut them out and have some ‘us’ time. Once in a few months, we schedule break-out weekends. And when we can, we ship them off to their Grandma’s place for a few weeks. Ultimately, we stay committed to finding a balance. The bedrock of our marriage has always been: Keep the flames burning…no matter what!

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?
Communication, in my opinion, is the key to a successful marriage. Being able to communicate your joys, pains, grievances, challenges, frustrations, dreams to your partner goes a long way in building a strong marriage.

I’m not very good at expressing/vocalising my feelings and it caused many a rift in my first year of marriage. Days when I feel like he wronged me, I never tell him. I just assume he should know and understand how bad he hurt me. So instead, I would hold the hurt in and sometimes, it festered into resentment. We would go for days without so much as a ‘Hi’ to each other. I would hurt…and so would he.

I found a way round it though ...One day, I got a sheet of paper and poured out my heart on it. Every single way I felt he had caused me grief [both real and imagined] and how it made me feel and reason why I felt like that, I wrote them all down. It worked! He read them…he apologized…he took correction.
Communication is key. Little notes here and there to say how much I love him and long ones to say how much “I hate you so much right now”…they totally work for me.