Life Lessons from Marriage and Motherhood by Chinyere Obi-Obasi

Today is my birthday and being in my middle 40s, since you are not near enough to partake in the rice and stew very plenty I will give you better RSVP, the lessons I have learnt. I have decided to devote this article  to share with you the lessons I have learnt all these years which did not come on a platter of gold. I am not sharing this as a writer but as a mother, wife and an elderly auntie.

I want to start by thanking God specifically for His love and blessings. I want to thank God for blessing me with a WONDERFUL LOVING HUSBAND, CHARLES, who is an epitome of responsibility. I thank God for the beautiful, sweet and well behaved children; potential leaders in their own right.

And these are the Lessons;

1. No matter what happens, no matter the situation know ye all men that God loves us.
2. My Igbo people said, ‘Onaghi ezu cha’, ‘it is never perfect.’ God does not want us to become the Igbo nwanza (specie of bird) that challenged his god to a fight after being fed. However, what is lacking is meant to draw us closer to God.

3. The challenges and life’s inconsistencies means you should not be far from God so the tide does not sweep you away.
4. Preparation for everything is important even if it was for marriage

5. Money is so important in this world that you have to genuinely seek for it. No wonder God said, ‘money answers all things’ it might not give you peace of mind or joy but at least it can answer house rent, school fees and clothes.

6. A beginner must know that the world does not recognize failures or those starting out. They always sound like broken records. So they should go ahead and succeed and success with no orphans will bring the world to his feet.

7. Family roles are defined and we must not kid ourselves about that even if we want to hide under religion.
8. There are many areas in which you can never go wrong.
a. Area of talent
b. Bonding with your children
c. Raising Godly children.
9. In this life what you sow all the time is what you reap.

10. There is no reason to envy another because they might just be busy envying you.
11. Learn in troublesome times to live each day at a time.
12. Life is so unfair that a little wrong or a wrong turn can wipe away all the good and memories of the past.
13. Therefore if you fall please, please, please don’t remain hopelessly and helplessly on the ground. Start up, dust yourself, shake out the fall and start again. You will be fulfilling God’s injunction that talks about the righteous man falling and rising seven times.

14. There are three types of men; those who think it is their sole responsibility to cater for their families, those who think it is a shared responsibility and those who think it does not matter who after all the Igbos said, ‘onye aka giri lie nna ya obu ghi di okpara gburu (anyone who has the financial wherewithal should bury his father for it is not the first born that killed him). A man must quickly make up his mind what he wants.

15. King David’s prayer is so true, ‘God don’t make me so poor that I will curse you and steal or so rich that I will forget you.’
16. You must renew your mind everyday so that you don’t become a tool in the hands of the devil.
17. If you have been doing something in a particular way and you have not been succeeding try doing it in a different way.

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Chinyere Iwuala Obi-Obasi attended Federal Government Girls’ College, Benin-City. She graduated with a degree in English Language/Literature from Abia state University and law from University of Uyo. She was called to the Nigerian bar in 1993. She works with Unity Bank, Plc, and and also writes children’s books. Many of her short stories have appeared in anthologies, magazines and newspapers. She is a member of the Abuja Literary Society and Association of Nigerian Authors. Her third book, The Great Fall was nominated for the NLNG Prize for Children's Literature in 2011.